little miss popular [hmm]

[nandodo]

I may be paraniod but i think i am being gossipped about at school by other mums. I am very friendly and outgoing and make friends easily. it seems that people seem to withdraw after va while and i am perplexed and too embarrassed to ask. I did have a 'situation' with a toxic and gossippy mother and lots of rumours were spread but i don't know the details and just hoped that it would all blow over by remaining dignified. unfortunately, people have distanced themselves from me because they don't want to get involved in any conflict and i don't blame them. But what can i do? i am having a tough time. Is there a way of tackling this ?? any advice please??

[formerdiva]

Crikey - that sounds horrible. How long's it been going on for? If it's relatively short term then I think you're dead right by taking the dignified approach. Your comment that people "don't want to get involved in any conflict" is absolutely true, and unfortunately because of that you probably won't gain anything by tackling it head on.

Without knowing the ins and outs, my advice would be:

1. Stay friendly with everyone, but not pushy until this blows over. Big smiles and waves, but then leave others to approach you.
   
   
2. Be lovely to everyone's children all the time. I always notice the parents who seem to genuinely warm to my children and they instantly go to the top of my favourite people list.
   
   
3. This is a really shallow point, but look well presented. It's human nature to be drawn to attractive people (that's why good looking salespeople are more successful).
   
   
4. Look like you couldn't care less who's gossiping or what's been said.
   
   I know it must feel horrible doing the school run at the moment, but I'll bet you anything they'll be talking about someone else by Christmas

[nandodo]

Thanks formerdiva, its been going on for about 9 months now. Some mums give me filthy looks who don't even know me. Some just distance themselves when at the school. I always dress well, never gossip or discuss anyones business, i genuinely like the children and just keep thinking that school is about them not the mums. It's just that sometimes i feel vulnerable and hurt. I feel isolated and half of me wants to know what is being said but i really don't want to go to that level and am scared it might make the situation worse and i have to thibk of my family. AT least it looks as if i've been doind ok so far.

[formerdiva]

9 months? That's just awful.

Those mums who'd give you filthy looks just sound bloody vile. I really don't think it will have much of an impact on your children - kids pick their own friends without any interest in their parents' interactions (looking back at my own school days, the most popular boy in school was the son of a woman that was - and still is - shunned in the village. Made no difference to the kids, though).

Hope you don't have to do the school run for too much longer and these awful people will soon be out of your life...

[nandodo]

I'm afraid i've got quite a few years to go. The fact that this situation has been going on for so long makes me wonder what on earth the rumours could be. On the other hand maybe i'm being completely over sensitive or am totally oblivious to something that makes people dislike me. It's horrible whatever it is.

[GypsyMoth]

can i ask?? are you too well dressed?/
if so,sounds like envy/jealousy....there is a mum ad ds school who was shunned and talked about,just because she was better dressed,sometimes arrived in her gym gear,tennis wear etc.....but i was guessing a touch of the green eyed monster

she was very smiley.....and in and out of school,in a flash, never stopped to confront them....just dignified

[nandodo]

Well, i do dress a little differently to the others. Probably a little more fashionable but i like to experiment with clothes so don't always get it right.

I have always had trouble understanding the jealousy thing with women so pray tell how it works. I could never dislike someone because i coveted something they had.

If anything, my lifestyle and home is alot less 'comfortable' than the majority of theirs but i am content, well educated and have a happy family life. Oh yes, and i am always smiley, busy and well presented for the school run.

[GypsyMoth]

i think there lies the problem.....they are bitter,and want to be more like you.

its sad i know

[MrsSaxon]

Just keep being yourself, they are not people you would want as friends anyway.

[nandodo]

Thanks dragonfly. I hadn't considered this as a possibility. Its reassuring that this situation could be more about them than me. So i may be able to salvage my declining self esteem and concentrate on my dc's which is what i really want to do and is the only reason i am in that environment anyway