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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Poo problem - advice please

13 replies

curtaincall · 14/03/2011 17:59

Clever, mature 6 year old - this is how he's perceived at school and for the most part at home, poos in his pants on an irregular but fairly common basis. His dad has just come in from the garden where he (ds) did one that dropped straight down his trousers and into his furry snow boots. It would be funny if we weren't spending half our time soaking clothes and loading and unloading the washing machine.

What can we do? We have tried so many approaches and he seems to have no sense of shame or desire to control himself. I've just tried having a talk about it and he said, perfectly seriously, "thank goodness we don't live in Roman times when they didn't have washing machines", . He'll go for a week using the loo and then seems to forget altogether. Please help with any useful suggestions. Does he need to see a psychologist?

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curtaincall · 14/03/2011 18:17

Well maybe I've posted in the wrong place? Just thought there might be someone out there who sees lots of kids and could tell me if this is unusual.

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AbigailS · 14/03/2011 18:33

I assume that as it is not all the time your child understands the sensation when he needs a poo? It might be useful to build a diary of what he is doing when these accidents happen. Is he so engrossed in something? Is it in a certain place, at a certain time, at home AND at school, after certain meals? It might help build up a pattern, then you can help / remind him to go to the loo or watch out for the sensations of needing a poo at these times.
IMO a quick chat with your GP might help.

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SooooCynical · 14/03/2011 19:32

Does he ever do it at school in fornt of his friends etc etc.

I had the same problem with DS2 which we didn't get sorted until he was 5 and half. I knew it was just laziness as he never did it at or anywhere where it would be obviously embarassing. When i used to ask him why he didn't use the toilet all I got was 'it's boring'. The thing is in our house we only have one toilet and it's upstairs and the bottom line he couldn't be bothered to go upstairs and couldn't stand the thought of being 'out of the action'.

We tried everything and eventually what happened for us was his best friend's mum inviting him for a sleep over (purely out of practicality as they live some distance away). I told him there was no way I could allow him to go unless I knew he wouldn't poo in his pants. For two weeks he was great and I let him go without incident. Everything fine for another couple of weeks and then he started pooing in his pants again. We took him down ToyRUs and found a Lego set he really, really wanted and normally would have had to wait for his birthday for. We set up a sticker chart (which had never worked before) for a whole 4 weeks. It worked like a dream and we've never looked back.

I do know getting angry was really counter productive. I was just very disappointed in him and asked how he'd feel if his friends knew he was behaving like that.

As I said I knew there was no medical issue because it never happened at school or when we were out and about so i knew he was holding on to do them in his pants at home.

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Booandpops · 14/03/2011 20:12

Both of mine did this but were younger both had stopped by 2.9. However I understand how frustrating it can be. I agree getting angry makes it worse and we bribed to get results Jelly beans in my case but going on age of yr child a more expensive gift or treat would work better!!

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sageygirl · 14/03/2011 20:44

Am currently bribing DD, who is 4.5 and in yr R. Seems to be working, all well for a couple of weeks now. She does it late in the day, perhaps when a bit tired and can't be bothered with going to the toilet. Never ever at school or when out. Was happening 2-3 times a week. Bribing her with a trip to a local farm park, which I'd planned to go to anyway, but she loves it and if she stays clean for another week I'll make a big thing of it, it will be her big girl day out and I'll let her spend some money on tat in the gift shop and have an ice-cream, sausage and chips for lunch, etc, etc.

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generalhaig · 14/03/2011 20:51

he's probably chronically constipated - what happens when constipation builds up is that the colon gets extended which means they lose the sensation that they need to go

it's hard to spot cos they're still pooing so it's the last thing to cross your mind

it may be psychological, but it's probably got a physical component so your best bet is getting an urgent referral to your local paediatric continence clinic

good luck - I know from experience what a frustrating time it can be

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lovesbeingamummy · 14/03/2011 22:13

My son did this for a while after potty training was complete, he was about 3/3.5 years old. At the time he was really into collecting those little die cast cars from the 'Cars' film. I used to leave a new one on the windowsil in the loo and every time he did a poo he could have it. Ok, it was a bit expensive, and if i had my time over again i choose something cheaper, but it worked.

I guess you need to check with your GP that there is no physical reason for it happening first.

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IloveJudgeJudy · 14/03/2011 23:46

My DS2 did this. In the end I did go to the GP and got referred. This was what was needed. I had a colleague with a son with the same sort of problem. Unless you show him that you are taking this seriously I don't think you and he will be able to solve this problem.

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curtaincall · 15/03/2011 11:24

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts and advice. We have tried treats if he collects enough stars on his chart, but he has a rather hazy, detached relationship with owning things. Or rather he wants something but not enough clearly for it to make a difference in this case. When he was 3-4ish, we had about 46 Mr Men to tempt him with and it worked for a while, but now he's not bothered if he doesn't get what's on offer.

Also, he never soils at school or as far as I know outside of home. He keeps it 'stored up' for home.

generalhaig what you have said does ring a bell as he says he can't feel it coming out. It seems to make alot of sense and will contact our GP in the first instance with a view to a referral.

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Zettelbox · 15/03/2011 18:36

curtaincall This book was extremely helpful when we were in the same situation.

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CoonRapids · 15/03/2011 20:55

Good luck curtaincall. DS 6.9 has had constipation and witholding problems for around 3.5 years. He's on medication and is 'better', but still has to have a routine around sitting on the toilet and sometimes still soils his pants. He also holds on to wee sometimes, at school where he doesn't like the smell in the toilets and at home when he's engrossed in something. It can be a tricky long term problem... I'm hoping time will fix it. The book recommended by curtaincall is good.

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emeraldislander · 15/03/2011 23:46

www.amazon.co.uk/Playful-Approaches-Serious-Problems-Professional/dp/0393702294/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1300232736&sr=1-1&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

good book also.

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curtaincall · 16/03/2011 10:01

The book on constipation looks good zettelbox and I've been reminded to look at his fibre intake. Have made an appointment to see the GP tomorrow as a first step. Thank you again.