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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

Establishing ground rules on clothing

18 replies

itsmeitskathee · 17/07/2016 19:10

I'm not even sure how to ask this really, but I'm struggling with my Dd aged 8 especially since I've been a bit slack at being strict.

I find her a challenge and often let her have her own way on small stuff as we could just argue about everything. Not on big important stuff, but on dress and her bedroom ( which is a tip). However it's the clothes which I really feel I need help with.
She dresses in clothes combinations I just can't bear. Crop tops and little shorts and just won't wear any of the nice normal clothes we've bought her. She wants to be trendy and I want to encourage her to find her own style but have a horrible feeling all the other mums think she's a bad influence!! And she looks very tarty. I've let it go when we are just messing about at home but with the summer holidays approaching I'm worried it's what she's going to put on every day. And I'm going to end up fighting with her every day. She sneakily puts on make up (lip gloss and eye shadow) on the weekends and while it's not an issue (just not allowed ) at school - it's going to become another thing we battle about every day.

So having let her get away with it so far, how can I rein it in ( other than putting her crop tops in the bin!).

OP posts:

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Emochild · 17/07/2016 19:13

Where did she get the little shorts and crop tops from?

If you don't buy them she can't wear them

WaffleOverload · 17/07/2016 19:13

Surely at 8 she can only wear what you buy her? The answer is removing the clothes you dislike and she'll just have to moan. Are crop tops so bad? Is the compromise wearing them with jeans? I wasn't aware an 8 year old could look tarty really

NapQueen · 17/07/2016 19:15

As above. Surely she can only wear what she owns?

WaffleOverload · 17/07/2016 19:15

I also would not class an 8 year old as a pre teen. I have a 9 year old boy. He's ten in fence bet. He's not a pre teen, he's a little boy. So your thinking is a little skewed I feel in how you see her

WaffleOverload · 17/07/2016 19:15

*december

Scarydinosaurs · 17/07/2016 19:15

Who is buying her clothes?

AlpacaLypse · 17/07/2016 19:15

You are the boss. At age 8 there shouldn't be anything in her room or bathroom that you don't know about. Including crop tops and lipgloss. Sweep through with a bin bag now.

PenelopePitstops · 17/07/2016 19:17

Who is buying the stuff?

She's 8 not 13!! You should be buying her clothes and she wears them. Where does she get lipgloss from?

DraenorQueen · 17/07/2016 19:18

She's EIGHT?!
FGS you are the parent here. I'm sorry but it sounds like she absolutely runs rings around you. How sad that the other parents have got her pegged as a bad influence.

Lightbulbon · 17/07/2016 19:22

Omg my 8yo wears leggings and jumpers.

Get rid of the tat and ban the make up!

AuditAngel · 17/07/2016 19:31

My 9yo has some hand me downs from cousins that I would not have bought. I don't mind short shorts as DD is very athletic, but if I don't like what she is wearing she has to change.

It doesn't matter if she doesn't like it, I'm the boss. I will let it go in the house, but outside, I have to approve the outfit.

SpinnakerInTheEther · 17/07/2016 19:38

An 8 year old cannot look 'tarty'. If I saw her I might think she looks a bit like she had been a the 'dressing up box' or that she was going to perform in a dance/ drama production.

But like others have said get rid of the clothes you don't like - say they are worn out or too small and get stuff you like. As for the make up I would say it is only good for playing & not to go out with you or to school with it on.

itsmeitskathee · 17/07/2016 19:53

Wow ! Some strong views. I think I probably need to step it up! Time for a clear out and just deal with the consequences / tantrum.

She has Lycra shorts for under her school summer dress and for gymnastics. I just hadn't thought she would wear them out. The other shorts are denim ones from Next so fine with an ordinary t shirt. The crop tops I bought because she really wanted one and I thought it would be fine under a jumper but now she wants to wear it all the time and it's warm enough to wear out without something on top.
I know she's not a preteen. She's 8 but wasn't sure where else to post and there seem to be lots of other posts about similar aged children in this area.

OP posts:

Scarydinosaurs · 17/07/2016 20:05

Crop top under a jumper?? Don't be stupid! Just buy her clothes you're happy for her to wear.

Penfold007 · 17/07/2016 20:22

Tarty, did you really just use that word as a descriptive of your eight year old child? Don't buy clothes you consider 'tarty' in the future.

BackforGood · 17/07/2016 20:30

I have to agree with everyone else.
You are the parent. She is a liite, girl. Presumably you buy the clothes she wears, so you have cnosen them, or, at least allowed them.
Same with make up - why would she even have access to it ? [confused ]

tootiredforthissh1t · 17/07/2016 20:37

My DD aged 9 asked for a crop top-I said no!

JasperDamerel · 17/07/2016 20:55

When I buy clothes for DD (9) I only buy clothes that we both like. That way, she wears them, and I'm happy to let her wear them. She does have one pair of shorts that are very teeny tiny, but I reckon that 9 is probably about the right age to wear ridiculously tiny shorts.

If I saw an 8 year old in Lycra cycling shorts, a crop top and trainers, I'd assume that it was a hot day and that she wanted to run around.

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