Does a boys reading really suffer is their dad doesnt read?

[Itrymybest]

I have name changed. My dh would be horrified if he knew I was putting this on mn duscussion forum. However dh has struggled with reading all his life. When he reads out load (to the dc for example)- which he hates I can hear that he obviously struggles and has quite a young reading age. He is inteligent and I really believe he could be dyslexic that was never diagnosed as a child. However when I have broached the subject he is very sensitive about it. I do know though he hated school. His writing is basicly illegible. One of my concerns are my dc will pick up on the reading difficulties as they get older iyswim.

DS1 is 5 and is doing fantasticly with his reading and writing really well! He loves reading and books. I often go in his school to read with him and his teachers often remark what a good reader he is. Parents are offered the chance to go in and read with their children and ds has frequently asked his daddy who could do it sometime as his shifts and rota days off means hes often around during the day but dh keeps making excuses. Just one example but mainly worried that as he sees his daddy doesnt read he will follow his example. Any advise anyone?

[Itrymybest]

title should be if their dad doesnt read!

[Itrymybest]

bump

[mumtoone]

It sounds like your ds has got off to a good start so I wouldn't worry too much. If you support reading at home he should do fine. I think one of the most important things is for children to develop a love of books which your ds clearly has.

[MadameDefarge]

I believe the research (don't ask me where) shows that being read to on a regular basis is a sound foundation for good reading. If your DH struggles with this, why don't you do it?

Another interesting foundation for good reading apparently is if they see you reading yourself.

Ds is very dyspraxic but is a fantastic reader. I read all the time, and read to him every night (my one acheivment as a mum) when he was little.

Ds dad does not read at all. Has never read to him, and has never read a book.

[MadameDefarge]

Clearly I read a lot better than I write. Sigh. Sorry, really need new glasses.....

[Itrymybest]

I do read to my dc and I read with ds1 too. However when dh is around at bed time which is not every night due to his shifts both boys insist that their daddy reads to them. THey both really want this and ds2 point blank refuses to allow me to read to him and he is such a mummys boy during the day too. THey both copy their daddy as an example in other areas so I am worried that they will follow his example is this area too iyswim!

[MigratingCoconuts]

I can understand this worry of things passing down from one generation to the next. I worry my dd will have the same specific learning issues that plagued me.

I keep swaying from realising she is her own person and learns her way ....to thinking, yes she may have the same issues...but I am alert to how to cope and we live in better times for SEN awareness.

I'm thinking, on balance, if you are aware of the potential issues then you be able to guide

[piprabbit]

My Dad was able to make up wonderful stories for us - I don't remember him ever reading me a book, but I adored his stories.

How would your DH feel about making up a story instead of reading? It might flow more easily for him, and the children would still enjoy that special time with their daddy (especially if you both sold it to them that Daddy's stories are even better than books).

A lot of the early skills connected with reading are actually connected with being able to tell a story, anticipate what might happen next etc. So I'm sure it would be a useful thing to try and do if your DH fancies it.

When I'm telling my children stories I either make sure I include characters with the same names as the children or I get the children to tell me who the story is going to be about (gets the ball rolling for me).

[CoraMackenzie]

I think if your DH could get over his discomfort, he could be honest with the boys and explain that he sometimes finds reading a little tricky. Perhaps your DS1 could be encourage to play teacher and to read alongside his Daddy. You could present it as them working together helping your DS2.

If you could get your DH to be open and frank with you then perhaps you could help him if he just needs basic literacy instruction. If, however, he does have a SLD such as dyslexia, then he will need more specialist help. There are adult literacy courses which are full of bright, articulate adults with undiagnosed dyslexia. Maybe encourage him towards one of these.

Just to add, the fact that you read to your boys and take such an interest will help them no end. Also, the fact that your DH actually reads to him even though he finds it difficult shows he's fab!

[CoraMackenzie]

Agree with Piprabbit too about oral story telling. My kids love it when we just tell a story rather than read one.

[Ferguson]

Hi - a difficult one for you . . .

Might it be possible for BOTH parents to share a book with both boys? Maybe not a school book, but something like Three Bears, where you can all join in with suitable voices! That might give DH more confidence. Or could he TELL a story, either one he knows, or make one up, so he doesn't have to actually read it. Or when the boys are in bed could you and DH look at a school book together and 'rehearse' the difficult bits.

If DH could overcome his reluctance - not easy to do, I admit - he could, to some extent, learn alongside the boys.

Some schools in our area have Family Learning, where parents can go in and improve reading or numeracy, learning alongside their kids: cut-backs are threatening schemes like that thought.

Hope you can sort something out.


[ KS1 class helper ]

[CecilyP]

I don't know if this will put your mind at rest, but my DH is an avid reader, yet I never saw my father-in-law read anything (and I do mean anything) in the entire time I knew him.

[moajab]

My DH very rarely reads either to himself or to our DSs. He also very rarely if ever listens to them read. DS1 does not particularly enjoy reading, but he has had no problems in learning to read and is doing very well in literacy. DS2 loves reading and aged 6 is already reading fluently. DS3 is a toddler but books are his favourite things. So far the fact that DH does not read has not held back the DCs in any way. I agree with the other suggestions of telling or making up stories, but also would he find it easier with a non-fiction book, particularly on a subject he knows plenty about? He and your DSs could discuss what they see in the illustrations and your DH can tell them some amazing facts, so reading the text may not be so important.

[Elsjas]

Should be no problem. My ds is five and a half, and has a reading age of over 8. His father has never read to him or been into his school to read with the class as I do - purely because he does not have the time. As long as one of you is encouraging his reading, it will not matter who it is.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

When our DC were young my DH was not a confident outloud reader at all. He took the bedtime reading on, especially because DC preferred him to do so and it has made so much difference to his reading aloud skills. He can even do all different voices. He has read all 7 Harry Potter books out loud to our youngest DC.

I definitely think that practice makes perfect.

[Tinuviel]

DH admits he has never read a book outside of school in his life. DS1 is 13 and never has his nose out of a book (in fact he is a complete pain as he goes off in a world of his own and has to be metaphorically dragged back to this world screaming and kicking!)

So it doesn't automatically follow. DH did read stories when they were little but only if he absolutely had to. He never really enjoyed it. DS2 and DD also enjoy reading but not to the same extent as DS1.

[JarethTheGoblinKing]

Being read to is incredibly important in my opinion. My Sister was never read to as a child and never reads books now :(


Me and my other Sister are both book fiends, having both been read to a LOT as children (IMO).

Don't feel bad, it gets easier with practice, honestly. DP was terrible at reading aloud initially (I do think he's dyslexic but hasn't been tested) but now he loves it. persevere :)

If in doubt, make it up (at this age anyway)

[hmc]

I don't think it specifically requires your dh to been seen to be reading in order to motivate your dc, and (as the parent of a dyslexic child and thus someone who is rather sensitive about this issue) I sincerely hope that you are not pressurising your undiagnosed potentially dyslexic husband....?

My children see me reading frequently and I ask them to read out loud to me on a regular basis. They also are read to on a nightly basis - by me, due to the long hours that dh keeps. In all honestly dh does not 'model' reading to them - he is too distracted by work commitments....but imo as long as one family member reads I suspect that is enough. Dd who is dyslexic has a chronological reading age 1 year older than her actual age which is some achievement for a child with dyslexia (her spelling is seriously spacey though!)

[legalalien]

My DH is a more than capable reader but because he reads all day at work he doesn't tend to read for pleasure that much at home. Don't think it's making any difference to DS.

One suggestion- reading isn't just about stories. Maybe your DH would be more comfortable doing something more practical where reading is required - like going through the football scores? My DS (6) is obsessed with football league tables and I've noticed that the weekly adjustment of the football league wall chart in our kitchen has vastly improved his reading skills. He may struggle with words like "calm" but he knows "ipswich" and "hartlepool" when he sees them! If your DH likes football I bet he'd be prepared to give "Match of the Day" magazine a go....