ds in reception and is horrible as soon as he gets home

[verybusyspider]

I know he's tired but is this normal? and is it a reflection of how things are going in class? I need to speak to his teacher on Monday but I'm worrying that he is a nightmare in the class, and now will be thinking about it all weekend. He was referred for a SN assessment at preschool (linked to school) which highlighted some areas that he struggled with - ie routine and in ability to share - I'm concerned that he's still struggling, gets told off (as he should) but then is cross by the time he gets home and takes it out on his little brothers, he's in their face from the moment we pick him up, shouting, crying and mostly saying 'no one is allowed to talk in this house because I say so' and getting upset when we do?! and upsets his middle brother.
the assessment at preschool didn't give him a 'label' and they said he didn't need any additional support except an awareness of how he could get hung up on rountine and is a perfectionist about everything, he also can't sit still and remain on task (normal for 4yrs?? and give him lego and its a different story )
but could I help him with his social skills?

Has anyone had a similar experience when their lo started school? is this just settling in? fwiw he loves school and we don't have any issue with him getting himself dressed in the morning to go, he likes 'everything about it' but is horrible till bedtime...

[onimolap]

Do not underestimate tiredness as a factor.

My DCs had both been doing long days at nursery, and I thought the shorter school day would be a breeze, but both were completely wiped out.

So I'd cut him as much slack as you can. Obviously you don't want any of the bad behaviour to take root, but can he be distracted out of it? Does he have favourite calm activities?

Might help to feed him as early as possible too.

[tarantula]

My first thought is feed him straight away on the way home. Have something that he likes that isn't too sugary, bananas are good if he likes those or maybe carrot cake or something.
Chill out time fr an hour is another good trick and don't talk about school at all during that time unless he mentions it.

[Anenome]

He sounds very like my DD who is now 6. She was a horror when she got in from school at that age! A total horror. I agree about the tiredness...don't underestimate thepower of babying hm when he gets in...making the trip home and the arrival into a big treat.

They are small to be suddenly shoved into society...and so much is expected of them. I used to make my daughter a "nest" in front of the TV and let her watch what she wanted to with a nice little tea set up in front of her...she usually stayed there for an hour recovering from the horrors of having to listen and sit still all day!

Then she'd get up and go about her playing or whatever.

My DD is still a controll freak but very changed...she's not recognisable from the little beast she used to be. He will adjust...give him a few months.

[Niecie]

I agree it is probably tiredness too and also a little bit of letting off steam. He is getting used to new routines and ways of behaving and it takes effort and he comes home and doesn't have to make the effort any more.

I would be quite surprised if he isn't as good as gold at school. My DS2 is the model pupil if you listen to the teachers but once he gets home he is anything but. However, he knows that we love him no matter what and he thinks he doesn't have to be on his best behaviour and he can relax and certainly when he was in Yr R we got the brunt of him letting off steam because home was a safe place for him to do so.

Bear with it for a bit (whilst making sure he doesn't overstep too many boundaries of cours). I would think if the teachers had an issue with his behaviour that you would have heard something about it by now.

Maybe he will also settle down when he falls slightly out of love with school. He will, at some point, come across something he doesn't like there. I am wondering if he loves it that much whether he is a tiny bit resentful of being picked up every day! Of course he would hate to stay there full time but I wonder if he is objecting to having his enjoyment spoilt by having to go home. I

[verybusyspider]

Thank you - its good (in a way!) to know that tiredness could be the problem, I just need to have a better strategy at handling him, I pick him up straight from work so find it hard to have a snack on the table as soon as we walk through the door. I also think he resents walking home but we are so close to the school and parking is such a nightmare that it makes no sense to pick him up in car and I have 3 ds's and only one double buggy... ds2 & 3 have just done nursery so I expect ds2 (2.5yrs) to walk less than ds1....I think hunger might also be a key, they are pretty much having sandwiches, crisps, fruit and biscuit with milk when we get home, I think thats enough and they ask for dinner so we end up having supper at 6pm

[IndigoBell]

Interesting that he was referred for an assesment in Preschool. Sounds to me like he could have SN (ASD traits for example), even if he 'passed' the first assesment.

If you think he might have SN go to your GP and discuss your concerns. Maybe ask his new teacher what she thinks. But don't think just because one assesment was 'clear' that he's fine. Who did the assesment? Only a paed can dx ASD for example.

[Niecie]

FWIW I suspect the SN aspects of your DS's behaviour are a bit of red herring. My DS1 has AS was OK at home time. NT DS2 was the one who had more trouble and I have heard several friends talk about similar problems with their NT children at the end of the day. It is a tough time for them and no wonder they play up.

However, if after talking to your DS's teacher you do think there are concerns that he may require another SN assesssment because he being difficult at school, it might be worth talking to the SENCO about the strategies they can put in place to help him settle in. The referral by the GP to a clinical psych (which round here is via the paediatrican) can take months and is probably not going to help your situation as it stands at the moment but the SENCO is somebody who should be able to help now.

Don't be afraid to ask for another assessment though. Children change a lot espcially in the 1st 5 yrs which is why there can be a bit of a policy of 'wait and see' for milder cases, just in case the child grows out of their difficulties or they change. However, your DS is older now and might be worth having a another assessment by a psychologist.

[hmc]

Yes I had a similar experience when my ds started school - for the first two years (pretty much)at chucking out time, he would shake hands with the teacher (does anybody else's school do this?) all smiles, would see me, and come thundering towards me face contorted with displeasure and rant! Frankly, it got to the stage where it was funny and the other mums would joke about it with me "Uh oh, here he comes!".

He is fine now - guess he was just knackered. Serious little boy who concentrates hard in school and probably blew a fuse or two from the effort whilst he was little. In year 2 now and he runs towards me with something approximating to enthusiasm these days

[kickassangel]

some kind of cereal/muesli bar? could you keep some ready to take to school for him to eat coming home? or ready at home as soon as he gets in.

i'd also use a bit of bribery - if you leave your brothers alone, you can have xxx when we get in? would that work - make him earn some rest time/tv/sweet snack?

[Octavia09]

I think it could be because of the lack of food. Following the advise of the MN members I always try to bring my DS a snack (e.g. muffin backed with honey, carrots instead of sugar; celery sticks, plain crackers). Once I forgot to take a snack and he was very irritable and was asking to eat. He was shouting why I did not bring juice or anything else even though he had water in his bottle. I do not think they eat that well at school. They are distracted all the time. When we come home I serve him hot food. I know you are working but you could re-heat something cooked earlier (e.g. soup, pasta, creamed potatoes).

[Goblinchild]

Anenome, I agree with the idea of a nest and downtime before tackling anything else. It worked for mine and for many rec. children I've known. Still works for my Aspie teen.
Feed as soon as you meet them from school, banana, soft bread roll and don't overwhelm them with questions.
Reception is exhausting.

[coppertop]

My dd1 was like this when she started school part-time. It got a little better after a couple of weeks but has got worse since she started full-time. The screaming is horrendous.

She's absolutely fine at school. It's just that the tiredness hits her as soon as she gets home.

She has no SN, although her older brothers do (ASD). If you think your ds might have SN then it's definitely worth making an appointment with his teacher to see how he's settling in. School is a very different environment to pre-school and with different expectations, so it's not uncommon for difficulties to become more obvious there.

[paisleyleaf]

Gosh yes....
me: "hello there, good day at school"?
DD: "I'm hungry"

[stillconfused]

Sounds just like my DS1 - he is 10 now and if he has had a busy day at school he is still very grumpy when he comes home. He is totally focused at school (always has been) and then "lets it all out" when he comes home. He was the same when he first started school. It is a big change for them having to concentrate and be well behaved all day so once your DC is more used to it I'm sure behaviour will go back to normal.

[activate]

he needs a sugar burst

give him a biscuit, glass of milk or fruit juice and leave him alone for 20 mins or so

[verybusyspider]

great advice - I have an action plan now - snacks loaded onto buggy (so even if thats not the answer I figure that he'll have his mouth full so won't be able to shout at his brothers ) and will speak to teacher at pick up time tomorrow, not sure how to get to speak to her without having to watch boys, dh away at moment and I still don't know many people to ask to watch boys for me... will see what she says tomorrow as to whether I need to have proper discussion with her pre parents evening, thanks everyone.

[verybusyspider]

snacks worked great, drinks and biscuits and I didn't ask him any questions about school we went round to play at a friends house and he was really co-operative

Spoke to teacher tho and she didn't know ds had been assessed at pre-school, grrr, I was specifically told she would have his learning journal - the class rooms are next door to each other! but on the plus side he seems to be doing ok, main issue is he can't sit still when on the carpet, he gets up, figgets, starts messing with something (he does the same at home even when watching telly, he just can't seem to keep his feet still) any ideas on how to help him? I tried to make him sit still for his bedtime story tonight, get up have a wiggle and then sit for another short story - limited success, he was wriggling the whole time...

[Niecie]

The fidgeting is a toughy - I've been trying to get DS1 to stop fidgeting for 10 yrs and nothing really works. It is a compulsion that they can rein in for a little while but not permanently. Having said that DS has calmed down as he has got older and if he is really enjoying something and concentrating then it is less of a problem.

I am not surprised the new teacher didn't know what happened in pre-school. That tends to happen a lot. I suspect, because they decided your DS didn't need a label the preschool felt there was nothing they needed to tell the new teacher or they assumed that their way of dealing with him would no longer be relevant.

I have made it a policy for myself now, that I go and see each new teacher my DS has just to explain what has happened and how he is and any coping strategies. Sounds like you might have to do the same.

Glad the food worked though - the restorative power of a biscuit is a wonderful thing.