Warning my DD about 2 particular girls in her new class

(16 Posts)
peppajay Sun 01-Sep-13 18:04:02

My DD starts yr 3 this week and I have heard from 3 different mums about a 2 girls that are going to be in my DD's class that have bullied their daughters for the last 2 years. I know one of the mothers very well and her daughter had a terrible time last year because of these girls. Two of these mothers are over the moon as these girls are not going to be in her DD's class but they are going to be in my DD's class and these mothers think it would be a good idea to warn my DD about these girls. I am in two minds of whether I should say anything or not as I don't want to give her a pre conceived idea about certain children. I did mention the name of one these to my daughter and she did say about what a mean girl she is. I would like to warn her to steer clear of them. They have been verbally abusive to lots of the girls and also wrecked coats and bags. Should I just keep quiet or should I just warn her what they can be like??

Auntfini Sun 01-Sep-13 18:08:07

I definitely wouldn't say anything. If there is an issue between your dd and any children, you must go to the school and talk to them. They're only 5 ffs, don't write them off already!

I wouldn't say anything either. But be ready to encourage her to be assertive if any bullying starts to happen, encourage her to tell you if there's anything at school that's worrying her.

ClaraOswald Sun 01-Sep-13 18:10:39

yr 3 are 8 yrs old.

I wouldn't mention anything specific, just re-iterate about what to do if someone calls you nasty names/is mean/tries to hurt her.

AnythingNotEverything Sun 01-Sep-13 18:12:12

I wouldn't say anything either. I'd gently pry over dinner to see if they were mentioned though and keep an eye on it.

Regardless of those individuals, you have to prepare your daughter to deal with anyone's behaviour in a way you would be proud of. Looking out for those two would be a distraction I think.

peppajay Sun 01-Sep-13 18:15:47

Yes these girls are almost 8 and my DD is only just 7 (2wks ago) and is quite small and impressionable compared to some of the older girls in her year, that is just what worries me a bit. In a way I wish these mothers hadn't said anything because it makes me worry about what could happen but they thought I should know so I can be prepared.

Auntfini Sun 01-Sep-13 18:20:02

Sorry I missed the bit about year 3. I'd maybe have a chat with her about telling the teacher things, being assertive, being kind etc and keep your eyes open.
But I definitely wouldn't say anything about these girls to your dd.

I wouldn't mention names, but I would reiterate my usual bullying talk (not acceptable, talk to me about it etc.)

tiggytape Sun 01-Sep-13 18:48:00

I don't think it would serve any useful purpose at all.
She can hardly avoid them totally if they are in the same classroom all day and it could scare her and put her off Year 3 altogether.
Alternatively, it could mean your DD getting in trouble for telling the other children about the mean girls her mum told her to avoid!

Of course, you should keep an eye on things and make sure any bullying is nipped in the bud but don't make it a 7 year old's responsibility or worry her about it in advance.

Paddlinglikehell Sun 01-Sep-13 20:12:49

I wouldn't say any thing specifically about these girls, just in case your dd says anything to other children and be seen as a trouble maker! I would generally talk about the new class, different friends, new children she has not been with before and that some children may not be as kind as each other etc, etc. and give her general advice on how different it may be.

However, I would be personally concerned why the school hasn't dealt with the issue and if the girls are in league with each other, why they haven't been split up.

Have the mothers of the bullied children not done something about it? If they have why haven't the school responded?

clam Sun 01-Sep-13 20:25:04

Size/age/maturity is not necessarily what attracts a bully. It can be a whole range of things.
Don't mention anything yet - you'll just worry your dd unnecessarily. Keep your antennae waving and the lines of communication open for when/if something crops up.

sparkle12mar08 Sun 01-Sep-13 22:07:14

Honestly? I warn your daughter. I have no qualms about protecting my children and have happily told my son to stay away from two particular children in his class over the past couple of years. Admittedly it was after one of them had punched him in the face at 6 years old, and the other had encouraged him to repeatedly flout the teacher's directions, so it wasn't as if it was in advance, but you have the chance to save your daughter a world of potential hurt by subtley asking her to keep her distance.

clam Sun 01-Sep-13 22:30:55

Not saying anything doesn't mean she's not protecting her child.

Theimpossiblegirl Sun 01-Sep-13 22:40:23

Don't say anything to your DD. If you are really worried have a word with the teacher, they will hopefully keep a watchful eye and may even help to support the children in developing friendships (that's what I would do).

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 02-Sep-13 07:32:22

DD was bullied in year 2, rather peculiar situation another girl was verbally bullying other girls DD would say it was wrong and then get physically bullied.
We came up with the rule that I remind her of each term if it is silliness you walk away, if it is wrong you tell a teacher.

goonIcantakeit Mon 02-Sep-13 10:42:29

You wonder whether the real issue here is the school. Otherwise why would the parents need to be campaigning against two eight-year-old children like this?

Presumably they've raised these issues formally with the school and school has failed to act?

Sounds like a case of give a dog a bad name and hang-'em. School's job is to find a better approach.

Also, this campaign is going to lead to the "bullies"' mothers being shunned and therefore less likely to step in and discipline their children.....

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