Help, sexual bullying in Y1

(174 Posts)
Lost4anything Sat 19-Jan-13 12:40:32

My DD, age 5, told me that boys from Y2 (age 6) surrounded her and one boy told her "You are my girlfriend, baby", pulled her tights down and put his finger in her bottom "to feel inside".

Boys' parents know about this culture (before this incident) but find it cute and innocent. I spoken with the teacher and her first response was that boys deny everything.

I am having trouble moderating my reaction between taking her out of school to calling social services.

How to get the school to deal with this? In case anyone wonders, this an outstanding oversubscribed school in very leafy rural area.

What to say to DD?

baffledmum Sat 19-Jan-13 14:55:40

OP - I can only offer moral support here. I'd've been banging on the HT's door the morning after. My kids are clear if anyone touches you in the area of your underwear, even if they tell you it is a secret, you tell me. Your poor DD. If you need to speak with someone yourself I'd suggest the NSPCC or, if your employer has one, the Employee Assistance Programme. I am furious on your behalf - innocent curiosity or not, whether the boy is being abused or not - this needs dealing with. Good luck.

PeppermintCreams Sat 19-Jan-13 15:08:57

Your local council might have a duty social worker working over the weekend. Give them a call now for advice.

Lost4anything Sat 19-Jan-13 15:14:17

I am not at all worried about what others think. But I do want to know what others think, what they expect from a school and what other parents' experiences are, because I believe it would help me to do what I have to do most effectively.
I do want to know the temperature outside, that's all. I don't need to apologize to anyone.

Cacks81 Sat 19-Jan-13 15:18:21

You certainly do not need to apologise. I think that the lack of action and support from the school has made you question your judgement, which hopefully you can see from the support on here was bang on.

I would have asked exactly the same questions had I received the same response you did.

Do what you feel is best for your DD and you. It might be tough, or you might find many parents thank you.

Good luck. X

mrz Sat 19-Jan-13 15:19:03

As the Designated Person in my school I have been involved in similar cases (with children of the same age) and it has always been taken seriously by the school and reported immediately to social services.

HellesBelles396 Sat 19-Jan-13 15:20:14

The Child Protection Officer (required by the school) should not say they are too busy to discuss a child protection issue.

Since this is a sexual assault - and occurred in a place that you are required to send dd to - ds should be informed asap. Now in fact. For all of the reasons stated by others:

to reduce the chance of this happening again
to investigate the school dealt with your complaint
to check the safety of the perpetrator

allowing the sexualization of children is as much a crime as doing making sexual contact with a child. The teacher who dismissed your concerns must be investigated.

crazygracieuk Sat 19-Jan-13 15:21:05

Worried about what the neighbours think? Omg!
I dread to think how many other children at this school might have suffered a similar assault or what these children might go on and do of this is left unchecked. Culture of sexual assault makes me shudder and think of the rape culture in India.[shudder]
I'm surprised that you have sent your daughter back to school after her assault especially when the school have downplayed this.
One of my children were physically assaulted at school and the school were all over the issue and I had the head, deputy head and class teacher explain how it was being dealt with and to come straight to them if it happened again. It didn't happen again but the school considered it v serious which is what I'd expect.

teacherwith2kids Sat 19-Jan-13 15:42:08

OP, I don't understand why you think that the other parents would know
a) that it was your daughter involved
b) that it had been reported through Child Protection channels

If everyone involved (school / SS) does their work properly and professionally, then it should not become 'public knowledge' in the way that you suggest. It might become known to the parents of the specific child perpetrator, but tbh i would suggest that they might not be inclined to chat in the playground about any enquiries from SS about the incident....

(If you are worried that the school WOULD behave unprofessionally and make this - including names of the perpetrator and victim - know widely, then just report through SS and don't involve the school at all BUT remove your child from the school, letting them know why by letter after the event, including the fact that if you trusted them to treat the matter with appropriate confidentiality as well as appropriate seriousness, you would not have had to take that step. Also report what you have done to SS, as they might find the fact that the school is sweeping concerns under the carpet / making private information public something that they might wish to investigate further.)

AbbyR1973 Sat 19-Jan-13 17:30:22

I have child protection responsibilities in

LatteLady Sat 19-Jan-13 17:34:15

The police can't do anything. These children are way below the age of criminal responsibility, (unless Blue, you're suggesting that they arrest the staff.)

Actually this is not true, although the children may be under the age of criminal responsbility, the behaviour needs to be investigated... how do we know that one of the boys is not being assaulted and therefore thinks this behaviour is normal?

On reflection, I might go so far as to ask you to call the Child Protection and Online Protection (CEOP) and talk to them on 0800 389 6176.

AbbyR1973 Sat 19-Jan-13 17:38:54

I have child protection responsibilities in my profession. This is VERY serious. The boys involved can't be more than7 year old sand what you describe goes beyond normal explorative behaviour. It implies a level of sexual knowledge that would not be expected in this age group and raises the very real possibility that they are being sexually abused themselves, or being allowed to watch pornography which is also sexual abuse. This is not in anyway 'cute' and the fact the parents apparently find it so is even more disturbing. These boys are effectively just as much victims as your daughter.
The school should have picked up on this immediately through their safeguarding procedures. The other posters are right this needs to be reported via children's services.
Everybody in society has a duty to protect children.

Lost4anything Sat 19-Jan-13 17:50:16

How do they actually investigate this? I mean the school. Do they simply ask 6 boys what happened? If the boys stick together and deny it all, surely there should be a more robust process to get to the facts?

tethersend Sat 19-Jan-13 18:38:46

You are correct, there needs to be a more robust investigation into this than the school simply asking the boys what happened.

This is exactly why you need to call SS.

SpottyBagOfTumble Sat 19-Jan-13 18:40:52

I have no advice like othe knowledgable mn ers but just wanted to wish you luck. How horrible for you and your daughter.

tethersend Sat 19-Jan-13 18:41:50

If the school challenge you about involving SS, you can express your surprise at the fact that they have not already involved them, as per their legal obligation.

LineRunner Sat 19-Jan-13 18:46:21

I would have reported this to the police. That's a lot of weird shit to be going on.

You will be able to be with your DD while a specialist officer talks to her, gently, and makes a plan of what needs to happen next.

diabolo Sat 19-Jan-13 18:50:21

Please report this, either directly to Social Services or to your schools Designated Safeguarding Professional (my role).

piggywigwig Sat 19-Jan-13 18:55:06

OP
Don't delay for a minute longer in getting in touch with SS!

A very similar thing happened to DD1 in Yr2, except the boy said he was going to tickle her front parts - and did so. We spoke to my sister-in-law ( police detective) and she said it was a serious matter and spoke to her colleague in Child Protection. On the basis of this, we got in touch with the headmaster by letter and in a meeting. We asked if the boy had done anything like that before and he categorically stated verbally, that the boy had never done anything like that before. He stated that he wasn't prepared to do anything about it, as he felt that the boy had to be protected and may be scarred forever if an investigation was carried out. Basically, it trogged on and we said that if the head didn't do something, we'd be forced to take it to SS. Well, he didn't, and we did lol!. The boy was investigated by SS. Some 18 months later, we discovered that the boy had allegedly done similar stuff at the school before and it had been brought to the head's attention, even though the head vehemently denied it to us. angry

Please rest assured people will take you seriously as it is a serious matter. Wish we'd have put more pressure on the headmaster and got him a "stiff talking-to". There's sadly some schools out there who won't or don't take it seriously - in our case, we wonder what else he had to hide? Our big regret, is that we let it carry on too long, trusting that the head might do the appropriate thing.

You owe it to your DD to make sure this matrer is investigated.

bealos Sat 19-Jan-13 19:01:35

Report and escalate in this order: class teacher, head teacher, governors, local education authority, police. Or do all and show you mean business.

This kind of behaviour is disturbing and sexual abuse for any age of child Y1, Y6 or Y11.

tethersend Sat 19-Jan-13 19:02:59

It's shocking that a head, supposedly trained in safeguarding, could put children at risk (both the perpetrator and the victim) by not involving SS.

As others have said, young children displaying inappropriate sexualised behaviour is a marker for potential abuse- by doing nothing, the school could be placing the perpetrator at further risk, as well as the other children around them.

mrz Sat 19-Jan-13 19:09:37

Would you delay if the perpetrators had been older teenage boys or adults?

chewingguminmyhair Sat 19-Jan-13 19:09:59

Haven't read the whole thread but the police and social services need to be involved. This is serious assault. Your daughter needs to see that this is completely unacceptable and ILLEGAL.

Good luck OP.

chewingguminmyhair Sat 19-Jan-13 19:10:53

And children can be prosecuted. 10 yr olds have been found guilty of rape

BetsyVanBell Sat 19-Jan-13 19:15:48

This is a child protection issue. The teacher has not acted appropriately and now you should go to the Head. The teacher should have reported this upwards to the designated senior member of staff and you need to pursue it. This is definitely not "silliness" and it is highly appropriate behaviour that needs to be taken extremely seriously. If the school does nothing go the local authority and social services.

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