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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Is it ok for teachers to accept invitations to parents' parties?

32 replies

MixedupMartha · 27/07/2010 17:03

I'm asking because I recently found out that one of the mums in my DDs class threw an end of term 'thank you' party for the teaching staff, most of whom attended. It was at her house and included lots of drink.

Some of the other parents were there because they are friends with this mum.

Am I being odd in thinking this is a bit wrong? Feel free to disagree!

OP posts:

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Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 17:09

You are wrong.
Why should we not socialise with whomsoever we choose to?
Even if they are common-or-garden parents. Or is it the fact that it's the paid help sitting at table with the customers?
I am a member of my community, and I see parents of children I teach and have taught in all sorts of situations, formal and informal.
Your ideas are quaintly out of their time by half a century or more.

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Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 17:11

Oh, I get it. It's like the Freemasons and you weren't invited, thereby damaging your children's future chances in that school.
I'd sit at home for a bit, biting my nails and wondering why you weren't on the guest list if I were you.

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Shaz10 · 27/07/2010 17:12

Now the GTCE has been abolished we can do what we like!

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deaddei · 27/07/2010 17:14

"and included lots of drink"

Are you implying teachers are paragons of virtue, and should stick to an elderflower cordial?

You sound miffed because you weren't invited.

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TotalChaos · 27/07/2010 17:15

Whyever would it be wrong? Teachers are allowed to be friends with parents. Now if teachers were hanging out the Asda car park with teenagers from the class or going out clubbing with them that might be more of a concern......

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LIZS · 27/07/2010 17:16

Can see why this might be a grey area. However we, as parents, have socialised with teaching staff, some of whom are fellow parents in one of dc's years but have taught the other. Actually get along better with some of the staff than other parents too !

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scurryfunge · 27/07/2010 17:16

Perish the thought....I bet they were enjoying themselves too....shame on them. Fancy not camping out in the school grounds over the summer marking work by torchlight in preparation for the new term.

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cece · 27/07/2010 17:17

teachers drink!?

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ShatnersBassoon · 27/07/2010 17:18

My mother's best friend was my infant teacher. I think they may have had a few drinkies over the years, and she has been to our house more times than I can remember. I was top of the class, too

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TheFallenMadonna · 27/07/2010 17:18

ROFL at "lots of drink".

What's your actual beef with this OP?

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claretlover · 27/07/2010 17:26

I agree, as a teacher and parent with the OP. It is best not to blur the professional and the private.How might you feel as a parent, if your child was bullied by another child and you discovered that their mum/dad regularly socialised with their parents.Would you trust them to be impartial?There is such a thing as professional distance and it should be kept.
There are lots of issues with this really and I haven't got the time to post a long reply. I had a friend who accepted invites to family BBq s for 6th birthdays of children in her class.It soon became difficult as she didn't want to go to them all.There were 30 in the class.

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notagrannyyet · 27/07/2010 17:27

I don't think it's wrong.

I was friends with one primary school teacher before she taught my DC. We had lots in common....sons of the same age, so were school gate mums together at first and then became more friendly because of our DS friendship. We used to share transport to scouting and afterschools activities. Later I became friendly with other teachers at DC primary. They still are my friends several years later.

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stripeyknickersspottysocks · 27/07/2010 17:29

When I was a kid my teacher was my mum. So would have been a bit hard for her not to come to her own parties. Plus all her friends/collegues were other teachers at my school so they all came.

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BelligerentGhoul · 27/07/2010 17:30

Teachers can, as far as I know, go wherever they want and drink alcohol (gasp) with whomever they so choose. It really is none of your business.

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archstanton · 27/07/2010 17:39

I don't think it's wrong but I wouldn't do it. I'm a rare user of Facebook but I am on there and parents constantly put forward friend requests. No way could I do that; Just not professional.

But as for drinking? I live nowhere near where I teach but two teachers at the DC's school live locally. One is very young (was NQT last year) and DH and I always see her in the pub, sometimes very drunk. As long as she's not drunk at school, what business is it of mine?

Do we ezpect our teachers do be celibate teetotalers?

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PixieOnaLeaf · 27/07/2010 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SE13Mummy · 27/07/2010 18:03

As a teacher I've declined a few invites to 9-year-olds' birthday parties but if parents from the school where I teach chose to hold a party to thank us for our hard work I'd probably go along. Personally I don't see the problem with being sociable with the parents but then I am a parent of a child at my school too so presumably it's wrong for me to socialise with anyone, ever.

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gherkinwithapurplemerkin · 27/07/2010 18:05

STOP PRESS

Has the GTC been aboilshed? Can I have my £36 back then?

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Shaz10 · 27/07/2010 18:06

No you can't gherkin but you won't have to pay another one!

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gherkinwithapurplemerkin · 27/07/2010 18:07

I gor v drunk at PTA barn dance this year with parents around in the school hall [double]

Report me to the GTC quick.

Oh, maybe you can't (see above post)

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Butkin · 27/07/2010 18:11

The parents of one of DD's classmates has a firework party every year. They ask all the kids/parents and that year's teachers and any TAs. We quite like chatting to the teachers in an informal situation. Never talk "shop" but good to find out what they are really interested in etc.

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BelligerentGhoul · 27/07/2010 18:24

Lol Pixie. I once told my Yr 11 class that 'even examiners have sex sometimes' after they'd got all embarassed about one of the poems they had to study, which was about (gasp!) sex! They were quite surprised to learn that even GCSE examiners may sometimes stop marking!

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JGBMum · 27/07/2010 18:36

Actually, while I agree with all the above posts regarding being friends with teachers and having them over to parties (yes, even ones with booze), I've never come across a parent deciding to hold a party for all of the teachers and some parents, to thank them for the work they've done. That does seem a little odd to me.

Has anyone else actually come across this situation, ie, not inviting a teacher because they happen to be a friend, but specifically putting on a party for the teachers?

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Goblinchild · 27/07/2010 18:42

Only with Governors or the PTA parents.

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oxocube · 27/07/2010 18:46

I socialise with loads of parents and have even been rather drunk at their parties!! A bit different possibly as they all knew me as a parent BEFORE they knew I was a teacher - I took 5 years off between kids and moved to a different country and then got a job at my kids' school

I have no problem at all with it and I don't think any parents have a problem with me mixing with them - I would be surprised if they even thought about it. This includes parents of kids who have been in my class. HOWEVER, I do know of quite a few teachers at the same school who don't like to go to parties where parents are going to be there because they feel they can't be themselves or are constantly on guard. Maybe it depends on personality and how secure they feel in their jobs?