What do I do to help my chatty daughter stop?

[Molehillmountain]

She's capable, and in year two will produce an a4 page of high quality writing in a lesson but the teacher says she's chatting and not producing as much work as she should. Last week she was sent to the key stage leader amidst huge tears and begging for mummy apparently. I am worried that this won't help when it comes to it. What do I do to help?

[Molehillmountain]

I should say the page is despite and as well as the chatting. And I was a teacher but have never tackled this as a parent

[IndigoBelle]

Surely this is something the teacher needs to tackle, not you.

[Molehillmountain]

I think you're right, and it's a relief to hear you say that actually, expecting more the opposite. But I'd like to help if I can - would be good not to have really upset daughter every day unless she now reforms.

[IndigoBelle]

I guess there are 3 situations.

1. She can't control it. In which case nothing you or the teacher do will help.
   

1. She can control it. In which case the teacher should be able to motivate her to stop.
   

1. She can control it and teacher doesn't know how to motivate her. In which case talking to her at home might help.

[Tgger]

Hmmmmm. Why is she chatting? Is she not engaged with the work she is being given? Is she sitting next to an equally chatty friend so the two of them can't help themselves? Have you had a calm chat with DD about this?

[KTK9]

Well I think producing a good piece of writing that fills an A4 page is pretty impressive at Year 2 especially if she is chatting at the same time. My dd who is now in Yr3 is only just producing that much!

Surely an experienced teacher will have strategies for dealing with this without sending them to another teacher? I know in dd's class the teacher is always moving them around, sometimes because they are chatting, copying or just not concentrating. DD tells me worse place is right in front of the teachers desk, where Miss has 'eagle eyes'! DD has landed there a few times!!

[Rudolphstolemycarrots]

can you for a bit of fun have a whole Saturday where she can't speak and has to write everything down? She will see the funny side of it but it has an underlying message. maybe you could both have a silent day?

[Molehillmountain]

Helpful comments all. My worry is that this teacher hasn't quite got the measure of dd. Not that I have tbh, but I do know that she puts up walls when backed into a corner. But equally, I'm a teacher and know the difficulties caused by chatty children. I know she need to push academically but I fear that dd thinks that she's generally a bit rubbish. Praise is thin on the ground-and seems a bit of the "yes that's great but what about this?". and yet I know that to get on she needs to concentrate. But she is getting on . Roll on Christmas. Teacher keeps saying stuff like "I had high hopes for you, dd". All past tense. And I have seen what she produces and for the purposes of this discussion - its really good. I'm in a muddle but I know it will be a very long year if dd and her teacher are locked horns all the time. I guess the phrase that I feel sums up the teacher's approach is "the best is the enemy of the good". By insisting on super stellar high standards she seems to be getting a class of sad children, apart from the few natural heads down no fuss kids. They all get compared to each other all the time and the ones who stand out get compared to older siblings.

[Molehillmountain]

Tgger - I think dd does find it hard to concentrate, which can sound like an excuse but is a fact. And needs working on. How, whilst not having a completely miserable (although I accept there may be pain involved) I'm not sure.

[ohfunnyface]

I think the years of being quiet in church helped me to be quiet at school!

Does your dd interrupt you at home? Are there times when she has to be quiet?

[EcoLady]

She may be producing a page full while chatting but how about the children around her? Are they working or distracted?

I had a chatty clique in one class - they were lovely but a nightmare for the weaker ones who really needed to concentrate. I changed the seating to split them up and gave very explicit whole class instructions on whether talking was permitted in during any particular piece of work. Lots of praise when they did work quietly. Habits improved and I was able to gradually let friendship groups sit together again.

[ReallyTired]

Molehillmountain

If your daughter has been sent to the head of her keystage then there must be more going on than just chatting. It really does not matter what standard of work your child is capable of, she must learn to follow the rules of the classroom.

I suggest you talk to the teacher to get the full story. Did your daughter refuse to be quiet when asked. Was she rude and insolent. There is a difference between being a little bit chatty and outright backchat. I find it impossible to believe that the classroom teacher would have involved senior management for a bit of chatter.

The other children have a right to an education and children who talk while the teacher is talking are an utter nightmare. It is quite right that kids who are disruptive are punished. She deserves to be made to cry.

Tell your daughter that you are extremely disappointed in her behaviour and she has let both you and herself down.

[crazygracieuk]

My dd is a chatterbox but tries not to be because she fears sitting at an all boys table or away from all her friends. Her teachers have said that she's not the worst or only one (phew!) and she's naturally a teacher pleaser so she'd be mortified if she was sent to the head of key stage (and she's in Y5).

[Merrin]

I would introduce short periods, maybe five minutes, where no one at home is allowed to talk, at all, not even adults. Teach her a little control at home where she is comfortable. Have a nice activity as well as a dull one that you all do silently. Make it normal. When she chats, because she will, everyone smile and help her to be quiet without making her feel bad about it.

[picketywick]

reallytired. A bit harsh. Its a child

[PastSellByDate]

Hi Molehillmountain:

My advice is gently cover your daughters ears - say 'You have two of these'

then gently cover your daughters eyes - say 'and two of these'

then say 'You should be using those 4 times as much as this' whilst gently covering your daughter's mouth.

For whatever reason - there is a long family tradition to saying this to chatty children and it seems to sink in.

HTH

[Molehillmountain]

Thanks for all the comments. Dd had a good day today. I absolutely know she must not disturb others and to do as she is told. I have taught for years and know the "joys" of chatty children. However I don't agree that it's necessary for a child to be hysterically upset to get a message across. I'm going to see the teacher-it's a job share and there seems to be no problem with one of the teachers. If there is more to this than what the teacher said-which on feedback yesterday was chatting which didn't stop permanently despite reminders then I would like to know. Either way, a solution is needed that neither leaves dd unable to sleep or eat nor she and others unable to complete their work. Perhaps yesterday will have done the trick. By the way-I think I came across as suggesting that dd's work gets her off the hook-not at all. Just that I think there comes a point where to suggest to dd that she's slow and not getting her work done is missing the point. Seems to be more a case of "we don't chat when we're working-others can't concentrate and it's very unfair."

[muppet1969]

I was a VERY chatty 6 yr old, 10 yr old, 16 yr old etc etc.In fact, it would not be incorrect to say I am fairly chatty now! Everyone is different and eventually children do learn to control it. No excuses, but it is HARD, if you are made that way. Maybe she'll do what I did and become a teacher - lots of excellent talking opportunities :)

[Molehillmountain]

muppet-we are a family of teachers!