Bickering siblings lost of what else to do

[Minime85]

My 11 and 8 year old just bicker all the time. I don't know what to do any more. It is destroying any time I have with them as part of the time they are at their dad's.

Feel so sad they argue over everything and don't know what I can do to change things before they just end up hating each other as adults.

[BirdyBedtime]

Not much help I know, but mine are the same (DD just about to turn 11 and DS 7.5). They are either love or hate (and at the moment it feels pretty much like all hate). It doesn't help that she is hitting puberty moods and he is quite frankly pretty annoying sometimes!! I feel like I spend most of my time refereeing and sorting out disagreements. I've recently tried to be less 'annoyed' about it and more 'disappointed' which sometimes works. But to be honest trying to keep them apart is my best tip.

So, you're not alone but I'll watch and wait for any sage advice from others. Try to savour and nurture any time that they aren't bickering.

My only hope is that they'll grow out of it (in 10 years time!!).

[SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals]

My twin 10 year old girls depress me with this it is constant and their attitude /answering back is off the scale. Do we ignore? Let them kill each other? I have tried everything I can think of....

[PlanD]

Yep I'll join this ship. 11yo dd and 8yo ds constant bickering also. It's soul destroying at times and I also worry about how they'll get on as adults! We're just at the end of a 2 week holiday abroad and are at peak bicker at the moment. Mind you, I think we are all fed up of each others company. In general they are worse at home as I think while we've been away they know they have no choice of playmate. I'll try the 'disappointed' thing actually- that's not something I've tried before. I just bellow like a banshee in general.

[coffeetasteslikeshit]

I try to ignore it as much as possible with my two. Me and my brother were the same but are great friends as adults.
It's bloody annoying though and I do sometimes explode at them about it. I usually tell them to get out of my earshot if they want to carry on.

[tarheelbaby]

My DDs are younger (9 and 6) than the DCs mentioned here but they still bicker a fair amount. I intervene so that they realise they are doing it. I try to keep them topped up on snacks so they are less grumpy and separate them if necessary. This is probably micromanaging but I hope that dealing with it whilst they are younger will teach them how to cope with and avoid it as they grow older. "Don't make the other girl cross" is my refrain. On the whole, it works.

[mommybunny]

I've found that mine (DS 11, DD 9) are very capable of cooperating amicably when they have a common goal, but if we ask them to do something together and they couldn't care less about the outcome (like doing the washing-up), then they engage in a brutal tit-for-tat where every single action of one requires an equal or greater action from the other or else it's "not fair". The older one gets bossy giving instructions and the younger one defies him just to wind him up. It happened last night and I completely lost my rag. I sent DD to bed (at 7:30!) and left DS to do the washing-up himself. And I explained very completely (though not very calmly - I'd had a shit day and their bickering was the last thing I needed - not proud of it) why each had gotten the treatment they had. I'm an idiot - it was only last night that I made the connection between cooperation when they care about the outcome and lack of it when they don't. But having made the connection I now need to figure out how to make them care and work together. Any suggestions gratefully received!

When we drove 12 hours to our holiday destination this summer they were actually not too bad, because there was a large bag on the seat between them and they couldn't physically touch each other. A 3-hour drive, on the other hand, can be torture if they can reach each other. So now I appreciate how effective physical barriers are.