12yr old DD's tummy pains: she finds it hard to see that they're probably anxiety related

[100puddings]

My 12year old's been suffering from really debilitating tummy pains for the last couple of months. She feels sick a lot of the time and gets very anxious and upset about a number of things, including going to school, staying away from home, food, and going to sleep. She started at secondary school in October and these are all things that weren't previously an issue. She's missed a lot of school days - 1 or two days a week since October and it is affecting our home life and holidays as well.

I've spoken with the GP and he has confirmed that the tummy pains and nausea are most likely anxiety related, and we are hoping that the school nurse may be able to offer some counselling or other support. But although we (parents, form tutor, student support, school nurse) all feel that the pains are anxiety related, my daughter finds that very hard to understand or accept. She feels frustrated that we're all asking her about what worries her but that we're missing the point: no one seems to be wanting to 'fix' her bad tummy.

I have tried to explain to her how sometimes worries make our bodies hurt, but i'm still up against this blocking point: how to help her to make the connection between mental and physical health, and to understand that a good way to tackle the tummy pains is think about how she feels about things. Any suggestions would be really welcome! Thank you xx

[Gunpowder]

Oh poor thing. I remember my DSis having this growing up, was super distressing for her. She recently told me it only stopped when she met her now DH. (Mid twenties)

Do you think doing something tangible to 'fix' the problem might help? Acupuncture could help and could tackle the anxiety too. Or if too woo/too much money, even a special peppermint or fennel tea might help and wouldn't do any harm.

I hope she feels a bit better soon.

[100puddings]

thanks Gunpowder. sorry to hear your DSis had such a difficult tie. I did have a similar thought about trying to give my Dd some power to 'fix' the problem - i gave her some Rescue Remedy pastilles to take to school and said to take one when she felt sick, but she threw them back at me at the end of the day and said 'they don't work' . aarggh. I'll try her on the herbal tea though xx

[LIttleMissTickles]

Acupuncture is a good idea. Perhaps she could have an appointment with GP by herself to discuss it all?

[littlenicky61]

Hi my friends nephew has being having almost identical issues to your daughter( he is 13 yrs old ) and he has been diagnosed with stomach migraines . I hadn't even heard of them before she was telling me all about it . Im not saying this is what your daughter has but may be worth exploring
www.webmd.boots.com/migraines-headaches/guide/abdominal-migraines

x

[Pippidoeswhatshewants]

Watching with interest, as ds (10) seems to have similar issues. We are waiting to see a gastroenterologist to rule out any physical issues. Are you sure the stomach ache is anxiety related?

Ds is currently taking Buscopan, which he says takes the edge off the pain. I have aldi just ordered "What to do when you worry too much".

So frustrating, we have been to see the GP 8 times since the summer hols, and all they do is rule out appendicitis and "prescribe" Nurofen and Calpol.

[Pippidoeswhatshewants]

I have ordered the book from Amazon, nothing to do with aldi!

[ihatethecold]

My dd is 11 and will say she has tummy ache.
I can tell she is worrying
I know we will have tears on the way to school.
She doesn't know why she feels emotional.
I try to explain that we all have days like that esp days when our hormones are a bit haywire.
She sometimes gets so upset she comes back home with me.
She feels like her throat is closing up sometimes.

[100puddings]

another morning, another walk to school with a sobbing child, another wait for the phone call from the school to say 'come and get her'

thanks for all your comments. Stomach migraines are new to me, I might go and have another chat with the doctor anyway. Whether or not her tummy aches are 'migraines', they're very real and very painful and distressing to her. And while they do seem to be pretty constant at the moment, they also pop up at particularlly frighting times for her, such going into a room full of people she didn't know very well, so are clearly related to her anxiety levels. The challenge for me is helping her to see this connection, and to understand that addressing the worries can only be a good thing.
hang on in there, everyone. xxx

[ihatethecold]

100puddings.

I do feel for you both,

[meeskamooska]

I suffered from tummy aches when I was around 13, and it probably was stress related, so reading your post 100puddings I could really put myself in your daughters position.

I think that by trying to get her to accept that her tummy pains are related to her anxiety, you are focusing your attention in the wrong direction. I think she would probably feel much more understood if you treated them as separate issues, as by saying they are caused by stress or anxiety it can feel that people are saying the pains aren't 'real'.

I was given some medication specifically for 'Abdominal Migraine' at the time, and although it didn't work very well for me, I felt better that my pain was being taken seriously and investigated.

I'd agree with the others here also who have suggested things like acupuncture or seeing a chiropractor, if only to show her that you are on her side and taking her pain seriously, and trying to find a solution with her.

At the same time (but separately) continue trying to help her with her anxiety, and just know within yourself that when the anxiety eases the tummy pains are likely to go aswell, there's really no need to try to convince her of that though in my opinion.

I hope things improve for you all soon.

[meeskamooska]

Just to add, I missed a lot of school as well, 1 or 2 days a week while this was going on, and I really feel for you, now I have children of that age myself I feel quite sorry for my parents and how helpless they must have felt at the time.

My own child sees a councillor at school, and I think it does help over time, it is completely different to adult counselling, in that they do activities and creative arty things that gradually build trust and allow worries to be acknowledged without any pressure at all, it just becomes a nice place to go. I had imagined 2 chairs in a room and a councillor directly asking about feelings immediately which wouldn't have worked with my child at all, so I'd really recommend the councelling if your daughter can get it, there was a few months waiting list for us unfortunately but has been helpful in the end.

Good luck.

[Lucylugs]

Same with my 12yr old dd. She has had a few boughts a year since 10 yrs but I thought it was just stomach bug each time.took me a while to add it up. Our Dr has said its migraine and it effects kids more in the stomach. I've looked into magnesiums link to migraine and have been told by a few people that it really helpsthem. I let her soak her feet in epsomsalts, give mag. Citrate. Bisodol, which has mag. in it is only thing that helps settle tummy. She usually gets it round celebrations which think now is chocolate and fizzy drinks etc. This time though she has has been sick for 8 weeks. Missing some full weeks of school and some weeks a day or two. I find two self help therapies do help anxiety. One is called EFT and the other is bodytalk.you can find simple videos on YouTube to work with. I have tried so many things but it seems to be most kids grow out of it once the hormones settle .she does seem to be improving slowly tho. Just for the sake of information I was the same as kid and was told it was an ulcer. It was worst at that age but I didn't get over it fully until my twenties when I had 3 courses of antibiotics for a different illness. Hope this is of some help. :-)

[HattyMonkey]

Sorry your dd and you are going through this. My eldest dd now 15 suffered from the same from last year of primary, hospital visits, scans for gall stones all showed nothing. She was told the same, anxiety but said she wasn't worried about anything. She is now with camhs for other reasons and recognises it probably was the cause, she still suffers occasionally along with vomiting. She says the pain was so bad and real that when she was so young she couldn't believe that there wasn't a physical cause.

[willowisp]

Have the GPs tested her for celiac ? Are you sure it's anxiety related ? Could be that she has tummy ache & that makes her anxious.

I used to have tummy ache, bloating & real pinchy aching &, don't laugh, it was after I'd has my lunch I always had an apple ! I think it all just clashed in my tummy & when I realised & stopped, so did the ache.

The other thing, is if anxiety is causing it, she have upset bowel movements - what are her poos like ? I also get anxious of it stay at someone's house & will need a poo in the morning. I eat a couple (ok about 4-5) of soaked dried apricots to facilitate, as I don't want to be grunting & groaning with a poo 1/2 stuck ! Caveat - this happened several times when I was pregnant & I'm still scarred

[HattyMonkey]

Just to add, dd1 also says that the more I til her it was anxiety the more she felt I thought she was making it up, as the doctors couldn't give her anything to make it go away. I wish she had told me at the time, I would have tried another approach. Best of luck.

[mygrandchildrenrock]

It's hard isn't it. My 14 yr old dd had bad tummy pains from 12-13 and has them very occassionally now. She would also feel very sick with them. Our GP did run blood tests etc. but thought it was anxiety based. Although my dd didn't really believe they were caused by anxiety, she accepted it more when I did a 3 month diary of when they came. Sure enough Sunday night, Monday morning and often Tuesday morning. Rarely Friday and never Saturday.
I did contact her head of year just to let him know and he was helpful. He checked her timetable and made sure that everything was okay in those lessons.
I think my dd is just a born worrier and this is how it will affect her.
She did have some time off school but not much. I am of the ilk that if you go to school and are really ill, the office will call mum or dad. I often got tears in the morning because of that though. As I said, it's hard.

[wheresthelight]

I suffer with an anxiety disorder and mine very much creates the symptoms your daughter is talking about. I know full well it's anxiety but it still causes me a lot of distress to think about the links and rationalise it and I am 35!

as someone uptrend has said by trying to force her (however nicely) to understand the link you are inadvertently making the issue worse. I don't mean that to be nasty.

for me the more my very well meaning friends and family poi t out I am winding myself up and need to calm down, relax etc the worse it gets because you end up putting an inordinate amount of pressure on yourself to feel better.

I hope that makes sense.