How to help a 10 year old girl get a bit 'with it'...

(49 Posts)
gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 14:38:25

My dd turned 10 in August, so the youngest girl in her year. She tells me that some of her oldest friends don't play anymore (some of them are turning 11 this term) Apparently climbing trees is babyish toohmm

While I would like her to be a child as long as possible I am aware that she does still play imaginative games, dress for comfort rather than style etc

Would you mind telling me what your 10/11 year old girls are into so at least I can make sure dd isn't left out because she doesn't know stuff?? She watches American trash like Jessie, Ant Farm and loves GBBO so I think she is reasonably mainstream but I overheard one of dds friends saying she watches Alien, The Omen and the Saw films (which I don't feel are appropriate!)

She likes Minecraft, making friendship bracelets, riding her bike, reading.

I was bullied badly at secondary school and I'd love dd to avoid this if possible... Is there anything else I should be thinking of?

sparklekitty Mon 23-Sep-13 14:45:27

I teach this age group and it's so varied. Lots of the girls in my class like drawing and crafty stuff, some like one direction and pop stuff which I hate.

I guess they're quite different in school though so don't know how helpful that is.

Your DD sounds lovely btw, love kids that still enjoy 'babyish' stuff like climbing trees and dressing up smile

PeterParkerSays Mon 23-Sep-13 14:49:10

Does your daughter have any good "sensible" friends? Not the one who watches Saw (yes, we believe you love hmm).

There's no reason why your daughter should fit in with the herd - she could decide she likes horse riding, or wants to do Duke of Edinburgh. If she has confidence in who she is, it will be more difficult for her to be bullied as she'll be less likely to worry what other people think, and happy in herself.

I'd work on boosting her choices that she makes now, rather than trying to suggest new interests for her.

mintgreenchilli Mon 23-Sep-13 14:51:16

There was a similar thread to this a couple of months ago and I found it so, so sad.

So what if she doesn't want to grow up just yet? Encourage her in finding her own interests - these will lead naturally to more grown-up ones in the future.

I grew up not following the herd and being proud to be my own self. I would have been devastated if my mother thought this wasn't good enough.

bigTillyMint Mon 23-Sep-13 14:52:37

gleegeek, your DD sounds lovely and very normal. My DD (14) is only just venturing into horror-movie territory, at 10 she still did all the things your DD does apart from Minecraft (no interest whatsoever in computer games!) and she did a lot of sport. And climbed up trees!

It sounds tile the friends are either growing up too quickly or making up stories - those films are not appropriate for 10yo's IMHO!

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 14:52:48

I'd just let her lead smile they really are all different!

My dd was also 10 in august. She enjoys chatting to her friends on Googleplus (they are all on it, I closely supervise!), she likes watching you tube videos of people covering pop songs (!), she likes music in general and plays games online like wooz world and fight my monster (again only with me in the same room).

Her favourite films are wild child, Angus thongs, mean girls, hot chick - she likes teeny comedy stuff..I don't mind her watching 12s if I've seen them myself, she is sensible enough to know swearing isn't acceptable so I don't mind if it has an odd swear word or a sexual reference but nothing mega bad. I wouldn't let her watch anything too sexual and certainly not an 18 or scary!

Fairylea Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:24

Also meant to add my dd does play sometimes too! She has lots of toys and the other day I came down to find her playing with moon sand! The day before that her dolls and doctors set!

Redlocks30 Mon 23-Sep-13 14:54:40

My DD is 10 and is v similar to yours. She likes watching Jessie, Good luck Charlie etc, Reading (Diary of a wimpy kid), baking, making random things out of glitter and boxes, playing Minecraft, Facetiming friends whilst playing Minecraft! Brushing her hair, playing the piano, painting nails, colouring in. When with friends, they'll tend to run around in the garden making perfume and making up dances and shows.

I can't say many of her friends do anything different. Saw??!

Madlizzy Mon 23-Sep-13 14:56:34

She'll be aware of what's with it herself, but is choosing to be comfortable in her own skin rather than follow the herd. She sounds like she's doing fine as she is. I understand the feelings you have about being bullied, I had them myself, but let her take the lead on this.

gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 15:00:02

This is fantastic! Thank you so much smile

I love dd exactly as she is, I just want to make sure I'm not holding her back in some way by not knowing what the current trends are and what is appropriate. She is lovely, the most caring child you could ever hope to meet (often at the expense of herself). Friendship means everything to her however, and if I can make sure that together we make the right choices for dd, then hopefully she'll sail along happily.

Fairylea I had never heard of any of those things tbh, off to google! I can see by some of the films your dd is watching, however, that dds film watching is on the young side. She just about watches PG but has never seen a 12A... so I'll have a look at those too!

Keep your ideas coming please!

wilbur Mon 23-Sep-13 15:02:39

Your dd sounds lovely, and very like my dd who is the same age. Thankfully at her school there are very few girls in her year who are into "older" interests (One Direction, designer labels and the like) and she has a terrific group of lovely friends who are all into all sorts of different things. She's very happy with imaginative play, climbing trees, going to Brownies, doing crafts etc. She started reading Harry Potter over the summer, having resisted it before, and is now mad keen on that, and she knows the words to quite a few current pop songs (James Blunt's new one and Katy Perry's) but isn't into the artists particularly, IYSWIM. She's finding her own way and it is lovely to watch. Please relax and let your dd do the same, and if there's something that makes her unhappy at some point to do with her friends, you can help her then.

PractialJoke Mon 23-Sep-13 15:03:29

I think her attitude is much healthier and so much better for her confidence long term. Much better to know and accept yourself and be comfortable being a little bit different than constantly trying to fit in.

LifeofPo Mon 23-Sep-13 15:05:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BackforGood Mon 23-Sep-13 15:10:56

My dd has just turned 12 - so one of the oldest in Yr7 - a school yr above your dd but almost 2 years older.
- She loves to climb trees - indeed, she's just spent a weekend with Scouts learning how to camp without a tent (sleeping in shelter made by self) and cook without utensils.
- She goes "out to play" with the little boy from next door and they play all sorts of imaginative stuff, including making dens. She likes to ring up her friend to see if she can come round to play, and that's generally in one or other of their gardens.
- She likes to dress for comfort but does also like to dress up in her finest (some interesting combinations!) but this is not a 'hitting teens' thing, she's loved to do this since she was about 5).... wouldn't be able to tell you any "named" brands or anything though - she just tries on what she likes.
- Don't know the 2 programmes you mention - she watches mostly stuff off CBBC, but also likes The Big Bang Theory and Glee
She doesn't bother with the x-box, but she likes listening to audio tapes as well as reading and watching films - she has watched 12s and 12As, (and had before she was 12, I mean) generally teen musical type things.

That's for a point of reference of where my dd is, who is virtually 2 yrs older than your dd, but as others say, it's far better to ensure your dd has high self esteem and is confident in her choices, than trying to persuade her to like some things she might not otherwise choose.

gleegeek Mon 23-Sep-13 16:03:38

This is really reassuring, thank you. It's lovely to hear from parents of similar girls - it has felt like dd is the only one who still playssad I think I'm feeling a little unsettled with all the talk of secondary school, SATs etc and just a bit worried that it's all coming at us too fast and too soon.

Dd is obviously sad that her friend doesn't want to play anymore, but you've given me some ideas of new activities to suggest that they might share short of horror movies! It's such a funny age and dd doesn't always tell me stuff immediately, so I guess it's me who needs to get with it, rather than ddgrin

BackforGood dd needs to find a friend like your dd - it sounds like they'd get on really well! (apart from the dressing up thing, dd has never liked it at all...)

May I ask another question? Where do your dds get their clothes from? Apparently Next is babyish too, is that right??? We buy a bit from Primark, but have been caught in M&S too, that's not cool is it? I'm not ready neither is my purse for Hollister et al...

NoComet Mon 23-Sep-13 16:21:53

DD2 may like you to think she's the little teen, but I caught her playing with her playmobil in the holidays. And don't tell her SIMS is just playmobile on a screen. She's still building, houses and worlds for pretend people and bossing them about.

She has replaced "playing on the trampoline" with "practicing gymnastics on the trampoline" same difference except the latter sounds far more grown up.

Writing "Fan fiction" is still writing stories and three different "hip rock chick" outfits in a day and five hairstyles is still dressing up.

However, I'm not going to tell her wink

As to clothes, Primark, H&M, Matlan, New look, M&S, Gap, Nike and Next (who have the best selection of colours, styles and fittings of trousers for preteens anywhere. Sadly their tops do tend to 'babyish' although DD has a lovely denim over shirt from there).

AbiRoad Mon 23-Sep-13 16:31:44

My DD2 is the year below (but older in the year). She loves climbing trees and imaginative games, and is also quite sporty. She also likes to think she is quite trendy and up to speed on pop music, fashion etc. She mainly watches age appropriate stuff but does watch the odd 12 when I have seen it (eg she loves Outnumbered and the "grown up" bits are still above her head) I think it is a lovely age as they can be such a funny mix. I really dont think you need to start worrying too much unless your DD is.
Re clothes, we get clothes from GAP, Boden (some mini, some Johnny B), H&M, Zara, Primark etc (and DD considers herself quite fashionable!)
She does have the odd item from Hollister/Abercrombie (bought with her money).

LifeofPo Mon 23-Sep-13 17:54:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenAndTween Mon 23-Sep-13 18:42:45

I remember when DD1 (young in year) was in y6. The other girls decided they were too old to play at playtime.... so she played with y5 instead (many of whom she was closer in age to).

New Look Generation 9-16 may be worth a try. And supermarkets.

BackforGood Mon 23-Sep-13 19:01:52

GleeGeek - I have an almost 15 yr old dd who hates having to put on anything that's not combats and a hoodie - I think it's more 'their nature' than their age.

Can't help you with the clothes I'm afraid - my dd almost exclusively wears 'handmedowns' - which she loves as every now and then a great sackful of "new" clothes arrives for her to wear. No idea of which shops things are from, sorry.

I think StarBallBunny has got it right with the names of the activities changing more than the actual activity. Instead of saying 'Can Katie come to play?' she now tends to say "Can Katie come round?" - but it's the same stuff goes on grin

mrspremise Mon 23-Sep-13 19:15:24

Never say 'with it' again? grin

My dd and her best friend are both about to turn 11 by Christmas so amongst the oldest in their class.
Both love tree climbing, horses, animals, imaginative play (usually revolving around a riding stables or veterinary surgery). My dd is animal obsessed, her friend is very creative and loves sewing. Their group of friends like art, drama, music, putting on plays, tree climbing and getting mucky, board games and they all go on Pottermore. (they have not discovered minecraft yet)
Dd's friend is just becoming aware of clothing and accessories and will 'dress up' for the school disco (leggings, denim shorts, t-shirt, floaty scarf, sunglasses, strappy flat sandals). My dd is not fussed and will turn up in whichever item of clothing falls out of the wardrobe.

I think they are (for want of a better word) normal.

There is a small number of girls in their class who seem more 'street wise' and who are already of fb, drool over popstars and wear expensive branded clothing.
But they are not in the majority.

So I think your dd is perfect as she is smile

of fb should be on fb

Takver Tue 24-Sep-13 14:45:05

DD is 11 and just started secondary this term. She was definitely very much like your dd last year - playing with Playmobil / climbing trees / making dens etc.

She still does all this though the Playmobil now only really comes out when she has a younger friend round. Now she makes games on Scratch which like an earlier poster says of SIMS is not so very different, but it is 'programming' so it is grown up grin. She still loves to play in the woods making dens, they just use proper tools and call it shelter building.

TV, she likes Dr Who, MI High, Sarah Jane Adventures, Mythbusters, very excited about the new series that is a spin off from How to Train your Dragon. She has absolutely no interest in music at all, we did get her the NOW CD at Christmas to maybe try to encourage her a little bit to listen to the stuff her peers like but she hated all of it.

I did worry about her going up to secondary, but as it works out she has made a few lovely new friends, one apparantly has a room full of toy Daleks, and they definitely aren't any more stylish or grown up than dd smile

She's never going to be the 'cool girl' in her year, but actually it sounds like the grown up mature girls from primary are actually struggling more with friendships, maybe they have more to live up to IYKWIM (though they aren't at the same school, so it could just be the yeargroup).

Remember secondary will have lots more dc for your dd to make friends with - dd has gone from 5 other girls in her year to 40 odd and she is at a small rural secondary, most will be bigger. There will be lots of children like your dd!

Takver Tue 24-Sep-13 14:46:21

Obviously the friends aren't more stylish/grown up, not the Daleks . . .<syntax fail>

AChickenCalledKorma Tue 24-Sep-13 22:27:48

DD1 is 11 and just started secondary school. She was a bit upset when she went for her induction day, because everyone just "stood around talking" and she wanted to play running-around games. But today she was moaning that she got caught in the cross-fire when the Yr7s were chucking acorns around, so I'm guessing she's not the only one that wants to play!

She is always up a tree and joining Scouts has been the making of her, because there is a bunch of kids her age who like being outdoors, building dens, sharpening sticks etc.

But she also gets on very well with a rather girly girl who lives round the corner. Girly girl is introducing her to pop videos and the notion of caring what you look like. I'm hoping they will find a middle ground. ATM DD1 mostly wears clothes from outdoor shops and/or the boys' ranges and I'd quite like her to smarten up a bit!!

NoComet Tue 24-Sep-13 23:12:58

And I'm not sure twilight and the other fantisy books DD2 has started borrowing off DD1 aren't just fairy tails, with love interest and a bit of violence thrown in.

(Not that the original Grimm's fairy tales weren't dark and violet).

Mind you DH claims never to have grown up, just to play with bigger and/or more expensive toys. ie Cars, boats and a whole house full of computers and electrical junk.

EverythingIsSoThrowback Wed 25-Sep-13 19:47:50

I have 2 DDs in year 6 (one 11, one 10).
My DD1 pretty much had stopped playing by year 4 or 5, and her and her friends used to just talk at break/lunch times.
DD2 (and most of her class) still mostly played games at break/lunch, so I really do think it varies from year to year.

My DD4 is probably more mature than my DD3, and their class generally seems more on the childish side, so I think it may be hard for DD4, since she generally is quiet, and acts older. I don't think your DD seems babyish though - I continue to see people from DD3/4's year playing around in the trees/field after school.

NoComet Wed 25-Sep-13 23:03:20

Also the most "childish" teens I know, the ones who climb trees, have water fights and race about reenacting the hunger games are also the teens that were trusted with an adult free house for the night.

Being grown up and what preteen/teens see as being grown up are, of course, very different things.

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:51:11

Thank you so much for your fabulous advice - was having a little panic as dd was so sad but have managed to reassure her that climbing trees is still very much OK smile

Scratch looks fantastic! I must delve deeper, I'm sure dd would enjoy it (although apart from Minecraft she is quite disinterested in technology).

I haven't seen SIMS before so I'll investigate that too as it's always good to know what the next thing might be.

Thanks for the advice about clothes - sounds like she's on the right track really! I hadn't thought of New Look, so we'll have a look in there over the weekendsmile

Starball you make a very good point. Dd is (ATM) completely trustworthy, very level headed and good in a crisis, so she probably will have more freedom as a result...

[Thanks] everyone!

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:51:43

Should be thanks of course!

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 17:54:43

Meant to say to mrspremise - noted! I am known for my outdated embarassing Mum phrases I'm afraidgrinblush

Takver Thu 26-Sep-13 18:10:22

Scratch is cool, definitely worth checking out. DD is currently working on an interactive advent calendar to send to her baby cousins in Canada, so you can actually do quite a bit with it smile

basildonbond Thu 26-Sep-13 22:32:15

Dd is nearly 11 and has zilch interest in pop culture - some of her friends are into One Direction and Jessie J and the like but she just rolls her eyes

She doesn't watch any teen programmes preferring stuff like Mythbusters and animal docs, loves playing with the dog and cats, going riding, trains four times a week with her swimming club and does drama and piano

She likes trying on different outfits but will only wear clothes which she likes or are comfy - she wouldn't wear anything just because it has a label

She is apparently popular at school so seems to be able to mix with different types of girls although I am looking carefully at senior schools as there are some where I can see she just wouldn't fit into the prevailing culture at all

pourmeanotherglass Thu 26-Sep-13 22:46:19

My DD is nearly 11 (yr6). She still 'plays' with her 9YO sister, but not on her own. Imagination games only really work with 2 or more kids. She loves reading, and has a book club with her 2 friends. She likes drama, and goes to a drama class, and is enjoying learning clarinet and keyboard. She is starting scouts next week. She tried guides but didn't get on with it (a bit too 'teenage', the older girls turned up with phones and ipods).
She not really into music and fashion and teenage stuff yet, but doesn't really feel under any pressure from friends to pretend to be.
I wouldn't worry too much, the important thing is for her to be happy with who she is and pursue her own interests. Hopefully she'll find friends that share her interests.

notwoo Thu 26-Sep-13 22:58:46

She sounds lovely!
Does she go to guides or scouts? Scouts would prob give more street cred but a decent guide unit might give her a good balance of 'with it' stuff (make up, music etc) and tree climbing etc.
Now cds or simIlar or having radio 1 on could be useful so she can sing along with her friends.

gleegeek Thu 26-Sep-13 23:22:52

She's just started Guides, but to be honest it's mainly girls from her school, but not ones she's friends with so I think we may have to look elsewhere. Also so far they've done baking and drawing, so a bit too staid for her tastes. I think she'd prefer a more outdoorsy approach like Scouts but the local Scout group only has two girls in it, so that's a big no in her eyes! She is on the waiting list for the more active Guide pack so we'll see...

I think Year 6 is quite a difficult year. Lots of transitions and unsettling conversations. I think the older ones in the year might feel they've outgrown the junior school environment a bit and feel the need to show off how grown up they are. It's been like flicking a switch though, so has come as a bit of a shock! It's early days though, so I'm hoping dd will find her feet soon...

We put a load of current music on her tablet last week - Pop Party, Olly Murs etc - but she's gone to sleep listening to The Famous Five!! smile

Takver Fri 27-Sep-13 09:21:31

"I think the older ones in the year might feel they've outgrown the junior school environment a bit and feel the need to show off how grown up they are."
^^ This was absolutely the case in dd's year.

DD went to Sea Cadets for a bit - unfortunately for various reasons it didn't work out for her, but it might be worth considering for your dd? The advantage is that it is very structured, no phones/ipods etc allowed, and here at least is pretty equal by sex. (Disadvantage is that it is quite a big time commitment)

binger Fri 27-Sep-13 09:30:58

Your dd sounds just like mine, she will be 11 in a couple of months and is one of the youngest in her class. She sticks with a particular group of friends because they make up silly games and are not "show offs" her words. She says the other girls she is friends with are only interested in walking about and talking about boys and are "show offs". She is really into clothes but prefers leggings or dresses.

I think they vary so much at this age and I think a lot probably is down to what parents are like, ie parents' interests automatically influencing the kids as this age group are really impressionable, although I'm probably talking crap here but just what I see as her friends mums' are similar to me.

Takver Fri 27-Sep-13 09:49:16

Its very true, binger. I'm definitely not a good role model in terms of stylishness / fashion

And when dd reported that a boy at her new school said to her 'I've heard you're terribly nerdy' I can't help feeling that DH & I would both view that as a compliment grin

MeteorShower Fri 27-Sep-13 10:12:34

My DD is 10 and in Yr 6.

She doesn't watch any childrens' TV but loves animal/nature documentaries, and watches DVDs and films on Netflix. Mostly she likes films about animals or fantasy-type stuff. We let her watch 12s but only if we are familiar with the subject matter (either from reading the book, seeing the film, or reading reviews very carefully ourselves beforehand).

She's a big reader and again likes anything involving animals or children's fantasy. Favourite animals are cats, ponies, dogs (especially pugs, God knows why!), dragons, and monkeys.

She loves playing with her toy stables still and with Lego, and on her DS/Wii (Nintendogs, other animal games, horse games, Eragon/fantasy games). No tablet for her, though we might get her a basic laptop when she starts secondary next year. Not allowed to use any social networks or have a phone but does go on Pottermore and the odd game online. Does a lot of drawing.

Likes clothes but not remotely girly, she won't wear dresses full stop. her clothes are mostly second hand so no particular brands but consistently favourite items seem to mostly come from H&M, FatFace, and Boden. She like spotty stuff, stripey stuff, tops with animals on (detect a theme here??). Skinny jeans and cords are popular, and long hoodies (the sort that are almost like a dress but not quite).

Plays outside for endless hours on the trampoline and climbing trees and building dens and riding her bike.

Rolls her eyes at popstars/celebrities. Not remotely interested in currently popular music, thinks anything like HSM or 1D is rubbish and boring.

I don't encourage her to get "with it" even slightly (I don't dis courage it either btw). I try hard to give her the confidence to like what she likes and not care what anyone else thinks.

shebird Fri 27-Sep-13 21:52:56

She sounds great OP I would be glad that she is happy being who she is. My DD is 9 and in a terrible rush to grow up. Imaginative play is rare these days although she is sporty and likes to run about and dance. Keep them young as long as possible it's really no fun being a grown up.

Dancergirl Wed 02-Oct-13 13:45:33

I love dd exactly as she is, I just want to make sure I'm not holding her back in some way by not knowing what the current trends are and what is appropriate

I could have written this about me and my dd!

Both me and dh were definitely not the cool ones at school, both a bit geeky, and I do sometimes worry that I'm influencing her.

Dd is 10.5, Year 6, and she feels she doesn't fit in at all. She's quite serious/bookish, not into pop music at all which is what the other girls seem to like.

She's recently got an iPod and will use facetime (big sister's help and influence here).

TV - she likes the American rubbish - Jessie, Good luck Charlie etc. I hate them myself but try to turn a blind eye. We watch Bake Off together too. And The Apprentice.

There is no way I would let a 10 year old watch horror films, whatever the social repercussions are!

Totally agree that things will improve at secondary. I keep telling dd this and she's already marking time.

Dancergirl Wed 02-Oct-13 13:47:53

Oh and music-wise - although dd has no interest in pop music/culture, she LOVES songs from musicals, especially Matilda and Les Mis.

PlumpkinPie Wed 02-Oct-13 13:52:53

My just 11 is into all that yours is - certainly doesn't watch anything other than nature programmes (when forced) and american crap (Jessie,, etc) She is fairly innocent but I think it's in her manner and confidence that I think she's changing. She's not on facebook and is not allowed internet access without supervision. She reads a lot and fortunately has two best friends who are not allowed computer games and have great imaginations for games and still play outside (even though one is 12). Their favourite thing to play though is discos (loud music and disco balls) and fashion shows but most of the time live in leggings and jeans. They are not part of the "cool" gang in their school though so maybe that's no help! Your dd will get there in her own time and she'll be perfect whichever way she is smile

Gilbertus Wed 02-Oct-13 15:49:17

She sounds lovely. Fwiw my 10 year old (soon to be 11) loves Minecraft, ponies and still plays with her playmobil. She's very popular smile

kilmuir Wed 02-Oct-13 16:09:52

I have a 14 year old DD and an 11 year old. Just gone into year 7. Very different characters. For now the younger one is like your DD. she always comments about girls in her year that stand around trying to be noticed by the boys! I tell her not to change who she is just to try and fit in with the crowd, not always easy I know. Be true to yourself. She is gradually showing interest in clothes, hair etc but still enjoys watching GBBO with her fogey mother!
Yes year 6 is an odd year, some see themselves as top of the school and want to seem older than they are I think.

Turniptwirl Sun 06-Oct-13 18:20:24

They are so funny at this age!

I help at Brownies and guides so yes to getting her into a guide unit or scout troop that she enjoys. I don't think my guides are naturally the outdoorsy adventure types (small unit at the moment lol ), but we've been kayacking this weekend and got a night time kayacking session and an indoor climbing session planned for later in the term so we do do the adventure things as well, although like you have, another local unit does more of them.

Guides is good cause they do so much different stuff, from crafty stuff to baking to camping to kayacking. I don't know much about scouts personally but again I think most units aim to offer a balanced program

Being one of the younger guides, she may pick up on some "cool " things from some of the older girls, but also meet older girls who like the same things as her and show that she doesn't have to grow up so fast if she doesn't want to

I agree with other posters, concentrate in making her a well rounded girl with lots of different interests who is confident in herself and knows who she is and is happy with who she is

moldingsunbeams Tue 15-Oct-13 21:20:15

I feel your pain, Mine loves Time Team, Big Bang Theory, is obsessed with Coronation Street and its characters, she loves Olly Murs when everyone else love One Direction. She does like musical theatre but more the "older" musicals like Les Mis.

The only groups she does outside of school are science type ones, she has nothing in common with any of the kids in her class at all and I really worry for secondary to be honest.

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