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Primary education

Ongoing issues with DD and Teacher (Yr1)

6 replies

FallenAngel22 · 26/03/2011 08:25

DD is in Year 1 and one of the youngest in the year - 6 in Aug. She's been in the school nursery and reception class and loved it, we had no issues. However since she went into Year 1, we've had issue after issue with the teacher and DD's behaviour. DD is an exuberant, enthusiastic child, who loves to learn and chat. She's had a bit of a shock in Year 1 as the teacher (quite rightly so) won't stand for it. I imagine her in class to be a bit of a Hermione Grainger in the making!

It first came to light about 4 weeks into the new school year that she shouts out in class and doesn't understand waiting her turn. We did alot of work with her reminding her etc etc and all seemed to calm down. Then when she went back after Christmas, it's just got worse and worse. The teacher collars me in the school playground sometimes 2 or 3 times a week to say DD's been shouting out again, she's got red cards, she's answering back etc etc. We have been mortified and again impressed on DD that this is not how to behave at school. She understands but says she justs forgets. I guess it's all heat of the moment stuff, she's so keen in school and wants to answer questions that she does forget.

However, this seems to be getting worse and worse. The teacher keeps talking to me, DD gets sanctions but nothing seems to be improving except she is now getting disollusioned with school for the first time ever.

At a recent parents' evening we broached it the teacher played it down saying "she isn't the only one, they all do it, she's only 5" so we thought "ok" maybe it's not as bad. But since that parents' evening she's spoken to me at least 3 times in one week!

So I've broached her and asked for a meeting next week. She seemd relucant but agreed but I'm dreading it. I'm not a parent that thinks my child is an angel - far from it. I told her that, and that I wanted to work with her but it feels like these issues are only issues when she wants and it's all getting a bit petty. I pick up every day so have spent some time observing whether or not she speaks to other parents and I've only seen her collar someone after school once in the last month or so, apart from me! Of course there could have been other meetings etc and I know I'm jumping to conclusions on that score, I just feel out of my depth with all this.

I am dreading the meeting and wondered if anyone could give me some advice on how to approach these issues without criticsing the teacher. I like her, DD seems to like her and until recently was enjoying school.

I want to say to her that we need to come to a common strategy to help DD's social skills. She is emotionally immature compared to some of her peers who are almost a year older than her and the teacher did admit that to me in the parents' evening, yet she still brings up the shouting out in class.

I have my own issues from school days and this just makes me feel like a kid again and I don't want to offend anyone at the school just want to work with them to get the best out of DD. Her school work is average but I feel it could be better if she applied herself better but at 5, is that not a tall ask and something that comes with age?

Any tips for the meeting would be most welcome.

Thanks

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southernbelle77 · 26/03/2011 08:35

She is still so little, bless her. It must be hard for you, your DD and the teacher, but as you say, if you can come to a common understanding on dealing with it, it would help. At DD's school, especially in YR and Y1, they used sticker charts for this sort of thing. Could you suggest that the teacher implements a reward chart - every time DD puts her hand up to answer a question rather than shouting out, she gets a sticker? Give her a set number of stickers to aim for? You could reward her at home if she achieves them?
As a parent of being collared in the playground, I understand how it feels!

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receiverofopiniongiver · 26/03/2011 08:36

The only negative comment I have ever had in my dd's school career (she's now year 9) is the calling out in class. It seems to go in waves - I don't know whether some teachers are less tolerant of it (I do appreciate it's not a good trait to have) or whether it's enthusasim for subjects and topics makes my dd forget, and when she's not as caught up in the moment, she can hold her exhuberance (sp.).

Suggestions that have been made to us over the years are as follows (unfortunately none of these last long for us, but you may have better success).

Counting to 5 in the head before answering the question.
Hear one other answer before offering yours.
Ping a hairband on wrist, before answering question, as it's enough of a stop to make arm go up (prob least advisable for 5 year old :))

I have been given others but can't remember them, as they come back to me I'll post them.

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FallenAngel22 · 26/03/2011 08:46

Thanks both, they're good suggestions. I will definitely bring up about a reward system or such like. From what I do know it sounds like the teacher ignores the bad behaviour but does not praise the good.

They do have a reward card for general behaviour/work/playing nice but I don't think DD would equate a general reward system to this issue if that makes sense?

I can only imagine how disruptive it is trying to teach 5 and 6 year olds when you have some calling out and others shying away but, at risk of dumbing down the teacher, that is her job and what she is trained to work with. I am more than happy to help implement a system at home, but given this behaviour isn't happening at home as such, it's hard to shout at DD hours after the event and when she's already had a rollocking at school.

She is an only child and has always loved nursery/school and loves being with others. I am very paranoid of her turning into a "spoilt only child" or at least her teaching thinking that which is not that case. She is not allowed to interrupt at home, has to say please and thank you and definitely does not get her own way. If anything we are more than hard on her because we don't want her to go that way.

Also, it's not like I can see what is going on at school as we're not allowed to assist in her school in lessons.

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Bucharest · 26/03/2011 08:54

She sounds enthusiastic and lovely....I had a class of 11 and 12 year olds yesterday afternoon, and the brightest, happiest, most enthusiastic ones still do the shouting out and not waiting their turn.

As you said, it must be hard for the teacher to control a class of teenies, but tbh, if your daughter (and others, as she herself has pointed out) shouting out and not turn taking, is the worst she's got to deal with then she's having a pretty easy ride IMO.

Another thing- do you think the teacher actually physically seeing you jogs her memory at the slightest little thing dd does and she feels she has to tell you? I've found that a bit with dd (who is also very "enthusiastic" about life Grin) that the teacher will stop me at drop off time (because I go in, and physically hand her over) and tell me some minor infraction. I find myself sometimes thinking "what about the child that dd told me writes swearwords all over the blackboard at breaktime, has her mother been stopped and told off?" (no, she hasn't, because she leaves her daughter at the gates and legs it)

It sounds a bit mountain out of molehill to me.

Good luck with it.

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Goblinchild · 26/03/2011 09:31

I used to have a little whiteboard for one lovely boy and I'd tally how many times he called out in a session. When he got to 10, he'd get a little sanction.
I'd share the tally with him as it grew, and after a term, he rarely got to ten. Then I lowered the tally.
We treated it as a problem we both wanted to solve.
He was an expert in some areas, so I also had designated group leaders who would lead and share expertise with a small group in some activities a few times a week.
The tally also helped me get a grip, because it felt as if he was being disruptive every ten seconds. It was every 30 seconds in reality...then every few minutes...now he's zooming through GCSEs and a mature and lovely young man.

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FallenAngel22 · 26/03/2011 10:54

I don't do the drop off in the morning only the pick up.

Bucharest, interesting you say that the 11/12 years still shout out! I was hoping she might learn to control it! I don't want to quash her desire for learning so I feel at the moment, it's a fine line to tread.

Ahh Goblinchild, what a good idea. I'm not sure though the teacher would go for it tbh. I just get the feeling she is "everything for an easy life". They sometimes don't get their spellings for the weekend as the TA doidn't copy the correct sheets (acccording to DD) so no homework. Not a huge issue, but it was over the hols once so we just did our own.

She's not been a Yr1 teacher for that long, maybe 2 or 3 years as she always taught the older classes.

I just feel though, as she is the teacher and it's in her class that DD is not behaving that she should be wanting to work with me to solve it, or at least improve it. Yet all's she seems to want to do is tell me that DD has done X,Y and Z.

I am making a huge effort to communicate with her in a fair way so I just hope she has the respect for me as a parent to at least offer some suggestions. When she's spoken to me about it at pick up, she doesn't seem to want to solve it per se, just tell me it's happened. So, as a parent I'm unsure how she wants me to tackle it. My gut instinct is to speak to DD about it but sometimes, if it's something that's happened a day or so ago, she honestly can't remember why she was in trouble.

I want to solve it, really but I suspect we might have to put it down to teacher/child difficulties and hope year 2 is better. It's not a big school and there's only 19 in her class so it's not like she has a huge class or anything - maybe DD's just too big a personality for her.

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