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DS1 in Reception, so grumpy all the time, bit worried - but normal?

20 replies

MogTheForgetfulCat · 03/02/2011 22:05

Am possibly being precious/PFBish, but hope not...

DS1 started Reception at a lovely school in September, he was 4.6 so right in the middle of the age range (will be 5 later this month). Intake is 2 classes of 30, divided by age, so he is one of the older children in the younger class.

He has taken to school better than I was expecting - he had enjoyed pre-school (2 days per week) but seemed uninterested in the 'Big Steps' programme they ran of simple letter/number recognition etc. He loves reading, is improving all the time, v interested in letters/words etc. So am v pleased with that side of things.

The real issue/concern is his behaviour. At home, he is just SO unbelievably touchy - he bites my/DH's head off, lashes out at his younger brother (2.11), stomps about in a grump much of the time - just seems unhappy/stressed. Moans/cries about going to school every morning, but seems absolutely fine once he is there, and have not had any indications that there are any problems whatsoever from the school's pov.

He was like this before Christmas, took a good week or so for him to snap out of it, then he was pretty much back to normal - i.e. not an angel, but more relaxed, sunnier etc by the end of the holiday. We put it down to tiredness/information overload. Am still thinking this is a factor, but he sleeps well (11.5-12 hours) and we don't push him with reading etc, as think he doesn't need that.

Playground games seem to be quite boisterous, lots of stuff about baddies and killing - but he talks about them with relish, and he is not by any means a shrinking violet. Not a leader/alpha male type, but not a pushover either. But I just wonder if he is finding the whole playground situation stressful? He has friends, playdates etc. But he still seems quite inept at actually playing with other children - so I am worried that he is somehow getting lost/overwhelmed in the playground? But as only a fairly small part of the day is spent in the playground, is this really likely? And wouldn't I have heard something from the school?

I suppose I just want some reassurance that this is normal for boys (or girls) in Reception - that it's quite a tough year for them. Or does anyone think there is real cause for concern? Just feel so Sad for him seeming to be so unhappy.

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onelittleclara · 03/02/2011 22:09

I think tiredness is bang on the money tbh. I've got a 4 year old in reception and you have just described him to a tee. Everyone I know with older kids have experienced this.

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MogTheForgetfulCat · 03/02/2011 22:15

That's what I wanted to hear. Was just worried that he is sleeping really well etc, getting plenty of good food, exercise etc. but still seems to be really struggling. Just wanting to hear from others that it's the same for their DCs. Roll on half-term Smile.

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DreamTeamGirl · 03/02/2011 22:21

I would say its a lot of tiredness and a lot of finding their feet too

The 'no one plays with me thing' they say a lot means 'no-one wanted to play the game I chose' and an awful lot of them just seem to play ont heir own. I was uprised that those who play WITH someone are actually in the minority

My DS was a bit of a horror most of YR, but did become nicer after Easter (and is an utter joy in Y1 now Smile)

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simpson · 03/02/2011 22:59

My Ds (august born) is now in yr1 but when he was in reception he was an absolute horror at home.

He was an angel at achool Hmm

I think it is tiredness and as someone else said my DS settled down after easter. Tiredness/bad behaviour still rears its head
after school holidays etc but is much more manageable now,thank goodness Grin

It could also be hunger though, does he have something to eat straight after school??

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cnaik · 03/02/2011 23:22

Maybe he just misses you and his little bro; going from 2 days to 5 is a bit of a leap. Are you able to pick him up without his bro occasionally or spend some time 1 on 1 over the weekend? My boy (Y1) is at his very loveliest and non-moany after about the 1 week point of a holiday (i.e about twice a year) Basic answer to your query; I'm sure it's normal, after all I feel exactly the same about the prospect of going to work every day and stomp around in a grump quite a lot and I am considerably older than

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saintlyjimjams · 03/02/2011 23:23

normal. DS3 in year 1 still crawls out of school exhausted.

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howmuchyousay · 03/02/2011 23:27

Mine's the same

Stroppy little bugger when he gets home and looks absolutely wrung out. Hoping it will get better.

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BirdyArms · 03/02/2011 23:29

I'm afraid it sounds very normal to me. This is just was my ds was like. He's in year 1 now and has got slightly better but is still very grumpy after school and can completely lose his temper about the smallest things.

The only thing that helps at all is making sure that he gets enough sleep. My ds isn't good at getting off to sleep to get him to go to sleep early I need to try to make sure that he's physically tired as well as mentally tired. It's a lot easier in the summer when we can go to the park on the way home from school.

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Saracen · 03/02/2011 23:45

Do you need him to be at school right now, or do you see benefits that he is getting from it which outweigh the exhaustion and grumpiness?

If not, maybe you should take him out for a year or two and send him to school when he has more stamina. It isn't inevitable for starting school to be stressful: the older they are, the easier it is for them.

The way I see it, it doesn't matter much whether your little boy's unhappiness is "normal" in the sense of being common. What matters is, what's the best thing for him to be doing right now?

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crystal07 · 04/02/2011 00:09

My DD1 YR won't talk at all for the first half an hour or so after I've picked her up from school. It's just tiredness and she wants to switch off. I can't blame her, I'm exhausted by 3:30 too. Once we are home and had snack and a bit of telly she is fine. YR is hard for kids so much to sink in. I ask her normal stuff like, how was your day? What did you have for lunch? Etc but she doesn't have the energy to reply. She does say, I don't want to talk about school!

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LadyWellian · 04/02/2011 00:36

DD (Jan birthday) was a perfect beast at about this stage of reception. Had me in tears daily (when she wasn't looking!). I'm not sure I'd ascribe it to tiredness as she had gone from 9-6 at nursery to 9-3.30 at school, but perhaps more about finding her place in the world, which can't be easy.

I certainly remember the 'no-one plays with me' thing. I mentioned it to another mum whose 3rd was in DD's class. She said 'they all say that but I've lurked by the school gates and while your DD [and her DS] might spend a couple of minutes at the start of playtime alone, she soon joins in'.

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misskeith · 04/02/2011 09:59

Mine is dreadful - started January. I kept him home today actually as he started the day at 6 yelling at me about something. I think it's a huge strain. Playground wise, up til now mine has been supervised in groups of 20 max; to be out there with 60 kids and very little supervision is a complete change.

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Zuki · 04/02/2011 12:04

Hi
I have a summer born in August at reception, and I worry about him as he hasn't found his feet yet. He's not a boisterous at all and I witnessed in parent day class that he was neither with the boys or girls really and they do encourage that the mix together and all play together which is fine. He too is whiney about schools in the morning, he's ok when he's there, but hes not a big fan of school. I wish they would encorage set group activities together so that they all interact together more as children. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I worry too that he does not feel he 'fits in' as he says he has no friends in his class. Being accepted socially is really important and I feel if self-esteem and confidence suffering for it. I will mention this is parents evening next. Only this morning I heard taht one of the boys is having a birthday party and he's not invited :[

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PoppetUK · 04/02/2011 12:35

I have had to work with both my children when the start school for similar reasons. What I found is that they felt the days were long, they had to get used to some unpleasant things about school like "I'm not going to be your friend blah blah blah. Kids including then excluding. The barriers can go up and they don't soften as quickly. DD now in Year 2 doesn't have these changes in behaviour anymore. Reception child still can on occasions. Tiredness is also a big part. Finding a good way to reconnect helps massively.

Just our experience.

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MogTheForgetfulCat · 04/02/2011 13:22

Thanks so much for these responses - they have helped a lot, just knowing that other children (and parents!) are going through similar things. Have always been (in private only) ambivalent about him starting school at this age (even though he's by no means the youngest - I just think 4 is very young to start) but the school is lovely and the head seemed to address a lot of my concerns when we spoke to him at the application stage. And now he is there and enjoying many aspects of it, I am disinclined to pull him out.

It's just so hard to see him like this, and to worry that it means something not very nice is going on. But DH took him to school this morning and spoke to his teacher about it all, and came back with a pretty positive response over all - nothing untoward going on in the playground, seems happy, enjoying the work etc. So it looks as if it is just tiredness/overload, plus finding his feet.

I do sometimes pick him up/take him to school without DS2, which is always nice time for both of us. And will try to make more of an effort to find really good ways of reconnecting with him after school (even if that just means getting out of his face and not asking him too much about his day!) So, many thanks again.

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HingCogNeeto · 04/02/2011 13:23

yy tiredness

snack on the way home from school, early tea and bedtime

and try to stay in routine on weekends - very easy to slip into later nights friday/saturday night

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emy72 · 04/02/2011 13:51

Yes my son is exactly the same.

Grumpy, tired, hungry, despondent and tells us every day he has no friends at all.

My DD1 though in Y1 assures me he is always playing with someone so it can't be true.

It must be a general trait, my DD1 wasn't as bad in Reception, but maybe because she was older and generally more mature.

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CatIsSleepy · 04/02/2011 13:53

dd1 is frequently a grumpy so-and-so and flares up over the most ridiculous things

she has slightly more peaceful phases too though so there is hope Grin

she gets tired a lot but will never admit it

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smee · 04/02/2011 15:18

Mine was like that too - in the end I used to give him a sneaky day off every so often. I used to tell him he'd got a temperature, so couldn't go in and we'd have a lazy day at home baking and playing. Made a massive difference both to how he was at home, and also to how he did at school. I'd tell the school he was ill, which in a way he was as he was so cranky. Grin

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Acanthus · 04/02/2011 15:25

Totally normal, yes. They're always exhausted by about 4 weeks in. The other years it is less marked, until year 7 when it's almost as bad as reception. But different, obviously.

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