If another child ignored yours and refused to talk to them would you consider this to be particularly nasty or bullying behaviour?

[sandyballs]

I think not, just get on with it, and stay out of their way, you can't be popular with everyone. But a friends thinks it is so appalling that head needs to be involved .

These are kids that will start secondary later this year, who will surely face a lot worse than this.

[TheVisitor]

As long as the child isn't being isolated from the peer group, then it's normal behaviour for this age, particularly amongst girls. If the one doing the ignoring is getting others to do the same, then that is bullying and needs sorting.

[meditrina]

I'd say it was nasty if it were one or two isolated incidents, and bullying if it's a continuing pattern or there is other evidence of intent.

Is it happening in school?

[TalkinPeace2]

shock horror they might just not like each other

[Ooopsadaisy]

Sounds to me like they are learning a lesson in life.

Some people just don't like each other much so stay out of each other's way.

I think so long as both parties stick to it, then that's fine.

Sounds quite adult to me.

No need for anyone to stir it up.

[spidookly]

Not liking a person does not justify bullying. Ignoring somebody and refusing to acknowledge them is extremely nasty behaviour.

This is exactly the kind of situation that needs to be dealt with by involved adults.

10-11 year old children are old enough to learn that you can be civil to someone even if you don't want to be their friends.

I have no idea what I'd do if this were my child, but I know that if I were an adult in any kind of position of responsibility for this groups of children (e.g. a teacher, or groups leader) I would deal with this and not tell a victimised child that they couldn't expect to be popular with everyone.

[Elibean]

My BF at primary school started doing this when we were about 10. She did it to punish me if I was too friendly with another child, basically - and what I really needed was support from my parents in knowing how to deal with it. Not the Head intervening.

It did blight our friendship/my time at school to some extent, but I think if I'd had more reassurance and support - enough to be confident enough to shrug it off - it would have been a great lesson in life and not letting myself be manipulated. I would call it manipulative behaviour, but not necessarily bullying - unless the child is pulling others in and 'ganging up'.

[Lonnie]

It genuinly depens upon the way the "ignoring" is done.

An example. 2 children dont get on so when they meet in the street they simply do not acknowledge each other but pass on and thats the end of it. (not bullying)

example2 one child greets the other turns around and blatantly ignores then starts to whisper obviously starring at and talking about the child they had just ignored (nasty behaviour)

example 3 one child gets ignored by ringleader whom encourages others and over a period of time this child gets exclude from all acvitiies (bullying)


and as an example 4 one child whom was example 2 then meets the child whom they where blatantly ignoring in Mac D with bf and childs mother (me ) ignores until she gets up and thinks I am no longer present then goes to my dd and her friend very loudly and pointedly " wait until we meet again" I turned around (was in queue) looked her directly in the eyes and asked " wait until what (Name)" starring her down. dd1 and bf have not had any issues with this child since.

may make me an example 2 in one way but frankly it worked and I wished i had dealt with it in primary school and not had my dd go through a year worth of a child doing her best to get to example 3 only due to pure goodness and sensibility of other children knowing that was not ok did we not go there.


in example 2 I would get teacher involved in example 2 if it continued and 3 I would get head involved

[Elibean]

Actually, on second thoughts, if I were the child's parent I would talk to the teacher about it in the hope that they would just keep an eye out to support my child - rather than tackling the one doing the ignoring.

It does rather depend on the situation.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

When my DD was a victim of some particularly nasty exclusionary behaviour, the HT said she needed to finds some news friends.

I agree with that but was aghast that she wasn't going to address the behaviour that contravened her school's rules. Possibly because of who the child's mom was.

[JoanofArgos]

Somewhere in between - wouldn't go to the head, but refusing to talk to another child is not pleasant behaviour, and not something I'd be happy to think one of mine was doing.

[Lookandlearn]

It is an immature way of dealing with the situation where you don't especially like someone or want to be friends with them. Would address it as a parent by saying that it isn't the appropriate adult response to a situation like this. It is difficult though. Wouldn't accept "blanking" in my classroom, grey area about playground, but dealing with it does involve facing the reality that you can't be friends with everyone which can be as hard as dealing with being blanked by someone.

[kerala]

I had a friend at primary school who did this. She learned it from her mother a dreadful woman. I remember as a child watching fascinated as the mother an "intelligent" middle aged woman ignored her family and was in a big stroppy huff for no reason. My friend grew out of it, sadly her mother is still a loon. I would think if a head was approached by the parent of every "victim" of this he would basically have to deal with it full time.

[newgirl]

i would think talking to the teacher is the best way to handle this. he/she knows them well and could do some sort of circle time to discuss practical strategies?

[princessparty]

.Not being friends is one thing but treating someone as though they don't exist by not responding to their questions etc could definitely be bullying.Bullying by exclusion is the nastiest form of bullying and the most difficult to tackle.

[mrsbiscuits]

I don't think there is anything wrong in not liking or not wanting to play with someone. As we get older we learn just to be civil and polite to people we don't necessarily want to be friends with but young children often aren't as sophisticated in their responses. DS1 is not a big socialite, he doesn't have a wide circle of friends and doesn't want one either. Unfortunately at 5 years old his way of dealing with people he doesn't want to play with is to ignore them and teaching him that this can be rude and hurtful is an ongoing and slow process :/ School have been very good at dealing with these issues in PSHE lessons. I am obviously not talking here about older children who understand what they are doing is cruel and are doing it for that reason and if that is the case then you need to get the school involved.

[theghostofposhlymanor]

Agree with Lonnie.

Plus it totally depends on why the person is ignoring your child. If it's because your child has been nasty to them, then I don't blame them for ignoring your child. In fact a lot of people TELL children "oh just ignore them" when someone's being mean.

I don't think ignoring in it's self is bullying. In fact it can be the self-protective behaviour of someone BEING bullied.