How can I improve his behaviour?

[dott]

Ds is 7. Teacher complains he wriggles and talks too much when he is supposed to be quiet. Only been back a week and he has already lost most of his golden time.

Find the teacher unhelpful and usupportive and general consensus is she is poor teacher but to be fair to her I know he does all that she complains of.

I remind him gently every morning to sit next to someone who is quiet on the carpet so as not to be tempted and periodcially I get cross with him after school and say he will lose pocket money and be grounded from the next play date.

I just want this to improve so that he is not labelled as a naughty child.

He has had four other primary teachers because of moves and they all loved him and raved what a lovely boy he is. He is bright and popular too. He is usually much liked by those who teach him.

Heelp!

[dott]

it is not working though we have been doing this, any other suggestions?

[mummytime]

Go and talk to the head and the SENCo. Kids of this age (especially boys) can't sit still for long. At my Dc's school if the kids have sat still for a while (assembly) they get themto go for a run.

I'd also check he doesn't have a dust mite allergy (I did and found sitting on carpets uncomfortable).

You could get a home school smiley book (smiles for when he is good sad when he hasn't), my son had one once, showed the teacher he wasn't being that bad.

I wouldn't punish him out of school, just re-enforce how he should behave in school. If you punish him out of school as well as him being punished in you will make him hate school.

[dott]

mummytime that is good advice about the double punishment. I know there is worse things but I feel very upset about it, the teacher does not talk to us much just to tell us what is wrong. I did try to engage her last term so that we could work together to sort this, but her approach was this is the problem, and at no time did she say her approach just that he would lose golden time.

We have a contact book which I could put positive stuff in, eg he went on a full time mmusic course in the summer he was the youngest by two years, I thought he would struggle. His teacher said the only reason he coped was because he is an exceptionally well behaved boy and able to concentrate for long periods. She [current class teacher] is the only teacher who has ever had a problem with him

[mummytime]

Oh dear my son had this with one teacher. I nearly withdrew him (and still wonder if that would have been for the best even if it had crippled up financially).

Anyhow we did make it better for my son, by making appointments to see the teacher. I went to the first one and she upset me so much that my DH (much less emotional and more professional) went to the next. She actually upset him (as she couldn't manage to say anything positive about my son), however we continued to see her for about 1/2 term or more on a fortnightly basis. We also had a behaviour smiley faces book, which she abandoned after a week as it became obvious he wasn't getting continual frowns.

She wasn't interested in hearing how he was outside school or with other teachers, so we gave up on that. She also wasn't interested and didn't pass on information about a major trauma that happened in his life (although we didn't know that at the time).

However eventually by being very involved parents she did improve in her treatment of my son, and noticed he did have a learning problem (and got him help, maybe to get rid of us).

So just try to keep talking to this teacher, make it obvious you care about his behaviour, but also do keep on the message of wanting to work with her to improve his behaviour. Hopefully things will improve.

Good luck.

[dott]

Thank you for posting I really appreciate it. Exactly the same with me and dh, he has all the meetings because I find it upsetting. He does the parents evening and all the meetings.

I am in two minds this term about strategy. She has said nothing to us, nothing in contact book but he has lost golden time virtually every day. We have decided to let her raise this with us rather than us making a big deal of it. If and when she does we are going to ask what her current strategy is (zilch) her her plans for dealing with it in school make clear we are willing to collaborate with her and support the school - which we do already.
Thanks so much for the tip on double punishment, that really helped.