New teacher woes

(29 Posts)
Frettingmum Wed 03-Jul-13 16:55:16

Hi there

This is probably the most shallow post I have yet to put on mumsnet. But it's my daughter fretting and therefore making me feel sad too : ((. But yes, I know it's ridiculous.

My daughter met her new teacher yesterday. There were two. She kept telling me she hoped she would get the pretty lady with the l

Frettingmum Wed 03-Jul-13 17:14:02

Oops. Too quick.

Long blond hair. She didn't. She got another lovely lady. Since the visit my daughter has mentioned a few times that she would like the other teacher as she is pretty and her teacher's glasses scare her. I have to confess to feeling a little disappointed as my daughter is very shy and rather clingy and so I know in her little mind having this teacher would have made her feel more at ease. I know it's ridiculous and means nothing about ability. But it is her feelings that are making me sad.

I just wondered if there were any more experienced mums of reception children who can stop this niggling feeling at the back of my mind.

Shootingstar79 Wed 03-Jul-13 17:27:12

A life lesson moment for your daughter... being pretty does not mean nice! Or lovely! Or really have any relation to anything.
You are, to be blunt, being ridiculous!

A week in the new class and I'm sure she will love her new teacher if she is lovely, as you say.

clam Wed 03-Jul-13 17:29:14

Is this for real? If so, you need to get a life.

Sorry, but this sort of self-indulgent nonsense makes me cross. Just listen to yourself. What values do you think you're passing on to your daughter here?
angry

Startail Wed 03-Jul-13 17:32:46

We have a very pretty KS1 teacher, DH rather fancies her. The DCs say she's very strict and the only one who shouts.

(

VodkaRevelation Wed 03-Jul-13 17:42:01

It doesn't matter what your daughter's teacher looks like. You need to make sure your daughter understands that and she will be less worried about starting school. Talk to her about all the things she did like about her new school and be positive about her teacher too.

BeQuicksieorBeDead Wed 03-Jul-13 17:46:24

I am a reception teacher and absolute minger. Nicest teacher in the world though, I have got a badge and a mug to prove it.

Feenie Wed 03-Jul-13 17:51:30

Never said this before on MN - Get A Grip, fgs woman.

3boys3dogshelp Wed 03-Jul-13 18:06:13

My sil is a primary teacher, she is stunning and a very nice person. She is also the scary teacher who the naughty children are threatened with at her school!! Perhaps get her or you some sunglasses to wear over the summer so she gets used to the idea?

indyandlara Wed 03-Jul-13 18:16:47

Oh for goodness sake. Are we only good teachers now if we are pretty? What nonsense.

AlienAttack Wed 03-Jul-13 18:44:55

Humour me here, what's the "niggling feeling at the back of your mind"? Is it that you too wish your dd had the pretty teacher who doesn't have to wear glasses? Or is the niggling feeling that you might actually ask the school whether your precious child could be moved from the class with the ugly, glasses-wearing teacher? Seriously, think about what you have posted and what you were trying to achieve. You win my prize for the most shallow, precious, insulting and absurd thread I've read on MN.

The root of the problem is that you're over identifying with your daughter - this is very common.

You need to learn to detach and separate her from you emotionally - her hurt is NOT yours smile

I see a lot of parents who just don't get that and continue to over identify into their child's adulthood.

It's a good lesson for you to learn early

frettingmum Wed 03-Jul-13 19:46:09

Ha ha. This is totally the response I expected and deserve and probably wanted. I probably wanted to provoke ridicule to catch myself on.

Yes, you're right. Forget my daughter's feelings here. Of course I want her to be happy and I know she does attach herself more to people who remind her of her cousin who babysits. Please note that this has nothing to do with my thoughts and opinions. Tbh gut instincts tell me that her teacher is the best match. And thanks for making me smile at the thought of asking for the pretty teacher. Yes, that would be absurd as, again, this is talking from my daughter's eyes.

I probably need a plastic bag over my head most days and would have no room to talk. But.....perhaps I need to realise that it is just me that wants what my daughter wants (within reason). I just feel sad when she feels sad - whether it is because she wants the other teacher, grazes her knee or has lost her toy.

Again, this is a post written from a child's perspective. But you've given me the shake I wanted and would probably have given another mumsnetter : )))

Have a great evening.

Hullygully Wed 03-Jul-13 19:50:58

bwah hahahahahahahahaha

good one

AlienAttack Wed 03-Jul-13 20:17:12

So your original post was written from a child's perspective? Re-read and still not seeing that. Anyway, you now say, ha ha. i say you may like to help your child start to understand that people come in all shapes, sizes and appearances. Sorry if I'm having a sense of humour failure on this one but honestly if women can't teach their daughters about how not to judge on appearances then what hope do we have?

clam Wed 03-Jul-13 20:46:21

If my dd "felt sad" because her teacher wasn't pretty enough (which is the bottom line here), I sure as hell wouldn't be "feeling sad too." I'd be feeling pretty embarrassed at my parenting skills, to be honest.

MiaowTheCat Wed 03-Jul-13 20:52:27

My response to your first post would have been to wonder what you wanted done about this? Cosmetic surgery and laser eye-zappy to get rid of the scary glasses?!

Thankfully you've seen a bit of reason at least on that front.

I was always one of the "cor she's dead strict her" teachers to non-class members, and funny, varying on mildly bonkers and rather cool (I knew one end of an Xbox from the other which is apparently the criteria) to the kids I actually taught.

Odds are if there are two reception classes they'll do lots of sharing resources and provision in one happy mush anyway and she'll get a mix of Scary Teacher and Blonde Teacher (god it's sounding like the fucking Spice Girls).

And it takes, on average, about 30 minutes into a school day for the kids to start with the "world's best teacher" pictures and cards for whichever warm body's in front of the class that day (I did supply for nearly a decade - it always amused me) - so give it that far into day number 1 for the wibble to be a distant memory and Miss to be the coolest voice of utter authority ever to walk the face of the earth.

Startail Wed 03-Jul-13 21:41:46

I think little girls associate prettiness with being young and approachable. Not like mummy who tells you off.

DD2 particularly did as the staff at her nursery happened all to be fairly young and very very nice. One of the baby sat for us too.

Now at senior school, she's learning it's not that simple. Their older and pretty stern looking English teacher is lovely. Absolutely no nonsense, but great.

BabiesAreLikeBuses Wed 03-Jul-13 23:45:23

bequicksie love it! The mug proof def makes it official.

MidniteScribbler Thu 04-Jul-13 00:37:36

Oh FFS! Quite simply the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on this forum (and that's saying something!!).

PastSellByDate Thu 04-Jul-13 05:56:23

Hi FrettingMum -

putting aside whether your OP was from your DD's perspective or not my advice is you and DD should go away and think about/ discuss:

NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

It applies to people I find.

I think Robert Winston demonstrated this associating looks with being nice & desiring to be their friend in his Child of Our Times programme for early years and found that children almost always thought the pretty girl or cute boy was nice.

cory Thu 04-Jul-13 10:02:55

frettingmum Wed 03-Jul-13 19:46:09

"I probably need a plastic bag over my head most days and would have no room to talk. But.....perhaps I need to realise that it is just me that wants what my daughter wants (within reason). I just feel sad when she feels sad - whether it is because she wants the other teacher, grazes her knee or has lost her toy. "

Remember you will love your dd just as much when she is 12 and 16 and 24. And her ability to cope with life then will depend on the values you teach her now.

That can't be done by appropriating a 4 yo's perspective: you have got to be the adult she needs to become one day, otherwise you can't teach her the skills she gradually needs to learn. If she stays at a 4yo's level, life will be very, very difficult for her when she is older and people expect more of her.

Your job is to model a positive attitude towards the new teacher, an attitude of brisk courage regarding the grazed knee, and an attitude of problem solving regarding the lost toy.

BaconAndAvocado Thu 04-Jul-13 10:21:25

OP take no notice of all the negative feedback to your post.

You were having a wobbly moment, putting yourself in your DDs shoes. Every Mum, even on MN has done the same.

Reading this post with interest as my reception aged DD found out that her Teacher in Year 1 will be someone who has a reputation for being quite abrupt with the parents, but she must have a completely different manner with the wee ones as DD is over the moon!

Don't worry, a week into September and your DD will think her new teacher is the bees knees smile

cory Thu 04-Jul-13 10:49:41

I remember how just before I started reception my db who was a little older than me went on and on about how terrible my reception teacher was and how she had a reputation for being a dragon. She was the best teacher I've ever had.

frettingmum Thu 04-Jul-13 14:43:02

Thanks for the kind feedback. And the not so kind. Yes, after some sleep it does all sound pretty pathetic. So all feedback accepted courteously. I guess I'm just panicking at the thought of her starting reception. Everytime I have left her for just an hour for a club she has fretted and hates me leaving her. I am dreading how she will be. So I guess I just wanted the move to school to be as easy and nice for her. And if she saw a lady she took a shine to, yes, of course I thought that could work out great. Not because someone is pretty, has long blonde hair, etc etc. but simply because I thought it might make the transition easier if she got the lady she took a shine to. Is that so crazy? Does that sounds so ridiculous. Perhaps it does. Seems to make sense to me ; ))))

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