Child told she was "not allowed" to go to the toilet.

(189 Posts)
Offred Mon 13-May-13 18:02:40

Because of SATs, when they were doing IT, she wasn't doing SATs, she is 6. They didn't want the SATs to be disturbed by traipsing children.

DD took it literally and wee'd herself. The class laughed at her. They did not call me, put her in her PE kit with no tights/socks even though we cycle and they know this and it poured with rain/hail today. Then the TA hassled me about the importance of returning the knickers to reception tomorrow morning. I gave them short shrift as my focus was more DD's feelings, called for the teacher. The teacher said DD should have known she could ask.

That is all they plan to do about it.

What do I do?

Dd is fine but I think she should be more upset and being resigned to such a lack of empathy is a bad sign.

I am quite upset.

Galena Tue 14-May-13 19:24:21

This morning it was sunny, she therefore didn't take her waterproofs. This afternoon it was hailing. You didn't take her waterproofs because she would have been fine in thick tights which would have quickly become wet and cold. She didn't have her tights on because this morning (SATs are in the morning, so it must have been this morning that the incident happened) she wet herself. Why has she not got tracksuit bottoms in her PE kit?

No matter. That is not what you are upset about. You are upset that she was told off for not asking to go to the toilet. You also mention that once it happened, and some children laughed, she then acted like a zombie and made the children laugh more? Maybe that was why the teacher was a bit short with her? Maybe the teacher saw that she was acting the fool and wondered whether the wetting herself was done more for attention than accidentally (Trust me, I've had it happen, even in Y3).

You tell us you aren't upset about the clothes - that we are simply getting hung upon them. However, you wanted them to phone you specifically to tell you that she needed different clothes. They probably didn't think about it because the weather was warm and sunny when she changed and they probably didn't think about it once the weather changed. You also said you don't always pick her up, so maybe they assumed somebody else might be picking her up and didn't realise she would be cycling.

You obviously have an issue with the school. If this is the case, then you need to have a reasonable discussion first with the the teacher, and if that is not successful then with the head. Do not go in wittering about DD wetting herself - this isn't the issue you have. The issue you have is that you feel the school is not caring about DD's feelings. Of course, they may counter that they are looking after a number of children and cannot always be aware of every change of emotion of your child. I know when I was teaching, I tried to keep my eye on all the children and how they were feeling, but many are very good at hiding their feelings and only letting it out when they get home. I may be a great teacher, but I'm not a mind reader. If a child doesn't tell me there's a problem, I can't deal with it.

Sorry this is long, but hopefully you'll read it and realise how much you are overreacting over this?

mrz Tue 14-May-13 19:27:13

"'children are not normally allowed to go to the toilet'" does the normally not tell you that they are allowed to go if necessary teacherwith?

Offred Tue 14-May-13 19:36:21

Yes they did tell her she couldn't go, three of them separately said that the tech had told the class they weren't allowed to go.

I felt them not calling me and asking me to bring something was them punishing dd for the accident because there is no reason why they couldn't have done that when there were two TAs, one teacher, one tech and two receptionists who could have called and dd's class is small (20). Her clothes would have been fine if they didn't change them and I know this because I have cycled with her in these circs before.

If you don't know about other arrangements why judgy pants with the "you don't have to cycle".

What I am learning from this thread is that actually a lot of teachers are really, really petty.

Offred Tue 14-May-13 19:38:52

She would be cycling whoever picked her up. Just not with me.

I am bothered by their attitude to the whole thing not what happened. I do think they could have called to ask me to bring trousers. Track suit bottoms are not allowed in the PE kit. They allow track suit bottoms in winter terms for walking to school but not in summer because of cloakroom space and not in the pe kit.

Offred Tue 14-May-13 19:40:47

I haven't ever wittered about her wetting herself. I asked them to explain their side of what happened. They explained. They have dd a stern warning about how she "should have asked". I am not satisfied with that as a response for the reasons I have detailed previously.

Galena Tue 14-May-13 19:47:28

You are so hung up on the fact that 'there were two TAs, one teacher, one tech and two receptionists who could have called' but actually, assuming the weather changed at around 2pm, one assumes that:
The teacher, and both TAs were in class, educating children
The receptionists probably weren't aware of the situation
It really isn't the tech's job to phone parents about wet knickers

Out of interest, is it a state school or a private school? I only wonder because of the staffing... If a state school, then it's likely at least one of the TAs is for a statemented child, as most state schools don't have 2 full-time TAs in a primary classroom. Also the 2 receptionists probably are not just full-time receptionists. We had one part time receptionist and one who split her time between receptionist and bursar. We also didn't have a full time IT tech. And we had 90 children per year group, not 20.

Galena Tue 14-May-13 19:48:23

So they explained and then told her how to avoid the problem in future?

adoptmama Tue 14-May-13 19:48:34

Actually I don't think it is the teachers who come across as petty.

You seem determined to see insults - both by the school and by posters - where none are intended.

You are the one throwing rather immature comments like 'judgy pants' around at people who have done nothing that offer a different perspective on events, and disagree with your somewhat emotional interpretation of everything.

FullOfChoc Tue 14-May-13 19:58:20

I do feel very sorry for your DD. She needs to make sure she goes to the loo before school and at breaktimes. To actually wet herself she must have been holding on for a long time. The reality is if 30 children were going to the loo willy nilly all lesson not much work would get done. Loads of children ask to go to the loo because they don't want to do maths / spellings tests/ because their friend has just gone etc. The lesson is only an hour and 15 minutes long so if she's just been to the loo she should be able to wait for next break.

She is not the only one to have done this and won't be the last. I hope she's okay. I assume she's year 1 or 2 and I think the children will forget all about it by tomorrow.

Offred Tue 14-May-13 19:59:17

It is a state school but voluntary aided.

People keep wilfully misreading. I am not expecting them to call me and tell me about dd having an accident, I am expecting them to call because they needed me to bring something from home. They would have managed it if dd had not brought her lunchbox or her glasses or something else necessary.

People keep attributing things to me that I have not said or done and did not think. People seen intent on changing the situation to suit their judgements. Like I said yesterday it is a good job I am not particularly sensitive. I won't apologise for coming across emotional because yesterday I was as this had been the last in a long line of things with the school and dd. Not sure why having feelings (me or dd) should personally affront teachers but it seems to be a theme.

loopydoo Wed 15-May-13 12:22:10

You could suggest the Next school newsletter asks for some old outgrown clothes/uniform sent in from parents to use for spares. Or schools have always done that so there's always a good selection of different sizes etc. sometimes they specifically ask for swimming costumes/tights/pants so they have what they need.

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all. My Ds was told in yr one to wait to go to the toilet so I went in and explained/told his teacher that schools are not allowed to refuse/restrict children toilet access. I diverted her to the Eric.org site which has some great info for parents and schools, in particular about the side effects of withholding facilities from children. Might be worth a look....

loopydoo Wed 15-May-13 12:23:16

And yes, they could have easily have called you and asked you to pop some clean clothes in.

CinnabarRed Wed 15-May-13 12:45:26

If only she'd had her judgy pants with her, she'd have been much warmer....

wink

Offred Wed 15-May-13 12:55:33

ha ha ha! Indeed!

thanks for that loopy. I will have a look and those are good suggestions.

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