how has your school dealt with fighting/bullying?

[HonoriaGlossop1]

Hi, hoping someone can help, either if you're a primary teacher or if you;ve been dealing with similar - my son is 8 in year 4. I'll try and sum up briefly, basically he has been friendly with one of the 'rough' kids this year and has often spoken of how this boy wants to fight rather than play. Ds has been told by us from the beginning to walk away and find other kids if this happens and I think sometimes he has and sometimes he hasn't. The last two weeks or so DS has told us the fighting is escalating and he has been genuinely worried, feeling sick on way to school etc, begging to stay off.

Last week he told us that this boy had sat, and bounced on his chest, and DS had cried in school.

We've written to his teacher today basically describing this and saying that DH and I feel the behaviour is heading toward bullying, and can he tell us how he can help. I've also pointed out that DS has said "I will be 'for it' if he finds out I've told".

I'm posting because although pleasant enough I'm not convinced his teacher will do well dealing with this. Can anyone tell me what you did/would do/have done/school has done in similar situation? I really would value opinions/experience so that I'm armed in the event that we have to challenge the teacher if he won't help.

I'm so nervous today!!! Poor DS, what must he feel like!!

thanks in advance

[HonoriaGlossop1]

bump - hope someone is out there!

[IndigoBell]

There's loads and loads of things school should do about this.

First of all - they need to promise you they'll address it.

They can get the dinner ladies to keep a closer eye on the kids....

They can run a 'circle time' about appropriate play.....

They can put the rougher kid in a lunchtime club which concentrates of social skills.....

They can talk to the rougher kid individually about appropriate play.....

But they need to do something. Your kid should not be beaten up at play time....

[Elibean]

In our school (which is small, admittedly) the Head would know straight away. They would probably do some of what Indigo said, and probably add an Assembly on kindness, respect etc. The 'rough' child might be given special responsibilities to focus on in play/lunch breaks, supervising staff would be asked to keep an eye out.
In other words, it would be nipped in the bud.
I would definitely keep asking for feedback on whats being done, who has been told, etc

[HonoriaGlossop1]

thank you so much Elibean and Indigo - that's exactly what I wanted to know. I don't have great faith in the teacher so it is good to know what kind of things he should be coming back with. That is so helpful! thanks.

[HonoriaGlossop1]

just one thing - with a situation like this, is the child automatically believed? Will they just believe my son is telling the truth?
One of my worries has been that they would just say they couldn't do anything unless they witnessed the behaviour themselves.

[IndigoBell]

Well you have to remember they always phrase everything in teacher speak, so it's not always at all easy to tell what they really think or what they're really saying......

They will be well aware that the other kid is rough. But they may not want to admit that to you...........

Don't back them into a corner. Don't make them admit that they don't supervise the playground properly or anything like that. Leave them lots of wriggle room.

But then focus on whether or not anything changes after your talk......

[HonoriaGlossop1]

yup I know exactly what you mean about teacher speak. You're right - it's very clear that of the two boys, the other one is rough and aggressive and my DS is clearly not! But I won't expect them to actually say that!!!

thanks