What would you think if this was happening in your y3 child's class?

(187 Posts)
RunnersWorld Sat 09-Feb-13 15:13:18

And what, if anything, would you do?

One of the children is very disruptive, including bouts of physical and verbal violence, e.g.:

-Throwing chairs
-Swearing at the class and teacher
-Tearing up his own and others' work
-Pacing around the class when they are supposed to be working/listening
-Walking out of class meaning the teacher has to leave to bring him back
-There have also been two complaints from children/parents about him touching girls inappropriately (now has 121 at lunchtimes, so is constantly watched)

At least one from this list happens daily, once it was so extreme that the teacher had to remove the rest of the class from the room while two TA's tried to calm him. School was unable to contact anyone to collect him so he spent the rest of the day in the Head's office, as the TA basically refused to work with him. He's big for his age, strong and scary when he loses control.

My DS2 is in this class. I know all the detail because of my job, most parents of course will only have patchy stories relayed by their DC, but they all know there is a problem. To avoid drip feeding, I will also say I know that he is a very damaged child as a result of sexual abuse and currently living with a foster family. Other parents know nothing of this of course.

I am interested in an opinion from the POV of the parents who know nothing of his background, please.

VonHerrBurton Sat 09-Feb-13 15:22:57

I would think that the kid was either messed up emotionally or had asd. I would trust that school were doing all they could to manage an extremely challenging situation and would expect lots of parents had been in 'to complain'.

I would encourage my ds not to wind him up and not exclude him from their games and play unless he hurt people.

kissmyheathenass Sat 09-Feb-13 15:28:11

Gosh, I have a dd in Year 3 and I would be concerned and pissed off if she was witnessing this behaviourand having her lesson wrecked daily. The child sounds deeply damaged and in need of more help than he is currently getting but ultimately my concern would be for dd not him.

atacareercrossroads Sat 09-Feb-13 15:34:21

As pp my concern would be for my child. Id complain and tell my dc to stay away from him.

scaevola Sat 09-Feb-13 15:44:25

I would assume that the child needed specialist intervention, but wouldn't want to hazard what that might encompass.

The other DCs do however need to be safe, and items in the classroom should not be destroyed. If he is in such a bad place personally that even that level of behaviour cannot realistically be achieved, then perhaps in his own interests he needs to be in a different setting until progress is made, and then a decision about what is in his best interests in terms of reintegrating into the original setting or giving a fresh start.

I hope the boy can be provided with the help he needs.

harryhausen Sat 09-Feb-13 16:06:37

My dd is in Y3 and I would be really upset for her if this was happening in her class.

That's not to take away any concerns about the boy and his well being. I would be thinking also that he may not be receiving the help he needs. However, as harsh as it may sound - I wouldn't want him in my dd's classroom.

From Reception to beginning of Y3, there was a boy in my dd's class who was disruptive and had lots of SN. However, he was never violent. He was actually really popular with the other dcs and there was much sadness amongst them when he moved to a different school. I think it's the violent outbursts, ripping up others work and disrupting the whole class on a regular basis that would get me in to complain.

Poor boyhmm your poor Ds and his classhmm

VonHerrBurton Sat 09-Feb-13 16:31:19

Yes, of course nobody would want this in their child's class, that goes without saying. My ds had such a boy in his class who recently left to attend a more specialist school better equipped to deal with his complex needs. I saw the mum crying on a daily basis and when I spoke to her and found out about her (adopted) son's hideous start to life my heart went out to her.

The school was never going to tolerate it for long. This boy will have to go somewhere more suited to him.

ChristmasJubilee Sat 09-Feb-13 16:41:58

I would complain. I would acknowledge that it was not the child's fault but that neither his needs or those of the other children were being met. I would have to put my child's needs first.

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Feb-13 16:46:35

Has anyone applied for a statutory assessment? Are any external agencies involved? Is the TA 1-2-1 with him or is she a class TA? Either way, if she can't work with him anymore someone else has to be found, quickly. Someone should be assessing this situation and taking action.

Parents should demand action to help him and others, so should you, the TA, the CT, everyone.

seeker Sat 09-Feb-13 16:50:55

This is really difficult. There was a boy who sounds very similar in my ds's class from Reception to, I think, year 3. It was disruptive when he went on what my ds called a "rampage" , but never for long.

I think, looking back on it that ds learned loads from having this boy in his class, about how to deal with difficult people, about empathy. But it didn't always feel that way at the time, I agree.

lougle Sat 09-Feb-13 16:54:33

Firstly, I am shocked that you think it appropriate to share all the details which you have received via your job.

Secondly, it's impossible to give ' an opinion from the POV of the parents who know nothing of his background', because you've given the background.

Thirdly, I would hope that I would push the school to make the provision the DC needed because it is him who is being failed, daily. The other children may well be impacted, but how awful for a boy to be playing out his distress daily and becoming a 'problem'.

VonHerrBurton Sat 09-Feb-13 17:24:29

Lougle and seeker, I agree with you both.

My memories are clouded by feelings of sorrow for the child and his parents. Thinking back there were definitely times when I thought 'ffs, enoughs enough now' but I agree that my ds has learned a lot about acceptance and empathy. Not so easy to see it that way if your dc is affected daily I know.

I would be horrified that my child had to witness any of that and I would be truely worried a out the education that the children r missing as a result.

I would also be horrified that, that poor boy had got to yr three and still no one had been able to get through to him and give him
The help he needs. It is vital that something be done before he gets even bigger and stronger and becomes a danger to others and of course himself. Sounds like school needs to admit they can't handle him and stop messing him up even more with inconsistent patchy attempts.

I think he needs a hell of alot more help and support before he can fully enter an educational setting. It's not fair on the others and it's not fair on him. That poor boy sad

Icedcakeandflower Sat 09-Feb-13 17:39:17

I completely agree with lougle. This poor boy sad obviously needs more support than he's been given, and instead of being seen as a problem, should be supported.

LegoIsMyFriend Sat 09-Feb-13 17:45:05

Sorry if this comes across as rude but I really think it is inappropriate that you have shared such confidential information about a child that you have gained in a (I assume) professional capacity on a forum such as this. How can you not expect that your post might out the background of this child in real life?

heggiehog Sat 09-Feb-13 17:52:10

Extremely unprofessional of you to have shared this information.

Neverland2013 Sat 09-Feb-13 17:52:53

I agree with ChristmasJubilee.

Branleuse Sat 09-Feb-13 17:53:43

id assume the boy had some sort of SN or he was being abused

Wotnow Sat 09-Feb-13 18:08:20

My ds1 had two kids like that in his yr3 class
Ultimately, we removed our child from the school
Ds1 is very young and immature and it had a massive impact on him.
We were considering getting a psych consult for him due to his rages and threatening behaviour st home

We moved primary schools and he is now doing really well.
We are getting him assessed for aspergers just now.
He has a problem with social interaction himself and in he first school he had completely shut down. The teachers thought he was a quiet and shy boy, at home we knew he was troubled a d angry .
THe new school see him as a really clever articulate silly child but from the day he left the old school, he changed so much you wouldn't believe it.

I'd do the same iver again
It's so sad, the poor damaged kids we are talking abiut. The boy in our school was really messed up too. The girl was very voilent.
But in the end you have to look after your own children, if they can cope with the disruption and learn tolerant behaviour etc then that's fab. And that is what I thought was going on for my Ds1. It was amazing to take him away from all of that and see him blossom into the happy boy he is today.
Don't underestimate the impact on he other kids

I would say the boy has ASD and needs far more help than he appears to be getting.

jalapeno Sat 09-Feb-13 18:13:06

I'd say this child and all the others are being very badly let down by the school. You and all the other parents need to complain to the Head.

learnandsay Sat 09-Feb-13 18:13:10

Home-educate. I can't see how you can teach much in that kind of environment.

ClayDavis Sat 09-Feb-13 18:18:09

OP I would ask to have this deleted if I were you. There is far too much info in your first post.

YouOldSlag Sat 09-Feb-13 18:22:25

I think it's very sad and I feel for that boy who is obviously lost and damaged. However, he needs more help than this and should be removed from the class as it is also not fair for others to suffer this and witness it. Other children are at risk of harm so he needs to be removed from the class.

He needs help and development and management rather than censure, but it sounds like he is currently a risk to others. I am no expert but I would think a case conference is in order involving the school, the foster parents, an Ed Psych and social services. Poor boy.

He is entitled to an education and entitled to an inclusive environment, but not at the risk of other children.

whatyoulookinat Sat 09-Feb-13 18:26:32

I work in a school & would not dream of sharing such information. I hope the Childs parents/carers do not recognise themselves.

I would ask to have this thread removed.

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