Advice please!!

[Rhigwyn]

Hello all, I apologise in advance for this long post but really need some advice. So, my 8 year old ds(yr4) comes home on Friday and says" we did something in school today that I'm not allowed to tell you and dad about". He said his teacher had told them not to tell their parents because otherwise all the parents would be coming in to complain and he wouldn't do anything about it if they did. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was wrong of his teacher to say this and he could tell us absolutely anything. He seemed frightened of the teachers reaction. I backed off and within 5 mins he came to tell me. I could tell it had been really bothering him all day. It turns out they had had "circle time". I'd never heard of it before but a friend tells me it's quite common practice in some schools if there are problems in the class. He said they were asked to say one person they liked and one they didn't. 7 of the boys said they didn't like him. Only his best buddy said he liked him. Now, he is quite sensitive and has low self esteem due to his size( he is alot smaller then his classmates and gets stick for it) anyway so this really really hasn't helped. Really don't know what to do. This teacher is so awful. So many things about this are fundamentally wrong. Encouraging young children to keep secrets from their parents being the main one. I want to go straight in to the head teacher with it but dont want to break my sons trust in me. Im very happy that he wanted to tell me, and only want to encourage it in the future. If I go in he would be very cross and upset with me bit I can't let this go surely???

[Runoutofideas]

No you can't let it go. It sounds outrageous to me. I would be straight in to speak to either the teacher themselves, or the head.

[overmydeadbody]

Circle time is a nomral part of primary school. Telling the whole class who you don't like among the other pupils is not.

Perhaps the teacher didn't tell them to say someone they didn't like, perhaps they just added that and the teacher (for whatever bizarre reason) went with it and has plans for ths week to start tackling those issues?

Unfortunately there are some rubbish teachers out there. Personally I would tell the head, and let her/him do the digging to find out what really went on and what the teacher's motives where.

[overmydeadbody]

Maybe it was actually a circle time on giving someone a compliment and a constructive critisism and it all went horribly wrong?

[overmydeadbody]

and circle time is done in all classes, not just if there are problems in the class. It can be a very powerful and beneficial tool to help children with their self confidence and sense of belonging.

[Dracschick]

This is really quite shocking.

Circle time is usually a very nice relaxed time whereby the children talk and discuss things sometimes children are so excited they cant wait for circle time.

Clearly this went v wrong.

I feel so sad for your Ds at that point the teacher should have halted the 'discussion' or used it to point out ds good points....

Firstly you need to speak to the teacher and tell her this wasnt an acceptable way for circle time to be spent,and now she has it out in the open and common knowledge what she intends to do to rebuild your sons self esteem and help him build new friendships.

I used to volunteer at Ds's primary school (i was on the pta and had been offered a 'proper' job there but due to health reasons of ds i couldnt do it so did the same job voluntary)and there was a young girl having a similar problem .....we decided that some of my classroom prep tasks would be fulfilled at lunchtime and I would need the assistance of a few pupils so the girl whose family was very known to me stayed and I (the girl really did) chose someone to help.....sharing classroom tasks and sneaky hot chocolates on cold wintery days really did help this child rebuild her friendships.

Shes now at secondary and doing v well she just needed that extra support and I was pleased to offer it.

[FreudianSlimmery]

I am shocked that a teacher would ask the children to name somebody they didn't like. That's disgusting

[IndigoBell]

You need to tell the HT. He/she needs to know what's going on.

Circle time, as others have said, is very normal, and normally very good.

It's the teacher that is the problem here, not circle time.

If the HT is any good he'll handle it properly and you son will never be aware that you went.

If your HT can't handle it you may want to seriously consider whether you trust this school enough to send your child there 30 hours per week.

[mummytime]

If your son had told a teacher something in confidence, they would have to tell him they couldn't keep something a secret if it was something that was going to harm them or someone else. A teacher will usually say this before hearing a confidence, almost all children will still tell the teacher whatever it is.

So equally as it is something that has caused harm you need to pass it on to the appropriate person; the head teacher. Secondly if the teacher told the children not to tell their parents about something (even Fathers day cards usually have "don't tell Daddy, but of course you can tell Mummy"); then I think this teacher needs urgent child protection training.

Good luck!