Mumsnet Talk

With DD (aged 9.7, P5) homework is a nightly hell of tears, tantrums, whinging and producing the minimum she can get away with.

Is it time to just let her get on with it, and for her to face the consequences from her teacher if it's not done/not done well?

Yes. She can read and write. She shouldn't need you to help her with her homework - or to make sure she does it.

She can only take responsibility for her homework, when you stop taking responsibility for it.

Um...I stopped once my children could read their own homework. About age 6, in Year 1 or 2. They know that they face the consequences of not doing it.

The ONLY value of primary school homework for me (both from the point of view of parent and teacher) is developing the habit of finding a time to do homework, the discipline of completing it to a 'school' standard in 'home' time, the ability to work independently and take responsible for the results.

I provide a sounding board for negotiating the time, a place and equipment to do it, and occasional discussion [usually while cooking the supper]. They do the work and put it in their own bag, I don't look at it. If they can't do it alone because it is too hard, I put a note to that effect (X tried to do this task for X minutes, they did not undertand it / could not do it / could not remember how to do it) and it is returned incomplete. Occasionally the homework says 'ask an adult to help you to....', in which case of course I help, and note what help was needed.

When I set homework, I have to bear in mind that a fair proportion of my pupils live in homes with no literate adult, and so I set homework that can be read and carried out by children working on their own. To this end, I always set 'rehearsal' homework - there should be nothing new in a piece of homework.

yes let her get on with it
I only help if ds asks for help .

Hmm, why is this in the primary section

Because it's about a primary aged child maybe ?

Where should I have put it?

I'm supposed to sign the homework - should I ignore mistakes, or point them out?

I don't quite see the point of you signing the work, I would say at her age she should be doing it herself in her spare time and if she gets it wrong it will help her teacher see where she needs help. Maybe talk to the teacher to make her aware of the change of regime in your house so she backs you up. My just 7yr old does her own homework, I still have to remind her, but I only help her if she begs asks.

Euphemia,

If you are required to sign, I would sign it, and annotate it.

e.g. 'Unaided, 30 minutes' work' or
'Discussed verbally, then carried on unaided, had not completed after 30 minutes so returned incomplete' or
'Very reluctant to complete homework. Have discussed its importance but I am aware that this is not X's normal standard of work.'

I deal quite regularly with parents whose cildren are reuctant to complete homework at home. I always ask them to talk to me rather than get into prolonged battles at home. We agree a way forward - e.g. I spend a few minutes explaining what is required to that child, or they can choose to do the homework in break time at school instead if they are choosing not to do it at home, or I send home aids such as pencil grips or visual aids which we have at school but the child does not have at home. If a child continues to produce sub-standard work in their homework, bearing in mind their home circumstances, then there are agreed in-school procedures to handle it. We do not expect parents to battle this one by themselves, as it is the CHILD's responsibility to do homework.

(We do also have a specific TA in school who acts as a 'mum equivalent' for homework for a specific group of children who have no possible opportunity to do homework at home. She sets them up with a place and time to do it, provides encouragement and equipment, and generally gets on with other stuff in the background while they are doing it, then hears them read etc. There is a difference between children who have the opportunity to do homework but choose not to take it, and those who have no such opportunity and we recognise that)

When they can cope themselves. Daughter is 10 and has been doing most HW on her own since about 6, though she still needs occassional help with harder sums. In saying that I would rather she was nagged by me than by the teacher.

Depends on the homework. We do get quite a lot that is designed to be done together e.g. Big Talk topics which the whole family is supposed to discuss.

I had stopped having my son read to me as he seemed so fluent. But the teacher has asked that I start again (a page a day) as he thinks they should all be doing so.

Maths, etc, I leave him to do it himself and check it if he asks me to do so or try and kick-start him again if he gets stuck.

My daughter is still little, so I am at least at the table for most of it. Will often write "incomplete as she had enough after ten minutes" or whatever though. Our school are very, very explicit that education is a long game and they don't want them put off at home by homework battles.

Tell her she has a choice - she can either do it without a fuss or not do it. You are not going to take part in any argument. However if she doesn't do it, you will go into the classroom and inform her teacher of what has happened, or hand the teacher a note. Her choice, and she can face the consequences.

I have done this with DD, when I couldn't be bothered with yet another argument, and I told her I was not going to get the blame for her refusal to do her homework. (Teacher has a tendency to lecture the parents in public.) I went into school, told the teacher she had refused to do her homework the night before even though I had told her that her teacher would be very disappointed in her. Teacher gave her the sad face bollocking routine. DD looked like the dog had been run-over. Problem solved and she now gets on with it, and is very enthusiastic about school.

(BTW DD is 5 in a class of 6-7 yr olds in France where discipline and self-responsibility is expected! Children are told to do it themselves, leave the bits they need help on, and ask their parents politely when they have a free moment! No, I am not joking - DD came back and recited this verbatim.)

Hi Euphemia:

I generally agree with post from teacherwith2kids - in that I see my role with DD1 (Y4) & DD2 (Y2) - to organise materials and be there to answer questions/ get the ball rolling on homework.

What I have been doing with DD1 who's just turned 9 - is gradually turning over the homework decision making to her. So previously (Y3 and earlier) I might suggest how she could go about doing something and now I ask her what her ideas are and try to guide her thinking about how she could do the work, when it is a more complicated project. The rest is really straightforward and is just a matter of getting on with it.

My strategy is the build in the homework habit (come home, get a snack and start a bit of work before dinner. Then finish off anything else after dinner. Try to instill 'do not put off 'till tomorrow what you can do today' ethic in my DDs). DD2 (Y2) still needs lots of support, but DD1 is getting quite good at letting me get her started and then allowing me to work with DD1 on her Y2 homework.

I wouldn't be too hard on your DD Euphemia, but I would start to openly discuss that at a certain point she has to take on full responsibility for the homework. This can be achieved in small steps - maybe encouraging homework is done before watching tv, encouraging her to make a start whilst you do something else and she can ask for help if needed.

What I will say is that I do look over the homework for DD1 & DD2. This is because homework is not marked/ returned at our school. They simply get 'Well done!' and a sticker each week on the homework book/ reading diary/ etc... So it's up to me to correct - She don't like strawberries' to She doesn't - because that kind of thing isn't corrected at our school. At first I used to tell DD1 what was wrong - and now I just ask her to re-read the sentence and tell me what is wrong - so for example today she used 'don't' - and self-corrected 'Oh, that should be 'doesn't'. I then asked how do you spell doesn't. She tried dosen't - I said 'Close - you have all the right letters - but that reads dose - nt, which isn't quite right. How do you think you spell does... She got it then.

I am probably still too hands-on with DD1 (9.1, Y4) but she has always liked/wanted my input on things. DD2 (almost 5) has always been more of the "just get on with it" style!

I will say to DD1 "okay you need to do your maths tonight, are you going to do it before dinner or after?", I don't stand over her, but I do check it with her once she's done it. She usually does okay although she's quite "needy" and likes me to be in the room with her. If she is really struggling, I will say "so shall I write and tell Mrs X you couldn't do this?".

Sorry, this is going to sound naive, but what kind of child doesn't have the possibility of doing any homework at home?

Presumably children from chaotic homes, where drink and/or drugs are involved.

The child with 6 or 7 siblings in a 2 bedroom house/flat. The child with a parent who is sole carer for a parent and younger siblings. The child with a parent who has a drug or alcohol problem ... I'm afraid many children have very different experiences to those we would want for them

I'd say sooner rather than later. I say this as someone whose mother often did her RE homework for her (ok, she probably didn't as she was a teacher and would not have overstepped the boundary, but that's what it felt like! She'd give me ideas of what to write, mainly because I couldn't be bothered with the subject and said as much to my teacher, who took it in good humour!).

But I also know someone who would sit with her son until he was at least 16, going through it step by step. Was odd to say the least, and I do wonder how he's getting on at uni know he doesn't have her to hold his hand all the time.

I work with someone who did all her son's course work for GCSE & A levels and let slip to the school when asking for an extension

Learnasndsay - all the children that Mrz lists, plus those who don't actually go 'home' after school (they 'play out' outside the locked house until an adult gets home several hours later, or are taken to an adult's place of - manual - work until bedtime), the children with no literate adult in the house (not only for any reading that is required, but also because such houses don't have any writing or drawing implements in them - we have a lot of children from an ethnic community where the levels of adult illiteracy are close to 100%), the children from overcrowded B&B or mobile home accommodation where there is no flat surface on which to put a book, families where substance abuse is the norm... I think that covers my particular class of children this year but of course these are only a subset of the possible reasons....

I forgot about the children living in one room in a homeless shelter because they have been evicted and the ones living in a battered woman's refuge and the one who has to hide from mum's "customers"

@ MRZ story.
Ugh... this is a pain for me too, Euphemia. I have one who does homework off her own back, one who does it with coaxing, one who has to threatened with death & even then will lie & insist he has none (sigh). I must confess I've decided I don't have it in me to be the dragon, crack the whip & make it happen forever, although I can nag for England about why they should do it.

My son could never remember what he had to do and lost homework diaries on a daily basis my daughter on the other hand usually had her homework complete (so she said) by the time I got home

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with a child who fusses, argues, gets stroppy, tantrums etc, when getting her to do homework. DD is 11 and in Yr 6. We live overseas. The school here is rather "chilled" and although they do set homework, if it's not done there are few consequences. Therefore, DD has no incentive to get it done, other than consequnces from me!

Unless I sit over her and force her to do it, it doesn't get done. I loathe this nightly chore with a passion. DD starts boarding school in September back in the UK and I'm hoping the whole structured prep thing will help her learn a bit of self-discipline in this regard!