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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

'You can tell he is one of the younger ones in the class.'

40 replies

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 19:33

This is what DS2's teacher said to me at our meeting a week ago.

She was referring to his lack of willing to sit and do adult led activites, he still plays alongside others rather than 'with' others, struggles with zipping up his coat and shoes on the right feet etc.

She said 'Well we won't concern ourselves with it yet'. But the thing is.... He IS one of the youngest in the class being 4 1/2 now and some of his classmates are nearing 5 1/2 so obviously there will be differences and sometimes large ones at that.

I am a CM so very familar with the EYFS and nothing he does worries me. So why should I concern myself EVER with his young traits? I'm not sure what she wants me to do with this information!

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JemimaMop · 27/02/2011 19:38

DS2 is a summer birthday and I can still tell that he is one of the youngest in his class. He is in Year 2. The gap is starting to close though. We had a lot of trouble in Year 1 because he wasn't very good at sitting still and listening, and I'm sure it was because he was still very young.

On the other side of the coin DS1 is a September birthday and he was streets ahead in Reception, but now in Year 3 I can see that the others have pretty much all caught up.

So, as long as the gap closes in the next couple of years then it wouldn't be cause for worry, which is probably what his teacher was trying to say.

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 20:01

I hope she did mean over the next couple of years as the way she said it sounded like he had a few months to catch up!

Like you JemimaMop my DS1 is one of the older ones in year 2 but I have never read much into the fact that he was ahead of others as i know they all even out by the end of first school. (YR 4- three tier system here) so i wasn't bothered about DS2 until the teacher said this and made me feel like i should be worrying.

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JemimaMop · 27/02/2011 20:09

DS2's Reception teacher made me worry too. So did his Year 1 teacher Thank goodness he wasn't my PFB or I'd have been beside myself!

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 20:16

Thats true for me too- much more laid back this time round. I'm also aware he has a had a lot going on in these past few months with me giving birth to DD on his first day at school. So I'm in no rush to hurry him along- he's had a enough growing up to do already with no longer being the baby at home now.

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JemimaMop · 27/02/2011 20:37

DS2 is my middle child too. Wait till your DD starts school, you'll be such an old hand at it all that you'll just give the teacher a look every time she opens her mouth. DD is in Reception and at her first parents' evening all I actually wanted to know was whether she had settled in and was happy. There is plenty of time for everything else.

inkyfingers · 27/02/2011 20:40

Hopefully she means catch up when he's ready. as long as he's not getting pressure from her or from others in class about being young. Keep teacher on side and ask for updates on his progress and you'll be able to judge if she's expecting too much. She should be the uber-expert on little ones - she'll get summer-born boys each year!

Mine is August born and I suspect he was one of his teacher's 'secret' favourites and she was great with him.

midnightexpress · 27/02/2011 20:43

I've been wrestling about ds2 starting school this autumn and being one of the youngest. Yesterday I was talking to a secondary school teacher who reckons that the only thing she can see is that the youngest ones are a bit shorter, so I hope that by the time they are 12 this will all be just a distant memory.

But it makes me want to move back to England (we're in Scotland and the cut-off is end Feb here, not end Aug) so that he'll be one of the older ones.

Buda · 27/02/2011 20:48

My Ds was just the same. August birthday. Struggled with certain things - partic handwriting. We are moving back to UK this summer so have planned to hold him back a year. School he is going to are fine about it. Of course now he is one of the youngest but also the tallest and most mature! So things can and do change!

southeastastra · 27/02/2011 20:49

she's mad, four and a half?? i'm mad i listened to the school so much about my son

borderliner · 27/02/2011 20:55

midnightexpress - I'm not clear how it is possible your child could be being made to start school earlier in Scotland than in England?

My dd1 is a Feb birthday. If she had gone at the earliest possible date she would have been 4y6m. as it is, she didn't go into p1 until she was 5y6m as we took up the deferral option. I felt my dd2 was awfully young but she (Nov birthday) was actually 4y9m.

As a secondary school teacher I am afraid I still see differences at secondary entry, especially among boys. The ones who forget their folders/homework/get lost and sadly, get bullied, are IME the youngest in the class. I actually kept some careful notes on this for a couple of years and was amazed at how striking it was. But I never wrote it up (dropped out of MEd when I got pg!)

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 20:56

Thanks all! It is crazy isn't it? The older children have been around a whole year longer (which at 4 is a quarter of his life!!) and they worry us that they aren't keeping up.

I'm not fussed- he has his own interests atm (dancing, music, playing!!!) and he enjoys school so I'm certainly not in a rush to get him to grow up.

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midnightexpress · 27/02/2011 21:01

He wouldn't be starting earlier borderliner, but he wouldn't be one of the younger ones in an English class, because his birthday is in January, and in England the cut-off for YR entry is end August, not end Feb as it is up here, so all the children who turned 4 between March and Aug would also be in his class.

We could defer, but we are likely to move back to England at some point because of DP's work, so (as he couldn't defer there), he'd have missed a year of school, so we have decided, after much sleeplessness, to start him this year.

Michaelahpurple · 27/02/2011 21:01

The whole "when will they get with the sitting, obeying etc programme" is sucha worry in receptioon. My DS2 is struggling with the challenge of stahing on his chair, transition between activities etc, and has less excuse, as he is one of the oldest ones (Oct).

I have been getting distinct "he needs to catch up with the others before year 1" messages, which leaves me very nervous about what happens if he doesn't.

I keep reminding myself that there is a term and half to go.

For the summer babes, as you say, what on earth does one expect, and what, short of jumping in a time machine and re-arranging conception, could one possibly do about it.

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 21:01

borderline That may be true but there's nothing we can do about it now. The cut off August/Sept is where it is and wherever it was someone would be the youngest.

Incidentally DD will be one of the oldest if not the oldest (2nd Sept) but I don't hold me breath that this means she will be trouble free.

DS1 is December born and is the brightest in his class by a quite a way just now but it will soon all even out. He just has a keen interest to learn right now whereas his peers don't. They are all different.

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CarGirl · 27/02/2011 21:02

There is still a difference in year 3 with dd3 - "she is capable of much more academically" my response "yes but she is one of the youngest and young for age she's too busy in her own dd3 world - if you want her to do x y z you have to make it very explicit" actually at some point I did tell her teacher "good luck" her birthday is the 28th August and although she is very academically able (one of the top in the year) you can tell with the games she wants to play and her interests that she is young for her age let alone the school year!

borderliner · 27/02/2011 21:03

Sorry if that was insensitive. In Scotland we have the choice - kids born from Dec-March can choose when to go to school, so here I would always advise to defer. Clearly not an option for you.

Sorry.

evolucy7 · 27/02/2011 21:24

OP you made the comment 'he's had a enough growing up to do already with no longer being the baby at home now' surely at 4 1/2 he should have known for many years that he is not 'the baby'?! Controversial maybe, but for example can he really not get his shoes on the right feet? Have you not taught him this before now?

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 21:34

He has known for many years he not 'A baby' but he has been the youngest and so has been 'the baby' of the family so to speak.

Of course I have tried to teach him which shoe goes on which foot (and I don't put them on for him or anything) but it hasn't stuck yet. He doesn't seem to mind if they're wrong!

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CarGirl · 27/02/2011 21:35

I hate to point out the other obvious (I have 4 dc of varying abilities) is that IQ does play a factor as well.............some children do take a lot longer to learn day to day "stuff" as well as "academic" stuff.

Some variation is down to ability, some age, some personality, some SEN etc etc

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 21:42

CarGirl I actually started thinking about this just now (in response to the comment about 'Can he really not get his shoes on the right feet?'). A lot of the things he needs to catch up on are physical co-rdination tasks. Zips, buttons, shoes!, writing etc. But he is very good at other things such as phonics, language, maths, etc

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evolucy7 · 27/02/2011 21:44

But NickNacks I just don't get why you are even referring to a 4 1/2 as being 'the baby' just the comment gives some underlying tone to me And the fact that you are saying that his teacher also says he acts a little immature ties in with this. You say you don't know why she is telling you this, obviously because she thinks that you need to try and help him to learn these things, and perhaps by treating not as 'the baby' of the family, although he isn't now anyway!

NickNacks · 27/02/2011 21:53

He's 4!! FGS - Why the rush in getting them to grow up I don't get it? So what if I call him my baby- he is. They all are.

I do try to help him learn these things but I'm not going to get worked up with him if he can't.

I'm not sure what underlying tone you think i have either? Please explain.

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CarGirl · 27/02/2011 21:56

Some just think it's funny to do things wrong like dd4 who is very naughty

Co-ordination can be helped by lots of practise, one of my dds taught herself to ride a 2 wheeler bike before the age of 4 and 2 months - the school told me that she'd always been able to ride the bikes , the next one 6 before she got the hang of it!

TheQuiet · 27/02/2011 22:02

Ability is not in question. The remarks about difficulty with transitions, with social interaction and with physical coordination put toghether are all common for sertain SEN, known as Asperger. The teacher seems to just suggest to watch.

evolucy7 · 27/02/2011 22:23

Well it's no longer an underlying tone, you have expressed it, I did not say there was a rush to get chidlren to grow up, but I do not consider it unreasonable to expect a 4 1/2 year old who is now at school, to be able to do some simple things for himself. I also did not say that you had to get worked up about it, but your DS's teacher has mentioned this to you, I believe that teachers would like to see children entering reception with many of the skills that you have mentioned. Sorry for keep going back to the shoes, but isn't this something that he would have been doing for several years by now?

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