Mumsnet Talk

Hello

Do you think this is acceptable?

ds came out today, having been chewed out by his CT for being 15 mins late into class:
ds was told:
"where HAVE you been, come and sit down - you've kept this whole reading group waiting.
I'm really cross with you and I'm not surprised if the whole class isnt cross with you too. Now I'll have to explain everything again, like I did yesterday"

ds has repeated this 3 times verbatim. once to me at pick up.
10 mins later to DHT (who I went straight to see)
and just now to H.
Verbatim. I completely believe him.
CT was similar with me when I had to ask a Qu about homework.

Ds was 15 mins late as he had been doing touch typing with SEN teacher at instruction of DHT.

DHT explained that 'sometimes teachers get crossed wires' - she did apologise to ds (which I thought was nice), but this is about the 4th time the CT has chewed him out and ds is now switched off.

We have also had: 'making a fuss is silly behaviour, when you make a fuss it upsets mum and me, I should only need to tell you once, if the boys are taking stuff out of your bag then dont bring that toy in (although all the others can), and ds has just been invited to tell CT by DHT why he is scared of CT. Ds has just 'asked' to be moved to the bottom reading group, too, apparantly.

I should say I have been posting in SN section, as ds is - query - asd and defo dsylexic, although schools in this area do not acknowledge until 11/12.

But I wanted to get a mainstream perspective as well.

thanks.

It's not very diplomatic but there's nothing expressly wrong with it. The teacher is being cross because a child is late to her lesson. That's fair enough. The other teacher was wrong to keep him so late if he should have been somewhere else.

sorry should have said:
8.5 years, sitting 1 year behind in P3 due to repeat year.
SCOTLAND. Reading levels etc much harder to ascertain where I am but he is well behind. IQ high. Very anxious due to being told: dunderheid, doughnut, unacceptably slow, fusspot etc - all by teaching staff

But the DHT had sent him for a special needs session.
If DHT had failed to inform the teacher why should child be told 'I am cross with you and the whole class is too'?
THis is a child with dyslexia, who struggles to come to school anyway and poss SN?

iMHO the class teacher is acting totally out of order.
Are you keeping a written record of incidents?
I would probably complain in writing to the SENCo and/or DHT.
You could also take him to you GP after an event and get them to note yor DSs anxiety.

Hello Imogen
Unfortunately, I get torn in these situations.
I see it from a school perspective and a parent's perspective of 1 SN DC, 1 NT DC and 1 being assessed. So I cover pretty much all bases.
If your DS was at school with the SEN teacher, then the lack of communication between DHT organising the session and CT is at fault, and CT should apologise and explain to your DS that she is not cross with him. DS1 has OT prior to registration and his CT has never chewed him out.
I have also seen days when 5 or 6 children have rocked in late, at different times, whilst the CT has started the lesson. It is chronically disruptive. The impetus of any lesson is lost, children who are easily distracted lose focus and often there has to be repetition of what has been said to clarify.
We have also had problems with items being brought into school. The rule for all is that no-one should bring anything in unless asked to. Problem is, either DCs bring it in without parents knowing, or parents let them. This is fine until something goes missing, is broken or causes upset. If you know a child can't deal with any of the above, don't let them bring things in.
Knowing that the school isn't the most friendly SN caring school in the world, I would pick your battle. Work on getting the relationship back on track with the CT. Do you think it would help if CT explained to him that she did not know where he was and that she realises now that he had done nothing wrong - just to get the ball rolling?

Then the deputy head is wrong and the other teacher is wrong too. If they're not completely daft they should have been able to predict that keeping him out of class would result in him getting told off. If they didn't realise that then they're bonkers.

Take your point auntevil, completely.
He has never been late as we cant be bothered to get there in time.
It has always been as a result of chronic anx re what he is experiencing in school or because he has been sent to see another specialist.
All kids are allowed to bring in any toy. My ds had brought in a cuddle toy (he needs for transitions). The other kids were taking it out of his bag/off him in playground/holding him up against wire fence. CT told him: cuddle toy is a nuisance, leave it at home. Other kids still bringing their toys.

learnandsay:
daft vs bonkers - I think this lot might be both

I'd ask for a meeting with the HT. None of what you're describing is acceptable. And in the absence of a massive improvement, I'd move him. Are these people out of the Ark?

CT should be dealing with how the other DCs are behaving.
Taking another's property from their bag without permission is stealing.
Snatching things off another child isn't tolerated in Nursery, let alone P3
These are behavioural issues that should be dealt with completely separately from your DS.
If the CT is saying that he shouldn't bring it in because it's always his toy that is mis appropriated, then the word CT is looking for is bullying. Either CT deals with the general situation of taking things out of random bags, random snatching etc, or faces up to the fact that there is a pattern.
Complaints of bullying in England have to be taking seriously - hope the same is applicable in Scotland.

I'm afraid I can't see how anybody could defend the CT/school combination in this. Poor kid - this is not what he needs and none of it is in any way his fault. Communication within the school sounds poor and CT sounds very unsympathetic. I would request a meeting with HT/DHT and ask them to try to make things run smoother for him before he gets put off completely.

I think its totally unacceptable to tell a child that the whole class will be cross because he's late. Great way to up the anxiety.

Thank you.
Sadly there is a pattern at this school.
I have now been told I am overanxious abut it.
Actually, I'm furious, as is dh.
This is a child who has been seen by cahms for anxiety, dx'd in england (but its ignored in scotland) who is clearly dyslexic but who is also treated like this.
However, he is STILL going through it, and if it were stopped, and he was less anxious, I would be too.

Really want to write something useful ...but am too upset right now ....THAT IS AWFUL !!! Yor poor DS and you. My ds goes out of class (finally) for extra support and ...finally now has the confidence to walk back into class 1/2 way through a "lesson" and join in .

He may have missed the beginning bit due to literacy support(and I doubt if he would have "got" "understood"the whole lesson even if he was there for it ),,,but for me to know he does not have an panic attack going into a classroom by himself is just an achievement as knowing the ins and out of the Egypians !!!

Horrible CT ....We had her last year..... she has resigned now !

Good luck ....and push for whole school awareness thing....is it a big school ?

You are not over reacting, you are not being over anxious. You need to make a formal complain and I would investigate other schools tbh.

Who told you you were over anxious? I would also say that saying that to a paren demonstrates breathtaking lack of professionalism.

School
Who then told Ed Psy, who agrees, apparantly.
Who then told Pead, who agrees, apparantly.
Where I live it is all very intermeshed and a very small community.
What school says goes, so if you are complaining about school there is no will to help from anyone else...

Ds face a mass of cold sores today. He looks exhausted and ill
It's one of his responses to stress.
I asked him if he'd had 'a tiring week at home' and he said: 'oh,no, not at all'.
I asked him if he'd 'been a bit tired' at school (not wanting to put words into his mouth) and he said: ' I am so tired of being told off and shouted at by teachers. I try so hard but they just get cross with me'.

I have no alternative but to try to sort this out. I cannot leave him to keep going through this.

SO...The Ed pysc and Pead are diagnosing you now as well as Ds If he is going to be going out of class (and maybe other children?) regulary CT should not blame him for being late ...but just quietly acknowlege him .entering the room and continue with the lesson

oh, they havent dx'd him. just said my anx is the prob.
we have a dx from harley st.
but that doesnt count up here, apparantly

Ok, I am really sorry, this sounds horrible. Are there any other schools ou can get him to? Can you get the Harley st doc to write to school or docs up there? Can you take him out or get him signed off for a bit?

What specifically do they attribute your over anxiety to?

If heis saying that, about being tired of beng told off, I personally would not be able to allow that to carry on.

What are your circs, are you working?

not working atm.
i have some longstanding physical health issues. gp feels they should be resolved by now / should not be so painful and looks askance at me. I wonder if they have me down as a hypochondriac of some sort and think that I have that attitude to my child as well?
I suspect gp / school feel I am therefore feeling ds issues to be greater than they are. It would be fair to say I do worry and get a bit anxious sometimes, but I am not in need of any medication for it, just a change of the circumstances which are causing the worry, iyswim
There is a very odd culture where I am atm and it is not just me who has been ignored / queried for asking questions. I prob just need to move.

I have had support on SN board where they know me but I wanted to ask - just from the recent examples above - on a standard education board - whether gen opinion was that this response by the school to childs difficulties is adequate / acceptable?

I have another child absolutely fine, btw. My ds is 'fine' too, he's lovely, but he is having a rough time in mainstream ed and I want to help him.

again.x.

Could you move? Would you or the kids be sad to move? Would you have to move far to get a new GP/school area?

Sorry, hundreds of questions, but this does sound terribly unsatisfactory!

To get out of this LEA I'd need to move about 35 miles.
Yes, would be happy to move.
Whether its financially possible is another matter.
.x.

It's very hard. I am no expert on how to persuade schools etc to listen, but for what its worth, to me it sounds like you deserve better. Hope you find some answers.