Should I have a word?

[FranklinSquare]

Hate these dilemmas!

Dd is in second year primary. Last week the teacher swapped them all round to sit next to different children, as she does every couple of months.Dd is in a 3, and when she came home after the first day, was happy enough in her new place. She is next to the oldest girl in the class (who is almost a full year older than dd and I've always seen her as quite maternal) and one of the class "lively" girls, but not a child that dd has had issues with personally.

After a few days of the new seating, dd comes home all weepy because she's been in trouble and shouted at. Apparently, the lively girl doesn't want that dd is also friends with the maternal one, and so the maternal one said that dd and the lively one should have a "competition" to see which one of them was going to be her friend. Dd and lively girl accepted and were doing something (a race to see who could do something first) and dd got caught and told off.

I have no issue whatsoever with dd being told off for doing something she shouldn't have been doing in class time....but, the other 2 girls didn't get told off and I can just see this continuing until the end of term if the teacher isn't aware of this dynamic (which seems to me like the older girl quite likes having the two younger, and less mature ones almost fighting over her)

Should I tell the teacher what dd told me? I really like the teacher and she is always very fair. I think she caught dd messing about (as part of this bloody competition thing) and didn't realise how it had come about.

I have in the meantime instructed dd that next time anyone suggests she takes part in such a thing to say that people who need to win friendship are total saddos.

[Sylvaniasandwich]

I wouldn't have a word in this case - your dd has learned that if she does something naughty she will get told off. The fact that someone told her to do it doesn't change that - it's a good lesson not to do what other kids tell you.

[sarahfreck]

I think the teacher might appreciate knowing that child 1 is asking others to compete for friendship. I would maybe just mention that without any reference to your dd getting told off. Just to say - was she aware etc and could she keep an eye on it as "you know how these girl friendship issues can kick off into major upsets sometimes".

[Kat1111]

Teachers get a feel for children's personality types pretty quickly. It's not chance that she's grouped up an older, maternal one, a lively one and your DD. Maybe the teacher chose this arrangement to see if it benefited each child?

Your DD had one bad experience- she was caught out for being silly. Maybe the teacher is used to the lively girl being silly, so the threshold is lower. You might argue that's unfair, but then it's unfair to treat all children exactly the same when they're not exactly the same. Your DD learnt the lesson, and she won't do it again. Is that not a good lesson for her?