State primary or private prep?

[Deelle]

My dd is currently in year 3 at a state primary.
I am totally fed up with the bullying/behaviour of the other children.
dd is taller/bigger than the other children and I wonder if this is why she seems to be the target?
Anyway, I am definately changing her school for Jan - my biggest worry is will it happen again?
Should I now change her to a private school - will the behaviour of the children there be better?
We are looking at a private school next week - there are 7 pupils in year 3!
dont know if this will be better or worse and worried sick of making the wrong decision.
Any advice?

[qualitystreetrosescelebrations]

Bullying goes on at private schools.

Ask new school policy on bullying what they do, if there response is we don't have bullying don't touch with a barge pole.

Personally 7 is too small. You can't have any team sports etc.

[onimolap]

There is no guarantee that private school children will not be difficult socially or downright bullies. It is however more likely to be spotted in smaller groups, but that doesn't invariably mean that it will be dealt with effectively. No guarantees anywhere.

I suggest you look at a range of schools, ask searching questions, and go for the one that best fits your idea of what sort of school you want next, irrespective of whether it is private or state.

[Appletrees]

Yes I agree youcan't guarantee no bullying in a private school.

I would find a good primary where all the children are rounded and happy and if you are worried about the academics, home tutor when you need to, and save your money for secondary private.

Bullying at private can be more insidious and less obvious. And if your child isn't happy in private, what then?

I would seriously investigate bullying, pastoral care and social education at other state schools before going private for bullying reasons.

[Appletrees]

Actually will just add one caveat.

If you are in London, or anywhere that has international primary schools, and you have the money, you could look at those. They often have extremely high standards of pastoral care because of the large turnover and needs of moving pupils. They usually have established processes of mentors, buddies, counsellors etc.

It might be something to consider.

[llareggub]

I agree, I think 7 is too small too. No idea if private school pupils will be better behaved, surely it is impossible to generalise like that?

[IndigoBell]

I would suggest going to a bigger school. In a 2 or 3 form entry they can seperate your DC from anyone who is causing them huge problems each year. Whereas in a 1 form entry or smaller - they don't have that option.

Some schools run SEAL which is something like Social, emotional, aspects (?) or learning. Basically (as far as I can tell) they sit roung in a circle every week and learn how to be nice to each other. If run properly throughout the school I have seen it be very effective.

My child's 3 form entry has been very proactive and wonderful about bullying. Nipped it in the bud so that it never got stared.

Whereas my previous much more affluent, 1 form entry, didn't.

I don't know how you can tell which will be a good school before you start. But I definately wouldn't assume Private is better than state.

[Deelle]

Thank you all for your input. I just want to wrap dd up and protect her from all the horrible kids out there!! - not saying that she is a total angel herself though!
Examples of late - a girl bit her hand - she showed the teacher the bite mark - but because the girl said she didnt do it nothing was done!
A boy in her class has twice pushed her over in the classroom and she has banged her head - the teacher said 'never mind'!!
Year 6 girls have been trapping her and her friend in a circle and calling them fat and smelly egg heads! - I told the headteacher but as one of their mums works in the school he said - those girls are not trouble makers and are very reliable !!!!!
Last term she was bullied terribly by twins in her class - but their mum was a teacher at the school - so the head sided with them! - luckily they have left!!
I am now going to look into state schools - although I know the best ones near us have waiting lists?!

[ShanahansRevenge]

Nonsense about team sports...my DD is in a class of 11 and they mix in with the year below.

[mummytime]

As she is past year 2 State schools can take an extra pupil who pushes their numbers over the magic 30. I would be very pen and honest about your reasons for wanting to move her, and ask about bullying. Some of the hotter schools on bullying might indicate they will listen carefully to an appeal on the grounds of bullying.

Good luck!

[ShanahansRevenge]

In DDs school there sems to be a lack of bullying...I won't say there is none...because am not in the playground...but I would think that private schools with more teachers per capita have less instances of it.

I also think that you DD is young enough to take a change...in my opinon kids stay open to new friends much longer than many people realise.

I am sorry your DD has had this bother...does she think it is to do with her size? Have comments been passed?

[qualitystreetrosescelebrations]

But ShanahansRevenge, my experience of schools having to mix up the year group to get the schools team, are they tend to not be the winning teams, either because many competitions are aged base, and if the children aren't the right age they can't compete, or if they are not age based, but you have 7 9 year olds and 4 8 year olds (presuming the whole class play), then when played against 11 9 year olds, they tend to be on the losing side.

But 7 is also awkard as odd number, so difficult to do group work - even 8 would be better with two groups of 4. Pairing there is always a 3, and if this child is concerned about bullying and will be the new kid, it is a consideration to bear in mind.

School plays don't tend to be very good.

11 in a class is a big difference to 7. I would not consider a year group of less than 10.

[ShanahansRevenge]

Oh qualitystreet...there are 47 in the entire school (my DDs) and they regularly win netball tournaments and do well at soccer.

Our drama productions are excellent and we regularly turn our scolarship winners to the nearby (selective) private school which specialises in performing arts. Our choir win many competitions too.

I don't think worrying about how many kids will be in a group during lessons etc is relevant...they just get on with it!

for some kids a tiny group/school is wonderful.many kids are totally cowed by big schools.

[qualitystreetrosescelebrations]

Ok I accept that there is always the one that disproves the norm.

I'm suitably impressed by your school.

For 6 yrs (yr 3 - yr 8) I have to say personally I would not consider less than 60 - ideal 80-100.

[ShanahansRevenge]

When the kids line up to go in after playtime the crowd looks somewhat pathetic...but they are all very close and it has the added benefit of encouraging friendships cross year group...which is great preperation for life in reality.

[beautifulgirls]

One thought about a class of only 7, is this school struggling financially? If they are and your DD gets settled there, then the school closes suddenly do you have a backup plan? It does happen and I would be very suspicious if a school has so few pupils that they are likely to be finding it hard to cope in the current economic climate. Personally I would try another state school if you can - you always have private as an option in the future if you are unlucky enough that things still don't work out.

[Deelle]

Thanks again for all your comments!!
ShanahansRevenge - your dd's school sounds great - what area is it in!!!!!!
Also, sadly yes, she has had comments about her size - some boys in her class call her fat and comment on the size of her legs - and some year 6 girls have been doing it also.
The frightening thing is she has said that she doesnt want to eat any more sweets or cakes.
QualityStreet - you have a point about odd numbers - my dd would actually make the class number 8 - but I was wondering what the ratio of boys to girls was as I think this would make quite a difference.
Beautifulgirls - you certainly have a point re finances.

[Deelle]

Something to add.....!
The school with only 7 in year 3 has a good ofsted report - commenting on the excellent relationships between children and also with teachers. Also that the children were very happy and loved going to school!
Think I am trying to persuade you lot its a good idea when I should be working on my husband - who is not keen!!!

[ShanahansRevenge]

Deelle I can't believe the school have not put a stop to that...year 6s! Our school is in the North West and I think it's a bit of a gem personally. There are only 5 private schools here for primary age...we have three preps and 2 which take them right through.

ours is the smallest and the most quirky...it's well estblished 100 years old...and has a fab rep for it's drama.

If the ratio of boys to girls is not great..as int here are only 3 girls and 4 boys I would not stress too much....in DDs school when she finished year 1 there were only three girls and two morre joined them for year two....they were VERY welcome! They managed to freshen up the dynamic.

This is the thing...as it is so small there is no room fr leaving each other out...with only 5 girls in DDs class they all need to be on good terms...they are bright enough to realise that..even at 6 and 7!

I can't compare really...it's all we have known but the Mums wh came this year have been very happy, they have been welomed.

You could pop DD in for a trial...private schools of this size are very helpful with this kind of thing.

She will get a feeling one way or another...and express to the head and the teacher that you are worried because f bullying..they will have seen it all before and know how to help her feel at home.

[ShanahansRevenge]

Deelle why is DH not keen?

[Deelle]

ShanahansRevenge - thanks - you seem to be the only other person that thinks this school may be a good idea!
I was starting to think that I shouldnt even go and look at it - my husband is not keen - mind you he thinks I shouldnt even move dd in the first place!
The school havent put a stop to the year 6 girls bullying because one of their parents is on the staff - therefore can do no wrong - the head said that they were not trouble makers and are very reliable!! - in other words he didnt believe it or didnt want to get involved!.

[Deelle]

DH is not keen on moving dd's school as he says bullying can happen at any school and we would be moving her away from her friends - mind you, he moved school as a child and didnt have a good experience - so I think that is having an impact on his decision.
He is not keen on the idea of private school - think mainly because of the financial side - what if she was settled and our finances changed where we couldnt afford it any longer?
He doesnt like the idea of the small class size as they may fall out and then she will have no friends to play with.

[onimolap]

It sounds like you both need to go and look at a range of schools, and then work out which is the best fit for what you want next. Either or both of you might be surprised by what you like best once you've actually done the research.

Happy hunting!

[ShanahansRevenge]

Has DD got friends? Is she happy with them? If she does then I woud think carefully...it IS a huge commitment...and then you hve to consider secondary...nce they all get to 11 and are discussig which private school they will be moving to, could you afford to send DD? Or would she have to go to the local comp with al the kids from her old school?

[Deelle]

Thanks onimolap!
Yes shanahansrevenge dd has got friends - which we would continue to see out of school.
From my research so far it seems that a majority of the leavers from our local private schools go on to grammar - not private - which I was kind of hoping dd would do ?!?!?!

[ShanahansRevenge]

Oooh....if you have a grammar then go for it...private school will only increase DDs chances and ther will be lot's of kids from various schools!

We don't have a grammar

I would pop her in for a trial to see if she like it. And take DH for a look around.

Keep us posted... will be wondering what you endd up doing!