Help privet or public over happiness

(23 Posts)
Laura373 Mon 29-Apr-13 12:08:35

Hi I'm looking for some advice.
My 5 year old attents a privet school which has a good reputation, but in her class of 12 there is only 4 girls who are shy and keep to them selfs along with there parents, we never get invited to anything after school, is this an age difference as I'm only 25 and the other mums are between 40-50? I have nothing in common with them and feel I'm looked down on and ignored on a daily basis. I feel my daughter is lonely and isn't building and friendships or relationships with anyone, she has friends were we live and keeps asking to go to there school, do I pull her out and send her to a public school where she may be happier or keep her in a school were she and I aren't happy but because its a good school???
I'm at my wits end, help!

newgirl Mon 29-Apr-13 12:11:33

Can you get her into a good local primary? If a space go for a visit and see what you think. Having more choice of friends must be a good thing for her.

Laura373 Mon 29-Apr-13 12:15:09

Yeh there is spaces avalible for her, just hope I'm makein the right decision x

ZZZenagain Mon 29-Apr-13 12:16:48

have you spoken to the teacher about friendship issues at the school? Have you invited the other girls to your house?

Laura373 Mon 29-Apr-13 12:27:21

The girls are friendly enough and play well in school, and I took the other girls out for pizza and had a play at our house, but the mums aren't interested in meeting up after school they just ignore me and "click" together but to be honest I'm not sure i would want to meet up with them now, we have nothing in common, it just makes me sad to see my daughter upset when she doesn't get an invite back.. The parents at that school are all money orientated and stuck up! We are just down to earth and its clear our faces don't fit sad x

meditrina Mon 29-Apr-13 12:30:49

Why did you choose the school in the first place? Do those reasons still stand?

Remember that standard T&Cs mean you'll have to pay a full term in lieu of notice. But you could save lots spending in the longer run.

Laura373 Mon 29-Apr-13 12:35:56

I choose the school as I thought it was the best school at the time, my daughter keeps asking to go to the school where her other friends are and she noticed that the girls in her class don't show an intreast in her out of school, the parents are just very clicky x

Snowme Mon 29-Apr-13 12:58:16

Best advert for choosing state education that I've

Snowme Mon 29-Apr-13 12:58:45

Best advert for choosing state education that I've seen yet smile

ZZZenagain Mon 29-Apr-13 13:01:50

go and have a really good look at the state school her friends go to. Sounds like the current school is too small.

newgirl Mon 29-Apr-13 13:09:39

more mums to choose from at a larger school too!

whistleahappytune Mon 29-Apr-13 13:16:34

I would certainly look at other schools and get a feel for them. I would also perhaps have a chat with the teacher as another poster has suggested. It may be that the best school for your daughter isn't the present one. You chose the best you knew with the information you had, so please don't beat up on yourself. I think it's really really hard to make a school decision and so many issues only come to light once you're in the system.

The only other thing I'd mention is... why do you assume that you and these other women have "nothing in common"? I don't think that just because they are older it makes it impossible to be friends, or friendly. I have friends of all ages - some younger and some older and some about my age. Perhaps you've made assumptions about them (snobby, obsessed with money etc.) that actually aren't fair or true.

Then again, maybe they are bitches! Good luck to you!

m5stelle Mon 29-Apr-13 13:16:53

I know it is very hard, but personally I would not move my children if they were enjoying school and playing well with the others when they are there.

We've had similar issues (ongoing) at my children's school and it is a state school - very cliquey and if your face doesn't fit your children will be ostracized too.

Fortunately my children have always found the odd person whose parent manage to put the child's own preference above their own (especially later on) - I refuse to let other people push my children out of a school.
time it does get me down, especially when the children notice and get upset, but we keep them busy with other friends out of school and plenty of activities so it doesn't get in the way of their lives too much.

Laura373 Mon 29-Apr-13 14:28:13

Thanks for all the advise x

Labootin Mon 29-Apr-13 14:30:50

This has GOT to be a wind up

Lomaamina Mon 29-Apr-13 14:58:37

I thought you were posting about whether to grow a privet hedge for privacy. grin

Elibean Mon 29-Apr-13 15:07:13

Why would it be a wind up? confused

OP, I would trust your instincts. I would move my child if a) she wanted to be moved and b) the other school is a good one and c) I was unhappy as a parent. I do think the last reason, though not the best or most important obviously, counts - the relationships around my children, including mine with their friends' mums and with their school, have an impact on their sense of security and happiness.

And, you matter too smile

Just make sure the other school really is good, that friends and parents are happy there and kids doing well. You don't want to move her twice.

State/Private aren't really relevent IMO - its down to individual schools.

ReallyTired England Mon 29-Apr-13 15:10:22

Go with your heart. If the state school is not up to the standard of the private school then you can always supplement with tutoring later on.

Being happy in life is important. It is far easier to make up for lack of academic rigor or a limited curriculum than lack of friends.

AuntieStella Mon 29-Apr-13 15:11:47

What made it 'the best'?

Whether you feel you fit in with the other parents isn't the priority here, and you have to be sure you're not projecting. Have you had a chat with her teacher to see how things are during the school day?

Elibean Mon 29-Apr-13 15:47:31

'What made it the best'? Is a good question.....what seems 'the best' can change, but one way to back up your instincts (or not) would be to write down what makes school 'a' best, and what makes school 'b' best, just as you would before choosing one in the first place.

It is very easy to project on to our children, but whilst not the top priority I would still say that your happiness as a parent does count for something, for your child as well as you. I would question how happy a child could be in a community where his/her parent feels disconnected or unhappy.

thegreylady Mon 29-Apr-13 21:51:33

I am with Labootin on this smile

crazymum53 Tue 30-Apr-13 08:23:14

Public schools in the UK are actually private schools too! Is the poster overseas?

everlong Tue 30-Apr-13 10:06:27

Is your daughter happy at school though or not? Is she making progress?

That's the important matter. Not that the other parents don't speak to you.

School playgrounds can be hard but with a bit of effort I've always found them to be a good place for a chat/make friends.

They all can't be stuck up.

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