DS not settling in Y1 after a fantastic reception year.

(5 Posts)
HowDelightful Wed 06-Nov-13 13:00:12

So we're in the second half of the autumn term and my DS is still not settling in Y1. He had a great start in reception last year, absolutely loved school, easily made loads of friends. Then they mixed the classes up and he is not with a single boy he was friends with last year. He's in a class of noisy children, while he is quiet, conscientious, sensitive and the youngest in the year. He cried for the first time at the end of last year when he realised he had been split up from his little group, and has been really unhappy since starting Y1. His teacher is lovely, he is engaged and doing really well in class, but the social side is so important and he says he doesn't have any friends anymore, which is breaking my heart. His teacher is keeping an eye on him and is being proactive about pairing him with boys she thinks he would get on with, but he still says there's no-one he wants to bring home for a playdate apart from his friends in the other class. We've also had some recent behavioural stuff at home - drawing and writing on walls/floors/furniture etc for the first time, which doesn't seem to be coincidental. I don't know if this will sort itself out as he settles into the year, or if there's anything else I can/should do. Does anyone have any experience of this? Any advice much appreciated!

lljkk Wed 06-Nov-13 15:49:31

Does he not see friends from the other class at break times?
It seems odd the school would put ALL the noisy kids in one class.

redskyatnight Wed 06-Nov-13 16:06:33

This happened to my DS in Y1 ( the "other" teacher was an NQT, his teacher was very experienced and had a reputation of being strict, so ALL the potentially disruptive children were placed in one class with the strict teacher).

DS had a hard year, but I encouraged him to keep up his friendships with those in the other class. Funnily enough his hardest challenge was being put in a literacy group that was just him and 7 girls - he just didn't fit in. As the children really don't socialise so much in class time, I'm wondering if it's the groups he's put in that he's finding hard to gel with? Though if the teacher is trying to mix him, I'm not sure what else she can do. Sometimes (as in my DS's case) there just isn't anyone to mix them with that they get on with.
I'd keep up the playdates with his old friends, at least if he looks forwards to break times, he may feel more positive.

AaDB Wed 06-Nov-13 19:21:08

I had the same concerns with my ds last year. He did really well in YR and was put in a mixed year group for Y1. From the start of Autumn term, he cried going to school, his behaviour deteriorated significantly and he complained about having no friends. It got better after Christmas and things are much better this year.

He was separated from his best friend between YR and Y1. Lots of boys started to play football in the new playground and my ds didn't want to join in.

He isn't friends with the same little boy. His dearest wish is to have one best friend but school discourage this. I agree with them but he seems a bit lost.

There was a massive jump in terms of what was expected academically and behaviourly. The message of no more play was something he found really hard.

I tried to be loving and supportive. Things only turned around when I became stricter and dealt with bad behavior as I normally would. I felt guilty that he was unhappy.

Things are much better this year. My happy little boy is back. Hope your lo feels better soon.

HowDelightful Fri 08-Nov-13 10:18:00

Thank you all so much for your replies. I guess it's just something that will sort itself out in time. I am encouraging and keeping up the friendship with his friend in the other class, and friends outside school. I think the big jump from Early Years to Y1 may well be a factor - it might be that it's just been too much change all at once, and he will settle down this half of term or after Christmas. I do think he has a particularly challenging class - his teacher is far more experienced than her colleague in the other class and that may be why. And you're right, he doesn't seem to have really bonded with the other children in his literacy and maths groups - there are lots of girls, but then he has a big sister and other female friends outside school, so I don't know if that's a thing. Ho hum. Just want him to be happy but I guess part of the solution is him deciding to spend more time with the other boys and making an effort himself to join in and make friends. At least I have support from the amazing and nurturing teaching team, and I know they are keeping an eye on things. Funnily enough, he seems a bit more cheerful since I had another chat with his teacher this week...

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