11 DD - How often would you insist on showering / bathing?

(61 Posts)
dabdab Mon 12-Nov-12 09:41:55

She is not very sporty / active, and resists like mad!

Bonsoir Mon 12-Nov-12 09:43:30

Every day.

Bonsoir Mon 12-Nov-12 09:43:47

You just tell them that you won't give them any food unless they wash.

StrawberryMojito Mon 12-Nov-12 09:44:21

Daily, no question.

Every day. I went through this phase with my Ds. I told him of he didn't shower willingly I would have to wash him like a baby.

Durab Mon 12-Nov-12 09:55:11

Yes, everyday. MotherOfNations, I have threatened to get in the shower with DS1 (11yo) if I think he's not actually washing while he's in there. That's the next challenge - they do need to apply soap to armpits....

My Ds is 12 and thinks a liberal spraying of lynx is a substitute for a wash. He's getting interested in girls now so not quite as bad. I had to stop buying mouthwash because he used this as a substitute for tooth brushing.

dabdab Mon 12-Nov-12 10:50:22

Every day?! Why? She doesn't seem to smell. What about 2x week? (Sorry to question what everyone is saying, as I did ask for your opinion - I do appreciate it, and it is making me re-think. Just not sure why it would be necessary every day.)

AllThreeWays Mon 12-Nov-12 11:02:48

Because she may not be smelly now, but she will be very soon. It is good to establish the habit.
I teach yr 7's and my goodness some of them reck.

AllThreeWays Mon 12-Nov-12 11:03:14


SavoyCabbage Mon 12-Nov-12 11:05:32

I think twice a week is not enough. My two will miss the odd night in winter and will sometimes have a quick shower and sometimes a longer one with hair washing or a bath.

Washing your body every day is a good habit to form.

ByTheWay1 Mon 12-Nov-12 11:06:31

Mine showers every other day , if daily, her skin flares up with eczema - seems fine .

gazzalw Mon 12-Nov-12 11:09:46

Well DS wouldn't get in every day if left to his own devices but we say that he must - he's not going through puberty yet so not smelly but he does have to be reminded to actually use shower gel as well as the water ;-)......

Mominatrix Mon 12-Nov-12 11:12:00


Badvoc Mon 12-Nov-12 11:14:25

3 - 4 times a week.
Daily during her period.

dabdab Mon 12-Nov-12 11:14:27

And what about hair washing? Do your Dc do that everyday too?
At the moment we do 1x week under my strong 'encouragement'. I was hoping friends might comment, but they don't seem to notice.

throckenholt Mon 12-Nov-12 11:16:39

I think we have modern obsession with daily showering. I think most people (especially children) don't need daily showers. Better to get instilled the idea that if you do something very sweaty then have a shower, and otherwise every few days is usually fine.

Durab Mon 12-Nov-12 11:19:46

Sorry, but IMO twice a week isn't enough for anyone, not even young children. What kind of wash does she have in between times? IME it's much easier to have get them to shower than a proper all over wash. Doesn't her hair need washing? And yes, it's about establishing good habits.

How often do you shower? She's not far away from being an adult physically.

I sympathise (and apologise) AllThreeWays - in the summer DS1 often comes home smelly despite showering every day and being forced encouraged to use deodorant. He says they aren't given the opportunity to shower after PE (yr7) is that right? I remember being forced to.

ledkr Mon 12-Nov-12 11:31:37

My dd resists too she spends hours on her clothes and a bit of make up then rocks up ready to go with inbrushed hair and teeth it amazes me. I don't think a full shower is necessary every day though I'd say every other with face and hands in between

Durab Mon 12-Nov-12 11:41:25

Really ledkr, you don't think at least underarms and genitals in between?

Chopstheduck Mon 12-Nov-12 11:47:18

2 x week shock

Sorry, but she is soon going to be going through puberty! dd is 12, showers daily, except for the odd occasion when we have a pyjama day at the weekend.

I actually agree with bonsoir. If dd was avoiding shower, it would be along the lines of 'your dinner is on the table, you can eat it once you have showered!'

Chopstheduck Mon 12-Nov-12 11:49:00

ds1 is 11 and missed his shower a few days last week due to being mostly in bed wiht a viral cough. I had to cut his hair saturday, and it REEKED! it is horrible, and no way is once or twice a week enough.

gazzalw Mon 12-Nov-12 11:51:22

DS does have to have a shower after PE/games so is left off a shower at home the next morning....

There was a thread not so long ago about younger children and how often it was acceptable for them to have a bath/shower per week. Think however that what is acceptable for a five/six/seven year old is not acceptable for an eleven/twelve (or older) year old... even if they're not going through puberty yet they soon will be and need to get into the habit....

NettoSpookerstar Mon 12-Nov-12 11:56:49

DD went through the resisting phase last year, but is luckily fine with batheing now.
She didn't on Saturday night, but did before we went out yesterday, and then again last night.

dabdab Mon 12-Nov-12 12:28:47

I shower daily because I like to and it wakes me up! This thread is somewhat eye opening - why is it shocking to wash 2x week, Chopstheduck? I was thinking we could start with that since she currently does it 1x week. She doesn't smell, but where I do notice it is her hair - which is thin and tends to get somewhat greasy. We do mention it, and she gets very insulted, but doesn't do anything about it unless strong armed. I can see the argument for getting into the habit.

BackforGood Mon 12-Nov-12 12:37:30

A couple of times a week is fine.
Some people are completely over the top on here.

Arcticwaffle Mon 12-Nov-12 19:43:26

I always had the idea that they should have a daily shower or bath as soon as they started secondary. But actually, my dc seem to be late developers, not full of smelly teen hormones at all yet at 12 and 11.

So I do suggest lots of showers and regular hair washing as a very good idea, but I haven't been enforcing it, I do enforce a shower a couple of times a week which is less than I think they really should be doing. . My dc are not naturally keen on washing or being clean or smart, I'm hoping that will come with teenage changes.

AllThreeWays Mon 12-Nov-12 22:45:50

Durab - I teach in a girls school, it is specifiic to the yr 7's as by yr 8 they have all learnt about deodorant if not from parents then from each other.
Yes they don't always have time for a shower after PE, but most will spray themselves with something equally as potent
I suspect the problem is that the yr 7's are still so young and some have hit puberty and some haven't so not all parents are ready to embrace bra's, deodorant and other hygiene needs just yet. And the girls themselves, bless them are sometimes oblivious.
Hence my comment that habits should start early, from the parents. A good wash every day, if not a shower, and a mild roll on.

picnicbasketcase Mon 12-Nov-12 22:46:43

Every other day minimum but preferably every day.

Gumby Mon 12-Nov-12 22:49:10

Every other day for a shower
Hair wash twice a week

sausagesandwich34 Mon 12-Nov-12 22:55:06

dd has been going through the smelly greasy phase for the last year

I had to be very blunt with her and tell her she stunk with chip pan hair and her friends wouldn't want to sit next to her

very harsh I know but I had spent 3 months trying to get her to shower more frequently and wash her hair properly

she will voluntarily shower and hair wash every 2 days now and if we are out for a special occasion she will shower and wash/straighten her hair

sometimes i will nudge her to have a shower inbetween as depending on what she's been doing, she will moan a little bit that it's not her day for a shower but is in the shower within 10 minutes

I genuinely think they can't smell themselves though

brandnewnickname Mon 12-Nov-12 22:56:30

I agree with BackforGood that to suggest that everyone needs to bath shower every day is OTT. Obviously, people vary and I'm sure it is possible to find examples of people who do need to shower every day and will otherwise smell, but I really don't think that applies to everyone. I think every other day is fine for many people. My 12-year-old son has a bath/shower every other day and is not smelly. (Obviously, we use common sense, eg if he's got really muddy playing rugby he'll have an immediate shower, not wait because he isn't due one that day!) Hair regulates itself to some extent, ie if you wash your hair every day you'll probably find it looks greasy if you miss a day, but if you generally wash it every other day then you'll probably find it will go two days without needing a wash.

I think every other day, unless they are particularly smelly, but twice a week hair washing is probably fine (my dd has her hair tied back/braided most of the time, if it looks as if she hasn't washed it properly I get her to wash it again).

NulliusInBlurba Mon 12-Nov-12 22:59:57

Insisting that an 11 yo showers every single day is absolutely neurotic. Are these the same people who also claim that girls 'have to' shave their legs because body hair is somehow unhygenic? Every 2-3 days (with hair washing) is usually fully sufficient with a good deodorant, but straight after doing any sport is also a good idea (and especially straight after coming back from horse riding!). If I feel either of the DDs smell even slightly of sweat I tell them to have a shower and they do so.

And yes, DH and I shower every morning, but that's as much to wake us up as it is to keep clean.

I've been making DS1 shower daily for the past 2 years (he's now 12). I've issued him with a suitably garish looking anti-perspirant to put in his PE bag now too (after showers he just uses what's in the bathroom --whatever's on offer in the supermarket and smells of as little as I can find--). He says all the boys have deodorant but that none of them actually use it after PE; they just spray it at inappropriate times. The poor teachers...

I think DS1 needs a shower o wake him up in he morning as much as DH and I do. He's reached the hard to force out of bed stage.

He washes his hair every morning but never rinses the shampoo out properly and then pretends to dry it with a hair dryer. I say pretends because the hair dryer runs but his hair doesn't seem to get dryer. hmm

CointreauVersial Mon 12-Nov-12 23:33:24

Currently with DD1 (11) it's 2-3 times a week, but only if I force her, otherwise she is a definite soap-dodger. She is a long way from puberty, although she is starting to need deodorant.

I think she is washing enough for a pre-teen, but I do need to start ramping it up so she gets into the habit of daily washing. The main problem is the queue for the bathroom - DS (13) is the polar opposite of his sister and spends hours in there.

I was just like her when I was 11, but I was at boarding school, so there was no-one to monitor my washing habits. Eventually it was peer pressure that forced me into the bathroom!

zfei Tue 13-Nov-12 11:36:16

I posted the same question at another parenting forum about a 11 years old stepdaughter with long hair should at least shower 3-4 times a day and i was bombarded as unreasonable. So that was me thinking i came from a different culture so the concept doesn't apply here. And the reason i insisted she should shower more often because she always showed up at ours during weekend with greasy and smelly hair and at one point she has nits problem because of the long hair. She still refused to shower at ours claiming the kids organic shampoo is not good for her hair and other Timotei shampoo makes her scalp itch. (She said she only use the shampoo her mom made which is adding some lemon oil into a cheap shampoo from morrisons). She didnt have one since previous weekend and she promised she would shower at her mom's. Then she showed up last weekend with the same greasy hair. We texted the mom and she said she didnt have a shower all week because they just moved into a new house and there are boxes in the shower. I was shocked, She didnt have a shower for 2 weeks. No wonder the smell.....I am speechless

hoodoo12345 Tue 13-Nov-12 17:58:38

Every day, no excuse.

Hulababy Tue 13-Nov-12 18:01:44

DD is 10y and in Y6. She now has a shower most days - just Fridays she sometimes misses out due to organisation stuff and having to get out quickly that morning. If no shower she has a flannel/wet wipes to do the key parts smile

Hulababy Tue 13-Nov-12 18:03:18

DD washes her hair every time she showers - the new shower is in the ceiling so hard not to.

Til bathroom was done last month she shpwered every other day due to logistics.

BellaVita Tue 13-Nov-12 18:04:43

Absolutely every day.

My DD is a real soap dodger but I leave the house before she's up so can't drag her into the shower.
I make sure she has a bath at the weekend.

elah11 Tue 13-Nov-12 18:17:41

Daily, and tbh I think anyone who thinks its acceptable to only wash twice a week is a minger. You probably are convinced you dont smell but sorry to break it to you, you most likely do!

Its not OTT to wash daily, it really isnt, its lazy and slovenly not to. Body parts naturally sweat and smell over a normal day, its perfectly natural but thats why soap was invented, Do your kid a favour and teach them a good hygiene routine, their friends and future partner will thank you;)

When will it 'click' though?
DH showers daily, I'm terrible, I shower twice a day or I'm not happy.
Mornings and then after work, the DCs now this, we set a good example, we tell them ad nausem - why don't they bloody shower??

brandnewnickname Tue 13-Nov-12 21:22:42

Teach your kids a good hygiene routine, absolutely. Suggest that anyone who doesn't bath or shower on a daily basis is "lazy and slovenly", absolutely ridiculous! The notion of showering every day is a very modern phenomenon. After all, it's only in the last few decades that it's become the norm for houses to be built with showers, and up until the 70s there were lots of houses in this country without an indoor bathroom. Human beings vary, and that includes a degree of variation on how long they can go between baths or showers without getting whiffy smile and how quickly their hair will start to look greasy. How you spend your day is obviously also going to have a bearing on things.

dabdab Tue 13-Nov-12 22:21:44

We do want to teach them a good hygiene routine - not a neurotic one. I think it is a bit over the top to say that a child who only washes twice a week is a 'minger' - if I can't smell her when I hug her, or lie next to her in bed to say good night, I really don't think others can.

BackforGood Tue 13-Nov-12 22:37:54

Excellent post brandnewnickname.

madbengal Wed 14-Nov-12 05:13:33

DD is daily whether she likes it or not its part of her bedtime routine

Durab Wed 14-Nov-12 09:02:26

Even in the days when it was usual to bath only once a week, in the tin bath in front of the fire, people had an all over wash at the sink every day (according to my dad), which may (or may not) be an adequate substitute for a bath or shower, but people suggesting here that twice a week is sufficient, don't seem to be washing more than hands and face in between times.

elah11 Wed 14-Nov-12 13:09:08

The notion of showering every day is a very modern phenomenon. Indeed it is, its called social improvement smile. In ye olden days they would also tip their chamber pots out the window into the street below, I dont think anyone would believe that would be better than indoor plumbing. Its a fairly well known fact that people back then fairly whiffed, they didnt notice it because everyone smelled and it was the norm. Its not the norm now tg most people wash daily and wash their clothes regularly. Very few people 'smell' themselves or their family members, our noses become accustomed to it so it smells fine, even good, to us its part of bonding and socialisation. Outsiders wont have that same bond and will smell you differently. We all experience this to a degree when we enter someones house, the house has a distinctive odour (even when spotless) whereas the people living there wont smell that, it will smell neutral to them (unless of course there is a specific strong odour ie nappy etc). So while you may well believe your child has no odour, because to you they wont, others may not feel the same but we are all generally far to polite to say so smile

Mrsrobertduvallsaysboo Wed 14-Nov-12 13:15:40

Definitely every day.
Hair every couple of days.

My 11 yr old dd showers and washes her hair every other day, she has eczema and her skin flares up if she washes every day. However, she does not smell at all!

OhThisIsJustGrape Wed 14-Nov-12 16:20:40

Every day! She will be going through puberty soon and you need to instill good personal hygiene well before that happens.

My DC used to resist showers but it was non negotiable. They showered every morning, end of.

I've worked in a secondary school and I could tell every morning which kids hadn't showered in the last day or two - greasy hair and smelly.

Even if your dd doesn't smell now she will do once she begins puberty so it will do her good to have a routine established well before someone points out to her that she really doesn't smell too good.

ByTheWay1 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:27:54

it is only "normal" to bathe so often in countries that have water to waste..... that may have to change in future years.....

increased population in already overcrowded urban areas with less access to fresh water is already causing problems with droughts in the SE - if you have a family of 4 where all are showering EVERY day - sometimes twice - you can see where all the water is going.... especially if you multiply up to however many million live in London (say)... and we are all pouring shameful amounts of fresh, safe to drink water down the drain.

brighthair Wed 14-Nov-12 16:31:05

I shower every other day, unless I've been at the gym or riding or feel sweaty. If I've just been pottering around the house then I go 36-48hrs without. Wash my hair every 2-3 days but it is insanely dry and curly

IMO showering every day is a waste of water and only necessary after sport.

When I was young we bathed once a week and washed on the other days, we didn't smell and neither does my daughter.

dabdab Wed 14-Nov-12 23:20:56

Well, I don't think that we are going to come to an ultimate answer to this as everyone feels so differently, but it has been an interesting thread - the upshot of which is that I am going to encourage her to wash more frequently! Elah11, you put forward your argument very nicely, with just the right tone - much more effective than more 'reactive' posts.

throckenholt Thu 15-Nov-12 09:06:46

I often feel conscious of just how much a luxury it is when I am having a shower. And how much a waste it is - so much clean water pouring down the plug hole without barely touching anything on the way.

I didn't have that as a child (in the 60s/70s) and am conscious that none of my ancestors had that luxury either. It is interesting to speculate how much longer we will be able to take that luxury for granted in the west. Water is likely to be very much more limited per person in the future if we keep concentrating in big cities in dry locations. Also considering how much energy is required to provide clean water as well.

Startail Thu 15-Nov-12 09:23:17

2-3x a week just like big sister and her parents.

This obsession with daily showers must be awful for the environment.

It's a total waste of time and money.

I find both my DDs are really good at having a shower when they feel they need one. That seems perfectly right to me.

bubby64 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:25:38

I tell my 2 DS (almost 12yrs) to shower every day, but, must admit, they sometimes skip it, especially if I am working, and not there to supervise!
I encorage it because, although they are not really smelly yet, they soon will be, and they need to get into the habit sooner rather than later!. They only wash their hair a couple of times a week, but that is starting to change now, as they have decided they want to "style" their hair, and they cant do this unless it is clean!

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