What to do with my son...

[domesticsluttery]

OK, I might be overthinking this and being a little bit too MN, but I feel I should be doing something about it.

DS2 is 6, he is one of the youngest children in his year. He has just finished Year 1.

We have had a lot of trouble with getting him to settle down in class over the past 12 months, and he has got into a lot of trouble with his teacher for not doing his work, talking all the time etc. He hasn't wanted to go to school and we have had tantrums most mornings about it. However during the last half term (since turning 6) he has settled down a lot and his teacher says that he is much, much better.

Despite spending a lot of time messing about in class he is quite bright. He is very good at reading, in two languages (despite only having been taught to read in one of them). He is the only child in the year who has to go into Juniors to get his reading books. His imagination is fantastic (which probably causes him to daydream!) and when he is interested in something he fizzes with enthusiasm at learning it.

His writing isn't great, I think this is due to poor fine motor skills as he is brilliant on the PC and can type and spell very well. He plays a lot with lego and Hama beads, and does things like knitting and cross stitch, which I hope will help with his fine motor skills.

At home you can't stop him learning, he has a fantastic attitude to it. He loves going to the library, and borrows armfuls of both fiction and fact books. He loves going to the museum, and is especially interested in the Romans and the Celts. He himself will find games and activities online, eg on the BBC website, to practice his maths and learn about history, geography, science etc.

I just can't understand why this love of learning at home doesn't translate into him working hard in school! Is it just normal 6 year old behaviour? (although DS1 was nothing like this at 6). Is it that the teacher just isn't engaging him? Is it just that he doesn't fit with the school system?

I just don't want another year of him playing up in school and getting nowhere, when I know that he is capable of a lot more.

Has anyone got any advice?

[domesticsluttery]

Just realised how long my post was, sorry!

[domesticsluttery]

Anyone?

Or am I really just being too MN and overthinking it...

[Marne]

Hi, my dd1 is similar, she loves learning but preferes to work on a 1:1 basis with an adult, she finds it hard to concentrate at school and often gets told off for talking, despite this she is still working at the level of a 8 year old for reading and maths. It could just be a boy thing? i have no experience of boys (i have 2 dd's) but i know there are boys like your ds at dd's school. My dd1 has Aspergers syndrome so also has problems keeping friends at school.

[Malaleuca]

Child is probably bored silly.

[domesticsluttery]

Thanks for your replies.

Marne, he seems to like working absoloutely by himself the best! I initially thought that it might have been that he need 1:1 attention from an adult and so wasn't getting enough attention in a class of 30, but at home he just gets on with reading about things, looking them up on the internet etc by himself and is happy without any input at all from me. I just don't understand why he can't be a s self-motivating in school.

Malaleuca, could you explain? Do you mean that he sounds as though he isn't interested in what they are doing in school? Or that it is too difficult/easy for him?

[DreamTeamGirl]

I have no real experience, but on a very generic level:

He is about to go into a new school year, hopefully with a new teacher and a new set of learning challenges, so it may be that in Spetember he will settle and calm down and start to really enjoy school, and perform as well there as he does at home.

As you said, he has improved recently, so maybe that will continue

There was a good link yesterday to a website where you could print off a nice cursive script to help him with writing, but he is only 6 after all

Good luck, its so hard wanting to do the best for them but not knowing what the best is

[Eglu]

Agree with Malaleuca. The school are probably not challenging him enough, therefore he is messing about.

You say he is getting his reading books from a much higher level, but are they setting him challenging enough work the rest of the time?

[domesticsluttery]

He doesn't get a new teacher, he is in a small village school and both year 1 and year 2 are in the same class.

His teacher is lovely, but I'm not sure how well she manages a large class with such a wide age range. DS1 has just finished Year 2 so was taught by her too, at parents evening at the end of the year she herself said that he had spent most of the year "coasting" (he is one of the oldest in the year and reasonably bright). I always thought it was her job to set him work appropriate to his ability so that he didn't coast...?

DS2 only seems to be given extended work in reading. I don't know whether he is ready for harder work as his writing isn't fantastic, but he enjoys things like the KS2 history pages on the BBC website. His reading and understanding seem to be far more advanced than his writing skills IYSWIM.

[noddyholder]

Have you considered he may be dyspraxic?

[domesticsluttery]

It has crossed my mind that he might be dyspraxic. He was slow learning to do other physical things too, eg pedalling a bike and dressing himself. He still has stabilisers and frequently puts his shoes on the wrong feet

I mentioned it to his teacher, but she didn't do anything about it. He is under a paediatrician (due to various health problems including slow growth) and I have mentioned it to him too but he didn't seem that concerned either. Maybe I should bring it up with him again.

[noddyholder]

Sounds v like my ds and he had a v late diagnosis which has not been ideal

[Malaleuca]

It's hard to manage children at either end of the bell curve when you are on your own. If the teacher has admitted that the children are coasting you have an open invitation to pursue the matter.

[MathsMadMummy]

I wouldn't normally wade in with this but have you considered home ed as a possibility? some children just aren't built for school IYSWIM.

[domesticsluttery]

I have thought about home educating but I have reservations about both giving up my own job and about him not socialising. His brother and sister love school (even if DS1 is coasting!) and I wouldn't want to remove them, so it would be just him.

I find it hard to talk to his teacher TBH. If I try to talk to her about anything she gets immediately defensive as though I am criticizing, which I'm not, I just want my children to be happy and learn! She has only been at the school for 12 months, which might explain the defensiveness. Perhaps she will be better when she has found her feet a bit more.

[MollieO]

Ds (6.1) struggles to concentrate in class. His report was littered with failing to listen. His parents' evenings have been spent discussing his lack of listening skills. Despite that he has done well with his school work (albeit reading is slow). His teacher said she couldn't understand how he could work quickly and get his work correct when he clearly doesn't listen to what she says.

The child described at school bears little relation to the one that lives with me. Difference being at home there is just the two of us. At school he is one of 15. He has to learn how to be in a classroom and accept that he cannot control noise, what other dcs say, what they do etc. All part of getting on with people. School isn't just about academic learning imo.

Fwiw I don't think his year 1 teacher sufficiently engaged him at all and I'm very glad to see the back of her (I got fed up with her saying she had never taught a child like my ds ). I am curious to see how he gets on with his year 2 teacher who is probably about 20 years older than the year 1 teacher and more experienced.

Everyone with older children tell me that there is a significant step up in level from year 1 to year 2 so I'm hoping that that might be enough to make a difference.

[domesticsluttery]

MollieO that does sound quite like DS2. Although it is far from quiet at home (he is the middle child, DS1 is 20 months older than him and DD is 20 months younger than him) it is obviously quieter than in a class of 30!

[katiestar]

Is he very sociable.Maybe he is just excited and would rather be chatting and messing about with his friends than doing school work however challenging.

[domesticsluttery]

He is quite sociable, but it isn't that he's particularly messing about with his friends, usually his is just daydreaming and on his own little planet!

I can't help thinking that it is just a square peg and round hole problem. He is a bit of a daydreamer and lives in his imagination, he loves finding out about things which interest him rather than what the teacher necessarily thinks he should be doing. Coupled with a fairly strict and quite shouty teacher this doesn't make for a great combination...

One thing that puzzles me though is all year his teacher has been telling me that if he doesn't stop messing around and start concentrating his work will suffer. Well apart from his writing, which isn't great, his work doesn't actually seem to have suffered at all. So surely he must be listening at least some of the time?

[houseofboys]

I was very frustrated by difference in my DS at school and home too. At home he is avid to learn, reads encyclopedias etc but at school they say he is more interested in play and doesn't like work. I think he sees a gulf between learning and work and I'm not sure how to bridge it... He's 7 now but at six certainly wasn't ready for sitting still and behind a desk even part of the day. Think he would have benefited from starting formal learning only at 7 as in some EU countries... So your son doesn't sound unusual at all - I keep reassuring myself that it will all surface later, when he's ready...

[domesticsluttery]

Maybe it is just a phase then.

I have to keep telling myself that they are all different as DS1 has always worked really hard in school, and probably behaves better in school than he does at home. He is a September baby though so the eldest in his year, whereas DS2 is a Summer baby so the youngest.

[MollieO]

I don't really understand the summer baby thing. Ds is a summer baby (due in August but arrived in June). He isn't the youngest in the year. As far as maturity goes some of the youngest ones are far more mature than those who are 11 months older than them. Depends on the individual child.

My db was the youngest in his year but academically and socially ahead. In fact my mum always says how she never had any difficulties with him at all (implying that she doesn't know why ds acts the way he does ).

Ds's year 1 teacher was really shouty too, so much so that she lost her voice early in the first term! Ds is pretty competitive so I am hoping that his concentration will improve when the work is ramped up in year 2. I can't say he has been particularly challenged this year so probably hasn't felt the need to pay full attention.

[domesticsluttery]

Of course it depends on the child, but it could be one reason why DS1 was so much better at writing at the end of year 1... He was almost 7 whereas his brother has only just turned 6. Also a September born child gets 5 terms in Reception to practice the whole sitting still and listening thing, whereas a Summer born child only gets three.

However my summer born DS2 is way ahead of the September born children in his year at reading, and way ahead of where his brother was at the end of Year 1.

There are a couple of girls who are younger than DS2 in his year, but he is by far the youngest boy. The other boys were born in September and February.

[nlondondad]

There is a possibility that this is a case of "gifted child syndrome" If you have the money - will cost a couple of hundred pounds - would suggest you get him assesed by an ed psych. The British Psychological Societ will refer you to one.

If he turns out to have a really high iq as measured by the tests, then you know what your problem is, and then there are things that can be done.

[sayithowitis]

Actually Nylondad, when we wondered if our DC1 was gifted, the school arranged for the Ed.Psych. to assess. The results of the assessment showed clearly that DC1 is indeed gifted. The school made sure that the work set was appropriately challenging and there were opportunities for DC1 to attend weekend G&T classes in areas of interest.

I now work in a primary school and in the same situation, we would do the same, but it would be expected that any teacher worth their salt, would recognise giftedness and deal with it accordingly. We also regularly check assessment results and take steps if necessary.

In your situation OP, I would be going back to the school and asking what they intend to do to ensure that your DCs needs are being met in school. They have a duty to set work which is appropriate for his ability.

[domesticsluttery]

When I spoke to the headmaster a few months ago he did say that he would refer him to be assessed. Apparently it can take up to a year to get a referral though. They weren't referring him because they thought he was gifted, but because they thought that he had behavioural issues. But I suppose if he did turn out to be gifted instead or as well an assessment would get to the bottom of it.