not getting on with dd teacher

[ElinElin]

I have placed a thread here before about this but the saga continues.
In Jan my dd(who is in reception) was still getting picture books I asked why and teacher said she cannot match character names with characters. She had been able to do this since September at home. The teacher said she cannot do it in school. The day after she got a note saying she can do it and she got a book with words. Spoke to the teacher said I was concerned why she could not do this in school when she does it at home really well. I asked what is she like in class in she worried about something. Teacher replied: she is not confident, she never contributes, never puts her hand up. It is getting long now but teacher said things such as I should back off at home not teach her things at moment, She cannot improve communication cause she has 30 kids etc etc. Anyway went for parent meeting last Thursday. Teacher started meeting by saying your dd is now cofident again. She joins in etc. Then she was talking about her reading and when I first asked her can dd read for ex word box. She said yes. We questioned the book band she was on. And then I asked again would my dd be able to read a word by souding it herself? this time she said no I have to sound it for her. At home she is able to read a lot of words by herself when sounding them.The day after she got a stage 1 + book instead of stage 1 (however I think they are in the same colour band) Anyway we ran out of time and have been to see her again today. I know she checked my dd reading on Friday and again yesterday my dd read to another teacher. Today when we saw her she said your dd can read word by sounding them but if she reads i.e. box on one page and next page says box she would sound it again rather than just reading box. Ok maybe sometimes dd does this so can understand her reasoning. Again today she has stage 1+ book not stage 1. She then got very defensive and said we are accusing her of not doing her job properly. I just feel that every time I mention my dd can do something teacher disagrees but then moves her up/on and also she is changing her story everytime I ask something. Just feel horrible not being on good terms with teacher but I haven't got confidence in her and don't like her attitude. What shall I do. Sorry about the essay.

[hillyhilly]

Perhaps if you stopped questioning her teaching and let her get on with her job you'd find her more pleasant?
I hope you don't mind my saying that you do seem a bit obsessive about stage 1/ stage 1+, whether she sounds out/ matches pictures etc.

[RoadArt]

Lots of children dont do stuff at school that they can do at home and a teacher cant/wont move a child onto something just because the parents says their child can do it.

If a teacher marked in their records that a child has passed a stage when she hasnt physically seen it, and then someone assessed that child and the child failed, thent he teacher would be reprimanded for inaccurate records.

Teachers have to be confident in their own assessments.

Let your child be happy and enjoy school and dont put the pressure on. You have a long way to go in school and believe me there will be other more important issues to deal with.

As long as your dd is reading at home, dont worry about it, the school books will follow. You will see lots of threads about books on MN.

[GypsyMoth]

sorry,she's reception,you do need to back off. the teacher is right.

[littlepigshavebigears]

I agree that in reception it is still very very early, the children are very little and what they can do at home can differ wildly from what they can do in the classroom - if she really can do it, then you can relax to a degree because it will come at school as well

I do think though that the best teachers welcome information from parents about what the child can do at home - parents need to feel "believed" as well as teachers and the really excellent teachers my dc have had were able to acknowledge and accept our comments and explain to us that just because they can't mark our child as doing something at school yet doesn't mean that we are lying, or that our child is being failed in the classroom

also I find it that hillyhilly's response was "stop questioning her teaching" - why on earth? We don't stop caring about our children just because they are at school. And there IS such a thing as a crap teacher - nobody is always right, not even teachers. It's not reasonable to declare as a blanket statement that teachers should never be questioned by parents. You get teachers who are arrogant or incompetent, just as you get parents who are arseholes.

Both parties are responsible for a healthy dialogue. Some parents have trouble trusting teachers and they get upset that the teachers seems to be saying something they regard as untrue - they don't understand the teaching methods or the assessment process and if they are worried, the teacher should take the time to discuss it with them properly. If the teacher is doing a good job (as most are!) then there is no need for defensiveness or fobbing-off. Parents generally aren't out to get the teacher, they just want what is best for their child.

[Zettelbox]

The teacher may well think you're a bit OTT if you're questioning the difference between a level 1 and a 1+. They are in the same band after all. Why don't you leave it for a bit and see how things are next term - it does seem like early days.

[ElinElin]

I did not question level 1 and 1+ with the teacher. I simply wanted her to explain to me why dd is where she is and what next steps should be. When dd has been able to do something at home for 4 months and teacher says she cannot do it in school and day after I mention it she can suddenly do it in school. A bit of a coinsidence! So yes after that I am questioning her a bit. Specially since she seems to indicate all the time how difficult it is to have 30 kids. I think as a parent I have the right to ask how my dd is getting on and the teacher to explain why she is whete she is etc. If teacher is right and has nothing to hide then she should be happy to explain this to me. Also she would say something and we would question it and she would change her mind and say something else. Am I not meant to question things why, she is a teacher not God.

[GypsyMoth]

A teacher yes, with 30+ kids to deal with. And coincidences DO happen. Maybe your dd has suddenly learned these things and your tone with the teacher has made the teacher uncomfortable, so she's tested again

Sorry, you sound very pfb!

It's reception reading, nothing greatly important in the scheme of things at this stage. I feel sorry for this poor teacher tbh

[skybluepearl]

maybe just continue helping her blend words at home. i think it's good to have discussions between teacher and parent but there is a fine balance.

[mrz]

Basically you don't need to get on with your daughter's teacher. She needs to maintain a professional relationship with you for your daughter's sake beyond that ...

[clam]

Put this in perspective. Are you even going to remember this as an issue in 12 months' time. Or even 6?

Back off and let your DD and the school get on with it. You're not doing yourself any favours by keep going in and harping on about it. She will learn to read.

[mrz]

the stage 1 and stage 1+ are the same level the + books were published as additional texts at this level not higher levels.

[MigratingCoconuts]

I agree, I think you could back off a bit and allow your dd and the teacher a bit of space. The most important thing this year is that your dd gets confident and happy at school. All else will follow.

[ElinElin]

Thanks pigshavebigears you seem to have understood where I am coming from. And one of my main issues is (and this is not to do with teacher) the lack of communication between home and school. We have no reading comment book, no link book, no website etc. If there was more communication on a regular basis there would not be so many misunderstandings, surprises and questioning at the parent meetings 2 or 3 times a year. Yes it is early and kids are young (in my opinion I would have been happy if they started school a year later) but that is not to say it is not important. The first year(s) in school is very important. And in my dd school they divide them into groups of ability in reception. This can be a good thing becayse they would learn at the level they are at. But it takes close monitoring. How do they know when they are ready to move up to next level how often do they move them. I think if things were explained more openly to parents about assessment what kids are learning and how etc I would not feel so worried about it.

[clam]

"it takes close monitoring. How do they know when they are ready to move up to next level"

Erm... probably because they have trained at a high level for several years and are very experienced with 4 and 5 year olds? They really don't need you telling them how to do their job.

[Carrotsandcelery]

Elin I could have written your post and I do understand very much how you feel.
My ds could read when he started school. We had Biff and Chip books from when Dd was learning and he could read them at stage 3 easily.
However, when the class were first issued books he was not even given one. I had a good relationship with his teacher and I questioned this. She agreed to retest him, on his own, away from the excitement of the classroom and suddenly he was given a book.
This was fine and the teacher seemed to appreciate that it was the classroom environment that was ds's problem with reading and not his ability to read.
Unfortunately this teacher was promoted (good for her but not for us) and ds went through about 9 other teachers over the course of the year.
These teachers just couldn't get the message that ds could read well but not well in the classroom environment and he made little or no progress for the rest of the year, despite repeated attempts from me. Everytime the teacher changed they said they needed to get to know him first and by the time they had done that a new supply teacher had appeared.
We decided just to teach him to read at home. We did the reading that the school issued with him but we continued to use the reading books we had from dd learning to read and to use appropriate phonics books from the library etc.
He is now in P2 and his teacher this year is lovely. He has progressed a huge amount with her and she can see his potential and can separate his problems within the classroom from his academic ability iyswim.
That said, because he was put in a group last year, he remains more or less in that group now, which is where my understanding with your concern comes in. The whole group has made huge progress but he is reading at least 3 stages ahead at home. The teacher seems to be aware of this but says if he skips stages he will skip workbooks etc and he will have missed out on work.
I can see her point but find it incredibly frustrating that he may be working below his potential for ages due to the problems he had in P1.
My advice would be to arrange a meeting with the class teacher to discuss your dds reading progress. Parents' evenings do not always allow enough time to really come to an understanding if there is a bigger problem. Teachers have these meetings regularly and will not be alarmed about your request for one.
Be nice, show that you appreciate she has a large class etc but also point out that your dd needs to be looked at more thoroughly, maybe outwith the classroom, so that her reading can be reassessed. Ask to review the situation in 6 weeks or 8 weeks or at the end or each term etc so that the teacher cannot ignore the issue. Sadly, when teachers are overworked it is the parents who make the most fuss who get heard. It is not nice but it is a fact. She cannot ignore you if she knows she will have to keep meeting with you.
Alongside this I would go and have a good look at what is available in your local library or scour ebay for books that you can use to support your dd at home. If it is Biff and Chip these are widely available and if you help her to read at home, in a light hearted fun way, cuddled up on the sofa together or similar she will grow in confidence and this will eventually filter through to the classroom too.
If nothing else, if you teach her at home you will know she is getting the time and attention that is just impossible to give in such a large class. You will also know that she will be learning to read and progressing at a pace which suits her.
You don't need to push her at all, but you might need to push the teacher a little.
Good luck!