Parents Evening Grief

(178 Posts)
NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:27:13

Why are school giving me and my DS such a guilt trip because I refuse to go to parents eve?

They haven't even asked me why I won't go.

I'm in the playground twice a day. If there was a problem they could approach me then.

I know, more or less, his levels.

But all this talking doesn't help me or DS.

Why do they want me to go to this meeting?

And why are they guilt tripping my DS?

There are lots of reasons why I won't go. All of them to do with me being very unhappy with the school.

The HT has offered me a meeting but I don't want that either.

VoodooHexDoll Thu 10-Oct-13 18:31:10

The school want to open communications with you.

If you are not happy your ds will not be happy the school want to sort this out and feel that your lack of interest will put your son at a disadvantage to his peers.

Parent eve is about both you and school working together to help your son.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:36:13

But there's no lack of interest. And they know that.

There's a total lack of agreement about what's best for DS. This cannot be resolved in a 10 min pretend chat in front of DS.

Bakingtins Thu 10-Oct-13 18:37:11

They are busy at drop-off/pick-up - that's a time for a 10 second conversation, not a detailed discussion.
If you are unhappy but you won't meet them halfway when they are giving you opportunities to discuss any problems and work out a way forward how do you expect anything to change?

Sirzy Thu 10-Oct-13 18:38:09

If you are unhappy with things in the school surely that's even more reason to go?

LIZS Thu 10-Oct-13 18:39:06

How can they be guilt tripping you fi they haven't asked ?

In what way are they guilt tripping you?

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:40:17

I don't expect anything to change.

I just want to survive to the end of year.

You can't discuss problems in a parents evening.

And the HT will never discuss problems. Ever. She'll talk to me, but I'm only allowed to discuss positive stuff.

That's why I won't meet her.

Stravy Thu 10-Oct-13 18:40:35

Why would it have to be in front of ds?

Why can't you book a double, or triple slot so you have more time?

Why can't you book an appointment on a different day to have even more time?

How do you have time to discuss things in the chaos of drop off/pick up but not at an appointment?

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:42:26

How are they guilt tripping me?

Sending me an email confirming I won't meet with the HT
Calling DS into the HTs office to discuss why I won't go and asking him to ask DH to go
Asking my DH if he will go

FantasticDay Thu 10-Oct-13 18:42:28

If you (and ds) are unhappy with the school, it needs sorting! But that will involve you talking to either the teacher or headteacher. Maybe not at parents even, but imho you do need to book an appointment to talk. Hope it works out for you both

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:43:39

If they'd offered me a longer slot without DS I would have taken it. But that's not on offer.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:45:48

I can't talk to the teacher because I think he's incompetent and have nothing polite to say to him.

I can't talk to the HT because she won't hear a bad word said against her teachers. So she won't discuss the problem.

BettyBotter Thu 10-Oct-13 18:46:29

Why not tell the school what you have told us? They are asking a perfectly reasonable question, not guilt tripping. They deserve a reasonable answer.

FantasticDay Thu 10-Oct-13 18:47:33

Sounds a good idea. They might not have time for an extended slot at parents evening, but could you book an appointment with the teacher another time?

BettyBotter Thu 10-Oct-13 18:48:51

Hang on - you said the HT has offered you a meeting but you don't want that. then you say if they'd offered you a longer appointment oyu would go without ds.

Why not take up the offer and not take ds? hmm

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:49:45

I have told the HT I am unhappy with the teacher.

They haven't asked me why I won't go to patents eve

It is quite heavy handed tactics for the HT to approach DS I think. When he could have approached me.

Does your DS want you to go? If he does, I think you should go. If he's not bothered, then I wouldn't worry about it.

The other problems clearly need sorting, though. The HT sounds awful.

PatriciaHolm Thu 10-Oct-13 18:50:36

Might it be because they feel it will appear to your DS that either you don't care about his education, or that you have contempt for his teachers (which will suggest to him that he need have no respect either) neither is a good impression to give a child.

Have you no nearby school options? Communication has clearly collapsed and the next year is going to be very painful for all concerned, surely.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:53:53

My main point of contention is that because DS is on SA+ I should have been offered a longer slot to start with.

If I have to ask for a longer slot, ie a proper IEP meeting, without them offering it makes me feel like they have no concerns about DS.

If they have no concerns I have nothing polite to say to them.

They never ever offer me an IEP meeting without me begging for one. I find this unacceptable.

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:56:54

I won't move school in Y6 because I don't think a new school will welcome him this late.

Besides, I think most schools have similar problems this one does.

juniper9 Thu 10-Oct-13 18:57:04

Parents' evening is not the time to be discussing IEPs. If you need to discuss this, you should meet with the SENCO and classteacher in a separate appointment.

It seems like they're trying to find a way to sit down and talk to you, but you're rejecting them because it's not on your exact terms.

LIZS Thu 10-Oct-13 18:57:36

why do you need to take ds ? Very unusual at primary ime

NikitaWhoWillNeverKnow Thu 10-Oct-13 18:58:51

School doesn't do IEP meetings. They're just discussed at parents eve.

School insist you bring the child to the meeting.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Thu 10-Oct-13 19:01:01

Bastards want to talk to you about your child? And are trying to find ways to make that happen? How unreasonable of them.

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