What chores do you expect your preteen to do?

(73 Posts)
Flippityjig Sat 10-Nov-12 21:24:35

My dd aged 11 currently only clears the table after a meal.

She has asked for a pocket money increase - she currently gets £1.50 a week. I have said I will increase it if she takes on some chores at which point she seems to lose interest a bit, well, she stops asking!

I'm thinking things like making her bed every morning, tidying her room once a week, cleaning the hamster cage, maybe hoovering downstairs once a week or dusting?

So I wondered what other children of similar age do.

Perhaps even more important, I would love her to do these things without me nagging repeatedly, any tips?

lisad123 Sat 10-Nov-12 21:27:33

Dd1 is 9 and her jobs are make her bed, tidy room, dishwasher at the weekend and help set table. She gets £2 a week plus sweets on a Friday.

Roseformeplease England Sat 10-Nov-12 21:29:27

Mine (10 and 12) are expected to be completely in charge of cleaning their own rooms, bringing down laundry and putting away laundry. They clear and lay the table, empty the dishwasher and do some cooking (omelettes and scrambled egg, bacon, baking for the family etc). They also have chores as and when needed. One will empty all the bins, or bring in wood / coal for the fire. They carry shopping etc. They also wash and dry up pots and pans - sometimes.

I do not yet expect them to clean loos and bathrooms. They are going to take on one night's cooking a week each soon, as part of a raise in allowance. We are giving them a set amount per month for pocket money, phones and all their clothes except school uniform, coat and wellies. This will depend on an expanding list of chores once the youngest is 11.

Startail Sat 10-Nov-12 22:03:55

Not giving me a filthy look if asked to do anything would be a start.

The one downside of being a SAHM is DD2 does tend to think everything is Mothers job.

I do remind her that the taxi service breaks if she is too cheeky.

We live in the middle of nowhere, mummy's taxi is essential.
She is a silly soul who likes a hug, so the teen attitude doesn't last long. She also has been known to push the Hoover because it makes her feel big and strong. It's a hateful great Dyson, that I wish would die. However, I so rarely Hoover it will probably out live me.

14y DD1 likes cooking and mostly gets the idea that being helpful gets the job done quicker.

Startail Sat 10-Nov-12 22:06:39

That was meant to say soppy soul. Wanting a hug isn't silly. It's lovely she still wants to.

Flippityjig Sun 11-Nov-12 18:33:43

Thanks for the replies.

yes, unfortunately the hugs don't crop up as often as they used to here :-(

My dd doesn't enjoy cooking unfortunately. I'm hoping she'll get into it more when she starts cooking at school.

She currently has £1.50 pocket money per week but she gets top ups on top of that and really only spends it on sweets. I was going to increase her pocket money to £2 but think she should start doing a bit more.

I don't know if a reward chart is really a good idea at this age but don't know how else to ensure she does the chores.

Startail Sun 11-Nov-12 18:45:05

I think DD2 is finding senior school harder work than she expected. It has taken the edge of the teen bravo for a bit.

She had a huge amount of HW this weekend so I haven't suggested helping about the place.

I'm hopeless at sticking to chores lists and the DDs are so busy they always seem to have a good excuse. Anyhow if I nag them they notice I'm on here wink

Flippityjig Sun 11-Nov-12 20:18:23

Yes, my dd sometimes has piles of homework too, quite a shock after primary school shock

She hasn't caught on to my seeking advice on here yet wink

Theas18 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:25:03

Um just mainly much in and help, look after her room, put her washing out to be done and away that sort of thing.

But otherwise it's generally...I've coupled, someone else needs to set the table and clear away-they divide jobs between themselves pretty well.out, as Fri night, we have grandparents coming.can someone tidy and Hoover as I'll be late from work....the 16yr old and 13 yr old did a pretty good job :-)

We've generally steered away from jobs for money, if you are party of this family you muck in!

JudeFawley Sun 11-Nov-12 20:30:42

Our 10 yr old vacuums his room at weekend & strips his bed.

He helps empty dishwasher and will load & set washing machine and tumble drier. Puts away laundry.

He likes ironing, but is very bad at it.

He peels veg on a Sunday and bakes a bit.

No pocket money.

DeadTall Sun 11-Nov-12 20:32:49

DD (11) gets £2 per week and DS (13) £10 per month.

They have to make their beds every day & keep their clothes off the floor, empty the bins weekly, help with drying up at weekends, always clear the table and lay it whenever asked. If they do additional jobs (dusting, hoovering, washing the car) they can earn a bit more. I'm thinking of increasing it at Christmas, along with the chores list... I think helping with the washing will be next!

BitchyHen Sun 11-Nov-12 20:36:12

DD2 is 10. She puts her washing out daily (when nagged) and puts away the clean clothes. She tidies her room every week, feeds her hamster and helps me to clean his cage, and lays the table for tea. She gets £3.50 a week pocket money and no top ups.

BitchyHen Sun 11-Nov-12 20:41:49

12 year old DS has to put his washing out and tidy his room. He feeds his guinea pig and cleans her cage. He feeds the dog every evening (I do the morning) and takes the recycling out and sorts it into the correct boxes around 3x a week. He gets £20 a month paid directly to his bank account now he is at secondary school and rarely spends any of it.

Arseface Sun 11-Nov-12 20:47:56

DS, 11, has a chore a day. Little things like vaccuming upstairs carpets, cleaning glass doors at the back of the house, washing up after supper, helping to cook etc. He is also responsible for putting away his own clean laundry, keeping his room in a reasonable state and keeping the small front porch clean and tidy.

Sounds a lot but he has no jobs on Sunday or the two weekdays he has clubs and no jobs take longer than 10 mins.

The front porch is basically a quick sweep and wipe of the floor, chucking shoes and boots in the shoe bench and throwing away junk mail. He needs to notice when this needs doing without being told.

In return he gets £70 a month in his bank account.
£10 for his phone,
£20 pocket money,
£40 dinner and travel money.
This gets docked if jobs are not done or not done well for no good reason.
He is able to walk to school and take sandwiches from home if he wants to save and can also earn extra money through other jobs.

At first he caned all his cash on sweets, downloads and games in the first week. When we refused to bail him out he got the hang of it pretty quickly.

He loves having a bank account and debit card which he can use at cashpoints and to buy things from Amazon etc. Has made him much better at saving cash as he can see his balance rather than just notes and coins to swap for sweets!

Arcticwaffle Mon 12-Nov-12 19:38:33

12 and 11 yo dds do a chore a day (emptying dishwasher/taking bins out/hanging up washing/vacuuming the living room).
Plus they have to tidy their bedrooms once a week and put out dirty washing.
Plus clean out their pets when needed.

For that they get £5 a week, which they consider loads but it's supposed to cover things like Christmas presents, drinks or snacks when out, phone top-ups, more than primary pocket money did.

They are quite good really, they also will cook on average a meal a week, cos they both like cooking, and they cook for themselves if DP and I are late back from work or busy in the early evening.

pmgkt Mon 12-Nov-12 19:49:34

i expect dsd's (12 & 9) to help clear the table and either help with the dishes or load / unload the dishwasher depending on how many there are. They stay for 2 nights and do the dishes one day each. I expect them to tidy their room and make their beds etc before they go home, and keep things under control in their room while they are here. i also expect them to tidy up after themselves in the rest of the house, by putting either own things away. ds1 who is only 2 cries if i dont let him help with the dishes, load and unload the washing machine or if i put something in the bin myself. im sure that will change. None of them get any pocket money, i work on the basis that i clean and cook its just respectful to help out a little in return.

Flippityjig Mon 12-Nov-12 22:51:38

Thanks for all the replies.

Today we had a breakthrough. Dd had decided she wants to save her pocket money which led us nicely into a discussion about chores. So we've drawn up a list of stuff we expect her to do (make bed, set table, clear table and put in dishwasher, tidy room, clean hamster cage, strip bed for washing) and raised her pocket money to £2 per week and also have a list of extra chores she can do or we might ask her to do that we would pay extra for like washing the car , hovering the car etc.

We will see how it goes.

Flippityjig Mon 12-Nov-12 22:52:50

Sorry, that should read hoovering

NotMostPeople Tue 13-Nov-12 12:55:26

Mine all get £5 per week. They have to clear the table, load and empty the dishwasher for the evening meal between them. They have sole responsibility for keeping their bedrooms tidy including changing bedding (I do have to remind) and they each have to do one other job like hoovering/mopping / cleaning the hob per week. The youngest is 9 the oldest 13. The oldest and middle also have their mobiles paid for.

In general they are expecting clear up after themselves, I am a sahm not a servant and I expect to be treated with respect by everyone in the family.

Beanbagz Tue 13-Nov-12 16:20:27

DD is almost 11.

She helps set/clear the table and stack/unstack the dishwasher. Last week she made dinner for all the family (Thai stir fry & rice) and will often help me with the cooking.

She also had to make her bed, tidy her room (before the cleaner comes), put dirty clothes in the laundry and put away clean/ironed clothes.

I also expect my 7 year old DS to do the same though he's not so keen on the cooking.

specialmagiclady Tue 13-Nov-12 17:28:23

I think the thing with chores is they have to be easy to repeat. e.g. make beds every day, tidy toys etc every night, do xyz every saturday so that everyone knows where they are and YOU can remember to do the nagging.

Also good if there can be some kind of consequences if the jobs aren't done. For example, if my 7 & 5 yo DSs don't make their beds in time they go to school without breakfast* (they have 90 minutes to do it and this has happened TWICE in their lives..Most mornings they do it in 10 minutes.) They have to feed the cat and most nights tidy up the lego explosion playroom.

I have a really useless elder brother (my mum was still stirring his tea aged 38) and I am not raising boys like that.

*this is a really extreme example, but just maybe less pocket money or "sorry as you couldn't help me on Tuesday I can't help you get to your friend's house today".

Also, someone once told me it takes 100 times for a child to learn to do something without nagging. That gave me patience for the long haul...

hoodoo12345 Tue 13-Nov-12 17:55:53

My 11 year old:
Makes her bed,
tidies her room,
sorts and puts away her own laundry,
clears her own dishes away,
feeds and cleans out her pet(ferret)

Mimulet Tue 13-Nov-12 18:00:16

For what its worth I think all pre teens need to help around the House. I say that because for one, they need to understand the value of money. After all, we all work for it ourselves! and secondly, they have to learn how to look after themselves for when the day comes that they have to leave the nest. Kind regards.

3b1g Tue 13-Nov-12 18:09:51

I expect them all to tidy up after themselves, keep rooms tidy, clear their own dirty dishes after meals, put away own clean laundry etc. They all have to help cook the evening meal once a week. Whoever doesn't cook has to take turns either cleaning dining table & sweeping floor, wiping kitchen surfaces & sweeping floor, or washing up pans. They all have to change their own sheets / pillowcases / duvet covers (the eight year olds get help with the last). The twelve year old also empties the dishwasher at weekends and is capable of doing s load of laundry when asked to.
On top of these basic expectations, they sometimes offer to do extra jobs for small amounts of money, such as washing the car or mowing the lawn (only the eldest can do the latter as it's a heavy push mower).

racingheart Tue 13-Nov-12 18:37:22

MY DC are 10. They tidy their rooms every week and hoover them every fortnight, strip their beds, put away laundry that I've folded and sorted and do some very basic clearing the table. (Walking 2 yards to move dishes from table to kitchen worktop!)

But I don't link these jobs with their pocket money. They're expected to do them because it's their home so they have a vested interest in keeping it nice.

They get £3 a week.

LaQueen Tue 13-Nov-12 19:29:02

DDs are nearly 10 and nearly 9.

Every night they set the table for dinner, clear away afterwards and load the dishwasher. They then wipe down kitchen table, and working tops.

Every morning before school they unload the dishwasher.

When they get in from school, they hang up their coats, bags, put shoes away, clean out lunch boxes.

They make their own packed lunch, and clean their own school shoes (they have to be kept polished).

Every night before bed they do a quick 5 mins tidy of their playroom (their bedrooms stay tidy, because they have a playroom). Theiy give their playroom a thorough tidy every other week, the night before the cleaner comes.

When their bedding needs washing they strip their own beds.

Every other week (when the cleaner doesn't come) they dust and Hoover their bedrooms.

Every night, after their bath, they put their underwear in laundry basket, hang up any re-usuable uniform.

See far too many Mums picking up after, carrying around, babying their pre-teens...and completely make a rod for their own backs, and actually do their child no favours whatsoever. And, your child won't love you, or respect you the more for it, either.

Hulababy Tue 13-Nov-12 19:32:56

DD is 10y. No particular set chores and pocket money isn't linked to anything - although we reserve the right to cancel or reduce pocket money if we feel it is justified. DD gets £3.50 a week pocket money. It increases by 50p on each birthday.

DD is just expected to pitch in, same as me and DH, with household stuff. We all do something as it is the family house - so all the family are involved with keeping it sorted.

Her room is the key thing she is always expected to do - keep it tidy, make bed, etc. But she will also do other stuff too - sort washing, sort clean non-iron stuff to go away, fill/empty dishwasher, make dinner, make hot drinks, tody up in general, run hoover round, set/clear table, etc.

LaQueen Tue 13-Nov-12 20:03:01

Forgot to add - they make their beds every morning (not to my standard, but they're getting there).

And, they pitch in if we're washing our cars, pottering in garden.

They don't get pocket money. At present we buy everything they need. Stuff they want is bought for them depending on their recent behaviour and willingness to do their regular daily chores. They're clever little girls, they soon learned how the system worked wink

Once DDs go to GS, we will start them with a small monthly allowance, say £20 which they will be expected to manage themselves, and use for treats, magazines, trinkets- once it's spent, that will be it, no more. As they get older we will increase their allowance, but it will be expected to also cover their clothes bill(apart from uniform/coats and shoes).

Our friends have used this method with all 4 of their DDs, and it's worked well and taught them how to manage their money (fairly) sensibly.

To be honest, even once they're teenagers, I don't think we'll increase their chores much beyond what they do now - though I will be looking to include a limited amount of ironing, and some cooking (DD1 likes to cook).

There's a lot of homework at the GS, and I don't want their schooling to suffer at the expense of them doing chores.

FarrowAndBollock Tue 13-Nov-12 20:10:39

Bloody hell. I think this might be one of those threads where only the people whose children are doing an impressive lists of chores will reply. Reading this, mine do virtually nothing. They do odd jobs for a biscuit or DC2 will clean most of the windows for a couple of pounds. They may run the odd bath or tidy up sometimes if asked.

The don't have much time, to be honest, between school, afterschool clubs, quite a lot of homework etc. I fully intend to send them out into the world as cooking, cleaning, ironing experts though ... but I haven't started at this young age.

ChicMama25 Tue 13-Nov-12 20:13:35

Well dd is only 7 nearly 8 but she has to tidy her room, put plates in the dishwasher, her dirty clothes in the laundry basket and she has to help dh with the gardening at the weekend - well she likes the last one so not really a chore. She gets no pocket money - I put money in her CTF every month towards uni and put food on the table and clothes on her back (and pay for her school so I'm skint)

insanityscratching Tue 13-Nov-12 20:14:08

Dd doesn't have any regular chores but is expected to lend a hand if asked. She is responsible for feeding watering and cleaning out her hamster.

BerthaTheBogBurglar Tue 13-Nov-12 20:31:22

You're not wrong there, Farrow.

Dd (10) tidies her room when nagged, puts her clothes away (when the pile is too big to walk around), goes to the shop for bread etc when I've run out, and entertains her 4yo brother a lot. She's also learning to do his blood glucose tests ... (she asked to, he doesn't mind, and it could safe his life one day!).

All 3 dcs tidy up (when nagged) and put their clothes in the laundry, and their coats/school bags in the right place, and set the table if they're in the kitchen at that point.

But I must start getting them to put their plates in the dishwasher.

I'd feel mean getting them to Hoover once a week - that would be more hoovering than I do ...

Blipbipbeep Tue 13-Nov-12 21:36:31

I'm so glad that I have read this. DS1 (12 yrs) has to do most of the chores mentioned on here at some time or other and he makes such a huge meal out of it!

According to him I am the worst slave driving mum in the world and NONE of his friends have to do anything more than put their own breakfast cereal in a bowl apparently even that amounts to child abuse

He does get pocket money but nothing formal; he gets a fiver if he wants to go swimming or spend the day at the skate park for example and I put £5 into his bank a/c every month <I know its not much but I'm a bit skint>

FarrowAndBollock Tue 13-Nov-12 21:46:05

I have just showed DC2 this thread in the hope he would realise how many chores other children do and how lucky he is not to have to do the same. Instead, he noted everyone else got more pocket money than him and asked for a rise! hmm

defineme Tue 13-Nov-12 21:58:45

Can I just say to those planning to give kids a clothes allowance at age 11: I had this when I was 11 and it was truely crap. I made really bad choices, looked a right state in ill fitting clothes and got told off about inappropriate uniform at school. I think 11 year olds need a bit of guidance when choosing clothes ...

My 7 yrolds get £1 a week and choose to put it in their money box that requires a tin opener to open it or they can spend it-they mainly choose the money box. They clear plates, tidy room and generally help out if asked eg dd hoovered downstairs on Saturday and ds sorted the recycling, we all cleared leaves. Tbh they beg to help with tea and it's often me saying no I need to get on. I've never made a bed, other than when I change it, so I don't expect them to-do you mean straighten the duvet?

morethanpotatoprints Tue 13-Nov-12 22:05:07

My older dc 21 and 17 have always just mucked in with whatever needed doing. One washing dishes, other putting away. Cleaning cars, tidying rooms, washing in baskets and ironing school uniform. (there wasn't much). Now they are at uni, working, college etc they help if they are around, but now its more DIY linked with dh.
dd is 8 and does her own room, puts dishes away, helps with shopping, washing in baskets etc. She doesn't do homework/ never will, but she does have lots of activities so will probably end up with far fewer chores than older ones had. Only linked to money if they don't pull their weight. For larger jobs now older dcs will get paid. Pocket money was/is 50p per year of age up to age 10, then £1 for every year after. At 14 have own cb and pay own bills except shoes, coats.

marriedinwhite Tue 13-Nov-12 22:42:04

I have clearly gone very badly wrong. Mine get a healthy but modest allowance and I don't expect them to do anything except treat the house with respect and do their homework and their best at school. They put their own clean laundry away, put their dirties in the laundry basket, can make themselves a simple meal and ds helps unload the shopping from the car. They also have to organise their kit, etc., for school on a daily basis.

They are almost 18 and 14.

I wasn't expected to do routine chores either but when I left home, because I was used to living in a clean and tidy environment I kept a clean and tidy environment.

BackforGood Tue 13-Nov-12 22:55:48

My youngest dd is 11 (in Yr6)
She gets £1.10 a week pocket money, but it's not directly related to jobs - everyone who lives here has to muck in with what needs doing.
She is expected to...
cook evening meal once a week
hang/put away all clean washing that comes back
keep some semblance of order in her room (she's hopeless at this, but that means it doesn't get done rather than anyone else doing it for her)
whichever of the dc isn't cooking has to lay table / get everyone a drink for evening meal
generally do when asked (so not every day but most days there will be something) tasks such as getting the washing out the tumble drier and giving it out / unloading or loading the dishwasher/putting drying up away / make the odd cuppa for me / taking the rubbish out / gathering up the washing from around the 3 laundry baskets / type thing.
every now and then join in general household cleaning type chores when I have a splurge

Gymbob Tue 13-Nov-12 23:00:46

Am I over-paying mine? They are 13 and 14 and get £8 per week each. They do have to do chores for that, put laundry in wash bin, put away underwear, make beds each morning, keep their rooms tidy, and clean them once a week. Strip and make their beds once a week. Put their school bags and shoes and coats away, hand over their pack-up boxes, set and clear table when asked, dry and put away pots and pans that won't fit in dishwasher.

It seems like a lot now i've written in down, but it seems like they're always sat on their arses, and i do have to nag, nag, nag to get things done. I'm not always 100% successful, but I keep on nagging....

I wasn't asked to do anything at home, and when I left I couldn't look after myself properly - my husband taught me to cook when I was 24, but I'm still like Wendy Craig out of Butterflies if anyone remembers that!!

Gymbob Tue 13-Nov-12 23:03:28

Oh, and they're supposed to clean their shoes every week for school - of course if I don't remember to nag them they don't do it.

They also have the opportunity to earn extra if they want it. DD2 gets 20p per item if she irons. she was great at that when she wanted to save for something, but now that's passed she's not interested. I hate bloody ironing.

Gymbob Tue 13-Nov-12 23:06:26

Whoops sorry, just realised this thread is for pre-teens. sorry - but they do behave like pre-teens and the youngest only turned 13 three weeks ago - does that count?!! blush

BooksandaCuppa Tue 13-Nov-12 23:09:35

That doesn't sound like a lot, gymbob; most of what you say is just looking after their own stuff, apart from the table and pots and pans bit. I wouldn't class making their own beds/tidying rooms/putting laundry in wash basket as a 'chore', it's just being independent, surely? I think I would only class contributing to the rest of the house as a chore.

Ds is 11, does his own bed, dirty laundry in bin, clean laundry away, tidies/dusts own room, sets/clears table every day. Empties dishwasher/does polishing/mows lawn/cleans windows/sorts washing on an ad hoc basis. He gets no pocket money. But does get bought books more or less whenever.

I realise we do need to convert this at some point to proper pocket money...

DeadTall Tue 13-Nov-12 23:21:04

Bertha "I'd feel mean getting them to Hoover once a week - that would be more hoovering than I do ..." grin quite!!

DeadTall Tue 13-Nov-12 23:22:44

gymbob yes!! I loved Butterflies and really looked forward to the slop / burnt offering moment at the dinner table grin.

Fozzleyplum Tue 13-Nov-12 23:26:24

My DSs are 11 and 9. They make their own beds, lay the table, put their plates in the dishwasher and put their school clothes ready for the next day and laundry in the washing machine. They are generally expected to clear up after themselves and there are consequences (not financial) if they don't.
DS1 also cleans his own footy boots and helps look after his rabbits (DS2 allergic so is let off). I've been toying with the idea of teaching them to cook; currently, DS1 makes tea and sandwiches and DS2 does omelettes and both can bake, although I tend to hover. They also do jobs like clearing up leaves and pressure washing when asked. Occasionally, they hoover.

I don't give them too many chores to do on schooldays; they both get a fair bit of homework and one plays a LOT of sport whilst the other has music practice. It's a balance between getting them to contribute and having some downtime.

DS1 gets £5 pw pocket money and DS2 gets £4. I don't think an allowance would work with boys of that age. I will pay for basic (ie non-label) trainers etc, so they have to pay the top-up themselves if they want anything more flash. It's certainly made DS1 think twice about jumping on the Jack Wills/Hollister bandwagon. I will buy them books, but all other toys/magazines/comics have to come out of the pocket money.

madbengal Wed 14-Nov-12 05:16:47

DD gets £5.00 per week and it is dependant on her chores she has to keep her room tidy, she feeds the cats and puts away her washing. She will get asked other things to help out as part of the family and is learning how to Iron and the washing machine atm LOL

SofiaAmes Wed 14-Nov-12 10:02:35

My dc's get pocket money unconnected to chores. They are expected to do the chores as a member of our family. So dd (10) and ds (12) make their own beds, keep their rooms tidy (ok this one is a work in progress), fold and put away their own laundry and do all care of bird and crayfish. They have been doing these chores since they started school. Obviously my expectations of the quality of their performance has changed as they have gotten older.

Issy Wed 14-Nov-12 10:02:39

DDs are 10 and 11. DH and I both work FTOH but we have a daily cleaner.

We have been running a new pocket money scheme for about a month. The DDs get paid for chores such as clearing the whole table (not just their plate), hanging up the washing, bringing in the logs or emptying the dishwasher. Chores aren't optional but they are paid. Bit like work!

Provided they've completed £2 worth of chores, they can earn bonus amounts. Bonuses are paid for high scores in tests, 'commended' lessons, being ready before the school run lift arrives rather than a few minutes later for faffing around DD1 or ringing a friend to organise a playdate for shy DD2.

We sit down together on Sunday evening and work out who's done what and what they've earned. It's a ridiculously complex system, but the DDs seem to enjoy the complexity, bit like a board game and the family discussion is fun.

DD1 also gets a clothing allowance of £20/month for everything other than essentials (underwear, uniform, coat, boots). So far, she's made a pretty good job of spending it and it means that her friends get to accompany her for hours of agonised decision-making in Gap, rather than me.

I like the pocket money for chores etc. system because it gives us a way of putting our money where our mouth is: We all have to help out in the house but your help is recognised and appreciated. And there are things that matter to us, including doing well at school, challenging yourself, being polite enough to be on time and being nice to your sister. Although on that last one, DD1 can earn 10p every time she says something nice to DD2. It's an option to make like a bandit which she's so far utterly failed to expolit!

colditz Wed 14-Nov-12 10:06:14

Ds1 is nine, has ADHD and autism, and he makes me a cup of tea, he can unload the dishwasher and he puts shopping away. Ds2 is six, and he fetches washing and sorts it into light and dark, tidy his room and put clothes away.

CremeEggThief Brazil Wed 14-Nov-12 11:58:36

I give DS (10) between £2 and £3 a week. He is expected to keep his room tidy, put his dirty washing in his laundry basket, pick up clean(ish!) clothes off the floor, unload the dishwasher (only tends to go on every other day, as it's just the two of us), strip his bed and put it in the machine every other weekend, and put his lunch box in his lunch bag every morning.

I think I do far too much for him, and he isn't very good at organising himself, so I'm going to stand back more and let him get on with things, as I worry about how he is going to cope when he's a bit older. I only started asking him to put his own lunch box in his lunch bag last week, for example, and I have to stop myself from picking up his clothes if I see them on the floor (oh, how it bothers me!).

One thing I can't let go of yet is putting his clothes away in his drawers- I couldn't bear the thought of clothes not put away neatly and rotated. I am borderline OCD about order, tidiness and everything being in its place or the same way around, so that will be very hard.

rockinhippy Wed 14-Nov-12 13:14:47

DD 10, in theory is fully responsible for…

Setting table
Clearing up after herself, this includes bed making, clearing putting her dishes by the sink after she's finished, not leaving things lying around after she's finished, be it clothes, toys or whatever
Put away her own clean laundry
keep her room tidy
Empty the dishwasher & put everything away.
Sorting out whatever she needs for school the next day - be it PE kit or whatever.
Sometimes makes her own packed lunch.
Empties & puts away/ready for washing todays packed lunch the minute she gets in from school - followed by a drink/snack & do the dishwasher.

Rules are, we only remind her once & then its forfeit - so she'll be missing YC, TV or similar - we make sure she sees it as these are privileges she earns by doing her bit to help keep the household running smoothly - she gets £4 pocket money now, which has been a small raise every birthday to bring it to that at 10, but its made sure that she understands that its not linked to chores, as I too feel thats a bad idea - though she also as an "older, more responsible girl" gets an extra small chore each birthday too

I say in THEORY as thanks to a catalogue of various injuries over the last 2 years, its been very hard in practice as she's been everything from on crutches, sprained neck & arm in a sling & she has milked it to do nothing where she cangrin, but ATM she is on the mend & actually seems quite glad to be able to help out again, bless her she has hated being infirmsad - but I'm not expecting that to last long - she'll be "forgetting" everything she can get away with soon enough - until we pull YC & then she'll remember againgrin

sieglinde Wed 14-Nov-12 13:15:58

Mine is 12 and gets £4 a week, but this is not payment for chores; chores are part of life, and just normal.

Washing dishes and/or drying and kitchen cleanup inc. wiping benches, table and stove every third night - we don't have a dishwasher.

Keeping room tidy and vacuuming same

Feeding her cats and cleaning up after same

Ironing own clothes for special occasions.

general house cleanup for visitors etc

Maintaining fire n woodburning stove if parents are busy

Generally being helpful if asked

MrsMarigold Wed 14-Nov-12 13:20:47

Blimey I must be harsh - my DS is only 17 months and he has some chores. He feeds the cat with some assistance and gets out nappies and wipes for hs sister (aged just 2 months). I fully intend to ramp this up - my husband used to make a cooked breakfast for his parents when in prep school and I feed and cleaned out the pets, made my bed and polished shoes.

LaQueen Wed 14-Nov-12 13:29:17

I think by involving your DCs in the daily chores of running a home, you are giving them some genuinely helpful, worthwhile training for life.

Growing up, I didn't especially appreciate/enjoy helping my Mum with chores, but I was learning from a Master - and so when I had my own home, I easily had it running like clockwork.

Growing up DH Didn't. Have. To. Lift. A. Finger.

When I met him at university, he had never made his own bed, used a hoover, or cooked a simple meal for himself. At High Table he had to pay a mate to iron a shirt for him hmm

Pathetic.

CremeEggThief Brazil Wed 14-Nov-12 13:31:37

I think you're right in what you say, LaQueen.

are you married to my DH LaQueen? when we moved in together I had to teach him how to do the dishes!!

OTOH, my mum used to make us loads of stuff, inlc cleaning bathrooms everyday (in turns but it was just two of us) when on holiday, and go to bank, post office, run lots of errands because she was working full time. I used to hate it!

I expect help from my dds, but I try to keep a happy medium and not overdo it, even though I am sure they'll still think it's too much.
At 11&8 they are expected to keep room tidy, put away their (folded) clothes, dirty ones in laundry basket, help set table, and clear after themselves.

They also helpa lot with their baby brother and sister (9 months), so I can't complain!

drizzlecake Wed 14-Nov-12 14:18:03

Perhaps rephrasing it as 'what should teens do to help run the home' instead of using the word chores might help and what about asking DD what she suggests to do to help run the home.
Then it is harder for her to not do it, it was her suggestion after all.

But I made my DCs do stuff, though it is hard work, but def worth it imo. They adapted to life away from home v easily and came back with scare stories of other flatmates doing daft things (wiping kitchen down with pure bleach for one, another one living on breakfast cereal (she became very aggressive over time!)).

NAR4 Wed 14-Nov-12 17:30:55

My older children are 12, 14 & 16. They are completely responsible for cleaning their own rooms, putting laundry in their wash basket (there is one in their bedroom), putting their clean clothes away and emptying the dishwasher as part of a house rota. Now I am finding household chores rather difficult (pregnant and have PGP), I put a list of jobs I would like done on the fridge and pay them £3.50 per hour for any they choose to do. This has limited sucess but they can't get pocket money any other way. They have their hobbies paid for and any equipment and clothing that goes with it, but any cash has to be earned.

The chores they do unpaid are part of contributing to the household and its their choice if they choose to earn pocket money or not. Don't get any moaning about it, other than the occassional 'I was going to do that, but he's already done it'. They do the chores on a first come, first served basis, so it is down to them to get on with it if there is a certain job they want.

I know my children are older, but this has been the system since they started school.

Lavenderhoney Wed 14-Nov-12 19:49:19

I loved butterfliessmile
I don't do pocket money , I thnk they are a bit young. Maybe when ds is 6. Also, its about independance not chores for me. My dm did everything and I was useless at 18. No idea how to cook, make a bed, make toast...
Ds is 5. started making his own bed about 6 months ago unprompted. He puts his pjs under the pillow and arranges his teddies. He hoovers his room if I get the Hoover out, but he says it's boringsmile
They both tidy up toys and enjoy it, but all toys have to be put away before tea, so there is incentive. Plus bedrooms I tidy at bedtime with some help from dc if they want. Ds and dd lay the table, help clear, unpack dishwaher put dirty clothes away.

I don't nag, but just try to make sure they can do stuff as they get older. Ds loves to cook toosmile

It helps that dh does his share too. The dc see its just life. Ds is writing now, so soon he can write the shopping list.

LaQueen Wed 14-Nov-12 19:55:51

Claire possibly grin

When I met DH he just used to take all his dirty laundry home, twice a term, in a dustbin liner for his Mum to sort out. We had laundries in halls, but he couldn't be arsed with that.

He barely knew how to wash dishes either, I think he'd done it once when he was 8, for his scout badge, or something hmm

I think it was just an incredibly shoddy way for his MIL to raise her children. I don't think it ever occured to her that just because she saw no wrong in being her DCs thankless skivvy, other people would think her DCs were freaks who needed to damn well grow up, quick sharp.

lamename Wed 14-Nov-12 20:14:47

I know it's bitchy, but I find unhelpful DCs really unattractive - when they get to a certain size, lolling about with their mouths open (literally or otherwise) in the evenings, or worse at other people's houses, just isn't pretty.

MareMeva Wed 14-Nov-12 21:00:52

My little boy is only 14 months old and not very helpful around the house as of yet, but I have started asking him to put things away, and he is absolutely delighted when he gets it right. Boys in particular should be encouraged (gently persuaded?) to help tidy up if we don't want cleaning to be seen as woman's work and we don't want another generation of grown men who expect a woman to not only wash but to go hunt for their dirty socks. I think it is important for children to realise that although housework is work, almost no one gets paid for it. I was expected to clean and tidy growing up, and got no regular pocket money.

PiedWagtail Wed 14-Nov-12 21:34:43

Well, my two are 9 and 5 and they (1) set the table for breakfast and help clear away after, (2) cldar their own plates etc to the kitchen after a meal, (3) help daddy with gardening and leaf clearing (but they love this), (4) put their own washing in the laundry basket and help to change their beds, DS (5) gets 50p a week and dd (9) gets £1.50 a week. Am training ds early!

Emandlu Wed 14-Nov-12 21:43:58

My kids are 12 and 9. They get £5 a month from their grandparents. We give them no pocket money at all.

They are responsible for keeping their bedrooms tidy, washing up, drying up, setting the table, tidying up,after themselves, putting away their clean washing and putting their dirty washing in the correct washing basket. They also will do any jobs we ask them to as and when we ask them, so this can be dusting, hoovering, cleaning the bathroom etc though these jobs are few and far between and generally coincide with a house viewing.

jodee Wed 14-Nov-12 22:00:57

DS, 12.5, doesn't do a huge amount of chores, tbh. He is expected to make his bed every day and change his bedding (when I remind him), put dirty washing in the washing basket and clear the table after himself at dinner and remove cups/plates from wherever he has been eating/drinking back to the kitchen. In the spring/summer he will cut the grass, and sometimes wash the car.

I agree with Farrow, he will be self-sufficient by the time he leaves home, but in the meantime he has enough on his plate with school/homework.

swanthingafteranother Wed 14-Nov-12 22:01:15

after reading all those posts about helpful pre-teens I just wanted to cheer some poor sap up and say my three dcs are decidedly unhelpful.

They lay table
clear table
load dw
help with cooking
put dirty clothes laundry
occasional lawn mowing
put rubbish out when asked
hoover when asked
shop for food when asked at shop on corner

They get no pocket money...I think we tried to offer it in reward but they never earned it, and in the end we just gave up blush
their rooms are tips
and they never notice any mess at all blush

Lequeen I think I remember once reading that your husband was a delightful man, so that gives me hope that even though my children are not much use, and I have failed to instil a "useful" approach they may yet turn out alright wink

weegiemum Argentina Thu 15-Nov-12 09:42:02

We have 3 dc who are 12.9 (s1), 10.9 (p6) and one week short of 9 (p5).

We have non-negotiable chores which are just part of being a family. These include feeding and cleaning our furry pets (rabbit, 2 guineas and 2 hamsters), laying table and clearing afterwards, loading dishwasher, taking out recycling, hanging up laundry and putting away their own clean clothes. Also theoretically keeping their own rooms tidy - theoretically!!!

Then there are the extras they can choose to do for extra pocket money or "screen" time, or to earn something that they are saving up for. I pay slave wages of about 50p for a job (Hoover the rug in the lounge, empty dishwasher, Hoover stairs, collect dirty laundry and load machine - 50p = 15 mins screen, up to a max of half an hour extra a day. Then there are the big jobs - mainly at this time of year sweeping all the bloody leaves off the ridiculously slippery deck! These earn a premium rate!!

I'm disabled and have a home help/PA twice a week who does the heavier housework like washing floors, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning out cupboards/ fridge etc. She also helps me with form filling, sewing on endless cub badges, things my hands, feet and poor balance won't let me do!

I still seem to spend all my spare time cleaning and tidying Wye I'm not mnetting!

LaQueen Thu 15-Nov-12 10:25:15

lame I totally agree with you.

I think pre-teens, who come to visit, and are polite and ask if they can help with anything when I'm preparing dinner are very charming (and have clearly been properly brought up wink ).

These ones tend to get invited for playdates much more often...

The ones who barely make eye-contact, and don't even say thank you for their meal and just wander off from the table afterwards...not so charming.

LaQueen Thu 15-Nov-12 10:27:16

swan he is absolutely luffly, everyone loves him. For most of our life together he has paid for a cleaner, so that he doesn't have to learn anything domestic (and to stop me nagging him all the time).

But, I can't help feeling that he's missing the point somehow hmm

bubby64 Thu 15-Nov-12 11:08:57

I have 2 DS's, who are almost 12yrs, and they are expected to clear the table and put plates/crockery etc in dishwasher, clean their rooms,put away clean clothes, put their dirty clothes in laundry and help keep the dining room clear (their Xbox is in there, so they spend a lot of time in there and tend to leave cups/plates/wrappers etc all over it unless they are told to clean up!) They also have to make beds in the morning (they have duvets, just shake and lay flat), help with their pets (feed cats/dogs at least a couple of times a week instead of leaving it all for me!). However, if they do all chores, they get £5 a week, and this amount is reduced according to what they have and havent done. Last week, DS1 got the whole fiver, but DS2 got £2.

Adversecamber Thu 15-Nov-12 11:31:46

DS unpacks dishwasher most days, he will make me a cuppa and also has to hoover the entire downstairs once a week. He brings his laundry basket down on a Saturday and will also help put away his own clean laundry. He helps me with food shopping once a week. He feeds the cat twice a day.

He does not always do these thing with good grace it has to be said, apart from the cat feeding.

he gets a couple of quid a week.

NAR4 Sat 17-Nov-12 13:39:59

I agree with MareMeva that I don't want my boys to grow up thinking housework is a womans job. I feel it is my duty to my future daughter-in-laws to train my boys domestically. I am proud to say that when I badly tore my hamstring a couple of years ago, they even cooked a roast dinner by themselves.

Most importantly I think boys (and girls) learn by example, so it is important for them to see their dad doing housework as well as their mum.

AdoraJingleBells Fri 23-Nov-12 01:11:14

Can I join in please? I have 11 yr old twin DDs, one of whom is a stroppy little madam. They are supossed to tidy their rooms, put their own things away instead of leaving them around the house, put their dirty clothes in their linen baskets, lay the table for dinner and put their clean ironed clothes away.

This is linked to £5 a week.

DD2 came up with a list of lot's more than that, but doesn't do her won suggestions. She is now doing her own laundry due to her attitude. DD2 told me today "you do nothing all day" so I'm trying to decide weather to a) lamp her, b) prove her right by actually doing nothing for a month or six, or c) revert back to doing everything and she gets no pocket money because she's not grown up enough. This is not the first time this week we've had words about her attitude towards me.

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