10 nearly 11 yo DS - temper & moods

(80 Posts)
grants1000 Thu 24-Jan-13 19:20:56

He flies off the handle at the slightest thing, in fact a bit like a toddler, he won't listen, he takes ages to calm down, he freaks basically. I am on here now as he is flipping his lid about getting ready for Scouts as he does not want to go as he's now had enough time on his X-Box, which we agree he can go on after homework and tea. I did not get any Cheerios either today as I for got and freak central, shouting, slamming doors. You can't reason, talk or do anything with him. Everything is so unfair/not correct etc etc When he is punished eg:P taking away x-box or ipod he will go on and and on about it, won't shut up about it, keeps on pecking in me and DH, I had to leave the house on Sunday as I was going to go insane.

What is this? The beginning of puberty? What can we do?

footballsgalore Thu 24-Jan-13 19:32:15

I think you may have my 10 yr old DS at your house! Exactly the same going on here. Toddler stops about screen time. Flying off the handle at random things. Crying and being totally unreasonable. Am going to rename him Kevin! Hopefully it's not a new personality trait or im leaving!

I have been putting it down to hormones. Am watching this thread for ideas!

I have one of these too. <sigh>
He is 11.
I've no helpful ideas though, but will watch with interest.

grants1000 Thu 24-Jan-13 19:38:33

Hoooray not just me! Besides all the crazyness, I really want to know about hormones and boys and how to handle them and him, the whole shebang! Is there a book someone can suggest besides that boring Bring Up Boys one. And no one should dare say 'boys are like dogs they need to run and be outside" No shit Sherlock!! I hate it when people say that to me like it's the only answer.

footballsgalore Thu 24-Jan-13 19:41:35

I have found that staying as calm as possible helps. However, i haven't found out how to actually do the calm bit whilst being shouted at! We often get into 'heated discussions' that go round in circles.

Aboleyn Sat 26-Jan-13 13:50:35

I identify totally, thought it was getting worse with my just 11 year old because of stress of 11+ exams, but they have finished now and it's still happening. He's small for his age so it can't be teen hormones kicking in - can it? I remember terrible twos lasted for years in our house...

footballsgalore Sat 26-Jan-13 23:06:01

I am thinking the stress of the upcoming change to secondary school could be involved. I also think that in year 6 they are at the top of the school so can get a bit of 'top dog' attitude.

Grants - i haven't found any books but did Google and found puberty can start from 10!

Am trying to not get embroiled in arguments as the more i try to reason with him the worse it gets. He has an answer for everything (or thinks he has!)

I worry that this could be setting the scene for the next few years as he hits puberty proper. Not sure i can hack this for the next 3/4/5 years :-(

Sparklingbrook Sat 26-Jan-13 23:15:19

Signing in. DS2 was 11 just after Christmas, and is just like you describe. He also tries to control everything all the time. Everything is 'no' from getting ready for football to teeth cleaning and going to bed.

I don't remember DS1 being this bad but he definitely did a bit of it. He's 13 now and he is grumpy and defiant in a slightly more mature way.

Startail Sat 26-Jan-13 23:29:12

I don't know about DSs, but with stroppy 9-11yo DDs two things help.

Don't enter in to any discussion when in a mood, send them to their room until they calm down.

And the opportunity to feel grown up.
Independence and being able to do things with their friends and a say in family days out etc.

Really little things like KFC rather than Macdonalds. A hour in town with a friend on their own or going swimming. Staying home while I taxi her sister about or getting to bake.

Y5 and Y6 are stressful, DCs aren't grown up enough for real freedom, but they are leaving toys and childish things behind. The want to be grown up and they want love and hugs and security too.

They want more control over their lives than they can have or actually want. They focus their frustrations not on big things, they know they can't control those, but stupid little things they feel they can. Trouble is the choice of things to get totally annoyed about is, to everyone else, totally illogical.

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Jan-13 08:43:02

Startail what a lovely post, I think they are wise words. It's true that 11 years old is a bit in limbo.

spudmasher Sun 27-Jan-13 08:55:23

I totally agree with Startail. I have started sending DD into the cinema with a friend and letting them get on with it. Short trips to the town with a focus eg. New socks was the last thing.
Making lunch for the family.
Agree with not attempting to communicate when the mood has hit. Shutdown!
The problem comes when something has to happen eg the scout thing on Sunday. With DD it has been homework. I have let ir crash and burn a couple of times and she has learned to become more independent by feeling the consequences herself- she has always been an experiential learner!
I also try not to lower myself to her level by shouting and screaming- I always feel bad afterwards.

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Jan-13 08:59:30

spud, more wise words. It's so easy to descend to an 11 year old yourself. I have done it. DS2 definitely drags his heels in order to whip everyone up into a frenzy. He really knows which of DH's buttons to press. Definitely shutdown when it's past the point of no return. It's all v wearing. sad

footballsgalore Sun 27-Jan-13 10:43:41

Star and spud - Will definitely try the independence thing. DS doesn't really do town or staying home alone so will maybe initiate a bit of that.

One thing though. He is much worse with me than DH. Is this usual? Maybe it's because our flashpoints are the things i mainly sort out. Ie getting ready in the mornings.

Startail Sun 27-Jan-13 11:28:56

I think they let off steam with which ever parent they see most of in a suitable situation. I always get massive relaxing after school moans and grumpy behaviour because she feels she can drop her guard. She is an absolute angel at school.

DH tends to get pleasant behaviour in a morning because DD2 and him both hate being late.

I was the opposite I was vile at school, found our huge mixed ability class very frustrating. I was better at home where there was lots of love and hugs but very firm boundaries.

Also from passing my cycling proficiency I was allowed to cycle to town and beyond, both on my own and with my BF. I think even at that age that I knew my Dad worried about me and it was a freedom I really valued.

Startail Sun 27-Jan-13 11:33:33

And yes some times it was a very useful freedom, I've cycled miles letting off steam from school and after blazing rows with my dad.

I can't remember having words as a teen, but between 9 and 11 we did.

bickie Sun 27-Jan-13 11:47:39

OP - snap. My 11 DS behaving exactly the same. depressing as he was always my incredibly zen easy one. I had a long chat to him last night and he said he is very scared about leaving his school (small and very sweet). Doing 11+ exams in big London secondary schools freaked him out. He doesn't want to be a teenager, but does want to be treated differently to younger siblings. So I guess all the things you'd expect but come as a surprise when so out of character. I think it is hormones starting to kick in (runs for bottle of gin a finds somewhere to hide for next 7 years)

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Jan-13 11:54:58

Ds2 (11) is at Middle School and doesn't go up to High School until Year 8 so can't blame that. sad

footballsgalore Sun 27-Jan-13 13:13:37

Does anyone else get the 'attitude'. It's not so much what he says but how he says it. The 'kevin' tone of voice. Over very small issues.
Sooo rude!

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Jan-13 16:57:14

Oh yes lots of attitude and misguided sense of entitlement. He would be a hoot on MN. grin

footballsgalore Sun 27-Jan-13 20:10:10

Lol at misguided sense of entitlement! Spot on in both cases!

So glad to hear it's not just mine. Was starting to wonder where it had all gone wrong. He was such a sweet 9yr old ;-)

Sparklingbrook Sun 27-Jan-13 20:16:35

Same here football. It's a bit of a shock isn't it. The defiance is the hardest. You can't pick them up and plonk them in the car any more. sad

DollyTwat Mon 28-Jan-13 10:32:49

So glad to have found this thread!
I have an 11 year old who is so lovely one minute, then a raging monster the next. Usually over stuff he already know the answer is NO to
He's never been easy but recently it's being 'manly' seems to have taken over.

footballsgalore Mon 28-Jan-13 20:58:10

Right we have had a chat whilst he had a 'calm' period. Basically reminding of the ground rules for the flashpoints. Ie bedtime and the reasons why he can't demand a snack/extra xbox at 9pm when i say it's bedtime. He was very reasonable and agreeable (that 9 yr old is back temporarily!)
Will see what happens when he actually has to stick to the routine we have agreed.

Dolly -mine also sometimes seems keen to 'pick a fight' over things he knows are banned. Almost as if he can't help himself. Weird seeing as it always ends up badly. confused

grants1000 Mon 28-Jan-13 22:23:47

Fantastic replies, especially Startail, made me cry as it makes so much sense and rings so many bells (madee pop upstairs to kiss aforementioned 10 yo DS on his sleeping head) you have also made me realise I am too controlling with him and I need to back off eg: he did a scout hike last weekend and I fretted the whole time instead if thinking he was actually enjoying it, which he did and he was super happy about it!

Startail Tue 29-Jan-13 00:18:16

Oh you never stop worrying my DD is almost 15 and we fretted yesterday when she didn't text from the train. She's very sensible, but not great at mobiles.

My DDad still needs a phone call at midnight to say we're home safe after visiting. I'm 45, I left home at 18, still he worries.

Startail Tue 29-Jan-13 00:24:33

Should say DD1, DD2 is 11.

Big girl is insanely easy, was born with sense beneath her sometimes very dizzy dyslexic exterior. She got given freedom without really noticing because I knew she wouldn't panic if it actually mattered.

DD2 is outwardly far more the normal proto teen and actually less secure, much more reliant on friends and way more likely to get in a tizz.

bubbles1231 Tue 29-Jan-13 00:35:48

Another one going through the same here with DS1 aged 11. Crying for no reason then angry, needing lots of hugs etc etc. Wants to be grown up yet still needing loads of reassurance.

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 06:25:18

We had a right evening of it yesterday. It started around 8pm when we asked him to have a shower. His defiance was bewildering. sad It went on for the next hour with him pushing DH's buttons. At 9pm he wanted to watch Miranda, cue huge explosion when we said no. He was so cross. sad

DollyTwat Tue 29-Jan-13 08:21:35

It's baffling isn't it Sparkling. They'll spend longer arguing the toss about doing something that's essential, that it would have been quicker and less stress to just do it. Then spend ages arguing something where the answer has already been no
The endless argument about playing 15 games sends me insane

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 08:59:43

YY Dolly he could have had ten showers in the time it took him to have a strop about not having one. hmm

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 09:10:52

Plus he wouldn't get up this morning-that's become a daily battle. He had set his alarm for 5am (no idea why) so that woke me and DH up so this morning got off to a rubbish start.

Where's the fun gone? sad

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 09:54:28

Just to add I'm glad I'm not alone, although in fairness, my ten year old DS has always been capable of behaving like a teenager grin.

He's being absolutely lovely at the moment, so I'm cherishing it while it lasts!

My goodness though, I feel like a toddler after some of the arguments we've had. Taking so long to do everything and repeating everything over and over again are real flashpoints for us. I guess identifying these is the first step.

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 17:19:46

Well DS2 has started early tonight. Kicking a ball around the living room. Got told to stop it. Carried on kicking ball round the living room. Ball confiscated, huge explosion. Nice start to the evening.

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 17:25:05

sad. Why do they do it?

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 17:32:59

I really don't know Creme. Why would he be kicking the ball round the living room other than to wind me and DH up? He is a fairly bright boy as well. sad

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 17:43:02

Well, mine is tantruming in his room now, as there are no working black felt tips, he's not allowed any more of the printer paper, he has to wait until Friday to buy himself these things, there are no batteries for his Lego and he doesn't want to go to Cubs, even though he's bored at home! Phew!

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 17:46:20

Ooh Creme that all sounds tiresome and annoying. sad DS2 has now found a balloon and is kicking that about. He did shut himself in the understairs cupboard and do some shouting for a bit, but came out due to being ignored. hmm

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 18:10:49

Sparkling, I feel too poorly tonight to even care! He's having his tea and off to Cubs in a minute anyway and it'll be bed when he gets back smile.

Hope that balloon bursts soon and there's nothing else left to kick! grin

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 18:14:04

I have to mention the 'Homework' word yet. Yikes!

Hope you feel better soon. x

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 18:16:53

Yikes indeed!

Thank you. Me too! X

footballsgalore Tue 29-Jan-13 19:30:49

Well we have had our nightly strop about more minecraft time. It has been an hour a night on school nights (as long as homework is done) for about a month. But apparently that is sooo unfair tonight and i don't ever let him do anything.

Creme i also feel ill so am leaving it to DH while i hide under a pillow. smile

CremeEggThief Tue 29-Jan-13 19:52:41

Ah yes! The dreaded "Minecraft"! Surprised it's only being brought up now.

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 20:10:38

Minecraft. sad The most baffling game ever.

We also have the Diablo craze to contend with. This involves practicing in the living room and the Diablo flying about in the direction of the TV/DS1/laptops. angry They all have them in the school playground. hmm

DollyTwat Tue 29-Jan-13 20:46:17

Ah yes Minecraft!

It's getting them off it that causes uproar here
I've now put parental controls on the PC so it shuts down at 8pm
I don't have to say anything grin

footballsgalore Tue 29-Jan-13 21:40:24

What? It shuts itself down? I need that function for the xbox. Even DS can't pick an argument with a machine!

I don't mind minecraft as a game. At least it requires a little brain power and seeing as ALL his friends are allowed to play COD(according to DS that is) i think we could be having a whole different argument!

bubbles1231 Tue 29-Jan-13 22:22:43

I think we all live in the same house!!! You are taking the words right out of my mouth.

bubbles1231 Tue 29-Jan-13 22:26:30

Quote of the evening "You have no idea how bad my life is" from ds1 because I made him get out of bed tonight to tidy away the art stuff he was doing for homework, and had been asked several times during the evening to clear up.
Another famous qoute is " You're just here to make my life hell"

Sparklingbrook Tue 29-Jan-13 22:32:26

Hahahaha bubbles it's awful isn't it? DS2's favourite phrase is 'in a sec'. Infuriating. angry

footballsgalore Tue 29-Jan-13 22:35:23

Along with 'you never let me...(insert latest request that has never been mentioned before)'

stargirl1701 Tue 29-Jan-13 22:37:26

Have you tried 'Raising Boys' by Steve Biddulph?

DollyTwat Tue 29-Jan-13 23:39:15

Football I only know how to do it on a PC with time restrictions

Stargirl I have a massive collection of books, all of which I have tried, that don't seem to work with my eldest! I've read them all. They all ofer the slight hope they could be the answer

Sadly not yet

Sparklingbrook Wed 30-Jan-13 06:35:54

The worst thing for me is that I have done it before with DS1, but I don't remember this bit. grin It was only 2 years ago. DS2 is making DS1 look like a very mature teenager. sad

MrRected Wed 30-Jan-13 06:54:48

Oooh can I join. My DS1 is 11.5 and is driving me nuts.

He is moody, morose, doesn't want to join in anything the family does and loves to control all situations. He pushes everybody's buttons for no reason at all and generally makes the whole house tense. I am, to be honest, at the end of my tether.

DH is not at all patient and tries to take the disciplinarian tack - which just causes more discord (him and DS are ALWAYS at loggerheads).

I have tried everything - talking to him, walking with him, restricting him, loving him, crying, ignoring him and nothing seems to work.

Not sure if it's relevant but DS is particularly tall for his age - he is nearly 6 foot with a size 12 shoe. He grew 17cms last year and is still growing at more than a cm a month. His voice has broken and he has undearm hair/moustache is appearing...

We love him more than anything but he is determined to make us work hard for every scrap he sends our way....

WynkenBlynkenandNod Wed 30-Jan-13 07:07:10

I've got one of those except he is 9. Tall though and everyone thinks he's 11. Combined with 14 year old DD who wants to go off and live in the garage (I don't feel like this is my home, dramatic pause, you are emotionally damageing me with your stress) plus a mother in the process of being diagnosed with dementia , I feel like running away for some peace.

Sparklingbrook Wed 30-Jan-13 07:19:08

Can I ask everyone a question? What do the Grandparents make of all this? MY DF especially thinks DS2's behaviour is appalling and constantly asks me what I am going to do about it, and that he's getting away with it. sad

DF was a massive disciplinarian and DB and I wouldn't have dreamt of stepping out of line. sad

lottie63 Wed 30-Jan-13 08:00:33

Oh I have an 11 year old DD. it's no easier. We have:

-That's SO unfair
-whaaaatt?!!! (Said in an incredulous voice when asked to empty the dishwasher'
-I never get x, y, z
-stomping and door slamming. I choose to always tell her this is unacceptable. These are (unknown to her) the safe boundaries to break. A friend, who advised not to sweat the small stuff and let these go with her own DD, had to contend with her 15 yr old slashing her arms as door slamming had no meaning anymore
sad

Occasionally, I get glimpses of the lovely teenager she will become which warms my heart

Startail Wed 30-Jan-13 11:41:38

Computer time limits and time switches baffle me.

Wouldn't you go ballistic if DH pulled the plug out of your PC in mid , carefully worded, MN post or switched of your Kindle mid sentence.

If you limit screen time you instantly make it more desirable.

Yes DCs need to do HW first and Yes they need to go to sleep at a reasonable hour.

It's lovely if they go out and bounce on the trampoline, build Lego or read a book, but the more you tell them to do these things the less likely they are to co-operate.

I remember being 10 (yes it was 35 years ago), but I still remember slamming down my desk lid, at school, and refusing to do something I considered a total waste of time.

At 10 I thought I knew everything.

Truth is like DD2, I just needed to be feel in control of some part of my life.

For me the major frustration was being a bright kid in a very mixed ability class and having to spend all day getting board not learning anything new.

For DD2 it's needing to feel in control at home, she wraps school round her little finger.

Startail Wed 30-Jan-13 11:43:33

Bored,
I'm also dyslexic, which now know is why, pointless tasks that were just writing made me so cross.

ifso Wed 30-Jan-13 11:44:36

diet - look closely at what he eats - i stopped buyimg cheerios last year, then as a test gave some to my dcs this weekend. their behaviour was SHOCKING

whatever is in cereals it's not what they market it as

sounds like he needs many more hugs too, hard as it may be, he's seeking boundaries and wanting his voice heard.

but check diet first and if he's getting enough sleep

maybe ditch the xbox for a week too? he's porbably knackered and relying on sugar fixes?

Branleuse Wed 30-Jan-13 11:45:47

my 11 year old tries it on too. i have very little time for it. its all I HATE MY LIFE

daisydoodoo Wed 30-Jan-13 11:55:10

ah, im not alone then. I thought it woule be easy with ds2 after the nightmares we've had with ds1. Ds2 will be 11 tomorrow and since just before christmas hes turned from a lovely polite well spoken and thoughtful boy into a grumpy lazy whingey so and so.

Hes had hard time watching his brother (15) taking a lot of our time as hes always up to somethign or in trouble for something. So i've always made the effort to take the time to talk to him and make sure he knows hes not left out.

He's very bright but the laziness has come in and hes not making anyway near the effort that he needs to maintain his levels. He passed the 11+ and we are waiting to hear if he has got a place at a grammar school or will be attending an all boys school, due to the problems with his borther hes chosen not to go to the same secondary school as him and has chosen the all boys which is quite far away if he doesnt get a place at grammar (which is even further away).

I know it must be scarey for him, being the biggest in the school at the moment and being so close to school, to be thinking that in a few months time he will be the youngest in the school again and needing to find his way to and from school on his own. It doesnt help that becasue he's so tall people already put added pressure on him, expecting him to be much older that he is. He's taller than his 15 year old brother who is average height and ds2 wears a size 7.5 shoe!

DollyTwat Wed 30-Jan-13 17:48:17

Putting the time controls on the PC have been a godsend to me as before I'd give him 10 mins, then 5 and it would always be 'in a minute' or 'I've just got to finish this game'. So now I just tell him the PC will shut off in 10 mins and leave it at that. One less argument for us to have

My father is very intolerant of the bad behavior, when it affects him. He makes me nervous that he's going to tell them off so I get in first. Which means that I'm mega grumpy around him. However, if I'm describing the behavior to him on the phone, he's all 'oh I'm sure he didn't mean it'

Things are loads quieter here since I stopped contact with my ex (whole other thread) so I'm hoping it will last

footballsgalore Wed 30-Jan-13 19:23:09

Star- if you don't put a time limit on how do you get him to do anything other than gaming?

DS would do nothing else at all given the choice. He loves football but recent weather has reduced that. He doesn't do lego or drawing and is pretty poor at entertaining himself. We limit screen time in a bid to encourage him to do other things.

Have been trying to give DS more control and stepping back rather than nagging him to do stuff. Have let him live with consequences of not doing as he's asked. (In a nice way not an 'i told you so' way).

Have also tried to discuss things with him so he agrees to the routines and knows what's expected.

All this is helping a bit. Except for the totally random outbursts-not sure what to do about those!

Startail Thu 31-Jan-13 00:46:42

I have a DD and she plays SIMs fairly compulsively.
I confess I'm fairly chilled about it.

She is the sort of child who is far far worse if you try to organise her.

She does her HW and does lots of extracurricular and school active stuff.

I chill on here, she relaxes on SIMs. I read endless spy thrillers as a teen, DD1 devoured vampire books. DH reads about and solders bits of electronics. We all enjoy our respective pastimes.

Trying to micro manage DCs ends in tears, generally from the parents.

Startail Thu 31-Jan-13 00:51:19

Left to her own devices she will suddenly come off the computer and play with play mobile, bounce on the trampoline, get her sister to do her hair in complex styles (utubes fault), or put the atV on.

At this point I do intervene I have had 14 years of kids TV.
The instant Hacker comes on it goes off!

footballsgalore Thu 31-Jan-13 13:20:47

I agree re micro-managing. I do think i was heading towards this and have backed off. I always promised myself i wouldn't hover over my kids after watching a friend instruct her 9yr old how to wash his hair!

Not sure im brave enough to give free reign on the xbox...may be interesting to see what happened though? Im sure he would give up once his eyes started bleeding. wink

Earlybird Tue 05-Feb-13 14:40:14

I have an almost 12 year old dd. In some ways, she shows amazing maturity: always gets her homework done without prompting by me, doesn't procrastinate with school work/projects, set her own rule this school year that telly would only be watched on weekends as she wanted to read more, etc.

But increasingly she doesn't like being told what to do (no matter how it is worded/presented), and will respond with an argument/attitude. Her tone of voice and attitude toward me can be shockingly disrespectful. Lots of muttering, eye-rolling, heavy sighs, etc. And she definitely thinks the world should revolve around her, with very little empathy for others (she used to be very considerate and thoughtful).

And the small thing that drives me mad atm, is how she will begin playing games with the dog (after ignoring it for most of the evening) when she is told to get ready for bed.

FedupofTurkey Sat 04-May-13 22:18:04

Jumping on thread for support!

topcat2001 Sun 05-May-13 08:56:16

And me.

Help and support needed regarding the constant talk about sex and sex words. It has opened a whole new world for DS and he is curious about it but very sensitive at the same time.

Also the grumpiness.

grants1000 Sun 05-May-13 10:27:49

This was my post to start with, not we we have the opposite, he's completely away with the fairies, dopey as anything, I too him to the dentist because one of his back teeth was hurting and he took about 5 minutes to tell the denist which tooth it was! At dinner last night I have to literally throw a tomoto at him as he was spilling his drink all over the table without even realising, yelling his name 4 times made no difference. He's gone like a toddler, food everywhere when he eats, he cannot fathom how to pack his school bag so it all fits in properly. It's SATS the week after next, God help him! He could not even put 6 bits of his own washing away as it was too much like hard work. He gets enough sleep and he eats very well - I feel like slapping him across the face and screaming wakey wakey son! Of course I won't but serisoulsy he's lost the plot!

Roshbegosh Sun 05-May-13 10:36:24

This is all reassuring for me to hear, not just me, normal behaviour etc.
But PLEASE when will it end? Surely we don' have another 6 years of it?

footballsgalore Sun 05-May-13 20:08:11

Was interested to see this thread jump to life again. Would like to say things are better here but im afraid its still very up and down.
Do they all find very important things they absolutely must do when you say bedtime? This then leads to strops and tantrums when bedtime is enforced?
Am really sick of the 'attitude' and rudeness tbh.

kneedeepindaisies Mon 06-May-13 19:20:32

I'm so glad I found this thread. We are currently having a meltdown over homework that we've been asking him to do since Friday hmm

He is rude at home, rude at school. Generally obnoxious.

I love him but right now I really don't like him.

footballsgalore Mon 06-May-13 22:25:28

Oh don't even get me started on homework! God help us all next year when he's at secondary schl and homework really kicks in...

shewhowines Fri 10-May-13 16:18:19

Can I join too please?

All the above posts describe my Ds to a tee. In a few short weeks, he's become so argumentative and has got so much attitude. Where has my loving, demonstrative boy gone? He's been replaced by a far inferior model that I want to return and get my money back!

I'm just hoping that setting consistent boundaries and not sweating the small stuff works although i'm not doing too well at not sweating the small stuff and it's amazing how you get drawn into the arguments even when you are determined to disengage.

I'm hoping that once sats are over, things will improve -- poor disillusioned me--

bubby64 Mon 13-May-13 14:46:13

Sorry OP, you are now entering that warzone known as puberty, I have 2x 12yr old DSs, and we hsve had this gor the past year or do, and have been reliably informed I have a good few years of it to ho yet.sad I found - [[ http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Out-My-Life-First/dp/1846680875 this]] book very good at trying yo grt inside thrir headswink

bubby64 Mon 13-May-13 14:48:51

Sorry, linky didn't work
this book

bubby64 Mon 13-May-13 14:50:36

Also, sorry about spelling mistakes, using my pad, and the keys are small and easily transposed.

5madthings Mon 13-May-13 15:00:55

Oh this is ds2 he will be 11 in july. Its exhausting but entirely normal. The best thing is just sending him to his room to calm.down as you cant reason with him etc when he gets in a mood.

Ds1 is coming up for 14 and he can be moody etc but never like this. I feel like ds1 is giving us a fairly easy introduction to parenting a teen and ds2 will be the one to break us... He can be lovely as well tho...

timetosmile Mon 13-May-13 15:12:38

ah - solidarity - isn't it great! just knowing we're all in this together makes things better smile

Please read 'teenagers!' by Rob Parsons. It is the most life affirming parenting book I have ever found.

www.careforthefamily.org.uk/resources/product.asp?productid=1156&catcode=37

www.careforthefamily.org.uk/resources/category.asp?catcode=37 on dvd too.

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