Have an only child with private education or have another child and send them both to state school

(39 Posts)
NW2013 Mon 20-May-13 13:54:36

We have one child (18 months) now and we are planning on sending him to private school as the schools where we live are not at all good. If we have another child then we could not afford for them both to go to private school and I do not like the idea of sending one to private school and the other to state school because the schools near me are so bad.
So my question is, have any of you made a concious decision to only have one child and give them a private education and holidays abroad each year rather than having more children and them having a state education? I would be interested to hear peoples thoughts, for and against on this.

MammaMedusa Tue 21-May-13 13:20:47

Do you think a state school child's life is a life worth having? If so, then if you want two children, have two children.

mnistooaddictive Tue 21-May-13 13:26:56

What a horrible concept that being state schooled is so horrendous that you are better off not being born. Over 90% of children in this country are state educated. Do you think they would all be better off not existing too?

People like you make me shudder and fear for the future of our country.

MrsMelons Tue 21-May-13 13:31:58

I cannot see how the OP has suggested that being state schooled is so horrendous, what a nasty post, the OP has just asked for people's thoughts for and aganist. You have not actually given that at all.

Some people only have one child because they feel they could not provide properly for 2, 'properly' varies from one person to another, my thought would be we could provide a nice house, holidays and various hobbies, someone elses may simply be being able to put food on the table for the family, it is essentially no different!

mnistooaddictive Tue 21-May-13 13:36:04

I think I have very clearly given my thoughts against. I find the op's view offensive. You don't have to agree with me, I am big enough to take it.

Timetoask Tue 21-May-13 16:42:04

OP, I have a child at private school. I can categorically say that it will be much better long term for your little one to have a brother or sister than to go to private school.

If you are really not happy with our schools, then maybe consider moving area, but, PLEASE don't deprive your child of a sibling.

BackforGood Tue 21-May-13 17:04:13

I too think it's interesting that you have posted that being close to your family is "of most importance" to you. Perhaps you should add that into the equation for your little one growing up, and then as an adult, if they then don't get to be surrounded by close family.

Quangle Tue 21-May-13 17:32:57

I think to be fair to the OP it sounds as though she is not at all sure she wants 2 and might want to stick with 1. So is trying out what this might mean and various different ways of "measuring" that decision.

It's probably the backwards way to do it - if you want 1 have 1 but if you want 2 have 2. I can understand trying to find different ways to check your instinct for sense and practicality but probably the answer is already in the OP's head.

MadameSin Tue 21-May-13 22:15:47

NW I have one in private where they have been since year 4. Reason was his state primary were merging classes and there would have been 37 .. YES 37!! in his class. We bottled it and took him out. My other child has SEN and attends mainstream state school where he is 'catered' for. So, yes one in each sector, but never planned that way, just happened and seems to work for the mo. For what it's worth, we will try and get SEN child into private senior school as we think they will do better there at that age.

Elibean Tue 21-May-13 22:36:29

NW....it's ok being on the fence about having one or two. I honestly wouldn't let schooling be the thing to tip you one way or t'other though, because it really is such a gamble.

I think, in the end, you just have to decide what you both really want for your family and trust in the rest smile

purpleroses Tue 21-May-13 22:42:42

If you're not too old for it, why not wait a few years then have another? That's probably less of a shock than having two close in age when you and DP are both onlies and not used to sibling squabbles. And it also means you could probably afford to send both private for secondary at least as there wouldn't be much of an overlap.

Can't imagine actually foregoing a second child that you'd like just for the sake of private schooling. Schools change, you can often go out of catchment, and some schools with a bit of a rough reputation are actually great schools. They always seem a bit big and scary when you have a toddler.

TwasBrillig Tue 21-May-13 22:43:37

I'd have 2 and use the money you would have spent on fees on the holidays and experiences for all of you!

As everyone else has said though, don't let yourself believe schooling is the deciding factor. Decide for yourself what you would like long term and which you would regret more - looking back and only having one child, or looking back and not having privately educated?

Holliewantstobehot Tue 21-May-13 22:47:39

I would have another child, but only because I am really close to my lovely sister - both our parents died and we are in our thirties with similar aged kids, we do a lot together, even go on holiday together and I couldn't imagine being without her as then I really would be all on my own (am a single parent).
I went to a private school on a scholarship but wish I had gone to a state school and have no intention of sending either of my dcs to private school.

We are probably going to stick with one DD and an advantage of that will be being able to afford things like private school. But it certainly isn't the reason we aren't planning any more. If we yearned for a baby or felt that our family wasn't complete then we would try for another and worry about the finances and education later.

Lasvegas Wed 22-May-13 14:16:00

I have one child. DH sterilized when DD was 3 years old. Private school, hobbies, holidays etc was a big factor in having one child. More important was not having time and the emotional energy to give to more than one child - due to long commute.

Ironically DD has turned out to be very dramatic/musical as opposed to academic, so she will be going to a state secondary which meets her needs better than any private schools do in the area.

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