l0yo DS gets angry and cries A LOT?

[SittingInTheKitchenSink]

10yo DS gets very upset at the slightest things at home, school or in out of school activities. . He hates being corrected by us or by teacher And will get angry and then tearful. He also gets upset easily by other kids
l think he 'd typically have cried in school at least three days \n every week
Really not sure what to do about it . He's been like this for years and we just thought he would grow out of it
Any ideas o wise people of mumsnet ?

[shushpenfold]

....lurking to see what is suggested........almost 10 yoDD exactly the same! I strongly suspect that they 'just are' like that as her older DBand DSis are nothing like it.

[SittingInTheKitchenSink]

shushpenfold looks like no one has any advice!
Bit of a shame
My Ds also nothing like his older sibling so I can't be sure when he will grow out of it. Also his class teachers often seem mystified by it but again they may just not have enough experience to know what is going on (they have typically been NQTs or second year of teaching)
what do yr DD's teachers think and do with her when she is upset?

[wheresthelight]

My dss is the same although he is a little bit older but had always been like it apparently. he also struggles with relating how he behaves towards other people with how people behave towards him. ie he can be very rude and will whisper and make nasty comments behind my back when I have told him off or asked him to do something he doesn't want to do but cannot relate that he is behaving the same as the kids at school who whisper behind his back when he has been rude to them.

I am not sure what the answer to it is to be honest. we keep trying to talk to him about it and relate the behaviour in others that upsets him to his own behaviour and it seems to be working but unfortunately his mum refuses to deal with it rationally and instead makes out like he is being beaten up daily (he isn't) so she increases the drama around it all.

I guess my only advice would be to look at how you handle it when he has these meltdowns at home. do you pander to it and try and comfort him or do you point out he is being ridiculous and leave him to it until he calms down?

[SittingInTheKitchenSink]

hmm we don't think we pander to his anger + moods when they Occur at home as we can easily see the rights and wrongs
Bit trickier when its something that happened in school
l' m always careful to try and understand what went on in case there is bullying (DS wd be an obvious target - a bit geeky a bit of a stammerer and oversensitive to boot) But I can't see evidence of bullying and l try to get him to put things in perspective - he does say though sometimes it just the accumulation of small things that get to him

[wheresthelight]

my dss is the same - his dad and i have worked really hard over the last few years to try and encourage his independence and also to try and get him interested in more mainstream activities. he is very insular and prefers to be on his own or in front of a computer. He is mega smart, and very geeky (as is dp) but he has very poor social skills so unfortunately he becomes a very easy target so i can completely understand the worry around bullying!

In our case it is hard because his mum isn't and never has been sociable. Her and DP went to school together and he says she never really had friends to speak of and has always expected people to come to her rather than making an effort to go out and make friends. This behaviour/attitude has rubbed off on dss. He is a lovely kid but only if you engage him in things that interest him, he cannot cope with having to accept other peoples interests. He hass been tested endlessly for ASD and other such things and been found to be perfectly fine he just has a very poor ability to integrate.

It sounds like you are already doing everything you can. It's really hard to look at our kids and see that they are struggling and not be able to do anything about it! Harder still when they are not yours but living in your house for half their time, crying on your shoulder and snuggling up asking for answers and knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can say or do for fear of overstepping boundaries!

Just as a last thought, have you spoken to the school to see if they can start assessments for ASD if nothing else has worked?

[shushpenfold]

Hi sitting. We've asked the teachers not to pander to it also, although I think they had her pegged pretty quickly anyway. Hopefully she'll grow out of it! x

[MummyBtothree]

Without meaning to sound funny, is he spoilt? children have to accept the word 'no' as life is not always a 'yes' situation.

[trappedinsuburbia]

My ds 10 is like this, to try and stop him crying ive tried to give him some coping techniques for when he feels like crying.
First is to breath in through nose and out mouth, this is quite relaxing physically, also to count backwards and walk away if its someone saying something unkind. Its to try and break the cycle of the automatic response to cry, we are a couple of weeks in and it seems to be working, the school have been supportive and are reporting back to me.