7 year old way behind at school :(

[mindy31]

I just want someone to tell me it's going to be ok - and look into the future and wonder what I was worried about!
As the subject states my daughter is so far behind at school she is making small steps with reading maths and writing -!she has brought her school report home today and my stomach has sank at seeing the marks and score she has got (not even on the scale )

When she was in year 1 she got a diagnosis of being autistic - we didn't except what we were told. Just is our daughter and just like every other 7 year old I genuinely mean that - the problem is education she isn't one bit interested in learning to read write do maths
Her report isn't bad because she has qualities that you can't teach that she is beautiful inside and out - and I don't say it because I am biased and she my daughter I say it because so many ppl tell me how lovely she is and ppl instantly like her.
But all I can think is she going into year 3 in September still not reading writing doing maths - why me why my daughter all the other mums will be gushing how fabulous their children are and how proud - what do I say ? What do I do?
I am scared for when other children notice she is behind I am scared for high school for mean girls to appear I am scared she won't get job -
Ppl say take a day at time but please has anyone been in this situation and come out the other side - I need hope it's going to be ok

Sorry for the long post and I know people might read this and think there are worse things in the world but she is my world and this is my life .

Thanks

[MigGril]

Are hugs, of course your daughter is just like other children in lots of ways, but she does need extra support with her learning.

Where you already aware that she was behind. Anything you get in the end of year report shouldn't be a surprise. It's she getting good support at school?

As for other mums try not to worry, celebrate all the good things your daughter can do. Often they brag to cover their own insurceites. I have never shared my children's reports with anyone but family and only when they ask how they are doing.

[mindy31]

No it wasn't a surprise think maybe just hard to see in black and white
Just want her to do it I think half of it is laziness and I don't no how to make her interested it ends up in an argument

[BikeRunSki]

I don't know about what you need to, or could, do now, but if it is any comfort, i couldn't read until I was 7. Once I could I made up for lost time!!

[insan1tyscartching]

My ds wasn't on the scale at 7 he has autism too. He's just completed his NVQ level 3 which is equivalent to A levels and has offers of a uni place and here is no reason to think your dd couldn't make equally good progress.
Ds had a statement of SEN and so got the support he needed to make progress. Nowadays they are called EHCP if you are in England anyway, does your daughter have one? If not you need to apply, information and and advice can be found on //www.IPSEA.org

[LizKeen]

When she was in year 1 she got a diagnosis of being autistic - we didn't except what we were told.

I suggest you get on board with that diagnosis and start supporting HER with her SPECIFIC needs, instead of telling yourself she is like every other child. She clearly isn't. Its not a bad thing. But there are differences and there is no point denying them.

[Sirzy]

Does she get any support at school?

[LizKeen]

She has a DX of ASD and you think it is just laziness.

Really?

[mindy31]

Yes she gets support at school - and no we didn't accept the diagnosis as it wouldn't of made a difference in the support she received
Yes I do think a big part of her learning is down to laziness you don't know her

And I am totally regretting ever posting anything on here - ppl are so judgemental
All I wanted was a bit of reassurance or someone who had a simalar experience silly me!!

[LuchiMangsho]

But even if the diagnosis made no 'difference' in the support she received, it might have made a difference in the approach to her learning, even how you approach it. Even if she is 'lazy' as you put it, if she is autistic, whether you accept the diagnosis or not, her brain will process information effectively. And if you want her to read and write then you are going to have to find ways to engage with ways of learning that are suitable for her, which may not be mainstream.

On the other hand, if we don't know her, and if you insist she is lazy (which I think is a dangerous label to place on a 7 year old), then I am not sure how we can help. Yes, by your account she is behind. But clearly berating her, or pushing her hasn't helped so you will need to find alternative strategies to get her to engage with what she's being taught. We can't, quite randomly, tell you that it will be okay, unless you can tell us exactly what you want help with. She will fall further behind unless you and the school together can find ways to help her learn, and I'm not sure dismissing a diagnosis is entirely the way forward.

[titchy]

False reassurance might make you feel better, but it's not going to help your dd one bit. No child spends 3 years at school unable to read simply because they're lazy.

A diagnosis may well open more doors to extra support that she needs, and a little further down the line to a suitable secondary school. Right now mainstream secondary may be an option you don't have.

Accept her, ASD, learning difficulties and all. Don't put it down to laziness - she's going to need you to fight her corner more and more.

[Msqueen33]

My dd is six and has a young sibling Who is three and born have asd. Her scores were low and sometimes she seems lazy but it's not because she is but she has a different processing system. How much support is she getting? Could you incorporate learning into things she enjoys? At the moment with my dd I know after school she needs down time but we do read each night and I have hope that she'll have a bright future. Our focus is part on academics but mostly on her social and life skills. Keep hope x

[timelytess]

Not judging, just sending for you and your dd.

[Fairylea]

Learning difficulties and asd often go together (they don't always, it's about 50/50 if I remember from the national autistic society). My son has asd, he is 4 and a lags part of how he learns and copes with structured activities is to do with them being presented to him in a way which understands asd.

I think you need to go right back to the start and look at the national autistic society website and accept your dd has a diagnosis of asd (which is incredibly difficult to get with parents waiting on average 2 years!) It does and will change the way she looks at things and if you can begin to understand things from an asd point of view this will help her learning.

Do you have an ehcp for her? If she has asd and is very far behind you will need one regardless of whatever the school says. It will entitle her to more support and ensure it continues as she gets older. Look at the ipsea website for advice on this.

You must still be proud of your daughter whatever her levels. An achievement for her whatever that is is worth celebrating. My son drew a face for the first time this week at 4 years old (similar to a 2 year old stick man face, no limbs) and I am over the moon. Never ever thought he would.

[SisterViktorine]

Why don't you repost this in SEN Children- there are lots of knowledgeable people there who will happily offer you ongoing support.

You DD will learn differently if she has autism. I am a specialist teacher for pupils with ASD. Some of my pupils are incredibly bright but they need to be taught in a different way to access their strengths and overcome their difficulties. If they are anxious about whether or not they will be able to do something they will avoid and refuse very creatively. This may be what you are seeing rather than laziness.

[LyndaNotLinda]

SisterVik - the OP doesn't accept her DD's diagnosis so I doubt she's going to want to post in SN

[SisterViktorine]

Oh, I missed that- I thought she meant they didn't expect the diagnosis.

[LizKeen]

How can any of us tell you it is going to be OK, when your DD is clearly struggling in school, and you, as her parent, refuse to accept that she has ASD?

It could be OK, but if you refuse to accept the diagnosis, and instead write off your 7 year old as lazy, it isn't going to miraculously get better on its own.

I know how hard it is, I am going through it right now. But saying things like "why me, why my daughter" and worrying more about what other parents will say than what is actually going on with her won't help anything.

As a parent you need to pull yourself together, work with the school, accept the diagnosis (which is not an easy thing to get, and didn't happen by accident) and support your child. This isn't about you. She isn't failing in order to piss you off or make you look bad. She needs your help.