Feel like keeping DS home tomorrow. :(

[Cazzr]

Ds started reception in September but only started full time the week before christmas. Last Friday when I picked DS up, the teacher asked for a word and asked if anything was going on at home as DS had had 3 sad faces in the week, 2 of which were on the Friday.

Said there wasn't anything going on at home but that we had had a rough week with his behaviour the previous week, had put it down to settling back into school/tiredness but that it had improved. Only comment was that Ds had been waking in the night upset that week, which we have now deduced are night terrors. Also that he'd mentioned various playtime incidents about kids not wanting to play with him . We both agreed to monitor the situation and see how things went/hope it was a blip.

DS slept well all weekend, then came home Monday having had a sad face, cue night terror that night, Tuesday=good day and no night terror, today our CM picked him up and teacher had a word saying he'd had 2 sad faces and asking how he'd been behaving when with her. CM said his behaviour was fine and never showed malice.
The sad faces are being given for 'spats' he's having with various other boys in the class. In his words, he's 'getting them back' because either he was pushed or 'threatened'.
It's hard to work out whats going on from DS's explanations and from chatting to the teacher/messages sent through CM.

Thing thats concerning me, is I'm worried there is a pattern developing between him getting a sad face and having a night terror that night.
I'm scared to let him go to school tomorrow for fear of him getting a bad name/being upset about something he can't articulate/getting another message about his behaviour.
I can't work out if he's maybe being bullied (from the things DS is saying) or if he is just being a 'naughty boy' at the moment.
I'm not sure what we can do other than telling DS it's not ok to hit/shove/throw things, which he does already know. He's fine at home and at childminders and I'm not there at school to see whats happening.

I'm sure i'll be told this is a common thing to happen and that it'll blow over but the urge to keep him home is high(I won't but I want to).

[mummytime]

Why not give him a day off? A friend of mine used to call these Sanity days. He won't miss much, and if you can get him to express more of what is happening and how he feels. Maybe even give him some more strategies for dealing wih things (go and tell an adult if people are mean).

Also do ask the teacher to help you know what is going on, maybe even set up a regular weekly meeting. Maybe either spy on him or ask another friendly parent to spy on him at school for you.

[PoppetUK]

I'm sitting here with a 5 year old that has had night terrors for the past two nights.

He actually got told off my the head 2 weeks ago which for him was a huge deal. I don't know if it comes from that or a bug. He complained of tummy ache and got sent home. I kept him off the next day. He wanted to go today and seemed a lot better.

Night terrors are horrible for the child and the parent. We've got a lot of playtime "I'm not your friend" sort of stuff coming up. DS seems very flat and as if he's being put into an environment that on one hand he loves and the other hand he feel vulnerable.

I hope things settle soon for your little one. I did mention to the teacher he was unsettle at night. If it happens again I might pull him out for a few days to rest and recover to see if it makes a difference.

It would be good to hear from others that have had kids with night terrors. I do remember DD has some which came from over-tiredness. She would walk out of her room and just start screaming. A couple even lasted 45 mins or more and I'd have to hold her because she was going loopy! Nothing would comfort her. She moved through it after several weeks and it wasn't every night.

[Cazzr]

Don't think dh would let me keep him off as he'd see it as just delaying dealing with it.
Forgot to say posted the thread after coming back down from settling DS after another terror, ALBEIT a little one this time.

I know two times doesn't make a pattern as we can't remember when he had them last week. Am putting it on calendar from now on.

[Cazzr]

Poppet what did the head tell him off for? Imagine it would really affect DS and is something i'm worried about happening. Before last week DS's behavior at school has been fine so not sure what's happened. Honeymoon period over maybe?

[PoppetUK]

He got told off for fiddling in assembly. Head held him back to talk to him whilst the other students left. I think it could have been handled better. His teacher seems to like him and he does seem to be the one that will try and please. He is also very overtired. DH has been working away a bit recently and it's been down to me to get them in bed. I don't seem to have much luck at early bedtimes or I don't get the change to speak to the older two about their day. Will try and get some very early nights in over the next few days. Might mean a few quick meals and less naptime for bubba so that I can put him down earlier. DS(5) does have to wait until his brother has gone to sleep before he can go to bed.

[Cazzr]

Your DS sounds a bit like mine in that the comment during last terms parents eve was that he likes to please. Think your head was wrong to do that, he's year r for Christ sake!
DS is awake early again (for him) which seems to coincide with not such a great sleep.

Feel like dh is constantly talking to teacher in morning at the mo (he does drop offs) so that we hear some first hand as cm picks up tues-thurs. No doubt i'll get collared at Friday pickup too. Don't know what to do to help.

[mummytime]

Make an appointment to see the teacher and discuss if it is a real issue. If she is experienced she should have ons of straegies to help.

Night terrors btw could be totally unrelated. My kids had them, and they are frightening, but they didn't seem to be at all related to stress. I actually used a relaxtion CD, and lavender oil on the pillow to help. (Lavender oil is now my answer when they have trouble sleeping, which reminds me I need to get some more for when DD2 has trouble again.)

[IndigoBell]

Tell. Your DH and school he is exhausted from school and night terrors and he needs a day to rest and recuperate.

There is no way he will be able to deal with 'it' - whatever 'it' is while he's overtired.

One day off won't hurt. You need to find out what's happening at school. But whatever it is it'll be way worse when he's tired.

I've occassionally kept my kids off from school for a day. And it def helped.

[mummytime]

ons=tons, sorry typing too quickly!

[pigsinmud]

I would not keep them off school unless ill. Ds2 and dd1 particularly complain about school. If I kept them off for a day because they were tired it would set up problems for the future....you let me have that day off why not today?etc

Ds2 is in yr6 and has frequent night terrors. He has anxiety issues and the terrors increase when he is very worried about something. He also struggles to fall asleep, but meditation cd no longer works!

[mummytime]

BTW I have a 15 and 12 year old, and the 15 year old knows that short of death he can't miss a day (GCSEs are too important). The 12 year old knows its important they go to school unless ill.
But when they were little I did give them days off for tiredness, and once because one couldn't stop crying walking into school. They got space to recover, although they always had to do some school type work (it wasn't too fun to stay at home with Mummy), and piano practise etc.

My kids had out grown night terrors by year 6 too. But then their primary was keen to make year 6 not too stressful.

[IndigoBell]

Giving them one day off does not cause problems later.

It supports and nurtures them. They realize it's absolutely exceptional circumstances to be kept off. So they realize you are taking their sad faces / night terrors very seriously and want to help them.

Although my DC also know if they complain about school too much I will take them out and Home Educate them. That really stops them complaining

[gabid]

Maybe full days are still a bit too much for him. Could you request keeping him on 1/2 days for a bit longer? I suppose they do all the important staff in the mornings anyway because I don't thing your DS is the only one who gets tired.

We had weeks of awful behaviour during reception and DS had been to see the head twice that year because he behaves very silly and mad if he is tired. This year (Y1) we had (almost) no problems with that, he hasn't been to the head anyway.

[coldtits]

baaaahh I've given my children a day off today. ds1 has a packet of SN which make school and socialising challenging for him, and ds2 is four. nough said. I've told the it's because they were wheezy this morning, but actually normally I'd dose them with their inhalers and send them in. but wheezing makes them tired, and if I'd sent them in, they'd have probably not behaved well, probably not learned much, so they'#re mooching around doing nothing very interesting, and I KNOW they needed it or they'd be bouncing off the walls demanding to be taken out.

[Cazzr]

Thx for replies. I did keep him home as I think we both needed a timeout from the stress of it.
mummytime they are night terrors, we've researched it to death and are working to help counter it. If his behavior was ok at school I wouldn't be quite so worried but i'm concerned as the last couple have been same day as sad faces so do think it's bothering him. He slept fine over the weekend...

I wish I was there to see what was going on but need to rely on the Chinese whispers and from interrogating DS to try to work out what's going on.
I take this behavior seriously both for DS's sake and the other kids. It wasn't a decision I made lightly esp as it meant a days leave for me.

We've done his words and read his book but have just had a chilled day whilst trying to talk about good behavior. I do think he's tired so hoping a chilled day followed by an early bath and bed will help. fingers crossed

Will then hope tmoro goes better but still plan to talk to teacher about it to sort this out. Was very confused especially as she told cm that she was going to draw a line under it now?! How will that help?

[Cazzr]

rabid don't want to return to half days. Think 3 months of half days was over the top as it was. Especially what with afternoons followed by mornings then full time just before Xmas break.

[IndigoBell]

If you don't pick up DS ask the teacher to ring you, rather than playing chinese whispers with the child minder.

[Yamba]

Night terrors can be from being over-tired or over stimulated too.
maybe have a think about whether he is quite ready for full days yet. Maybe it is just too much for him, but he could be fine to try again in a couple of months. Its a perfectly reasonable request.
No harm atall in having the odd 'respite' day. I think they genuinely need it sometimes.

[Cazzr]

Ok so CM is ill and I suspect won't be well enough till next week so I will be doing pick ups all this week.

Teacher has created a sticker chart with DS and will get a 'happy face' sticker each day IF he doesn't get a 'sad face' that day.

By the end of the week if he has all 5 happy faces he gets to play with a toy that he has already picked out (some sort of castle thing) with a friend of his choice. fingers cross

As for the night terrors, well after his day off thursday he slept well that night, went back to school on Friday and had no sad faces. That night... very bad night terror. :( It was terrifying for us as I thought he was going to throw himself out of bed (sleeps in a high sleeper). Have Discussed with DH about lowering the bed if this carries on..

Saturday and Sunday nights he again had night terrors tho not as bad, getting less severe each night.

Gone back to school today, so watch this space..

I'm not discounting him changing to half days again but we both work full time and he'd have to go to childcare if he wasn't at school. I'm due to start maternity leave at the end of march so don't really want to drop my hours at the moment as it'd muck up my maternity pay..

We are focusing on making sure he doesn't have late nights, bed by 7 after a bath and story. Not so easy to control what happens at school but we have voiced our concerns to the teacher and have to rely on her monitoring things.
I'm not really convinced he's being bullied as such but think DS doesn't 'get' the school politics so have to support him whilst he learns. Have also drummed it into him that if anyone behaves in a way he's not happy about he should tell the teacher.. as apposed to clobbering them. Teacher mentioned on Friday that he had done this once that day (telling not clobbering) so hopefully it's sinking in..
Not so easy to prevent him being overexuberant with his playmates apart from remind him to play nicely..

[cornflowers]

We've been having similar problems with our (slightly younger) dd1 (recently turned 4)who has just started at the nursery at the local primary school. She had terrible night terrors last year, several times a week over several months, then they petered out towards the end of last summer and stopped altogether. I really thought she'd grown out of them! Two weeks ago, however, they returned. She's been having them most nights since. I'm convinced it's due to stress about the new nursery. She says she likes it, she has some friends there and the teachers say she is settling in well, but it's still all new to her. The night terrors are awful though, and they leave her tired and bad tempered the following day, which seems to exacerbate the cycle.