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VERY TORN ABOUT MOVING DS TO A PRIVATE SCHOOL

68 replies

UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 11:22

DS (6.7yrs) is in year two in a very small local primary with a lovely friendly atomosphere. The headteacher knows all the children and there are only 4 classes and mixed years in all of the classes.

DS has always struggled to meet his targets. He is summer born(birthday end of July) so had only just turned 4 when he went into Reception. He is behind in every area and we are often given extra work to do at home with him. I find it a struggle as he really hates doing extra work at home and has even hidden it! I do read with him and do as much as I can and he has just started an online maths program.

His teacher has confimed that he finds it hard to concentrate and stay on task and is easily distracted. He is given extra help 3x a week within a small group. Homework/spellings etc. are always geared to his "ability" (eg recent spelling tests he was given Y1 words-but he knew how to spell all of them). Sometimes, other children have commented "they are easy/I have harder work than you".

He seems to get on well with most of the children in his class and is always happy to go to school and has plenty of "play dates" etc.

The problem with year 3 is that he will be going into a class of 32-35 pupils. I know that year3 is when the "serious" work starts and feel that he is going to get lost in a class of this size. I'm also worried that he will start y3 being behind and never catch up.

We have started looking at a few private schools in our area and they all have small classes (between 8-15). A friend has just moved her DS (from same class as my DS) and he is coming on leaps and bounds and loves his new school.

I want to do what is best for my DS. I don't want to push him to be academic if he clearly isn't going to be. I just want him to get as much help as possible and not get lost in a huge class.

My concern is that he is happy where is he is and perhaps we should look at a tutor to help him so that he could stay where he is? How will they help him in a private school? Is it really the right move? I'm dreading explaining to him that he is moving to another school and am afraid that more damage will be done by moving him than not.

How have others handled a move with their DC? I suppose I just want someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing and I know no-one can do that but it would help to hear other experiences.

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Pagwatch · 28/02/2011 11:31

The questions you are asking are all entirely dependant upon the exact school you are looking at.
Private school vary as much as state schools do. Some will be very good and support your son. The enviroment could be brilliant for him.
Some will be completely shit and he will lose the extra support he is currently getting.

Go and talk to the schools. Bear in mind that some if the better schools won't accept him if he is struggling. They may well have an entry exam and interview and he may not get in. That process can be hard on a Childs confidence if it is not handled well.

Go and see the schools and ask them thecquestions you have asked here.
Or start a thread asking about the schools you are considering.

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 11:38

Thank you pagwatch.

We have appointments to see three schools next week. I'm sure you're right that a lot of my questions will be answered when we actually tour the schools and speak to the Head.

One of the schools(on the phone) asked me why I wanted to move him and I mentioned the class sizes which she seemed understanding about. But when I mentioned he was struggling-it was like she was on red alert and I started backpeddalling-it was awkwardHmm.

I'm aware that if we wanted him to enter Y3 there will be some kind of formal assessment(which I'm not sure he would pass) so we were thinking of moving him after Easter.

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jarralass · 28/02/2011 11:42

Hi,

We were in a similar situation to you when our DS was in reception. He was in a very sought after state primary and we were over the moon to get him in as we were outside the catchment. However, after a few weeks we got the impression he was "getting lost" in the class, and was stuggling. We felt that if we left him there he would just cruise, and possibly get distracted and just hide. We made the decision to move him to a private school, he was in a class of 4!!! this was billiant for him as he got alot of one to one, which brought him on. He is now in Yr1 and the class has grown to 7, this is what he needed, there is no where to hide. The school we chose is not a real academic school, they also do alot of sports, music, arts etc, which suited our DS.

What I will say though, is that we do get homework, not loads, but there is still a certain amount of parent input. Reading each night and spellings once a week.

We are pleased wigth our decision, it suited our child. He is just an average boy, perhaps staying average but at least he won't slip.

Hope this helps

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Pagwatch · 28/02/2011 11:44

Sorry if I misunderstood but you do understand that he will be assessed regardless of when he applies. My dcs have been assessed variously at 4, 7, 8 and 11. When we moved ds1 half way through year 1 he did a half hour exam and interview.

You should be upfront because otherwise you may move him and find he is struggling at the lower end of the class which will not help him. If the school is very academic you should get their honest opinion. Some will be but some won't. Better to cross a very academic school off the list now rather than worry if he could manage.
You want him to be in an environment that embraces and supports him - not one where he is scrabbling to keep up.
There are different types of school. Just rule out the toughest academic environments. Look fir the supportive pastoral ones where he can flourish.

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Checkmate · 28/02/2011 11:57

I echo what Pagwatch says; start a thread on here asking about the schools you're considering, and ask around in your local area.

You'll probably get a strong impression if any of these schools is "right". But still, ask around, don't leave it all to intuition.

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weegiemum · 28/02/2011 12:04

Is it really permissable to have 32-35 children in a mixed year class?

My dd1 is in a mixed class (p5/6) and I am sure that her class size of 24 (plus one extra pupil who is in the class temp for a month due to a parental placement) is the legal mx.

We are in Scotland, maybe it is different up here. Legal max for any class is 33. For mixed class I am sure it is 24. How can any teacher manage a mixed group of 36 in different year groups?

Have you checked/asked the school about this?

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 12:05

Yes, sorry-I know there will be an assessment but was under the impression it would be a bit easier than the Y3 entry one?

I definitely want him in a supportive, nurturing environment that brings out the best in him. I don't want him to struggle in an overly academic, competitive environment.

jarralass, thanks for telling me about your experience. Glad it all worked out for your DS. Reading and spellings I can cope with. It's all the extra work we were trying to get through. He was having tantrums and hiding it from me!

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 12:09

weegiemum-lots of the mums have mentioned the class size next year. One mum told me that there is no legal limit on class sizes in primary, which I find hard to believe...

There are 27 in his mixed Y2 class at the moment.

I'm going to make an appointment with his teacher and talk over everything. She is lovely and very understanding.

Will start a thread about the schools too.

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bigTillyMint · 28/02/2011 12:13

Definitely talk with the teacher so that you can find out exactly what the problems are and how serious they feel they are.

Then, armed with the facts, be honest with any schools you go to - you want to ensure he gets the right level of support and challenge.

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Merrylegs · 28/02/2011 12:14

"we are often given extra work to do at home with him. I find it a struggle as he really hates doing extra work at home and has even hidden it."

He will most likely get more homework in a private school and be expected to complete it with consequences if he doesn't.

Also - smaller classes are not always better. What if there are only 4 boys and he doesn't get on with 2 of them for example?

If they are taking him out of class now for smaller group work is that likely to stop in YR 3? Because that sounds like a good compromise.

Perhaps just a few more thoughts to throw into the mix?!

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weegiemum · 28/02/2011 12:17

"Up here" there is a limit on mixed year group classes and I think a 33 limit on all classes.

Certainly my dd2 and ds who are in single year groups have much larger classes than dd1 in her mixed class.

Not a primary teacher though so can't confirm. Seems like a HUGE class, even for a single year group!

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JoanofArgos · 28/02/2011 12:22

Even if I felt differently about private schools, I think I'd think it a bit mad to take a 7 year old out of a school where he is happy and which you like!

And I would have crossed the one off the list immediately when the woman bridled at the idea of a child who was struggling!

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smallwhitecat · 28/02/2011 12:31

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JoanofArgos · 28/02/2011 12:34

But he is only 6! And he is happy! There's time for him to do hard spellings later!

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pugsandseals · 28/02/2011 12:34

Have you considered moving him down a year? Many private schools are more willing to do this than state schools & as he is on the cusp of his year group anyway... just a thought!

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 12:36

Thank you smallwhitecat, good point. I just need to find the "right fit" for my DS.

I worry that he will still struggle with the work even in another school but at least he will be in a much smaller class and they will probably have more resources and time to help him.

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HiBarryScottHere · 28/02/2011 12:37

We are often given extra work to do at home with him. I find it a struggle as he really hates doing extra work at home and has even hidden it!

The amount of homework will probably quadruple if you move him to a private school. Also, if he is surrounded by overachieving children, it might make him feel worse about being behind.

I would look at other strategies for bringing him up to the level he should be at.

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ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 28/02/2011 12:38

The legal class size limit in England (and Wales, I think) of 30 pupils with one teacher only applies to Key Stage 1. So assuming the mixed year class is years 3/4, there is no legal limit on the class size (although things like the size of the classroom and other facilities will impose their own limitations).

My child is at a state school, but I've read enough primary education threads to know that some independent schools cater very well for children with additional needs whereas others provide far less support than a state school would (and may even ease the child out of the school). As ever, Pagwatch offers sage advice.

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 12:44

pugsandseals, I have thought about moving him down and will see what the schools think. I just don't want him to think he is going backwards or be embarrassed that he is staying in Y2-they can be so sensitive about things at this age.

Joan, my point about the spellings are that they are putting him into a box with some of the others who are struggling and just giving him a Y1 spelling list. He could probably cope with harder spellings and it would bring him on a bit more. I feel in a smaller class, he would get more individual help, not just be grouped with others.

There are only two terms left before Y3 and his teacher keeps emphasising that he needs to reach a certain level. I don't know what else to do to get him to that level. We do work at home but the next step is a tutor which might put DS off learning altogether!

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SeeJaneKick · 28/02/2011 12:44

My DD is in a private school with no academic assesment...it does well though with most gaining entry and or scolarships to the best privte secondarys.. She is the same age as your DS...youngin her year and I would not send her to a private school with a strong academic bent because of her imaturity. She's always been in private and she would probably pass to go to a selective school now...but I wouldn't do it.

Ours is a tiny prep. Are there any like this near you?

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UhOhNotAgain · 28/02/2011 12:48

SeeJane, there are a couple of small ones that are on our list. One is very similar to his school now but only has 8 in the year-which I feel is a bit too small. However, I'm going to see it and the year sizes may be bigger in y3 and up.

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smallwhitecat · 28/02/2011 12:49

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Bluebell99 · 28/02/2011 13:02

My friend's children go to a private school, and one of the children there was asked to leave at the end of year 2 because she could not keep up with the work even though she had been there since reception!Really upsetting for the child and her family. And another friend's dd had to change schools because she was dyslexic and the school would not support her. Different private school but both academic private schools.
I think I would leave him where he is happy and support him in other ways. My ds had a major spurt academically in yr 3 and yr 4. I think sometimes boys mature later.

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wordfactory · 28/02/2011 13:02

The idea of tutoring children in the evenings doesn't seem very appealing to me either.

Also, where does it end? Tutors in English, Maths, Latin, French, Geography, Art, History.....?

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Pagwatch · 28/02/2011 13:19

Can I just say that the notion that homework will quadruple in a private school does not sit with my experience.

Dd is year three. She does10 mins reading per night, a task or a worksheet doing something in maths or English and a spelling sheet each week.

That isn't four times what others are doing is it?

DS2was the same. Homework increases at 11.

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