Should I buy my daughter a PAYG blackberry for 12th birthday

(37 Posts)
lessermo Sun 21-Oct-12 13:12:04

She has an ipod touch already and is always on it. She is unkeen at home to do other things like read. If we buy it, we will need to inforce straight wifi free time but if you want to discuss it, she goes all moody. Should she have one so her peers do.

Fluffanstuff Sun 21-Oct-12 14:04:14

Personally I think not , Im really old fashioned and can't see why a 12 year old would need such a flash phone. Also don't know where you live but the whole safety aspect comes into it. If you do decide to buy it perhaps go down the route 'if your old enough to have the phone your old enough to have the discussion about wi-fi and old enough to follow our rules about its uses'. If you do get her one the ipod touch will probably go out of the window after a few mins lol. Does she have a phone already ? If not perhaps go for something a little less flash and expensive and tell her that if she is responsible with it you might consider a blackberry or something similar in the future ?

I get a bit het up about blackberrys personally have heard of a few children getting bullied through bbm etc. so kind of feel better of out of it .

DS1 is 13 and has a Blackberry on a contract £10.50 a month. A lot of his friends are on BBM so it's great for him to keep in touch. He also uses it to go on Facebook.

He goes to school on the coach and I need him to have a phone, also for when he is out with his mates.

He likes to have it near him at all times but he isn't 'on' it all the time IYKWIM.

lessermo Sun 21-Oct-12 15:35:49

Thank you for the advice. She has agreed to usage discussions. I hadnot thought about droppage of the Ipod. I think that she needs to take more responsbility. But then there is also insurance. as older daugther lost/stolen iphone was replaced on house insuranc

Polgara2 Sun 21-Oct-12 15:46:45

Dd2 has an blackberry on payg. All of her friends have them and they use bbm to keep in touch ALL the time, aand facebook. I guess she would feel a bit left out if she didn't have one. It was no dearer than any other smartphone at the time. She uses wifi at home. It hasn't made any difference whatsoever to the amount of time she uses her iPod touch because they have different functionalities. She has definitely got our money's worth out of both! She does know that if she loses or breaks either they will not be replaced so she is careful.

We did the contract so I can track the useage online including the numbers of who he is calling and texting.

Phone is off in bottom of school bag between getting off the coacj and getting back on again.

basildonbond Sun 21-Oct-12 16:16:18

I'd say 'no'! We got one for ds's 14th birthday and reluctantly realised that he just wasn't mature enough to be able to handle it

We had issues with sexting and one girl bombarding him with very explicit images of herself (it's not always predatory boys, you know)

She doesn't 'need' it ...

lljkk Sun 21-Oct-12 16:17:12

Should she have one so her peers do.
Sorry that rang alarm bells for me, so what if her peers have them?

Does it matter to you because of cheap messaging using BBMs? But you can get very cheap texts using Giffgaff using a far cheaper phone.

Do you want her to have Internet access on it? What else could she do on it that would be so valuable to her or you, that she couldn't do on a cheap phone?

And if she gets this now, what do you get her in future that will seem like a great gift?

How will you enforce the Wifi-access times? Take it away or password encode access to the router?

Oh blimey basildon. I do check his phone while he is asleep. Nothing untoward so far except him asking a girl out and her saying no. sad

LFCisTarkaDahl Sun 21-Oct-12 16:21:45

A blackberry is the only mobile phone you can't put Internet controls/parental controls on - this means your daughter could access over 18 content on the Internet.

I'm thinking about getting something like that for my DD but am still undecided.

heronsfly Sun 21-Oct-12 19:33:11

My youngest dds 13 and 15 both have them, we pay £10 a month for calls/text and another £5 a month on top for the dreaded bbm.
We have had no trouble with them, apart from the fact that they are permanently bbming !

The BBM bonging heron. grin

heronsfly Sun 21-Oct-12 20:39:01

Oh dear blush

DeadTall Mon 22-Oct-12 17:15:23

LFCisTarkaDahl I had no idea you couldn't put parental controls on a Blackberry - that's really worrying. My DD has a cheap Orange BB style phone, not an actual Blackberry, with Wifi at home only, and I check what she's been viewing (mostly music videos). I'm going to see whether I can get parental controls on it, and on DS's iPod

Bigwideworld Mon 29-Oct-12 23:58:58

I'd be very careful. We confiscated our 13 year old's phone over some issue and found she was being texted explicitly up to 70 times a night by an older school boy. Much safer without.

getwiththeprogramme Tue 30-Oct-12 18:58:34

Hi i started a thread in chat about a similar thing and some interesting and helpful points were made, which you may also find useful - ive overlapped you a bit! You can find it if you type bbm in search i would think. Good luck!

getwiththeprogramme Tue 30-Oct-12 19:27:36

The being left out thing worries me as well re my dc yr 7, as i learn that lots of the year have them and do bbm as group chats - whereas dc doesnt even really text at all. But on the other hand i can see the cons as well.

I understand the safety aspect of dcs carrying phones, though I dont think it justifies them owning one, however the Smartphones are just creating more problems than they solve.

Id possibly allow one at 13+ but insist (1) I or dh can check it whenever we ask, no grumping, and (2) it is not to be used at the dinner table or taken to bed.

getwiththeprogramme Tue 30-Oct-12 19:43:30

Goldplated what problems have you come across - i am still thinking about it so would be v interested to know. Not taking them to bed sounds very reasonable indeed! Though i gather some people do....

EmpressOfTheSevenScreams Tue 30-Oct-12 19:52:03

DD (12) has a blackberry, mainly for BBM. It lives downstairs at night and she knows we check it regularly. She's on a 10.50 rolling contract and anything over that comes out of her pocket money.

Problems with smartphones for tweens:-
*internet access so private (much rather its on a communal pc in a public room in the house)
*one upmanship of smartphone/branding versus a basic payg model (the thought that kids bully other kids over which phone they have - if smartphones werent seen as acceptable from a VERY young age then this would drastically reduce)
*the idea that kids feel safer if they have a phone on them - which I think adds a false sense of security. "I can go here and do this because I have my phone" when infact a kid being abducted, or worse, is not even going to be able to use their phone
*the conflict in class. you send your dc to school with their phone off in the bottom of their bag - does it actually stay there?
*the lack of escapism. If your dc is being bullied, BBM, facebook and twitter mean that bullying can continue in their own home - the place that should be their sanctuary.
*the expense. Smartphones are expensive, and more than likely the most expensive item your dc will regularly have with them (theft/damage risks)

getwiththeprogramme Tue 30-Oct-12 20:50:32

Yes, lack of sanctuary at home is a very good point goldplated. As is the internet access!
On the other hand the being excluded fom 'group chat' in the evening may have knock on effects next day at school because you werent part of what was being discussed the night before? - like in the old days if you hadnt watched top of the pops! Dc seems unaware of this but from what i gather there is a lot of the group chat, forwarding status updates etc, and i wonder if it may affect being part of the group at school. Im slightly going over the ground on my thread - because its still worrying me!
Mind you, status updates - is that another way of feeling left out because youre not with x and y at the shopping centre? Aagh...i genuinely think it was much easier when we were that age and just hogged the landline!

Startail Thu 10-Jan-13 01:18:26

Sometimes I think I'm the only parent who trusts her DDs and only vaguely glances at their lap top or ipod screens and doesn't check their phones.

I'm afraid if my two want to get up to mischief they are far too bright not to press delete on their phones and they know DH can spy on the broadband if he chooses to.

Housemum Thu 28-Feb-13 14:48:46

Just a thought on the cost side - Tesco are as far as I know the only company to have a capped tariff, if getting carried away with costs/running a huge bill concerns you. You can get an OK ish smartphone for £7.50/month with loads of texts/reasonable data - and if they reach the cap on any one feature (eg use too much data) it is stopped until the next billing period unless you choose to top up like PAYG. Phones are not top end - so less "desirable". Thnking of getting one for DD2's birthday

Madmog Fri 01-Mar-13 11:16:36

We went through similar to you a few months ago. My daughter ended up with my husband's basic mobile phone which shes uses to phone me if she's gone to a friends after school and the occasionally text. We put £10 credit on in September and she still has credit, but like I say it's very basic. We have promised her a better one later this year, but will do it on a capped contract (I know Tescos do them). None of her friends actually have a Blackberry, touch screens appear popular and that's what she wants. She has her ipod and as we're on BT anytime she can phone her friends anytime she wants. I guess she makes about 4 phone calls a week totalling about 45 mins.

Personally, I think it's best to get something on contract, but if you prefer PAYG tell her you'll pay so much a month and an extra she runs up has to come out of her pocket money.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 03-Mar-13 09:28:12

DD got when when she was 11 as a present for doing really well in an exam. She wanted one so we used the promise of one to get her to revise!

Its not really that flash a phone, cost £80. I know there's cheaper phones but likewise there's much flasher phones. DD's is on PAYG, she hasn't lost it or damaged it and has had it over a year now. She doesn't use BBM, I don't think any of her friends have a Blackberry.

Theas18 Sun 03-Mar-13 09:47:40

I'd say no.door all the reasons above. It's not I don't trust my kids, I do totally. I don't however trust other kids not to use the technology and the desire to"fit in" not to bully, include in bad stuff, exclude fromother stuff etc

Mine are now 19/17/13 the 19 yr old he's my old iPhone as her first net capable phone at 18. The other 2 have pretty basic phones and an unlimited text giffgaff package.

I have talked about it with ds (having seen a three deal for 2 smartphones on a 24/ month contract that could be capped) and reapply he said don't bother, at the moment he has what he needs and would rather I spent the extra money on an add on for sky to download, so we are triallingthat over Easter.

Ds isn't a loaner-he has mates, he isn't picked on for his phone or excluded-plenty if his mates have iPhones/s3 to o. Dd2 ditto.she even has a mate who doesn't have a mobile.

Theas18 Sun 03-Mar-13 09:52:20

Oh and I dispute "it's better to get a contract".

It never is! There are lots of brilliant Sim only monthly deals without tie INS.

Caps don't necessarily work (especially if you accidentally use data or are abroad ).you are tied in paying for the duration-2 yrs now usually.there was a recent post here of a last who wanted to end her sons contract as he was being badly behaved etc, not only would he not hand the phone over but she has only the option of paying off the whole 2 yrs ....

Hulababy Sun 03-Mar-13 09:56:08

Dd's having an iPhone for her birthday this year. I've done research, looked into the options and also researched the bullying/risk aspect. However an iPhone would nt be tht unusual here, ESP amongst younger secondary school children. We have various reasons for an iPhone too over other brands as we se app,e at home too, everything is nn same format and syncs.
We've spoken to dd about safety, etc from each aspect.

Dd has wifi access anyway do not an issue from tht pov.

lessermo Tue 19-Mar-13 16:47:14

Back in October did buy daughter a blackberry. have drawn up rules, no gadgets at table. hand over at 10, hour free gadget time for homework, but its a struggle getting these rules to stand fast. mentioned at school during a lesson. cant schools confisicate. its a battle and I am going to win

SmellOfBurntWiggle Tue 26-Mar-13 21:28:47

Another 'no' vote here.. 10 y o daughter has ultra-basic handset as prep for secondary school communicating with us /texting friends but when she's out and about I want her to be aware of her surroundings / crossing the rd safely (urban setting) and when at home, she can use the family pc...

Plus we dont' have spare budget for technology competitiveness and am determined not to be swayed by the 'they-may-feel-left-out' peer / social pressure argument.. - though having siad that she's only 10 adn I'll probably look back on this in a couple of years time and wince....

roamer2 Fri 13-Sep-13 14:48:42

Got DS a cheap smartphone from cashconverters instead of an ipod so he can use it as a phone when he starts secondary school. have a rule of not keeping it in his bedroom overnight but he only wants it for music at the moment anyway

curlew Fri 13-Sep-13 15:00:09

They're just phones, people- not the work of the devil!!!!

Why would you have to have a no phone at the table rule? Why would they even think of it?

And if they are going to get bullied or bully, they can do that perfectly well without a phone.

The only concern I would have is the "sanctuary" thing- no escape if things do go wrong. But I'm sure you will have noticed before things got tht far anyway.

aPseudonymToFoolHim Mon 16-Sep-13 17:41:19

XP got DD a BB for no reason - no birthday or xmas - and it had internet access that I had no idea how to regulate.
BBM messaging means strangers can contact her, and if she accepts, is able to see stuff you may not want your DD seeing.
This is what happened with me anyway, and now the phone is permanently confiscated.
The BBM thing lost me really, I had no idea what it was, but friend of hers were recommending she add other people because of the amount of PINGS they give (or something)

onefewernow Tue 17-Sep-13 19:58:30

Definitely don't. Bbm messaging nearly cost my daughter her GCSEs. She ended up with hundreds of contacts and round the clock texts. She was utterly bereft when we finally confiscated it after we failed to get her up for school time and again. However, two years on, she says she would never have it again, that there is a dreadful pressure on teens to grow their bbm network and she finally felt controlled by it.

Oh and she got loads of those nasty chain mail things which teens are tempted to believe in.

Lucyadams184 Wed 25-Sep-13 11:21:17

It depends. If you are starting to let them go out for a couple of hours on their own then I would let them have one but not for every days use. This could also be good to get them used to having one all of the time.

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