Talk me down, please!

(18 Posts)
Tailtwister Mon 19-Aug-13 10:40:26

I am quietly having a bit of a meltdown about DS1 starting school next week. I feel SO emotional about it and could hardly see through the tears when sewing on name labels this morning.

What the hell is wrong with me? He's been at nursery part-time from 2, so it's not as if he's never been away from me. He was at the school nursery part-time last year, so it's not a new environment for either of us. He's happy and can't wait to start and we are happy with the school.

There's no good reason for me to feel like this, but as soon as I'm on my own and think about it the tears start! I haven't shown any emotion in front of DS and think I'll be fine dropping him off on his first day, but I fear I'll break down once I'm in the car. Please tell me I'm not the only one!

Pizzahutlover Mon 19-Aug-13 11:11:38

feeling exactly the same cant sleep and keep crying want him to stay at home with me

Pizzahutlover Mon 19-Aug-13 11:14:21

big hug to you and holding hands.really nervous keep thinking ive made a mistake with his school choice despite it being highly regarded and is a very good school

hels71 Mon 19-Aug-13 11:18:38

My DD started school last year and I was just the same. I did have a good sob after I had dropped her off...
(STill feeling a bit like that this year...the summer hol is not long enough!!!)

StitchingMoss Mon 19-Aug-13 11:18:55

Starting school is a huge step and what you're feeling is perfectly normal. My DS1 goes into Y1 next month and I feel sad already about the impending end of the holiday.

Have a good cry when you've dropped him off (out of sight of course!) and then plan something nice for yourself smile.

Pizzahutlover Mon 19-Aug-13 11:27:43

no cry in front of the teacher that would be a laugh

Periwinkle007 Mon 19-Aug-13 13:03:46

I don't think it is anything to do with them being away from you, it is just it is such a big milestone in their lives, a big step.

You won't be the only one feeling like this I can promise you.

DeWe Mon 19-Aug-13 13:13:40

I felt the same with starting school. I had no problems with starting preschool. Just that school felt so permanent, this is your life for the next 14 years... whereas I always felt if preschool was a disaster I could pull out at any time.

alanyoung Mon 19-Aug-13 21:52:28

This is the opportunity to have some 'me' time you've been craving for years. Go out and enjoy it!

But don't forget to pick them up at the end of the day. Schools don't seem to like it if you leave them there overnight!

PastSellByDate Tue 20-Aug-13 14:10:31

Tailtwister & Pizzahutlover:

Not sure if the DCs involved are only children or just PFB - but I think your emotion is a recognition that starting primary school is a real 'right of passage' - it marks the end of them being your little baby and the beginning of them being a 'big boy' or 'big girl'.

Now in the big picture - if you were to ask yourself what do you want for this little newborn babe in your arm - it would of course be to grow up and be happy and successful. Part of that process is schooling.

Primary school really isn't the end of your DS being the centre of your world - why that can go on until they're well into their 20s (and no doubt invovle you footing many a bill - as my S-I-L will confirm) - but it does mean that they're starting to make their way in the world.

Primary school is a safe, secure environment to make first friendships, learn new skills (including social skills) and start to discover what you might be good at.

My advice to you is if you feel strongly you want to be involved - then don't be bashful, get involved.

-volunteer to help on fieldtrips
-volutneer to help at PTA activities
-come to reading mornings or special activities
-attend assemblies
-arrange play dates
-get involved with the school (many ask for volunteers to read with children)
-Consider becoming a parent governor

Your relationship with your child will change - they'll develop their own personality, likes/ dislikes and querks. But they'll also grow to be a close friend, confidant and playmate - which is a whole new wonderful world for both of you to explore and a fully two-sided relationship.

Primary is a lovely time and you'll still have your little boy or girl to dote on - but you can enjoy their discoveries, you can fire up their interest in subjects (visit a museum, watch a documentary, visit a forest, visit a RSPB bird reserve, see a film, etc...) and you can help them grow into that man or woman you envisioned when you first looked down on your newborn. There's fun to be had in sorting out a costume for a superhero at last minute or decorating an easter egg for a competition. You will have good times in primary - honest!

It's a tough time on us Mums and Dads, when little ones start school. Four can seem very young and it is a shock to see how big Year 6 kids can be. There's no getting around it. But there will be good times to come - school plays, assemblies where your DC gets an award, gossip about a great day at school, exciting discoveries, etc...

It's natural to shed a few tears now, but remember it isn't all bad, starting primary has to happen sooner or later. So try (although it may be an effort at first) to look on the bright side, to enjoy big events like first day at school, first field trip, getting chosen to be on student council or team leader, etc... becuase it can be a lot of fun for you too!

HTH

Tortoisegirl Tue 20-Aug-13 18:38:15

Ahhhh, very normal IME! Just don't let him see you crying as it transmits to them that there is something to be worried about, which honestly there isnt! On day 1 a BIG smile, lots of excited "what a lovely classroom/teacher/children, see you later." and LEAVE! Hanging around honestly makes it far more traumatic for everyone. Then have a sob out of view!
Wait till the end of the year and you get your first end of year report, lots of tears again! Our reception children also get a CD with a photostory of all their activities over the year. This year the accompanying music was Heather Small singing Proud. I had welled up by the second bar!
It will be fine, just dont forget your camera!

ohforfoxsake Tue 20-Aug-13 18:42:33

Yep, same here. DC4 started reception and I cried for days before.

After I dropped her off I went home, lay in a darkened room and cried. It's ok, you are allowed.

She went to nursery every day at the same school. <sigh>

ohforfoxsake Tue 20-Aug-13 18:43:11

DC1 jut left primary school. I didn't fare much better TBH.

firemansamsmam Wed 21-Aug-13 22:03:43

Oh my gaaad... Heather Small singing proud... What are they trying to do to you?!?!

I too am pooping my pants about ds starting big school. I hope it is easier on him than it is on me.

herbaceous Fri 23-Aug-13 12:24:03

Me too! Just reading this thread has set me off. DS is only just four, my only child, and the light of my life. It took us ages to have him, and I'm too old for any more.

The school he's been allocated is our fifth choice, and away from all his nursery friends. He's incredibly resilient and sociable, and pretty bright, and logically I know he'll be fine, but I feel just a little heartbroken.

The school has sent us absolutely no information about anything, so I'm having to make stuff up when he asks what he'll be doing all day, what he'll be eating, etc, which doesn't help my state of mind!

If I make it past dropping him off before crying my eyes out it will be a miracle!

MrsCakesPremonition Fri 23-Aug-13 12:27:15

I think it's normal for people to get emotional around their DCs starting school. I promise you that there will be plenty of other mums hiding tears behind big sunglasses on the first day. There will also be many tears on their last day in reception class.

I do worry a bit about the mums who still cry at the start of every term well into KS2.

Tailtwister Fri 23-Aug-13 18:14:32

Sorry for the delay in replying (I've been away for a few days) and thanks so much for the reassuring posts.

I actually feel much better now, although I suspect my fragility may well return come next wed.

differentagainname Fri 23-Aug-13 22:34:37

Ok. Now I'm crying. Pastsellbydate - your post is great and should be shared with all parents of soon to be reception children. I'm trying to put things into perspective but we've just moved house and DS is in the local school starting yr 1 in sept and DD is starting reception at a different school as there is no space for her. They don't even know yet that they won't be together :-( :-(. i'm not sure how to break it to them.

As it is DD broke down in M&S yesterday sobbing that she doesn't want to go to school. Some lovely mum (thank you on the massive off chance that you're reading) gave me a hug and said it will be alright but DD seems so little, only just 4... and I hate to see her so upset when she's usually so confident.

Sorry for hijacking post op.

*Crosses fingers and toes that someone moves out of the village during the next 2 weeks so that DD can be at the same school at DS...

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