Teacher humiliated my son in front of classmates and parents!

(296 Posts)
FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 02:07:02

My son (6) was found swinging on a low tree branch at school during pickup time last week and (I was there but didn't see him doing it as i was dealing with my other lo) a teacher screamed at the top of her voice for him to get down... He of course immediately stopped what he was doing and came to her. Now this is where my problem is... She proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him by shouting in his face in front of all his classmates and parents. She was about 2' away from him and RANTED at him for an unnecessarily long time. He didn't cry (god knows I would have) but told me afterwards he was scared of her and felt his knees shaking.

The next day he didn't want to go to school and was upset several times in the night (nightmares). My issue is not that she reprimanded my son but that she proceeded to humiliate and intimidate him in the process, she just went on and on like she was trying to make him cry... I was so shocked and upset I couldn't say a word to her and just grabbed my children and left, if I had confronted her at that time I would have ripped her head off and would have been way too emotional. I now feel like I should have stepped in and I have failed him, I can't stop crying with the guilt! and I can't sleep.

I have reported this teacher to the school and when they asked what I wanted to achieve from my complaint, I said I wanted her to apologise to him for humiliating and intimidating him... They just looked at me like 'you want what?!' am I being unreasonable to request that from a person in a position of trust? My son has long term confidence issues of which the school is aware of and this incident has been very damaging. I don't think they will do anything about it...

Any advice on what else I can do? This teacher has been reported before. Thanks so much.

greencolorpack Tue 18-Jun-13 08:36:16

This happened to my son in reception, in coming home time I saw the teacher physically shove him out the door with an air of complete contempt. I had put up with a nursery teacher who I used to have panic attacks collecting my ds cos of her behaviour so I decided enough is enough and went to complain to the head. She was receptive, didn't close ranks, said she would speak to Miss X about it and sure enough it never happened again.

So my advice would be to speak to the head teacher.

TheFallenNinja Tue 18-Jun-13 08:39:24

Kids do things that teachers bollock them for - fact.

A good bollocking once in a while is character building - fact.

Teachers should be able to bollock kids.
Crying and not sleeping. It seems a little melodramatic.

You clearly weren't that bothered at the time as you said and did nothing, now you want to "tell".

I think there's only half a story here.

tiggytape Tue 18-Jun-13 08:43:51

Teachers are usually very stern with any children messing around in the playground at home time. They try to encourage them to stay off of the equipment and out of the trees as it is dangerous, they also want to make sure the parents know they are supposed to be supervising them and they don't want children wandering away from their parents as a very busy time of day.

You seem to have taken the telling off a lot worse than he did. You have complained to the school and also presumably made sure your DS knows he is not supposed to be swinging from the trees at home time. I would leave it at that.

cornyblend37 Tue 18-Jun-13 08:43:55

'A good bollocking once in a while is character building - fact. '

really? why so?

delboysfileofax Tue 18-Jun-13 08:52:16

Bit precious OP, why is your son so special that he can't be shouted at? Your reaction to this is well over the top. If you didn't want him shouted at perhaps you should have told him off for arsing about on the tree? You know, maybe parent him?hmm

forehead Tue 18-Jun-13 09:03:31

Your ds was doing something that he was not supposed to be doing. He was reprimanded by the teacher. Why are you making an issue out of this. ?
If your ds had injured himself you would have been furious
To be honest I think you are out of order for asking for an apology. If you want to complain about the way in which the teacher reprimanded your ds, then so be it .

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 09:38:35

Ok. id like to clarify... my child is NOT a troublemaker, he was letting off steam as he hadn't been out all day (raining) and he's an active boy! god forbid he acts like a CHILD! it was a first 'offence' and Im not opposed to him being told off FGS
I have never complained about anything to the school, although I've had many opportunities - these other complaints were from other parents and I have it on good authority that they are for the same reasons (humiliation of their LOs) Its also not the 1st time she's upset ds1, in nursery (aged 3) he had an accident and was changed IN FRONT of everyone and made to wear girls underwear even tho they had plenty boys, thus being subjected to teasing from his peers! she did this more than once and was asked to leave so perhaps another teacher reported her at the time, but shes now made a comeback and placed in Rec class dealing with 4/5yo children!!!
@frustratedsycamorerocks The reason I had my eyes off him for one second was because I was talking to ds2's teacher as he'd had a nosebleed that day. I'm not a parent who lets my children run 'feral'.
@agentprovocateur I do not cry in front of him, who does that?
Can I just re-iterate that I'm not opposed to him being pulled up on his behavior - its the HUMILIATION and INTIMIDATION I have issue with, which btw she ONLY does to kids. She's a bully.
@learnandsay I think that when multiple people have complained about 'miss trunchball' and nothing has been done it shows the school is letting our children down.

Can i just add, the school has a very strict ethos on respecting each other and not hurting anyone's feelings, let alone bullying. This is why IMO its all the more important for this teacher to apologise to ds as surely its practicing what they preach! or is it one rule for one, one rule for the other. The kids are asked to apologise to each other should such a thing happen.

Sparklysilversequins Tue 18-Jun-13 09:46:31

Kudos to you for not saying anything at the time. If it was as bad as you say I would have completely lost it with her I think.

I would not be brushed off I am afraid, I wouldn't be asking for an apology, if you have to ask for it then it means nothing. I would want a meeting with her and the HT where we discussed my child and what might be going on to lead to such an overreaction on her part. Failing that I would be contacting the governors.

I don't really believe teachers always know best having been bullied mercilessly by one at school.

learnandsay Tue 18-Jun-13 09:49:12

I can see where you're coming from, but if Miss Trunchball has made a reappearance since her nursery knickers disaster and hordes of parents have complained about her and been batted away like flies I don't suppose the frontal assault approach will be any more successful in taming or removing her today than it was yesterday. I personally wouldn't try either I'd just give as good as I got and have done with it.

On the whole, if it's just a personality clash, I don't think you've got that many options. As far as I can see you just don't like the woman. But the world is full of people who don't particularly like each other.

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 09:55:15

Wow TheFallenNinja you must be his teacher!!! you sound exactly like her. Now that you've read a bit more (see post above) do you still have the same opinion??? I didn't see your post until after posting my follow up. Can you please clarify how an adult bullying a 6yo is 'character building' nice attitude btw! we're talking about verbal abuse here, would it have been ok for her to just give him a slap!! I take offence at the accusation of not watching my ds, you have no idea ok.

TheFallenNinja Tue 18-Jun-13 09:56:45

Because once in a while we need to have our behaviour firmly challenged.

TheFallenNinja Tue 18-Jun-13 09:59:32

Never said you weren't watching your child.

You clearly want to chase an insincere and forced apology, why not get on the phone and do that.

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 10:02:05

@learnandsay its not a personality clash, I wish you could meet her. I think that even the teachers find her 'ways' intimidating hence do nothing about it. I just cant believe the school are allowing this woman in a position like this. shes def in the wrong job and gets her kicks out of picking on little kids!
I didn't want to undermine her authority by confronting her in front of everyone but if she isn't spoken to I may have no option.

SaveMeNow Tue 18-Jun-13 10:05:35

I am sorry but this is totally unacceptable! It is never, ever, ever ok for an adult to humiliate and frighten a child. That is not discipline - that's bullying. I am genuinely surprised how many of you just accept this as "part of life".

CabbageLooking Tue 18-Jun-13 10:13:49

While I agree that it is possible the teacher went too far (although we still don't know precisely what was said), it is important that children learn to deal with being told off. As someone else said, it sounds like your DS needs to develop some resilience as it's perfectly normal to be told off for doing something he shouldn't be, even if on this occasion the telling-off was over the top. Perhaps you should focus on building his confidence and learning to keep things in proportion - both skills that will be useful in later life.

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 10:17:57

@fallenninja how does humiliating and scaring children vouch for being 'firmly challenged'? she virtually spat in his face she was so close and screaming so loud! I think your being very unreasonable. Are you a bully too? Maybe I'll 'firmly challenge' her and see if she wants to pick on someone her own size.

learnandsay Tue 18-Jun-13 10:25:47

saveme, if the teacher is actually bullying then it will be escalateable using the established channels.

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 10:28:31

@Cabbagelooking. He has confidence issues, which the school is well aware of... this has SHATTERED his confidence.
I'll quote part of what she said verbatim... "Get down off from there and come right here" ds immediately did as he was told. <shouting>"what a stupid thing to do. you know your not supposed to be swinging on trees. are you an IDIOT?. we were all talking about safety in assembly today and now you do this? wheres your brain? did you leave it at home today, is that why your being so stupid in front of everyone and acting like an idiot?!" and it went on and on and on, all the time shouting at the top of her voice and all the time pointing in his face. Like I said, she wouldn't talk to an adult like that... its made myself (and other parents) think i shes like this in front of us, what is she like when were not there?
Am I being unreasonable to think this was intimidating and humiliating and insist on an apology?

exoticfruits Tue 18-Jun-13 10:29:31

You have to face facts- I would be astounded, from OP, if she apologised. You either help your DC deal with it or change schools. Or you can battle on- but you need to be more than a lone voice to get anywhere.

TheFallenNinja Tue 18-Jun-13 10:31:40

So did she actually spit or virtually and did she actually scream or did she shout.

I seem to represent what you don't like In the teacher so I see why you wouldn't like my comments, but I can comfortably say that I am not a bully, quite the opposite, just to put that accusation to bed.

If you are so angry at the treatment of your child by this teacher why didn't you challenge it at the time? If the attack was so vicious in its nature, so humiliating in its content why would a forced apology be sufficient, if, as you say, this teacher has form for this that you have on good authority and she has previously been asked to leave, why is she back.

You say you have had multiple causes to complain but haven't. Why?

If this teacher is so bad why do children get sent back there for more humiliation and intimidation day after day from this teacher you now label a bully?

BrainSurgeon Tue 18-Jun-13 10:37:05

There is no way a teacher should be allowed to call a child idiot, regardless of the circumstances.
Totally unacceptable.
Did other parents hear the teacher say that?
I would have pulled her hair out then and there complain big time.

delboysfileofax Tue 18-Jun-13 10:38:46

So after being told in assembly about safety your child decides to fuck about on a tree and your unhappy he gets a bollocking? Why didn't YOU tell him to pack it in then?

learnandsay Tue 18-Jun-13 10:40:35

If the teacher is in the habit of abusing children in front of the whole school it shouldn't be too hard to record it on a mobile phone and send the video to the local paper.

FrayedNerves Tue 18-Jun-13 10:41:32

Because, Ninja, Im not 'that' parent who takes offence at every little think. this was huge. she VIRTUALLY SPAT she was in his face! and its irrelevant as to weather she screamed or shouted - it was loud, and very nasty. Does that answer your question?
If you are so angry at the treatment of your child by this teacher why didn't you challenge it at the time? If the attack was so vicious in its nature, so humiliating in its content why would a forced apology be sufficient, if, as you say, this teacher has form for this that you have on good authority and she has previously been asked to leave, why is she back. If this teacher is so bad why do children get sent back there for more humiliation and intimidation day after day from this teacher you now label a bully? why are you asking me this, i didn't employ her? I also explained before that I didn't confront her as I would have lost my rag and proceeded to undermine her authority, I wanted to go through the proper channels but now it appears that they do absolutely nothing about it and so my reason for starting this thread is for advice on what I can do now - not be judged.

TheFallenNinja Tue 18-Jun-13 10:42:25

So she stood there shouting that, verbatim, and you did nothing. Not a thing. Nada.

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