Instagram/snapchat age

[movingonishard]

My D's is 10 and 6 months ago he owned up to having set up Instagram, although he knew I wouldn't allow it. We had a long chat about the reasons why and I said he didn't have to wait until he was 13 but I thought 10 was too young and we'd talk about it again in the future. I disabled th account he had and I thought that was the end of it.
Today he told me his dad( we're divorced) had told him months ago it's ok for him to use it and to "keep it a secret from mummy" and he's set up another account. His dad denies saying this. Ds has also set up snapchat.
I'm at my wits end with this and really don't know what do do:( Any advice greatly appreciated.

[RebelRogue]

Take phone away from him.if he needs it to keep in contact with you/his dad then get him a basic one instead of a smart phone. He has shown he is not mature enough to be trusted with one,even though he came clean about it. Either that or delete the accounts and disable the app store so he cannot get them again.a 10 yo has no business being on instagram or snapchat

[movingonishard]

Thanks rebel. I should have added that at his iPad has been confiscated fir a couple of months due to other lies re Internet. He's been using his dad's iPad and I've tried to delete the Instagram account but can't I he's forgotten the password and the email password it was linked to. The only way now us to get hold of his dad's laptop as the password is saved in it- which isn't going to happen. His dad has denied he said to keep it a secret from me.

[hillyhilly]

At this age, you are paying for his phone, it is your phone which you allow him to use as you see fit so if you say no Instagram then that's what must happen, I agree that he should now have a non smart phone until he can earn your trust again.
Do you not look at his phone? I'm a little surprised that you didn't know but my dd is about to get her first phone so it's all a bit new to me and scary

[movingonishard]

He doesn't have a phone. As I said in the last message, he's using his dad's iPad when he stays with him

[RebelRogue]

Dunno if it will work,but can you not report the account as he's under the age to use it and hopefully they will delete it for you? I find it very worrying he has an email account that you do not have the password to. Can you do a password reset and set one yourself? I'd also thoroughly check his email for other accounts he might have that he shouldn't. You've been a bit lax,but i think it's time to set up some strong parental controls on his ipad,and a serious consequence if he disobeys again.

[BeautifulMaudOHara]

I've said ok to Instagram (but I follow) and NFW to Snapchat which lots of teens use for sexting

[RebelRogue]

Sorry i apologise for my last message just read your last reply properly. Any way his dad will agree to your conditions? Why would he even want him on there? He could be chatting to anyone,doing anything. Its a massive safety concern,just like he'd give him a high powered tool with no safety measures or instructions.

[movingonishard]

His dad knew I didn't agree to Ds using it (angry)

[RebelRogue]

It's a very difficult situation since you can't supervise or prevent him using it while he's in his dad's care. I'm actually stumped for ideas for now,but i totally get why you are worried and angry.

[movingonishard]

Thanks Rebel. Ds has said he won't use it again at his dad's but time will tell....I've asked him to tell me if he starts feeling left out at school - very few in his class use it atm

[RebelRogue]

Have you asked him why he wants them,what he uses them for? Was it his idea or his dad's?
That's a lot of responsibility to put on a 10 yo,and hopefully he'll keep his promise or at least come clean again. Worst case scenario ,if you can't put a stop to it,then he can have it at home too,with the condition that you have continuous access to it...passwords etc

[movingonishard]

Hi rebel, he stays he likes putting on pics of his cat and food - 2 of his main loves in life!
I've actually been wondering if I should set up a new account with him, so that I know the password and can monitor it. Might be too much temptation for him knowing there's an account at his dad's . He's agreed to delete it but is that putting too much responsibility on him???

[RebelRogue]

Well he's still young so he needs to accept that it's the right thing to do,resist temptation,actually delete it and answer any questions from his dad and stick to what you two decided even if his dad might disagree.You know him best...is he capable of all that especially the part with his dad? If not then you're just setting him up for failure and getting in further trouble. It would be easier for him to get the password for the account he already has and tell it to you. Then he can have the app ( and so could you on your own phone so you can properly monitor it..you'll get all notifications etc as soon as he does)

[RebelRogue]

P.s. I would completely forbid snapchat though

[Flumpsnlumpsnstuff]

My DD's have Instagram but they have to let me follow them and be on private settings, this way I can follow them and check up on what's being posted/said.
Dd2 is 11 and had snapchat installed without my knowledge, I explained that there was absolutely no reason for her to have a app that deletes the message after 10 or whatever seconds and gave her the option: either the snapchat goes or she gets my Nokia 3210 guess what she choose. I also insist on following on musically and and any other apps as well as phones downstairs over night. And I do check their msgs etc regularly. I never pass judgment on any stupid things but will call a family discussion over anything I thing is over the line. Hope this helps

[exLtEveDallas]

DD (11) has my old Instagram account (that I never used) set up to my email. It means that every message she has/sends etc pops up on my phone too, whether she uses her phone (my old phone without a SIM) or the iPad. I've told her it will be this way or not at all, and she happily accepted that.

I was very against her having an account (first asked in Yr5) but I 'gave in' at the start of Year 6 and I'm glad I did. There are 28 children in her class and only 2 are not on Instagram. I didn't want her being 'left out' and actually it has been a good thing for her and extended her friendship group.

I won't let her have snapchat, and only 3 of her friends do have it (as far as she knows). She only asked once, whereas she asked for Instagram continuously.

She's also on Musically which is a lot of fun.

[movingonishard]

Thanks for all your messages. Maybe what I was thinking is too much for him, and resisting temptation at his dad's might be too much... I've know way of getting the password for the account he's set up though - it's saved in his dad's iPad and can't trust his dad to delete it. Only solution is that he sets up a new one with me and I have the password. Of course this doesn't stop him using the one at his dad's:/

[RebelRogue]

Just tell your son to ask for the password? But maybe now i'm expecting too much from him

[movingonishard]

He can't remember it. We spent ages today trying to log in but no luck. He also can't remember the password for the email
Account attached to it so no way of deleting the account

[RebelRogue]

I meant he can ask his dad next time he goes? Surely his dad would know if he helped him set it up. No idea if he'd tell him though.

[movingonishard]

He didn't help him set it up - he just told him it was ok to use it but keep it a secret from me. Ds is very tech savvy and works need no help!