Struggling with 8yo DS unreasonable and angry

(3 Posts)
Mummyto3ds Wed 12-Oct-16 08:55:41

I had twins in March which may be part of the behaviour issues but my eldest ds is such hard work - worse than a toddler. He is constantly grounded and has screen time removed. Just as he is getting near to getting everything back he kicks off massively about something unreasonable. Morning are such hard work. It's a screaming match just to get him to get dressed. He won't do anything on his own, he dumps his uniform on the floor every night but "can't find it" every morning. He screams that he hates me and thinks I hate him. He says sorry in one breath then goes back to shouting at me. This morning he shoved me. I've spoken to the school and apparently he is quiet and well behaved there. Has never been on their behaviour warning chart. He can be such a sweet loving boy but I'm struggling to remember that when he is refusing to get into bed at night just shouting "no, you can't make me" and when I try to physically put him in bed he kicks and screams "don't you dare touch me" and says I'm hurting him and he'll ring the police. Im at a loss. He went for dinner at his friend's house last night - was a delight the whole time then a nightmare at home. It feels like whenever he gets something nice he spoils it by being as naughty as possible following a treat.

Am I on my own? Will it end? AIBU to be sat crying in my car after our horrendous morning?

MoreGilmoreGirls Wed 12-Oct-16 08:59:42

Oh bless you, yes I would say the arrival of your twins has definitely had an impact. He's scared and confused no longer the centre of your universe. How is he around the twins? Do you get to spend any time with just him anymore? I think he needs some serious love but also clear set boundaries especially around pushing you. Have you talked to him about how he's feeling? You both must be pretty miserable flowers

Mummyto3ds Wed 12-Oct-16 09:10:08

He is amazing around the twins, he says he loved them so much he could burst. He even asked last night of we could have another baby! It takes over an hour to bath and feed them to sleep every night but am always free for bedtime at 8 for story and cuddle (except last night as his shouting woke one of them up) and as I'm on mat leave is with me from 3.30 til 6.30 - obviously that's shared with the babies but always try to play cards or something while I'm feeding.

I've spoken to him 1:1 loads, he thinks the babies are part of it but also that he doesn't know why he's angry and doesn't want to row with us but even after a calm chat and cuddle he can switch back so quickly with a simple request to go and brush his teeth for bed! We've agreed rules and he doesn't follow any of them. Doesn't seem to care too much about warnings of laptop removal etc. I start with a one day ban and increase the longer he doesn't follow the request, it's 10 days now. I'm just exhausted with it all and don't want to even live there at the moment. He used to be better behaved with dp but he shouts and screams at him just the same now. I've tried making sure I don't shout back, try to pick my battles etc and nothing works. I've tried being really strict and even shouting back which I hate but I feel lost at sea with no way back just trying to keep afloat. sad

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