Help thinking about changing school?

[BeetleBug71]

Hi I have a year 1 boy who is at a large primary school.

His reception year was not great. Before he started he occasionally had accidents but when he started school he started to come home more and more regularly with wet clothes at worst at least once a day. The attitude of the school was not helpful - the teacher didnt listen to our suggestions which we found helpful and told us that he couldnt drink at school, wouldnt be allowed in the computer suite (as they had nice chairs) etc talking in a very negative way in front of him and his peers in the playground.

They also seem to have a very negative view of him and very biased.

Generally he didnt seem to make any progress both socially or academically in a year.

At the end of the school year he recieved his report which seemed fair then in the last two weeks of term we recieved an IEP targets outlining his targets in light of his special needs. We had not been spoken to about these and they also contradicted his report? We questioned how this could be true and why did they not involve us so we could also support him.

During the school year he brought home reading books often staying in his bag for 4 - 6 weeks none of which were appropriate for his reading level. (much too hard probably aimed at competent year 1 reader)

Generally we have no faith in the headteacher or SENCO at the school.

Through our older son we have experience of a small village school which is also our catchment school which we where very happy with.

Our gut feeling is that although his year 1 teacher seems a bit better we are already thinking about moving him as we are concerned about his self esteem if he stays at this school. He often comes out with remarks which make us think that he is not treated fairly (although it is difficult to judge as we obviously are not able to observe him during the school day)

On the other hand he has an established peer group so would moving him damage his self esteem more?

Does anyone have any helpful suggestions or any similar experiences?

Thank you for your help!!

[MammaK]

Hi there,
Don't know if this helps but I would pause for jut a few more weeks if he has an established peer group.
In this time, insist on a meeting with the SENCO to establish exactly what his IEP is for, what his targets are and how they intend to support him. IEPs should be in place for his first term in year 1- if not question why not. You can then request a meeting with his teacher, and hoping your gut feeling is right this could be productive. Discuss the IEP and suggested ways you can support and remain informed. With regards to his reading book, ask for the results of his latest reading assessments and ask to see examples of the guided reading texts he is reading in school. Explain your concerns about his home reader and check the phonic strategies they use to assist him in class.
You sound like a lovely caring mummy who has wrongly not been kept informed; when you have a better understanding of what is going to happen / already happening in year 1 then you can make a decision more easily.
As for the toilet issue - check with your GP that there is nothing to be concerned about then use this in your artillery in the meetings... why on earth did they stop him from accessing the curriculum (ICT suite) when gently and discreetly sending him to the toilet prior to and even during the session would have sufficed!
Good luck, whichever decision you make is right for your child if it is well informed xxxx

[BeetleBug71]

Thank you so much for your thoughts we where thinking of meeting with the school so will sort that asap.

With regard to the toileting we had been to the GPs and spoken to the school nurse too. We had been advised that the teacher could actually been prosecuted against the DDA due to the way they treated him. On the last occasion she had already spoken to the head before we contacted the school to complain as she knew her behaviour was inappropriate (i had come away from school not too happy on this occasion but needed to take my son away as felt that the school playground was not a good place to speak so harshly to a myself and son)

I do hope it improves but this posting was spured on by another little comment from my son this evening.

A friend said at the end of the summer holidays that it was lovely to see my sons true character return as she had felt that he had not been himself since starting school. She knows him really well and had never made such a comment before. What a nightmare!!

Oh well we will stick it out for a few more weeks and hope it improves.

Thanks again

[MollieO]

How could the school issue an IEP without you knowing about it? Ds's school sent a draft home asking for my comments. This was after a meeting (called by the SENCO) to discuss what she considered to be ds's SENs and what the school proposed to do by way of support.

His main school report made no mention of the SEN support which I thought was odd but spoke to other parents at the school with SEN children and it was the same for them too.

[WhatsWrongWithYou]

I'd suggest resurrecting this thread when there may be more people around (not that the other posters haven't been helpful), but it seems to me like the sort of case where a number of opinions and perspectives may be useful.

Sorry not v. coherent due to wine and fatigue but hate hearing about bad practice in schools.

[admission]

There is no way that an IEP should have been agreed without input from the parents. That is a fact and I think you need to concentrate on facts, as it so easy to get carried away by thoughts and worries.

Another fact is that your son has a problem with toileting and that you have held discussions with both the doctor and school nurse. I think you need to establish the fact as to whether this issue is continuing with the new teacher in year 1 or not. If not that is a major step forward and I would keep him in the school.

If it is still an issue after say the end of September then I would consider a move to this smaller school. However as a word of caution that may resolve all your problems but being in a small school might lead to a major crisis of confidence for your child when they go to an even larger secondary school.

Get in and see at the least the SENCO about the IEP and establish what is going on and what can be done to help - you do need to establish why this was done without your knowledge.

[BeetleBug71]

Thanks for all your suggestions we are still waiting for the SENCO to contact us to arrange a meeting (which is now nearly a week!) We have written and spoken to the head to see if we can discuss.

We are very keen to work to support our son where needed but frustrated with lack of information.

This week has gone from bad to worse my son has informed us that he was not allowed to top up his water bottle and came out from school saying that he was thirsty. the next day went to an afterschool club and had had an accident when i asked him he said he was told he didnt have time to go to the toilet before. Finally he came home from school with poo in his pants (this has never occurred)and i asked him if he hadnt cleaned himself up and he told us again that he had been told that he wasnt allowed to go to the toilet. Obviously it is diificult to judge what actually happened but he has total control and has always been able to hold on (ie if on a car journey or if out) until their is a toilet available.

It is such a huge dilemma but the only consolation is that if we move he will go from an infant school to a larger junior and then finally onto senior school. We would need to be mindful of the impact of this move on him.

The problem with him staying is that i dont believe that they will support him appropriately with his education or his toileting.

I think i am going to take the plunge and see if i can meet with the head teacher of the other school tommorow to discuss.

It does make me cross that i feel that we have to do this due to the schools bad practice.