Mumsnet Talk

DD is applying for an academic scholarship at a fairly local private school for her maths (not boasting, just a fact)
I have wrestled with the decision to make the application as I'm not really a supporter of private eductaion and I'm not really in the financial position however having spoken to the local high schools and the current head and class teacher, I have decided to pursue the application and see what happens

it is increddibly unusal for children at our primary to go on to private school

walking out of school, the head grabbed me and said he had completed the reference for her, and I just said brilliant, thanks

he said...

'that's not what we said' and winked at me

what's he on about??
I'm confused -his children go to state grammar, we don't have the option. I know he also shares the view of supporting the local school but he also understands that this has been a really difficult decision for me -is he trying to make me feel bad??? or am I over thinking which I am very prone to do

Nope, no idea what he meant.

I think he made a silly attempt at a joke

Sounds like he's having a joke - like when my dc ask what the teacher said at Parents Evening or in the report, and the "stock" reply is "that you are very naughty and need to go to bed early every night for a year" type thing ~ I presume that he presumes that you know how good she is, so the reference isn't going to be an issue.

Think the joke was that the reference was brilliant. Not a great joke, but nothing to get insecure about! Surely the wink made it clear it wasn't any kind of dig.

It's a joke

'We didn't say she was brilliant'

The wink signifies that the speaker is not telling the truth or is saying something humorous.

It's a joke

'We didn't say she was brilliant'

The wink signifies that the speaker is not telling the truth or is saying something humorous.

Definately a joke implying that her reference was brilliant too.

Unless he meant he didn't think it was brilliant that your DD was leaving ...?

Sounds like an attempt at a joke! Good luck with the application.

Agree, he's just joking that he didn't say she was brilliant. Meaning he in fact DID say she was brilliant. I think you are stressed about it and so weren't sure how to take it. I think he's obviously given her a great referrence and was trying to be friendly and funny.

joke

I get that he was joking, but it was such a snatched conversation wasn't even a conversation really just seemed odd

People are taking it in two different ways though so I can see why you are confused OP

some think he meant the ref was brilliant, some that it wasn't.

Maybe hes just a bumbling fool when it comes to jokes and is now sitting at home thinking 'shit, how did xxxxs mum take that?'

she's not leaving the school to go, she is yr 6 primary so will be starting at whichever school in september

I know he's not a big fan of private school so it got me thinking that he is disappointed we are potentially going down that route

I would say he was trying, badly to make a joke.
Weirdly dd1 school teachers were all very supportive of her moving to local private school but I think because they had all seen how hard we had tried and how it was best for dd1. Most of the staff followed and left too (now school has gone to special measures )

Please please stop thinking its got anything at all to do with disapproval. That is 100% in your head on the basis of this 'snatched conversation' which, as everyone keeps saying, is very very clearly a joke. Even the two different possible jokes are the same really - he's joking about it being brilliant or not brilliant (in a cheeky 'i am joking' way). That is all. Stop it.

Look sausagesandwich34

I think the consensus here is that it was a poorly phrased joke. You're clearly very worried and wound up about this. This isn't what you would want to do - but this whole thing isn't about you. This is about your DD and her outstanding maths ability and supporting that.

STEM (science, technology, engineering and maths) topics are now the only fields at University level to receive supportive government funding. Women are highly under-represented in these fields.

The issue shouldn't be whether it is private or state school - but whether this school can provide your DD with the learning support to build a solid foundation of mathematical understanding, perhaps extend that understanding to applications in sciences and other areas - and to deliver a well rounded education which means that she can explain herself well verbally and in prose.

It seems a fabulous opportunity and I suspect isn't being driven by you (you didn't search out this bursary at a private school I suspect) - but was suggested to you as an option, because of your DDs outstanding ability.

It's very hard sometimes, parents with talented children make some really difficult decisions - look at Andy Murray's Mum - she sent him to Spain as a young teenager so he could get more tennis playnig time in. Now that clearly was probably never in her plans when he was a baby. But she took that gamble because of his ability...

Please stop fretting over what people may think or even what you think about all this. Start asking yourself that if you had the power to control all factors and your DD could go to a school where they would nurture her abilities and extend them, wouldn't you chose to send her there? If the answer is yes - or even most likely yes - then please stop worrying.

Also stop being so snobby about 'private' schools - yes there are bad apples, but it doesn't necessarily mean that this school your DD will go to is 'snobby' or 'arrogant'. Sure it may be elitist - being all about achieving the best/ having the best resources to support learning. Trust me being at a state school where mediocrity is what it's all about, I'd trade in for elitism any day.

it's not a snobby thing, it's a political thing and it goes against my socialist principles

the school she is applying for is a beautiful school, loads of opportunities for her, have met a few of the pupils and they all seemed lovely, confident, well rounded individuals -which is obviously what I would love for DD

my local state school is also a good school overall, and the head gave a very good speech about every child achieving their full potential, but then you talk to the subject teachers and certainly in the lower years it very much feels as though they are treated as a heard

there are 35 children in the year 7,8&9 top maths set and they don't diferentiate the work -so 35 children are exactly the same???
I would be satisfied if she went to the local school, and if I didn't know about the other school then I would probably be happy

gah!

I thought that he meant that in the reference he didn't say that it was brilliant that she might go there as they would be sorry to lose her. So kind of a joke.
I write references sometimes and always say how sad we would be to see the child go (if that is the case). Slightly odd thing to say anyway.