To defer or not to defer, that is the question

[desertgirl]

Sorry I think this may be a bit long, not sure what is relevant, and head spinning a bit. Anyway, background is, don't live in the UK; there are a lot of international schools here, including the one I picked for DS and DD, which is an IB curriculum primary school.

The intake goes by year of birth, so children born in 2006 (like DS) started in KG1 last September; children born in 2007 will start this September.

DD was born in mid November 2007 (so is 3.3, and would normally start at this school in 6 months time. She went for her assessment a few weeks ago, after which the school called and said they wanted to go and observe her at nursery. Nursery then said the visit had taken place, they thought the concern was around her social skills (she is very selective about who she will talk to), and that school were going to go back to see her in March (this bit was apparently a misunderstanding)

Anyway I eventually decided I couldn't wait until the end of March when they let you know if you have a place (too much other stress right now) and asked what was it all about. It turns out the concern is actually that they can't understand her speech. She can go to school in Sept, but I might need to get her speech therapy (obviously if I need to I will) - and I might want to consider deferring her for a year.

However, I have to decide whether to defer or not by the end of March.

Her speech is not the most advanced for her age, neither was/is her brother's, but at home she is a chatterbox and most of the time, I think, speaks fairly clearly. This year there does seem to have been a 'talking' issue at nursery, though; she will talk to her two particular friends but not to the rest of the class, or the teachers. I did look more into this when I heard it, as I was concerned she wasn't happy; but everyone who observed her in class said she seemed perfectly happy and was joining in, just not talking.

She is going through a shy/fearful phase at the moment; obviously I have no idea how long this will last.

She could have another year at nursery; her nursery teacher said it might help her confidence, being in a familiar environment -
but then she will go through school being slightly out of age group. I know it is only 6 weeks - but I did the opposite, in primary, and was accelerated, only out of age group by 3 weeks but very aware of it the whole time I was in school - and I don't think it was a good idea. DD wouldn't have the same issues; in fact she would possibly be less likely to have the social issues as the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest(?) - but would still be 'different'.

I think I'm going back to talk to nursery... but am really not sure what I should be taking into account, let alone what decision to make. If anyone has any advice, I would be very grateful!

[skybluepearl]

my middle child will be one of the youngest in the class when he starts and i would love him to be the oldest in the class instead. If it means your daughter will be more confident and not struggling academically in class then it could be worth delaying. 6 weeks is very minimal really.

[peterpie]

Hi desertgirl

I live in a country that has the same school year so DS1 born in December 2006 started school the year he was due to turn 3, at 2 years and 9 months. I have to be honest and say it almost killed me having to send him to school full time at that age, and I hated myself for doing it.

He is the youngest in his class and when he started school his level of English was more advanced than his level of Spanish and so this was another concern I had. He hadn´t been to Nursery and there was no option to defer so I felt caught between a rock and a hard place.

The good news is I am amazed by the progress he has made and although it took him a very long time to settle he is now happy, has made friends and enjoys going to school. His Spanish has overtaken his English. Your DD may really surprise you

Like skybluepearl I would also love him to be the eldest in the class and its made worse because if we were still in the UK he wouldn´t be starting school until this coming September at almost 5 - a huge difference!

Good luck, it´s a very difficult decision to make

[desertgirl]

she's in nursery for longer hours than she will be in school for so the full time bit isn't particular bothering me (am separated, and work full time :()- and I don't actually think she would be struggling academically, to the extent you can tell at this age, she seems a bright wee button - it is the confidence/social thing.

Goodness peterpie, I thought not yet 4 was early to be starting school, not yet 3 is incredibly young; was it really like school at that stage?? lucky boy growing up bilingual.

Thanks both of you for the answers...

[Noggie]

I think if you can defer it is a good idea as its not just about being the youngest when you start school- but being the youngest in your class as a teenager too!