boy in ds's class using the f word at ds today (yr 5)

[Longstocking2]

apparently they were messing in line and this boy said he could 'f' my ds and my ds could 'f' his mother !
I mean we are in a city and very mixed community but I still think the boy in question is a little sh** bag (between you and me) and shouldn't get away with it.
But ds says if there's an inquest the boy will just deny it and then harrass my ds more.
It's so hard to know what to do.
dh says ds just has to twat him once really hard and he'll back off.
ds says he doesn't want to get uber time out with the Head.
i think the school is always really lame at addressing any of this.
Any advice of what to say to teacher or ds?
ds is really upset about him using that language about me.

[FrostyAndSlippery]

No experience or advice here but OMG that's awful!

[Longstocking2]

thanks frosty, I conscious that there is bad language in the school because of the population, the boys with big brothers seem to be the worst unsurprisingly.
I just don't know whether to just shrug and accept it or to really try to get the school to address it productively.
Or maybe addressing such thing is just peeing in the wind and only ever comes back worse on oneself!

[princessparty]

Think your DS needs to be a bit more resilient at 9 or 10!

[Acanthus]

OFGS Just talk to your DS about appropriate language and leave it at that. What do you expect, cotton wool?

[SpringHeeledJack]

I wouldn't worry too much about the language here at this age, tbh

...little girl in our local nursery called another kid "fuckface"

[asmallbunchofmistletoe]

In the end, it's only a word, unpleasant though it is. And, dare I say it, the fact that you're willing to describe the other boy as a sh**bag and your partner is recommending hitting him doesn't put you in the strongest position.

If (as you imply) there is some underlying bullying, then that's what you need to tackle with the school.

[Spidermama]

There's so much swearing around these days on tv and in general. You can't control the swearing of others but you can reiterate to your ds that this is a pretty shocking thing to say and the boy in question is displaying fairly extreme behaviour. In other words, put it into context for him.

[Longstocking2]

Of course I'm only calling the boy that ON HERE. To my son I'm just saying to ignore it but that I think it's really bad language and not acceptable at all.
DH watched me go through two terms of ds getting bullied in yr 2 and me patiently asking for and hoping the school would help us help ds to get it sorted out.
In the end the school was rubbish and our ds punched the main boy very hard once and, miraculously it stopped!

I'm still not saying to ds to hit the nasty child but I suspect that with a boy from that kind of family, nothing else will work. Unless, that is, the school intervenes productively and I don't know if that is possible.

I think the odd f word is understandable but this boy is picking on ds as well.

[Elibean]

At dd's school, I'd have a quiet word with the class teacher.

And, tell dd to ignore bad language, that its very silly, to shrug and walk away, to understand the person using that language is being silly and trying to impress/show off, etc etc.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Deal with the bullying, certainly, but the swearing is something that happens in the playground. You'll hear it from children of all backgrounds, not just the 'shitbags'

[crazygracieuk]

Tbh I think that what your ds has heard is typical playground language and even on the tame side of "normal". I have a son in Y5 and I bet that he swears in the playground too. He never talks like that in front of adults as he knows it's offensive and will get him in trouble. He has heard a lot worse than the f-word including racist and homophobic language without knowing what it means and I've had to tell him exactly what it means so he doesn't use those terms.

I wouldn't do what your h says and "twat him really hard" but I would find out how your ds reacts to this boy. If he had an obvious language when people swear then I'd say that it could be a reason why this boy swears so much in your ds' company. Does your ds stand up for himself when under verbal attack? I think that this is important and that he should be more confident about telling the teacher when they boy has sworn at him because nobody should have to endure that.

[jonicomelately]

They all use the f word in Year 5 don't they? As crazy said, typical playground language.

[usualsuspect]

Its not only kids from that kind of family that swear

[panettoinydog]

Par for the course to hear 'fuck' in teh playground at that age, whether addressed to you or not.

[sandyballs]

Havent heard much swearing in our year 5. Don't think you should just accept it as normal tbh

[jonicomelately]

Yes but our kids are city kids sandyballs

I think they also tend to lay off a bit when adults are around.

[panettoinydog]

Lots of swearing in my dds' years 5 in teh playground. Staff should do something about it if they hear it but most kids know how to keep it quiet when adults are near.

[crazygracieuk]

Sandyballs- we are in London and have 2 classes of 30 per year.

Primary school children (round here anyway) will usually stop swearing when adults are around.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

We're in a very middle class area - swearing abounds in the playground here. Of course, we're state

[ShanahansRevenge]

Cannot believe this thread!

Telling the OP her son needs to toughen up and that in a yer or two he will be in High school where teachers haven't "The time" to stop swearing....WHAT???

These are primary aged kids...in playgrounds with 6 year olds...it's wrong on so many levelswhat the kid said was personal and imo WAY too much for a 9 year old.

The odd swear word is normal..but that kid sounds bloody disturbed!

OP complain...yur son hitting the kkid may help in the short term but not in the long..why should he stoop? I KNOW he has to learn to protect himself but better a vipers toungue than a fool's fists.

[jonicomelately]

Of course the simple solution is to instruct your ds to tell bully boy not to use words he doesn't know the meaning of. Then when bully boy toddles off to ask his mum what 'fuck' means, he lands himself in deep, deep shit

[Jinx1906]

I think it is sad to see that bad language is considered normal and that those who think it is not are just wimps. Sadly, imho the only thing you can do about it is exlain to your DC that some children (and some grown ups) talk like that but that we don't! Also perhaps worth pointing out that poor souls who swear a lot that may find it difficult to express themselves in a different way.

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

Bad language is normal for the playground amongst that age group! It doesn't mean that it's acceptable generally though, or that those who don't swear are wimps, or that most kids know that it's something that should only be used when they are with their friends, out of the earshot of anyone who may be offended - I'm not sure that anyone on here has said otherwise.