Dummy and secondary school aspi child

(7 Posts)
Fayfoord Tue 06-Sep-16 07:22:07

11 year old daughter has spent several weeks in high anxiety about starting big school . Last week when quite stressy she asked for one of her little sisters dummy's and it seemed to quieten her right down. Apart from the dummy she was jolly and good company . She had is almost constantly last week and dosnt seem to mind what anyone may think .
Interestingly she's been sleeping better than in weeks having a calming thing at bed time .
Unknown to me she took it to school yesterday and was using it at break time , and I got a phone call from the special needs co ordinator last night about this " . Very understanding if a little concerned . However they want to create her say space to de stress when needed . Other kids know she is aspi and are kind to her as she is a gentle and kind child . The senco actually wants to accept / ignore the dummy and let the phase pass and see her settle in the school rather than make a huge fuss . It's possibly one of those quirky things but I want to get her through this phase and run with the senco advise for home / school , accept and indulge her in her need and let her know we will support her and get her through this anxious phase .im proud of her even if she's regressive for being grown up enough to know how to calm herself beyond melt downs . ( that had become regular )

SecretSpy Tue 06-Sep-16 07:25:22

Would some sort of Chewelry be more age appropriate more subtle for using at school? Chewigem do a few different types

foreverclockwatching Tue 06-Sep-16 07:31:03

Little bit confused about what advice you want - does the school have a provision for social support at break and lunch i.e. a place for students with SEN to go which is judgement free? The desire to chew/suck can be quite strong and very soothing, it might be worth over the longer term to see if the dummy can be replaced with something else that is less visible. Would they give her a card permitting her to leave lessons if she was feeling overwhelmed so she could access a safe place where she could use her dummy and talk to a trusted adult (difficult I know when it is a new school). SENCO sounds on the ball, if melt downs continue to be an issue would be worth asking for support to get outside agency involvement e.g. autism outreach if you haven't already but if transition goes well you may find they diminish again.

whywonthedgehogssharethehedge Tue 06-Sep-16 07:42:47

I think I'd embrace it tbh. My DD sucks and chews her fingers and she's mangled them sad

Can you do dummy at home but something similar but not as obviously a dummy at school eg chewable necklace as suggested above? If school are good would they let her have a necklace under her uniform so it's accessible but not obvious?

Fayfoord Tue 06-Sep-16 07:46:32

Thanks I like the sound of chewlerry , sounds good , not heard of or seen it before , but someone has just pointed out their is something like it in the fledglings catalogue that I have used to get some special needs bit s before , I think it's the suck not chew that's soothing her . I'm not sure what advise I wanted either . But simply blurting it out rather than just thinking it with the combined noise of husband radio 4 kid chaos and dog around me . We are actually thinking for home of building her a silent safe space in a shed / garden office type thing , just a chill zone .
Yes school does have quiet space she can be taken too . It's good that other kids from junior school who get her are at this school but lots of new faces too . It's a relief that she's their she begged to do main stream .
I love people like this senco who will just treat everything as the normal it is to the person . He was telling me they had one boy who needed to bring action man in and then arrange his boots and stuff along the edge of the desk before he would be able to function .

Fayfoord Tue 06-Sep-16 07:51:17

Ouch for mangled fingers , yes I will let her have dummy at home for as long as she indicates it helps . Outside the house yes mixed reaction and pleased for the senco advice . Thing is if in her innocent world she dosnt care what people think should we be fussed . Not sure . Am I needing to protect her from future jibes , or are normally wired kids quite able to support a diferently wired friend . But yes something under the uniform or somwhere safe to reach for when needed . Or maybe that lives in the Center ( the proper name for where those with additional needs to for help )
Watch this space . Car load up time , think dog and husband have the easier option .

Fayfoord Tue 13-Sep-16 17:59:53

Thank you all for your support . Well good news , we are surviving secondary school . Mixed news but just how it is . Having offered alternatives the stress reliever making all this possible is my daughter having a dummy . So deep breath and just letting it run its course . School have been fantasticaly supportive , considering what 11 year old girls can be like and the fact that my daughter seems to have no embarrassment factor or want to hide her habit . So senco has done a card for when she is stressed and she can go and find a quiet corner in the Center to relax and calm . Plus if she wants to use it in class or at lunch time no one minds , her form group has had autism explained when she was off at the Center and seem very kind . I'm impressed . Thanks for helping me keep it all in proportion . Hopefully it's a settling in thing it's only been a week , but hey time will tell .

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