Twins being separated??(8 Posts)
My 11 y/o DD's are about to leave primary school after 8 years of being in the same class. Both are going to separate secondary schools as my eldest wants to go to a local performing arts specialist (which she has wanted for the past 3 years). Did take a lot of persuading from her side but I'm now worried that they will lose their twin bond from not being in school together?? We had to pay quite a lot for admission which I'm now beginning to regret as I think she may have been better off with her siblings at the school my DS already attends... Any advice??
Mine were separated from primary school and it worked out fine.
I'm a triplet and me and my brothers were always separated at school in different classes. It was a good thing, we made other friends instead of always being with eachother.
She really wants to do this, as you say she had to persuade hard to get you to agree on the first place.
My advice is to let her try. You can move her later if it does not work out. But the potential for a nasty level of resentment if you take her choice away from her now seems just too high.
I doubt if the 'twin bond' will be weakened because of 190 days per year being spent at different schools.
I'm identical twin in my 40s and haven't lived with my sister for over 20 years and the bond is still there.
I think they will be fine. They will still be together at weekends and evenings.
If they are mature enough to want to go to separate s hols, then they will be fine.
I am a twin with a brother and we were in the same class for just about EVERYTHING until the end of our high school (in the US). The high school we attended had a general policy of separating twins but we were both in an "honors" track, of which there was only one group per year, and our academic advancement took priority (quite rightly) over our being separated.
Nevertheless, I felt every moment that my twin bitterly resented having to be in the same class with me for everything (though we did use it to our advantage sometimes to divide up the homework - "you do the Spanish, I'll do the math" etc). He was a teenage boy who HATED the fact that everyone thought the whole "twin-thing" was SO CUTE, and it called attention to him at an awkward time when he preferred to just blend in and conform. At the same time, most of the time I did better than he did academically. He knew it wasn't my fault but he sometimes couldn't help taking his resentment out on me, or freezing me out with complete indifference. And it hurt. We went to different universities and have lived completely separate lives ever since - I now live an ocean away from him. We get on fine with each other now (we are in our late 40s) but I wouldn't say we have a special "twin bond" and I don't think he would either. We're no closer than any brother or sister.
If you have a chance for your twins to be separated and you don't take it, one or both of them will come to resent it, as well as possibly you and each other. That is pretty much guaranteed to ruin whatever twin bond they have now.
If one twin is struggling with the separation while the other isn't, you just have to give as much support as you can to the "abandoned" one until the other twin comes round, which if she is given her chance to get out on her own and do her own thing, will happen.
I am a mum of twins. My two also were in same class from nursery (1 year old) to year 6 at primary school (11 year old) as there was only one class per year. Luckily this was never a problem (it can be, especially if one is better academically or at sports or both. You also don't want one to over rely on the other). They are now in year 7 and in separate classes. I just double checked with them to make sure I was not making assumptions; both said they prefer it. I think they were both ready for this. They feel they are treated as individual people now e.g. before if someone had an argument with one of them, they would take it on the other & their friends feel more comfortable if they only want to/can invite one of them to a party. Also they don't feel like the other is keeping an eye on them or telling them off. As it happens they have lots of mutual friends purely because of the way the school operates with Tutor Groups, Houses, etc. They also have lots to talk about their day when they get home!. Worth giving it a go - you can always review it if you don't think is working for them. It is good for them to be independent and make their own decisions.
P.S. we prepared them for the separation in secondary school by talking about it regularly during year 6, emphasising the positive aspects/advantages.
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